normal man

reading a lot of posts and have read this one. You hear stories of people dating others and than returning and that case I have never experienced but now thinking of it, it makes me a bit uneasy in my current situation.

My ex of 2 years was dating someone previously for 8 yrs. They broke up on and off and had been through so much. Than she dated me for two years and now that we're broken up Im starting to worry there is a possibility she will contact him again and they'll work out something. It would be a storytale type situation if they did but you never know.

I guess these thoughts came about from reading posts of people hoping their loves will return after they start seeing someone else.

Plus I have recently started contacting my prev ex before this one and have pretty much talked to her for several hours a day on AIM. She's in a loving relationship as i can tell, and im very well over her so I have no interests. But she was my first love and I handled that break up as a mess, so there is proof we can move on and find happiness again.

I guess if both parties have moved on and dated other people and than come back with no resentment and to a NEW relationship that is possible. But if i was "waiting" and "hoping" on a loves return and they dated someone else and it failed and that returned to me I dont think I could take them back. But you never knoew I have never been in that situation.

I have a woman friend who broke up with her bf several times and for reasons as to just enjoy herself instead of being in a relationship. The kid loves her and takes her back several times. This time she has tried again and sent him an email to see if they can try again. If i was him i couldnt be somebodys doormat for when things are just comofrtable and when she gets bored she leaves. Wondering if he decides to take her back.

a hollywood moment is what i need right now. She knows I love her, want to work it out, but she still is keeping her distance and being strong to end this relationship.

hate knowing she feels she can be happier with someone else and has given up all hope that we could be together and happy again and threw away all the plans of someday getting married and having children.

Sometimes I even feel angry about the situation because i cant control it and force her into loving me and staying. Silly man, I am

Waking up every morning sick and wondering. She is on my mind 24/7 and it consumes my life. Still wondering why im holding onto someone that obviouly doesnt feel they love me enough to work on starting a 'new' relationship and seeing if we could avoid problems (mostly me) that we had in our 2 year relationship that ended a bit over a week ago

I was so proud of myself that I didnt contact her for 5 days besides driving by that one time on my way home. She told me to let her be and that she didnt have one day for herself without me calling or emailing so i thought deeply that I was showing her I cared so much for her that I didnt contact her as she wished. I simply believe she didnt even appreciate me respecting her wished.

Yeah I love this girl and I have never been able to respond emotionaly to anyone like I did with her. She made me break my shell that I had from being insecure and such with a abusive childhood. If you didnt know me you'd think I was the most confident and egotistic person but deep down im a wimp and am so so senstive as to my feelings.

My own issues with myself and life such as being out of work and distant pushed her away because I dont think I tried as hard as I did in the beginning of the relationship to make her feel like she was the most important person in my life.

If I had to blame myself I guess I was moody and had an attitude towards her that drove her away. I wish i wasnt so selfish to my own issues and took it out on her. ya live and ya learn and sometimes it's too late to try to make it up to someone.

if i had to think of other things that make her not want to come back i would say combination of...

a) She has showed everyone around her (work, family, friends) that she wasnt happy and was ending it for good and goes back to me she will be showing them she isnt strong.

b) She ended it because she was unhappy and felt like she could be doing so much more and meeting new people. I didnt have much money and we didnt do much unless she paid. Now she is spending time with people from work that make lots of money and she sees she'll have more fun with these people.

c) she wants someone she doesnt see herself ever being unhappy at times with.

d) she grew tired of doing everything for me and felt unappreciated

e) she has just grown bored and she stopped loving me and didnt want to stay by me and allow me to work on it

I know things that I have done wrong and as she says it's too late for me to work on them and for her to stay and see if we can work things out.

in our talks aftermath I made it known it wasnt my place to worry anymore if she was sleeping or meeting people, but she probably saw right through that cause im always a jealous person. so i guess if she did/does something she'll be gone foreever with being afraid to come back to me after doing something else.

eck. she responded to my text with "yeah i think we shouldnt talk 4 a bit. it's 2 much right now. have fun..be careful..be happy"

not what i wanted to hear at all. Guess I was asking for that response when I said maybe we shouldnt talk and i needed to work on myself.

Textn her that gave her no real choice but to agree that we shouldnt talk. I didnt think that one out first before sending it and i guess i expected the very unrealistic response of 'lets work this out'

I'm thinking of sending a reply of "I wish it could have been differently but i cant keep allowing myself to have hope when you dont seem to want to work on anything with me'

Give me some advice as to what I should say in response if anything.

BTW- WE BROKE UP A LITTLE OVER A WEEK AGO. so we're both dealing with this and it is hard for both of us. She initiated it, I expressed i loved her and wanted to work on it. She turned me down and is being strong with her decision.

Like stated above, I'm sick again cause I just initiated not talking by saying maybe we should talk and i needed to work on myself. She agreed and said we shouldnt talk for a bit because it is too hard now. She told me to be careful and safe...

I truly hate analyzing everything she says. This isnt me at all how I am during this. I use to be someone that things would just reflect off me and I would keep on with myself. I use to think of me as #1 and she has me being a basket case and not holding myself together and being strong and just saying, you dont want to be with me than fine ill move on.

Love stinks sometimes. I'm in bad thoughts of even saying to myself that I wish i never meet her so i didnt have to deal with these emotions now. But doing that I forget all the good in the relationship. O welp

See IM'd me and I had my away message saying 'out' so she said she didnt want to call when i was out with my friends. I called her back and said I was home and that message was from before when i ran out to get smokes.

We talked and asked how each of us were doing and she talked about work and her grandfather who was sick and such.

I made several mistakes in my questions. Said i was out driving my brother to work the other morning and drove by her house and didnt see her car. She said she was out at a wedding and it was 2 hrs away and they stayed at a hotel.

Than I made a mistake of bringing up my previous ex before her and how we started talking online and talked about me and my breakup thats going on now. Told her that my prev ex joked about saying go out and screw random girls and feel better and that i responded to her as saying 'one night stands doesnt add up to sex with someone u love' and that the prev ex said she would have never expected me to say something like that.

Than in the conversation my prev ex IM'd me again saying, go out and get mad ass...and i laughed out loud and when my gf asked what was funny i messed up and told her. This through off the conversation and she said she had to go.

After I hung up the phone I text messaged her saying ' Know that I'm not mad at you and dont hate you. You know how I feel about u. Maybe we shouldnt talk. I'm in need of working on myself now too.'

I think I messed up majorly and might have pushed her away further.

During out phone convo she really didnt ask me much about what I have been doing and where i have been going or who I have been going out with. I was the one saying it really isnt my business but what have you been doing and with who and such.

She hasnt responded to my text and it's been over 20 mins. Im sure she is pissed off at me talking to my other ex and is mad at me even further.

Also some background. We broke up because she was unhappy and had to take a risk at leaving and doing things for herself and making herself happy. She said I couldnt change that she couldnt allow herself to get back with me ever again. This was said during the initial breakup

Tried calling her cell and no answer. I lasted the entire weekend since weds and now im stuck with anxiety and wondering what she is up to. Called twice and she picked up the second time. Her phone is messed up and i couldnt here her to well so i said call back from her house phone. Thing is I dont think she was home so now i have to worry she wont call back.

Normalman,

 

I seem to find myself in the same type of situation.. How have I been coping? Distraction is one of the keys for me. One thing I remember to hold on to is that I cannot hope to find happiness from someone, I must find it within.. and bring it to the table as my own.

She left a week ago and I just started NC 5 days ago. I've been coping with the breakup rather roughly. Depressed and still in my holding on and hoping stage. Reality hasnt set in yet so i'm still hoping she contacts me and somehow it works out.

As for what I've been doing, I read posts on here and nothing else much really. I'm out of work so I sit around doing nothing really. I think I'll start working out again today and start getting myself in order. Ive been going on interviews and going out with friends drinking and trying to interact with people to keep myself occupied.

But just an inside part of my story that has me actually feeling better:

Before this girl that broke up with me now after 2 years I had a previous Girlfriend I was with for 3 years that left me, it was my first real relationship and I delete with ity badly. We faught when we saw each other up to her throwing a drink in my face and me spitting in her face, drunkeness made me do dumb things when my emotions were seeming to be uncontrolable. If got so bad she went to the police and had us never to be allowed in the same place, wasnt a restraining order by close enough anyways. Well 3 months after this we both started new relationships and were both happy and we chatted on AIM several times to see how things have been going with each other.

Well after the breakup with my new girlfriend last week I contacted my other ex to see how she was and told her me and my gf broke up and such and we just chatted online for awhile.

The moral of my story is that for that previous girl i felt hopeless also and that id never find someone else, but I did. And another side is that I thought I would never hear and be able to be civil with my previous ex and I'm talking to her again now. The past ex has a boyfriend and is happy and i have no desire to get back with her or hope for it....im just saying it's strange how things work out and sometimes things happen for a reason.

But i'll contradict all that and say I'm actually still in pain and hoping my gf comes back to me soon

Isn't it? Refreshing to know we never walk alone.

wonder about how many people actually get back tohether with the person they love after they've been dumped and how long it took and the reasons why.

I'm under the impression that most people can walk away from others pretty easily and once they find something to do with their time and something that makes them happy they wont be thinking of their ex anymore.

In my case, im feeling that yeah she'll think of me but she'll finally be doing things for herself and not going out of her way for me anymore that she'll enjoy herself too much to even consider reconciling and working on a new start with me

Seriously.

 

I've been coming here and reading the posts for a few weeks now, (although I only found the strength to tell my story yesterday). I have plenty of friends who have been looking after me, and I love them so much for their support but apart from the few who have been in similar positions their advice is usually the same..."just move on, he's not worth worrying about". They mean so well but as we all know it's not that easy. To be able to come here and see that other people are going through the same kind of heartache and hurt.. to see that they get through it and come out as better, stronger people...THAT to me is inspirational.

 

I agree, before finding places like this my emotions were all over the place and I was acting out on impulses that I felt at the moment. This site has made me stand back a little and not try to fight so hard at convincing someone they're not doing the right thing.

 

Only you know if you should worry or move on or whatever. depending on your situation.

Thanks for the comments I appreciate it and it helps a lot.

I know doing NC is for me to work on me but im looking at it so much differently right now, im using it as hope. I wish I could just move on but i'm still in my hope stage.

She told me last week that she hasnt even had one day without talking to me and needed herself to make herself happy. So doing NC is a way im showing her i care and that im respecting her wishes. But as i said Im hoping she misses me so much without talking to me or knowing wht im up to and it brings her back to me.

Another thing into the breakup is that she has brought so many people in to support her that even if she had doubts she wouldnt allow herself to wonder back to me. She will be determined to do this for herself and I need to somehow accept that and somehow give up hope.

When I spoke to her on weds i said screw everybody else and what they say and what they think, if ur heart tells you to come back than they'll understand. I hope her heart does want to come back and she follows my advice.

Thanks again for viewing my situation and giving feedback. I need support more than you can know. I have friends and a good family but no one who knows what im going through so I bottle up my pain and moupe around everyday feeling sorry for myself

Normal Man,

I would say No Contact...work on yourself and you'll feel so much better. It does take time believe me, but once feel good about yourself things will start to turn around.

The last time I spoke to her was on the phone when I was out weds night. I ended up calling her 3 times in a row with blocked call and she called me to see if it was me. I expressed how I felt and all and at the end I told her I loved her and she said she loved me too. Usually I would think of this as hope, but I do know she loves me already and just cause she loves me doesnt mean she'll stop being strong and goign with her determination to not be with me.

I havent spoken or called her since than and now it is Monday. I did drive by her house cause I was curious Saturday morning at 7am after dropping my brother off at work and her car wasnt there so it seems she has been staying out all night.

I'm continuing to give her space and do NC, but this is so tough. I'm thinking of her all day cause I have nothing to occupy my time. If i had to answer yes or no to if she is sleeping with people already id most definatly say 300% to yes. just the type of girl she is, she believes in just casual sex with people and it doesnt faze her. This is burning a hole in my life thinking of this.

many times i'll sit here depressed and wish I never meet her so i wouldnt have to hurt. But I know that is dumb because so people never get to experience love in their lives and I should value it and not hate the fading of it.

Im blabbering on here and hoping it helps. 5 days of NC over a weekend while she was busy so no calls, I hope she starts calling soon so I atleast know she is missing me or something. During the weekdays will be the toughest cause I wont be able to occupy my time as much to keep going with the NC.

hey all, I posted my situation on page 36 of this post if anyone wants to read it and give some insight on it that would be great. Thanks

I know my situation is similiar to everyone elses and the advice ive read helps, but was hoping for a bit personal response to my post.

I'm struggling with wondering what she is up to and know that she has been staying out all night and hanging out with all new people. I guess I pushed her away with my insecurities and a breakup was the only way she could be happy and go do her own thing, things that I would have a problem with if we were together.

Feeling like I wasnt good enough. No Job, Money ect...while she has a good job and is now meeting people with money and lots of friends that party a lot. Clubs and such and always somethign to do.

Thanks again.

Goofy. NC isnt giving up. If a girl leaves you the best thing to do is one email stating how you feel and that you want to work it out and such. After that there is nothing else you can do at all. She has made the decision to leave and needs to experience having no word or contact with you to evaluate if she is making the right decision. She already knows you want her back and love her im sure and if she wants to work it out she will leave you a message or an email stating she wants to see you and wants to work it out again.

Your example of approaching a girl and showing interest and such in the beginning doesnt apply really. If that girl you approached wasnt interested and you still were crazy for her and kept at it obnoxiously than you'd just look like a jerk. So to show an example in your example. You would show interest and approach and if rejected just say thats fine but if you change your mind ill be over there with my friends and if you change your midn and become interesed than come on over and talk later on.

So NC is a way of just realizing that you didnt make the decision to leave and you need to just think of yourself now because yourself is all you can control atm. If the dumper is calling you and you are sticking to NC, if she wants to tell you something she'll leave a message and than you can decide how you want to respond rationally in the situation.

Without doing this you'll probably just end up in a heartbreaking battle of trying to express your feelings and the If you loved me why would you just give up and leave pleas. I know because I have experienced a tramatic heart breaking breakup being dumped 3 years ago of a 3 year relationship and than got into another relationship 3 months later which lasted 2 years and she left me last week.

I'm going through the same thing as most of the people on this board. I want her back and I called and emailed and pleaded and almost begged and made promises of changing and asking to work it out and than to the angry to the threats to more. All I did was express every emotion I had to her the second I thought of it. I was so out of control with my emotions of pain,anger, depression and it just drove her away and annoyed her because I was hounding her and harashing her just about.

I came here and have actually started to think of my situation rationaly for once and know that if I keep up the calls and emails of expressing my love for her I'll just push her further away. It would push her away because I havent given her her own time to evaluate things.

believe me man, she told me she wasnt happy and needed to leave so she could be happy and didnt want to waste time in a relationship where she wasnt happy. She didnt want to work it out because she said people dont change and she has changed her life now to do more to be happy. She changed her friends and is hanging out doing different things and shopping and doing things for herself now. It kills me knowing she'll think of me but think of the bad things to keep her strong in her decision to leave. It kills me to not express myself and try to get those bad thoughts out of her head, but it is impossible to change someones mind about something like this.

Doing NC seems like the best thing for me right now, and I'm telling you my story so you might see how fighting can become pushing them away.

ok so my situation, this morning i had to drive my brother to work at 7am and i decided to drive bt her house on the way home and see no car there so see stayed out all night somewhere.

Than tonight at 4am i was on my way home so i drove by again and still no car there so i see she was out all night again.

going nuts and thinking she was a whore and is out as soon as we break up.

please, why do i want this girl back????????????

wish I found this site a week ago cause I made all the mistakes of calling her at work and arguing why she left and why we couldnt work it out. I sent emails and would call if she didnt respond. I went through the depression and anger stages and was so hurt to why she hurt me so much and left.

We were together for 2 years and we broke up the first time a month ago and 2 days later she was out with her girlfriends and on her way home shecame by my local bar i frequent and I ended up driving her home and we talked and slept together and she stayed over and we got back together. I didnt work harder at the relationship when we got back togther and was moody and had an attitude towards her cause I resented that she left me and we never resolved this.

We broke up again last week and I started with my calls and such that i stated earlier in this post. She said she wasn't happy and couldnt be with me anymore and that she needed to take a risk and a chance at leaving so she could be happy. She didnt want to waste her time cause she thinks she is getting older and needs to find someone to settle down with.

She use to say all the time around her parents to me askign me when she's getting her ring and joking about how her parents wanted grandchildren and when we would have them. We both felt we were meant to be and that we'd be together forever. I guess as most people in 'good' relationships hope for.

I was so rejected by my emails and calls and did the thing most do of saying id change and all that trying to convince her to work it out things people say when they've been dumped. She says she needs her time for her and that she doesnt know what the future holds and if it was meant to be than it will somehow be with each other in the future. I think she just started to tell me this stuff because she is upset that she hurt me so much and is telling me this stuff to try to make me feel better.

My worst fears are because she is a gorgeous girl that has men at her fingertips if she wanted. She gets followed by men when in her car and she stops in a store people will follow her and try to pick her up, strange i know. What I'm saying is she was the most good looking and desired girl when she was in HS and can easily get men. So my fear is her occupying her time with rebound men just to have fun.

She started hanging out with people from work instead of her usual friends and is doing other things which has me paranoid. I know my thoughts might be exagerated but i have reason to worry. I know it's her past but I know she slept with a co-worker actually in the office place 3 days after she broke up with her last boyfriend of 8 years.

While I always had many issues with her and if I did just let go id be leaving these issues behing all together, but i always saw good in her and was happy with her so I do feel I want her back.

I know I should be focusing on myself and just doing NC for me since atm I have no job and just graduated college so I have a lot of things of my own to take care of but my mind is so on her and hoping she doesnt go around meeting new guys and forgeting me in the dust when she ran away from me.

I feel lost and empty and since nothing else was going good in my life this has destroyed my self-esteem.

Someone put me in my place but keep in mind I want this girl back.

Thanks, and sorry if this post is a bit confusing I just typed out thoughts from my head without much thought. Basically still thinking with my broken heart and not my head