markm

She's telling you about this guy, right?

No. I just find this stuff out from one of our friends.

And her email was on on Computer for a while.

She needs confirmation that you'll still be there if things don't work out. She knows in her heart that you're not the one, but she's given you about 3 years. She knew you weren't the one when you took that break. She knew you weren't the one when she bought those tickets. She knew it. She just doesn't want you to know she knows it. It's hard to hear... I know... but you can't make someone love you that doesn't know how to love.

She was mad/hurt becuase I wasn't being as loving as she wanted me to.

I was holding grudges against her (which was stupid) and we bickered about stupid stuff.

She was very much in love with me.

She met this other guy, but still wanted me.

But the instant I told her how much I loved her etc. she cut loose and went after this new pot-smoking, jailbird, going-nowhere schmuck that has an illegitemate 6 year-old son.

She did live with me.

For 1.5 years.

Is she 30 too?

She turned 29 today.

Honestly, it sounds to me like she's using you as her "emergency" guy. Meaning, she knows you're not the one, but she's not yet found the one. She basically trying to keep you around so that she has you as a back-up to pump up her emotions. Everytime you bail, she wants you back. After the first time, she thought maybe you'd give her everything she wanted and she could sculpt you into the man she wanted you to be. Honestly, you sound like a great guy that can find someone way better.

Well, I have bailed.

And she has shown that she is really into this new guy (for whatever reason) and is staying clear of me.

So I' not sure how she is "keeping me around"

Did she tell you while you weren't with her that she was dating someone else?

What do you mean?

Yeah. Agree with friscodi. She sounds extremely dependant and needy, and this coming from a highly emotional girl by the way. She's not been sure you were the one since the beginning... thus why the second ya'll break up she runs off to be with someone (or many) other people. You've tried. She's not into you, but the second you are gone, she wants you back. She sounds pretty immature, actually.

 

Here's a question- You love this girl. In the last 3 years, break or not, have you hooked up with or dated anyone else?

Well, I'm gone now and she hasn't shown any signs of wanting me back, except for the text messages and popping in with her family that one time.

One time when she broke if off 1.5 years ago I dated a bit, then dated 1 girl for a couple of months.

I never had any feelings for that girl even though she was very sexy and very nice to me.

I NEVER slept with anyone since I've known Karen.

I need to have feelings for a woman before I sleep with them.

And I would not have dated anyone else had she not broken it off.

OK, so get this!!!!

One of her girlfriends, Jodi, calls me at 12:30am last night.

Her and a bunch of other of Karen's girlfriends were out at a bar/club.

Well, they told me how they were all out and Karen just left with the new guy and just ditched all her friends.

They said that they all were gonna celebrate Karen's Birthday (which is today) by taking her out and stuff.

They feel like she is gonna just blow them all off.

They are all pissed off at her and can't believe what she is doing, etc.

Apparently, (this is a good one) on St. Patty's Day the new guy got kicked out of the bar and bailed on Karen and her friends. Well, I already knew this. But, her friends tell me that he ENDED UP IN JAIL!!!! HAHAHAHA!

They can't believe she is with him, etc etc.

And went on and on about how this guy broke up with her 3 times and they've only been dating a month, LOL.

So Jodi tells me that all her friends are pissed off and they want to hang out with me instead tonight on Karen's B-day. LOL.

U do neither...U put it back in your mailbox with the flag up. U write on the letter "Wrong address...Does not live here." and leave it 2 the post office.

 

Or U can drive 2 the post office and do a change of address 4 her. There U go, case closed.

 

-Solo34

It's a community mailbox with no flag, and she has already changed her address at the post office.

Not sure why stuff came today, probably B-day letters and one thing from her scholarship fund.

I feel like she was reaching out to me a bit when she was randomly texting me all the time with mixed signals.

Now, for last week I havent heard from her at all until today, only cause she saw that I dropped off her stuff.

I really don't want to lose her.

I have been NC for 3 weeks, am I just supposed to ignore ALL her texts?

Won't she just get fed up eventually and just say "screw it"?

Then again, she probably thinks I'm doing great, not responding to her, she's having troubles with the new guy (off & on), and thinking I'm with another woman.

Ok, almost 3 weeks of NC, and havent heard from her in 1 week.

Well, this morning I took the last of her stuff and dropped it off at her front door while she wasn't home.

1 hour later I receive a text message from her:

"Thank you for dropping off my things. Hope you are doing well"

I feel like crap now.

Her B-day is tomorrow, and I have some family in town that she never met.

I'm bummed.

Now, I just got my mail and some letters are for her.

Do I go all the way to her place again and drop it off, or text her to pick it up?

Anyone that says, "well do you have a 1.4 million dollar house? are you capable of taking me to vacation at least once a week?" is a selfish gold digging * * * * *.

You're 22 and in school. What the hell does she expect?

I was a student and a waiter when I was 22 , LOL!

Doesn't she realize that you're going to school so that one day you might be able to buy a 1.4 million dollar home?

Also, anyone that is a self-made millionaire does NOT have the time to take vacations every week. THEY WORK THEIR ASSES OFF!

She's giving you grief and she's a friggin flight attendant, LOL! That's a good one!

If you want her back go on NC immediately!

Let her have her little fantasy that won't come true.

She'll come back to reality and probably come running back.

(btw.....what kind of millionaire works as a flight attendant anyway? )

Nice!

That is so great to hear!

He asked how my weekend was and basic small talk. But I stayed strong and told him politely that he had caught me at a bad time (which is a big fat lie lol), and that I had to let him go. He then asked if he could call me later, and I told him sure. After all, I do wanna talk to him, but I don't want to seem too available.

 

I hope I'm doing this right! lol

 

 

 

LOL, Nice job!

So I'm doing pretty well.

It's been a month since the breakup and 2.5 weeks of NC.

I haven't been contacted from her since her text last Friday and email last Saturday.

Each day is getting better.

Although I still wish I would get contacted by her in some way.

But, it's cool.

The only thing is that her Birthday is in 2 days (Friday 3/24).

She's turning 29.

I heard she is having a cookout at her place with her friends and is going out afterwards.

I feel bad and left out that I won't be a part of it, sucks .

Mark, this girl has issues. The advice you are getting from Scruff, Big Jim, and Majord is right on the money. It's all about her and ironically, the less you cater to her and swoon all over her, the more respect she might develop for you. Continue being her doormat and you can kiss her goodbye for good. (Which is what you should do anyway - she's flaky, manipulative, and self-absorbed, from what you have posted about her)

I haven't catered or swooned at all.

Of course the first week I tried getting her back.

But the last 2.5 weeks I have been on strict NC.

She has texted me several times, called once, and even dropped by.

But I haven't responded or returned any messages.

I will only respond if one of her messages implies getting back together.

And IF that were to happen (which I doubt), I would not be too quick to take her back.

Well, first of all read through this forum a bit and you will see "what to do", and "what not to do".

So far, everything you are doing is "what not to do".

Has anything you've done to get her back worked? NO.

So, do the opposite.

Initiate "No Contact".

Make her miss you, make her wonder why you aren't calling her.

That is your only hope!

The more you push for a relationship, the more she'll pull away.

Simple as that!

You look needy and that is so undesirable.

Remove her number from your phone and never call her again.

This may or may not work.

But I guarantee what you are doing right now will not work.

Well, I survived another day of NC...and guess what? It worked!!! He called today just as I was leaving work (he knows my schedule), so it leads me to believe he couldn't wait to call me!!

 

To all who responded to my cry, I am extremely grateful. I am now a firm believer that NC is highly effective.

 

And Miracle, I will definitely take you up on your offer to "analyze" my situation sometime soon!

 

 

 

Good job Unbroken!

Proud of you!

What happened when he called?

Good question Jim, and there is no definitive answer.

 

I can give an example of how power may 'change hands' so to speak though.

 

Seeing as how we're in his thread, we'll use Mark as an example (hypothetically of course ).

 

Up until now, Mark's ex has been feeling in control of the situation (she has the power).

The reasons she feels like this is because:

1) Mark is in her life, despite the fact that she is with someone else.

2) When she contacts, he responds.

3) He is a nice guy, so is supportive when she contacts.

Hey!

I haven't responded to her at all in just over 2 weeks, except for when she "poppped in" at my house with her family over a week ago.

(Great post btw!!!)

You rock!

Thanks.

I know I'm a real PITA on this forum.

I am just stubborn.

I do wish things would work with her.

But the thing is, I don't really feel that bad. So that's cool.

OK Thanks you guys.

I'll stay NC.

What if she calls though? Should I let it go to voicemail and not return it, or answer the phone and have small talk?

I know she extended her nursing/work assignment here in Arizona for another 3 months.

She is from Wisconsin.

Apparently, she has to find another place to live soon becuase her roomates nursing assignment is over soon.

I wish I felt like she missed me, and wanted to move back with me.

She did text me a bit of course, so that is a sign of something I guess.

She seems to really like this other guy.

Not sure why though. She complains that he is a "bad seed" and he has baggage and a bad reputation.

But he has broken ir off with her 3 times in the past month, and is apparently done with her.

I have no negatives though, as far as I know.

I am attractive, very well built, I have money, own my own business, no kids, no ex's, I don't sleep around, don't do drugs, I'm an angel! LOL!

But, I am finding it difficult to meet new people.

In my business I never meet any women.

I never meet any girls at the gym, and I play hockey twice a week which obviously has no potential for meeting girls.

I joined an online dating club which has been a joke so far.

I suppose it will happen with time.

Well, I'm gonna get yelled at for this, but...

I would like to get her back.

That is of course why we post here.

Put her stuff in a box, put the box away someplace you'll never see it and forget about it.

 

If she wants her stuff back, have a friend drop it off for her.

 

Simple as that. Do NOT call her about it. If she really does want her stuff, she'll call about it. If not, then you calling about her stuff will only set you back.

 

Stay strong man! You're doing good!

OK.

I was just going to text her about it, not call.

I doubt she knows I still have this stuff.

It is couple of clothes and some pieces of her tool set.

Doubt she knows it's missing.

I still have a few things of hers here.

Do I throw them out?

Or do I text her that she still has stuff here?

I don't really want to screw up the NC.

The only "power" you have is NC.

Stick with it, I am (2 weeks & 2 days)

Ok thanks Mark...

I'm gonna try to relax (deeeeep breath........)

Too bad I don't drink cuz I could really use one right now!

Just keep this in mind....

He's probably feeling a little worried right now too.

Since he's called several times and you haven't responded.

Make him wait, LOL.

He'll most likely call again.

Relax...............it's ok.

But if he calls, make the convo short, easy going, and short.

Make him do the work.

OK, I won't respond at all I guess