candykisses

what you may not know is 95% of your " male friends " have already slept with you, but you werent there, if you know what I'm saying

oh gawd i dont wanna know

this person was always trying to touch you in intimate regions

a) let this person continue doing so? or

b) tell the person some how that you dont want them touching you in that way?

tell this person to **** off or report this person for sexual harassment

never look a gift horse in the mouth.

uhh i don't get it.lol

i accept the fact that we are just friends and nothing more...

but i just can't get over how good an opportunity i missed for a no-strings-attached make out session...i mean we were ALONE and BORED lol. couldn't be more perfect. but yes if it did happen, i would've made sure he knew it was going to be no strings attached so if HE ends up getting attached and wanting something out of it i can be like "HAHA oh i was just bored that day..."

but i guess it was good that i didn't cuz we are in the same circle of friends so like nicorette said, there would be too much complications

oh and can i add that this guy MACKS on me

..thats not friendship!

All depends on the kind of person he is, does he do the same for others? is he generous?

You could have cause to believe he is interested if he is a very cheap person but is spending money on you.

If hes naturally generous then its probly nothing.

i have no idea actually...he's a VERY nice person with excellent manners but i haven't known him long enough to see how he is with his money so i can't really say if he is just naturally generous or not

As for your second question.

----

I guess its not horribly wrong but couldnt you find something else to do?

we were alone in his car with nothing to do and nowhere to go

perhaps i came off sounding harsh, im usually not vicious. and i wasnt trying to be. but if it is the same guy you guys should be ashamed. even if not, i think its lame and not tryna be rude but kind of slutty. making out out of "boredom"? i dont know, ive only ever made out with my boyfriend, maybe thast why im speaking this way, it just sounds kind of dirty to me. its not the worst thing that could happen. i guess its the "boredom excuse" that bothers me. and i hope it wasnt with the same guy.

oh i DIDN'T make out with him...my bad if i made it sound that way...

but i was asking the question because after i got home, i was thinking "DAYUM that was boring...what if i had made a move on him tonite? would he have gone with it? man i should have tried!"

like i guess im just wondering if its normal for two friends to start making out (with no expectations for more to come out of it) as a way to entertain themselves

I let a guy friend pay for my food again...

Last night I was chilling with one of my guy friends and before he drove me home he suggested getting something to eat. I let him pay for me even though i swore i'll never let guys i don't see a future with pay for me again. He is seeing someone. i like him as more than a friend, but i know he doesn't feel the same way about me because that's what his friend told me. Should I assume that it was just a friendly gesture then? Or can i be secretly hoping that he paid because he's interested?

oh, random question: is it normal to make out with a guy friend because you're both BORED?

give it time...crushes always go away with time

it might take a while if this a guy you really really like...but a couple of years from now (or maybe just a couple of months) you'll look back and go "man what did i see in THAT?"

want to speed the process? tell your friends you want to get over him and hopefully they'll tell you something bad about him...or just think of some negative things about him yourself! are his eyes too close together? does he look old? for example if he looks old then you can tell yourself that you need someone youthful so when you show him to your friends they'll be like DAYYUUUM

...you get the idea

good luck!

somewhere on the west coast lol

as for which city i'd rather keep that part private =p

of course i will say no

i guess what goes around comes around eh

i led matt on, curtis led me on

anyway just a question: it seems that all the guys are saying because he flirted with me beforehand, i should've known he is interested and shouldn't be surprised at all that he made a move. are there ever any exceptions to this rule or are guys just wired to see flirting as means to an end? cuz I'm not the kind of girl who thinks that every guy who flirts with me likes me, but some of you guys seem to be saying that that's what i should expect

 

Yes. That is what you should expect.

 

uhhhhhhhhhh

UPDATE

i talked to him.....i made it very clear that I just want to be friends and looks like he understood...i also asked him about Curtis...he said that Curtis isn't interested in me that way! he asked him many times before..he said Curtis only said he was attracted to me physically but doesn't want a relationship with me and he likes this other girl who he's been chasing for over 6 months now...so Curtis isn't interested in me ....why did he lead me on then??? if flirting means interest like some of you suggested why did he flirt all this time when his feelings were non-existent? i don't know what to expect anymore!!!!

lol i don't think she's asking if he's a pedophile literally

it's just one of those exaggerative words we use

lol when i was 17 this guy liked me and he was around 22 or 23

so my advice

yes he's a pedophile and stay far far away unless you want to find out what he really wants which by then will be too late...

lol good luck

Some people are just natural flirts, it's true. I think we can usually tell if a guys does it to everyone or what, unless one is very inexperienced, which you don't seem to be.

 

Like in your case, if he was flirty with you even in front of other people and his friend, or to every girl around, it probably would've seemed like he was just a flirty personality. When you say he was hitting on you and flirting whenever you're alone but otherwise he just acted like a friend, I considered that pretty clear, just based on the wording. That is how I took it.

 

Yes you're right, but there had also been signals, signals I considered to be pretty clear which came from his part, that led me to assume our friendship was strictly platonic. That's why I dismissed his flirting. Moreover, he was smooth with his flirting...so even though I haven't seen how he acts around other girls, as a girl i'd sort of had to wonder how and when he picked up such mad macking skills

if she doesn't want this situation, she really shouldn't accept free gifts from men. But man, if I could tell you, how many females I know who go to bars to get free drinks from guys with absolutely no intention of talking to them lol.

 

I'm a bit more hostile and not a big believer in buying a woman a drink in a bar. But I have seen guys in clubs walk up offer to buy her a drink, have her take it and say thank you and leave after like a minute. I see them look so silly, and it kills me.

A situation involving a guy friend is different from a situation that would be encountered in a bar thus I don't feel it is necessary to compare the two nor bring it up as it is irrelevant to my case here. The situation you described is very different from mine in the sense that in a bar there is a direct causal relationship between flirting (and buying of drinks for that matter) and a guy's intent. A guy sees a girl and he buys her a drink. The girl accepts KNOWING he didn't go to the club and buy girls drinks so he can make more friends; his intentions are rather obvious. There is not much complications there. Whereas in my situation, things are less black and white and cause and effect. especially when it involves someone whom you thought and trusted to be a friend, the line between what should or shouldn't be expected becomes further blurred as you throw in the complications and factors associated with friendship

You have the option of turning down these "free" things. But I don't think you want to turn it down. But you also don't want any of the other stuff that comes with it. Sounds like you want to have your cake and eat it too.

 

You know what it reminds me of?

 

A guy who is having sex with someone he is totally not interested in having a relationship with. He gets mad that she keeps wanting one but he refuses to turn down sex and continues to have it with her.

thats a good analogy, now i see where you're coming from. i will be more careful from now on and consider turning down free things in the future from guys I'm not interested in having a relationship with

anyway just a question: it seems that all the guys are saying because he flirted with me beforehand, i should've known he is interested and shouldn't be surprised at all that he made a move. are there ever any exceptions to this rule or are guys just wired to see flirting as means to an end? cuz I'm not the kind of girl who thinks that every guy who flirts with me likes me, but some of you guys seem to be saying that that's what i should expect

You're ignoring the fact that he flirts and hits on you and told the other guy he was interested and you knew this beforehand. That is NOT a platonic friend! ...at least, in my city.

 

no Matt never told the other guy he was interested in me. the other guy told HIM he was interested in me. so considering that they're buddies, Matt making a move on me while the other guy is on vacation essentially violates whatever code that guys have. but i guess that is between them

i'm not ignoring the fact that he has flirted and hit on me before. in fact now that i look back on it, it all makes sense. NOW i can see how certain stuff he has said and done would lead up to the day at the show when he made a move...it's like putting the puzzle pieces together. but back then, i did not see his flirting as anything more than just some harmless fun or even just friendliness, because even though he did hit on me, signs were also there that he was just interested in friendship, such as when he asked me for advice about other girls etc. Also you'd have to admit that flirting does not always equal interest. If it does, then there wouldn't be so much posts on here about does he/she like me?? and what not. so in a way, you can say that i sort of saw it coming, but moreso that i DIDN'T see it coming.

LOL!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAH omg these girls are too funny

they go to my university, at least some of them do. i'm pretty sure I know at least one of these girls

here is my advice..........

please stop meeting girls from Friendster

Some women take that viewpoint when it comes to dating thinking the guy spends all this money on their date on her yet has no right to expect any "play". I completely disagree with that notion.

so as long as the guy is spending whatever amount of money on a girl it is automatically assumed that he does have the right to expect some "play"? That kind of thinking today leads to date rapes.

If everytime you're alone with him he hits on you, then he invites you somewhere and pays, why act surprised when he makes a move?

I guess it is because of the widely accepted notion from girls AND guys that it is courteous for a guy to pay for a female if he invites her somewhere and the fact that it has become such a normal occurrence for me where even guys in committed relationships have paid for me that it simply did not occur to me this guy had further intentions so i rendered it a friendly gesture, on top of the fact that there was complete mutual understanding beforehand it was not a date

she said he did not make the move until after he paid for the movie. And I think it's a pretty sad perspective to have that you can't buy something for a platonic friend without expecting intimacy in return for it (?). Seems like a pretty self serving existence to me.

my point exactly

I'm not saying she OWES him anything. I'm saying she put herself in that position to be hit on. I think it's quite disrespectful to him.

By agreeing to go out with her platonic friend? How? Isn't he at all responsible for his own feelings, expectations, and behavior?

my point exactly

It doesn't have to just be your city. It's all over the place. I can't tell you how many females I have seen who go out to bars or something like that, with like no money because they expect guys will buy them drinks. They will flirt with guys just to get them to buy them drinks. UGH!

Most of the time girls don't even flirt for drinks. the guys just buy them drinks. Why not tell these guys to stop buying them drinks. So guys buy girls drinks and girls accept their drinks. lol! we are stupid.

Nevertheless, my situation is very different from the one you described. If I were to go out to a bar or a club and some stranger buys me a drink and I accept then I would not complain if he later makes a move on me given the circumstances of that setting. But if a guy friend makes a move on me without giving me the courtesy of his honesty by letting me know with words beforehand or talking to me openly about taking the friendship further then that to me is very manipulative, unexpected, and disrepectful and yes I am going to be pissed and surprised.

What I don't get is why this woman keeps accepting "free" meals with these guys? If someone pays for me once, it burns me until i can return the favor.

that's an interesting question...i think maybe i've been so accustomed to guys paying and giving me material things that i think being paid for when casually hanging out, even if it's not a date, is something normal. also i live in a superficial and materialistic city where people have the notion that guys paying = courteous and we tend to associate money with guys, and girls as receivers. so to answer your question, i accept being paid for because i feel it's something normal. come follow me for a day and you'll really see how my life is and why i "keep accepting free meals"...i do it because I can (now i'll probably get more people yelling at me)

Yeah. I don't think they can be friends at this juncture unless he can behave himself when they are alone, or they should avoid being alone, period.

im gonna have a talk with him pretty soon...i really hope we can go back to being friends..hes so fun to be with!

Why are you so not-interested in him? He obviously is interested in you. You are friends so the personality compatibility is there. What is the problem? I can never figure this out from women, perfectly good guys that they already get along with and are compatible, but god forbid they try to take it to the next level. I just don't get it.

personality compatibility is not the only factor i look for in a guy to date. and i shouldn't have to settle for any guy who shows interest in me right...shouldn't a girl have the right to pick who she has feelings for? i like curtis, not matt. i like matt platonically. just because he wants to take it to the next level doesn't mean i want to. and plus, curtis is matt's buddy. he shouldn't be doing this in the first place

It could be argued that all platonic male friends who insist on paying are interested and hoping not to be platonic.

no....i've known 2 guys who had girlfriends and still paid for me. they both were in long term relationship with their girlfriends and talked about how awesome they are and how much they loved their girlfriends.

I disagree; I think if he offers he should expect to follow through on what he has offered to do with no expectation of reciprocation or of gaining anything from it. Seems kind of manipulative on his part to me. What he could do is ask her if she'd be interested in dating him, and accept her answer for what it is.

i feel the same way...well said

Friends will go for their friends' interests.

I thought there is a unspoken guy code for this or something? even for girls...i try not to go after my friends' guys/crushes/interests. like if there is a guy whom my friend tells me she thinks is hot and she likes him, then i stay away from that guy and avoid any flirting that will lead to romantic entanglements by all means. i thought guys had a similar code?

You should stop hanging out with Matt alone and letting him pay for the "date". It sends the wrong message.

I agree that you shouldn't have let Matt pay for the movie. It gave the impression that it was a date. Sometimes guys are slow about those kinds of things.

Friends usually go 'dutch'. That means, each persons pays their own way. If a guy pays for the whole date, then it would send the wrong message.

sometimes when i'm out with guy friends they insist on paying for my food, lunch or whatever just as a friendly gesture. they are just being courteous and i know guys who admit they do it to all their female friends. i remember i was with a guy friend once and he had a girlfriend so there were no other intentions and he bought me lunch just to be nice and courteous so I'm sure a guy can still pay for a girl and not have any other intentions in mind other than friendship. i do admit however that every guy is different and maybe Matt didn't think this way... so maybe i was naive in thinking that i wasn't leading him on when i let him pay for the show. but i guess my point is that it wasn't a date even if he felt like it was, because there was already mutual understanding beforehand that we were going as friends only. but just to be safe i am never gonna let a guy friend pay for anything again lol

If it's not a date as you say, why are you

 

a) Having him pay for you? I don't pay for female friends. Do you pay for them?

 

b) Why hang out with them when you know ahead of time that they are into you?

a)some guys do pay for their female friends. i can think of two occasions where my guy friends bought me lunch and they both had girlfriends.

b) i sort of had an idea that maybe he had feelings for me but i wasn't really sure. flirting doesn't ALWAYS mean something. so i hung out with him thinking we were friends but apparently i was wrong...at least now i know

I'm worried that Matt will be (or already is) jealous of the relationship between you and Curtis (maybe he doesn't truly like you but just wants what his friend has) and will try to drive a wedge between you two.

i am concerned about his intentions too...im worried that like you said, he doesn't truly like me. and maybe he made a move on me because he was just horny and wants to get laid

I suggest you talk to him about it. Bring it up despite its awkwardness. It WILL feel weird and very difficult when you first bring it up, but once its out there (and I mean in a matter of minutes) it will feel like you're talking to your friend, and it should if he is.

 

Get it all out in the open. Give him the friendship courtesy of your honesty... and let him down easy.

You can be clear with Matt that you don't wish to seek anything romantically with him........

I don't think it's wise to just throw away the friendship though.

here's the thing, our friendship is essentially ruined..it will never be the same. i am going to have a talk with him, but after the talk the friendship wont be as good as it was before...he pretty much just messed everything up by making a move because now he's not gonna be contacting me or initiating convos all the time or showering me with attention anymore. basically the friendship wont be as natural as before

which is exactly why im pissed because ive lost a friend

So a while ago I posted about 2 guys who are friends with each other who I've been hanging out with a lot, Curtis and Matt. I like Curtis and he is on vacation right now. A little background info: before he went on vacation he told Matt that he's really attracted to me. Both of them hit on me and flirt heavily with me when alone with me. However when the three of us hang out all together, it is Curtis who flirts all the time and Matt just acts like the friend to both of us.

After Curtis went on vacation, Matt and I made plans to hang out just the two of us and I made sure that he knew it was strictly as friends and not a date. We went to a show and even though he paid for me and everything he didn't act like we were on a date so i thought it was all good. But towards the end of the show he made a move on me (basically tried to hold my hand and touch my leg) and I stopped him quickly. afterwards he acted like nothing happened and I didn't know how to act and neither of us brought it up or talked about it...we just acted like nothing happened, but I could tell he was very nervous for some reason.

I am pissed because he's making our friendship awkward and now I don't feel like we can be friends. i am confused and i don't know what to do. I am going to have a talk with him asap for sure even though I don't know exactly what I'm going to say.

and if he made a move on me, does this mean that Curtis doesn't have any romantic interest in me (because friends don't go after their friends' interests)?

Should I stop hanging out with Matt after I have my talk with him?

My biggest question is: should I tell Curtis? or just don't say anything??

i don't really know who liked me first or if it's actually Matt who liked me all this time and Curtis never liked me, or if it's the other way around....i am just so confused about the whole situation.

some insight/advice would really help me at this moment, thanks

Girls can be snotty and rude as friends, I don't need that in my life. Life is too short as it is to be guessing who your friends are.

you're right, girls can be b*tches. i don't need more drama in my life. But it would be nice to have a close group of girl friends for that girls night out, etc.

i wish my life weren't so overprotected....i realize i had a lot of opportunites where i was invited to go clubbin and what not with girls but i had to pass them up each time because i have a curfew *pissed off*

I was looking at the invitation list to my party the other day and more than two thirds of the people are guys. im not a tomboy, im very girly. i dont know why i have so many guy friends but not really any girl friends. ever since coming to college, i've made a lot of new friends - but mostly guys. i only have around 4 close girl friends that i can confide in, and they are my high school friends. its not that i dont have any girl friends in college, its just that they are mere acquaintances. i have girls i go shoppin and drinking with but not more than that. on the other hand, i have so many guy friends and acquaintances its not even funny. i feel like my social skills increase when im with guys, but with girls, i feel socially inept. what's wrong with me, i wasn't like this in high school!!