Big Jim

Honestly i dont know what to think anymore. Today i drove her to her car and we got started talking. First she asked me to come to the bar with her tonight, but i said no. However she was in a bad mood already and was cranky as hell. I sorted said maybe we shouldnt talk anymore, cause all i seem to do is upset her, and she got mad telling me not to make her mind up for her. she told me it is not that she just does not want to see me, but she does not want to do anything. She stressed the whole reason about all this is cause she is so down right now and it has nothing to do with me personally.She is genreallyy unhappy with life, do i continue to be there or just walk away??

so you think going the friend route is a better option then the NC? I thought so too, but everywhere i read on this is saying NC is the only way. I dont think i could just cut her off completely, no matter how big a * * * * * she is to me sometimes, when she is her old self it makes up for all of that. The way i see it, if she really loves me, i shouldnt make her miss me by avoiding her, i figure it will unfold itself. Does this make sense? or do you believe that sometimes people need to be "shocked" back into it but missing someone?

Also how do i let her go, she has class with me everyday?

Yes she is not well right now, depressed and such. Also has a vitamen B12 deficancy, which apparently effects mood and such. Anyone have any experince with this???

sweet harmony

What is the best thing i can do? it is hard because i have like three classes with her and she always wants to sit by me. Its so odd because she pulled away two weeks ago saying this had to end, etc, but she cannot seem to let me go. I would have left but i love her and want to be there for her because i do help her a lot, monday she was so depressed and asked to stop by, by the end of the night she was happier then id seen her in months.

Also there is this guy she has been friends with for years, who now has a thing for her and she hangs out with him once in a while. She knows it bothers me right now, and i questioned her about why after us having an amazing two weeks or so together would she go and do this and lie to me about it, all she can say is she doesnt know what she is doing, she just freaks out when we get close again and messes it up by doing that kind of stuff. I know in my heart she is not a cheater, this i know, but she is completely irrational. Her own mom told me she doesnt even know her daughter half the time these days. Does any of this make sense to you? the whole thing has me so confused. Everytime i feel i should cut her off, she does something that shows me the girl ive known for 3 years, and just how confused she is and i cannot bring myself to do it. Also she dated someone for a year and a half before me, and he brunt her bad, but that was 2.5 years before we started. I know shes over him cause he wanted her back a while ago, but she was always afraid to get close. She would then pull back. She continually tells me she thinks im too good for her, and that scares her.

To sum it up, everytime i show im letting her go, she clings on for dear life, but as soon as we are comfortable again, she screws it up bad, this keeps happening. Since i see her in class it is hard to avoid her. As someone who seems very similar , could you tell me what you think please????

Hey sweet harmony

Just a question for you because you said you did the same thing. My girl told me repeatedly over the last while, and told her brother (who is my friend) that she ended it because she was sarced to need someone like she did and sarced to depend on someone completely. Over the last two months we have been broken up, we would have an amazing week together, then she would do something completely out of character almost to mess things up on purpose. Does this fit in with the whole sarced thing? she has some issues with dependance on someone, since her parents marriage is less then ideal and her mom always tells her to be independent. I guess my question is as someone who got sarced yourself, this is kind of behavior explained by being sarced???

I am in a very similar situation, but my question is for sweet harmony, when you say she has to experince the loss, what is the best way, cut her off completely? or be her friend? If he/I am always there for our respective exs, then would they not ever experince what it is like without us?

Thanks for your adivce, its just all so confusing. For example last week i gave her the cold sholder and she was kinda pissed. On friday i said ill talk to you monday and she was taken back by that. However i got a call sat afternoon just to say hi, then again at 130 at night. When i talked to her at night she was my old girl, completely into me and happy again. Same on Sunday. Then monday she didnt show for class, and then called me. I asked her if she was sick and she said no, she just could not get herself to go to school. She was so down i was shocked. Eventually she came way later, and we hung out for a bit, and those few hours were the best ive had with her in a long time. I completely cheered her up and she was so into me. She was telling me how much she has missed me and implying us together again in the future. She did not want to go home at all. BUT next day was in a horrible mood at school and * * * * *y to me... so it continues like this. I know i do help her so i am relucant to cut her off, but she is hurting me so much, just do not know what to do.

Hi everyone

This is a long story so bear with me here please. I dated my x for a little over two years and had an amazing relationship. We are two in the same person in everyway. Back in May she started being down all the time and miserable, thinking herself fat all the time, to the point where a eating disorder was around the corner. but still completely into me. Over the summer it was alright, but she was not herself, i told her to go to the docter but she ignored it, to me she was clearly depressed, she only wanted to stay in and was unhappy with everything in her life. For example she quit her beloved job, because she would cry everyday as i drove her there, only to want it back desparately a month later. Finally things between us got rocky in September and we eventually broke up in November. She said she was incredibilly lost and not sure who she is anymore and does not feel good about herself or life in general. However this was not even a breakup, because she called me the next day and we had numerous classes together. We acted like a couple in every aspect except no sex, i know this isnt the best thing but i love her so much and really want to help her. We saw eachother constantly and she was not afraid to make plans with me regarding chirstmas break, told me she loved me all the time etc. Everytime i referred to us as friends she got incredibily mad and said we are so much more then that. She called me all the time and was absolutley no different to me in any way. Throughout this time i finally got it out of her why she would breakup with the person who is always there for her, and she said she was afraid. She told me she was afraid to need and depend and love someone so completely and she does not know why but this freaks her out. Prob stems from her mother (becuase of parents marriage, her mom is always pushing on being independent etc).

This went on for until the end of december. I could not take her moods anymore, her needing me and loving me 5 days, then treating me like * * * * for 2. She had been hangin out with this guy (had the entire relationship, a family friend of 10 years) more, but lied to me about it, saying i freak out, which is partly true, because he now has a thing for her. So on New Years i told her no more and it broke my heart, she was destroyed. She texted me all the next day and i responded to a couple. took about a week off, then saw her at school. She was so upset seeing me and wanted to see me again, etc. She wrote me an essay of an email trying to explain herslef, and how confused etc but she loves me with all her heart and was so sorry for how she was, but she said she had not felt herslef in months. So i have a soft spot and started hanging out with her again, she was happier then shed been in months. We even slept together one night (she started it all). Then she lied again and we are back at square one. I asked her why after three amazing weeks together, would she lie and hang out with him again (i know nothing has happened and they are just friends through her bro, whose a good friend of mine), and she told me she still freaks out and when we get close again she subconsciously tires to wreck it. My question is (after all that background info) do i continue to be her support, or go NC?? please help,