Estilgar

Hi, I am Estilgar's girlfriend, and he suggested I post what I want. I've agreed, because I hate to cry and as he's said so often- it makes me feel better. I've had many upset sessions in between being happy around him like before and the more I talk to people, the more I doubt myself. What I want, is to stay with him in this life. I grew up seeing myself as Asexual and to have taken so well to this love thing really threw me. And now I'm looking at him, thinking things should be switched.. but I fell in love sometime this past year. He made me happy and I accepted everything he was because I'd never met anyone like him. I changed when he was around. Everyone commented on how I looked happy. (Which must have been a big change.) While the porn thing always bothered me, I trudged past it. Constantly reminding myself that it's normal for guys to do that, and none of my business to tell someone what they can and cannot watch. I respected his desires. u.u -sigh- I just wish I'd had the knowledge that they weren't turned at me for a reason. I am full of hurt and forgiveness. I forgive because he didn't know what the strong and new emotion he was feeling WAS. I understand. And I hurt because he said he was in love so often.. and it was an invisible lie. (He also said I was "not ugly" when I asked if he lied about how I looked. You know how women are.) So that hurt too. In the past couple days I have collapsed and risen anew, and it's gonna happen again. I'm proud of myself. I don't know if I have a question. I only have a plan. I wish to heal, and settle into a completely non-sexual relationship with the person who I'm most comfortable around. We do love eachother so much. I cannot find it in me to let that go. It wouldn't solve anything- that's for sure. And no one knows if it'll work. But when two people work at something special like this, it's good that they're trying. Content. Happy. I want those back without tears in front of them. I've thrown angry comments at Estilgar, and then broke down and ran to him. My emotions are entirely too strong for one person to handle. But.. things are ok afterwards. I think that's a sign, personally. I'm not holding on to things that aren't there, but we do have chemistry and like to hold eachother. I think that's all I can say for now.

Okay we have reached a point where we can no longer rely on that of the general people. Sorry all you do-gooders.. there are SOME very important issues that I can not post nor discuss publicly. If there is someone reading this whom has some some professional training, teaching or experience with at least two of the following: Depression Personal & Intimate Relationships Psycology Please PM me. I need more then simple (yet effctive) forums can provide.

Well that was a lot of advice overnight... But just as I logged out we had a long chat.. and we don't want to be without each other. It has left her very hurt, and me very sad. But she has thought of a way to make this last, bless her. Basically we have agreed on having a more "Catholic" relationship. We will still sleep in the same bed, call each other by our 'pet names', refer to ourselves as g/f_b/f. But the relationship will be completely platonic. (umm definition 2 on link removed) I really do appreciate all the people who contributed to this thread and I am so happy also that we were somehow able to correct this situation. Since there is a few more questions posted amongst the replies I add this information. I have viewed pornography for a long time and got off on it, after starting this relationship I had to cut my habit down, it wasn't exatly an addiction, but whenever I had nothing to do, I watched porn.. a timekiller. But I have cut down alot and now I don't think I will be watching any more.

Well, neither of us were ever in a 'serious' relationship before we got together. Before we were together we were both near-suicidal depressives. She grew up as a person in a bubble who didn't want anything from the world but to be left alone. Oblivious to personal relationships. I have watched and been interested in watching pornography for about 10 years now. And have had . . . this is hard to say... Well the woman I most desired is one who would care for me for who I was, and whom I could care for without being some sexy tv stereotype. I am very happy with her, but I personally 'lust' only when wathcing/reading something erotic. And I am interested only the other sex. She has expressed to me that she is not worried about me leaving, but she feels she is missing out on something important in a relationship, and I agree.

I am in a horrid situation. We have been in a relationship for over a year and a half and we we feel incredibly well suited for each other. But we do have a problem... We have always been well attached with mental, emotional bonds. We share strong interests in each others talent, traits, faults, and other activities. We have had that type of honey-moon high sexual relationship for nearly a year even though we aren't married. I am very open and honest to her, but she has kept a problem to herself for nearly a year and tonite it exploded. I am not sexually attracted to her, I have been open and honest about this for our entire relationship and she always kept her pain hidden. Now she realizes this herself and announces the large hole where my lust for her should have been, and her lust for me has diminished in return. I want to save this relationship, We feel so strongly in every other aspect, and I do not have a problem with not being sexually desired, but I do feel that I am not able to satisfy her desire to be 'lusted'. I am just oblivious to what I need to do, and There are a great many things I can't or maybe force myself not to understand. (Insert audible cry for help here)