TalkTalk

Boy, do I have an...interesting story for you all.

Today, I was hanging out with my best friend and another friend, both female. They both know about Ben. Anyway, they decide it's a good idea to hold me hostage, take my cell phone, and invite him to a movie.

The phone conversation in and of itself was awkward. Extremely. After I break free and manage to recapture my cell phone and talk to him, the first thing he asks is if I'm alright. Then he wonders why we called him.

I think you can all imagine what's running through my mind at this point. Whilst giving the best death glare I can manage (slightly difficult, as my face is beet red from embarrassment), I have to tell him that my friends are just crazy, and I don't know why they called him specifically.

Meanwhile, the temperature is around 85 degrees Fahrenheit (not sure about Celsius, sorry...30-something, I think?) and the humidity's around 75% (in other words, a typical Pittsburgh summer day). We had just finished going for a walk, and we were all quite hot. My hair in particular (which I keep long, in a ponytail) was extremely frizzy. To sum it all up, I looked like absolute crap.

So I go pick him up, we go to the theatre, whatever whatever. The movie we decided on started about fifteen minutes ago (and was the last movie of the evening), but we go in anyway. Then my friends decide that they HAVE to leave, after about twenty minutes.

So, we left early (both because of the driving curfew, and because the movie was horrible (My Super Ex-Girlfriend)), and I notice that he got his ear pierced.

For whatever reason, that puts a bit of...sadness, I guess? into my emotions of the night (generally anxious, with a little bit of anger at my friends--but that's solved now). I mean, he had talked about getting our ears pierced with matching earrings...but now he has his pierced? (as a side note, my mother is psychotic and won't let me get mine pierced, but I'm probably going to do it anyway...especially if he wants to have matching earrings!! But that's not the point!) I guess we could still get the matching earrings (he made references to that idea, and even apologized for getting his pierced!). I don't know, what do you guys think?

Oh, and we were supposed to hang out tomorrow, but now his family is having company, so he doesn't know if he'll be able to--but if he is, I'll let you guys know what happens!

Thanks so much for listening/reading!

Hm. I just hope I can see him soon enough...I'm leaving for a week tomorrow (technically this) morning.

And then, four days after that, I'm going away. Again.

And hopefully in those four days I can snatch him up...

Wow. I've been in such a strange state this evening that I completely forgot to mention one thing! No real emphasis was placed on it at the time, but now that I think about it...

Think to any movie where there's a couple at a cafe, or sharing a drink or something...how they use two straws in one drink...well, Ben and I did that today! It was for a very short time, and like I said, absolutely no emphasis was placed on it at all, but it was still a very lovely experience.

Oh, I'd do it in a heartbeat! I want my ear pierced anyway, and if I didn't, this would make me want to, lol.

BrokenWingedFaery- I hope so...!

Well, I'm starting to be more and more open about my sexuality towards my friends, and since I consider him one, it may be time to let it "slip!" Hahaha.

Well, he just texted me saying he had a great time and that he looks forward to the next time we hang out! That seems like great news to me! Hhaa.

(If I begin one more sentence with "Well," I just might shoot myself

Well, we had a great time at the little coffee shop. I caught him kinda staring at me once, but it may have been a joke. Afterwards, we took a walk down Main Street (in this tiny town, "Main Street" is about twenty shops and nothing really else) and we saw some (religious) friends of his. After a short conversation, we were going our separate ways, and he grabs my hand and gets his friend's attention. That kinda confused me a bit (but wouldn't it to you, too?).

After that little incident (I was the one to break hand contact, stupid me...it's just that, since we live in such a little hick town, we've got some extremely homophobic rednecks, and there have been instances of people even remotely thought to be gay to be threatened and/or beaten, and I didn't feel like having that happen(and people here don't "believe" in bisexuality, either...)), we walked to this cute little Irish store. We got talking about how we both wanted our ears pierced, and he suggested that we get matching earrings...it might just be me, but things like that...aren't usually said in seriousness, are they? In any case, he WAS being completely serious.

So yeah, that's basically what happened. Sorry if I confused anyone with my parenthesized statements!

Wow! Sorry I haven't updated, but nothing's really happened. We're gonna hang out on Friday at this quaint little coffee shop that my best friend's parents just opened. Maybe...? I'll let everyone know!

First of all, I like your screen name.

Second, I'm a thespian (not technically yet, but as soon as I get my paperwork in) who happens to be bisexual. I can say from experience that there really is no determining factor. I act like a completely straight guy, and people have been surprised when I've told them. On the other hand, there is a very flamboyant guy I know through the theatre who IS actually hetero. Personally, there's no real way to know except to ask him, or ask someone close to him who would know.

Tigris- I sure hope so, and thanks!

DeviantKate- I understand. The majority of people my age are very politically unaware, so it was a relatively safe assumption.

pianoguy- At points I've considered telling him that I'm bi. I don't think he'd take it so badly, and I'm pretty sure he's open minded, but I want to hear from him first that he either doesn't care if someone's gay/bi, or that he hates the way that there's a law trying to be passed to block them from marrying. (I hope that sentence made sense)

Turns out it didn't happen. We both had other things come up and had to cancel.

Now I don't know when I'll see him, because I'm leaving on Friday until the 25th. I'm going to try to have a party before then and invite him to that, and we can hang out and talk for a while. I'll update either after that, or after I come back from NYC.

Lately I've been...well, I don't really want to call it depressed, but I've been feeling strange. It's not physical, not just emotional, it's deeper within me. I'm not religious, but I'd be willing to give just about anything (short of directly praying) a shot, more probably some tribal or eastern Asian remedies. Any suggestions?

Personally, I'm VERY politically aware, I go to Student Congress/Public Forum debate events and such, and I'm an active member of alot of online political groups. I just don't know about his political activity.

We'll probably end up talking about it on Sunday

Well, I called and left a message inviting him to a movie on Sunday. Can't wait to see what he says!

It's not just gonna be the two of us though...that'd be kinda awkward. So, I invite the previously-mentioned best friend, so that she can keep me down on the earth lol.

What makes it more difficult is that another one of her friends fancies her. (she told me about it) and she got really freaked out by it and by her own admission says she now kind of avoids seeing this other girl. She's not homophobic or anything, she just got freaked out by this other girl fancying her cos she would touch her leg and stuff.

Sounds to me like an "I'm not homophobic except when they're hitting on me" type of deal here.

Anyway, if you really like her, do try and move the friendship along, get closer to her. Basically, just seconding all the advice already given. ^_^ Good luck!

Well, this is it.

The last exit before

the jumping point,

and it's just you and me,

and all of a sudden I find out

that you haven't really been with me.

I am alone.

It's not your fault. You didn't know.

How could you have known?

So I suppose this is goodbye?

I can't bear to let you go.

Your hand clasped in mine—

but it is actually the steering wheel.

It's been in my mind, the whole time?

Sounds about right.

Assumptions are the downfall of humankind.

But how can I let go of something

that I never really held?

You've trapped me with your innocence

and you never knew it.

Is it right to say goodbye?

I'm not leaving, and neither are you…

but it feels right to say it,

even though neither of us are going anywhere.

I can't watch you leave.

Eyes closed.

But it's not forever.

You'll keep on coming back.

You'll never know how you kept me prisoner.

I'll never tell.

I can't watch you leave,

even though I know it'll only be tomorrow

before I see you again.

But it won't be the same.

You won't know, but I will.

I'll know it was never real.

It's still too early for our not-final goodbyes.

Can I bear to leave you, even for a day,

when I know part of me will be with you?

Even when you are unaware…

It's not your fault.

Please…don't touch me.

Don't wipe at my tears…

…I'm afraid I might kiss you.

Your eyes, I can't stop-

I'm falling!

Push the gas pedal!...but it doesn't work.

I can't escape your innocent entrapment.

Oh, if you knew…

…no! You won't.

I'll make sure of it.

No-please…

don't touch me…I'll be okay…

as long as you're within my grasp…

If you like it, you can find basically anything I've written in the last year at [link removed

I don't have a problem with eye contact, except with people that I'm interested in. So...guess I gotta just make myself look at him when I talk. Oh, geez. That's gonna feel so weird. Lol.

When he puts his head on your shoulder or holds your hand, did he seem to want the attention of the other people around you?

Everything's fine, I apologized to him, and he wasn't upset at all. Whew. I feel like I just got a herd of elephants off my back.

I'll have to try that eye contact thing, except every time I talk to him, I get really nervous and tend to look anywhere but at him. #-o Guess I should work on that.

Did he seem to want to draw attention to it/himself/you two?

And yes, mccarleighp gives good advice.

Are you two alone when he does it? Or are there other people?

He texted me today. He's always really eager to hang out, which seems like a good sign.

On the other hand, I'm afraid I might have pissed him off/pushed him away. At my party, he was the only Freshman (technically Sophomore by now, but we still called him the Freshman). In good fun, I made fun of him. I think I went too far, but that could be just my self-consciousness.

Thank you everyone, for helping so much! I'm glad that there's a place I could come, even online, that I KNOW will be accepting and loving.

With myself, I've known I was bisexual ever since puberty. It was a hard thing to accept, at first. Not because of being raised to hate, or any religious views (I was raised by an atheist and an agnostic, both of whom are very left-wing), but because I knew society was, and even though I never strove to conform, I knew society as a whole WOULD be after me if they found out I was bi. So, I waited until recently, when one of my ex-girlfriends (who was/is still one of my best friends) began dating another of my close friends. Knowing she (my ex) was bi, I came out to her. It felt SO good to finally get it off my chest!

Telling the first person is the hardest, and it gets easier and easier the more people you tell.

Well, I threw a party today to celebrate the end of the school year, and he came, along with my best friend, who I first came out to. She watched him, and said that he always had his eyes on me. Plus, the entire time he was here, we were busy trying to dunk each other in the pool...and he started it. Plus, at points, he'd randomly come up behind me or beside me and put his arms around me. Dunno if that changes opinions out there.

Tigris - working on that. ^_^

Jinx - I kept that in mind, too, and that's why I'm not giving up, even though I don't hold TOO much hope.

Just talked to his best friend, she says he's completely straight...

...but maybe he's just insecure about it? Probably not, though...

Yes, he does. And I was planning on becoming better friends...I wasn't planning on just calling him up tomorrow and asking him out...

What I plan to do is have a bunch of parties this summer, invite him to them, and spend time getting to know him, talking with him and stuff like that.

Thanks!