Pianooooooss

So.......I just found out he's taken. The rejection makes sense now. 🙃

10 hours ago, greendots said:

If this guy is into you, and was honestly just busy, you'll know over time. Meanwhile, so glad to hear you gave this a shot! 🙂

Thank you!

Perhaps I'll be more straightforward with other guys in the future, but for now, I'm willing to lay it to rest. Precisely for the reason someone said: I don't want to feed into any delusions and chase an uninterested guy. 😅

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

It's good you're letting it go and gave it a shot. But it's a myth that it's on him to reschedule something. 

I can see that. But I think reaching out again trying to come up with another time would be a big weirdo move, lol. 

20 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

That's ok. When you leave no room for setting anything mutual up, people often can't accommodate the specific time you want, such as after the event.  Perhaps have more confidence and ask someone out one-on-one rather than to just meet you somewhere you're going to be anyway. 

I think if he was truly interested he would have followed up with another time, but I'm not stressed about it. Moving onward!

4 minutes ago, kim42 said:

Do you know for sure if he's single?

I think if he didn't suggest another option to hang out, it's probably better to let it go.

I think it's great you'vr tried though! Better than spending hours on assuming amd analyzing things.

 

Yes, I definitely don't have regrets on doing it! I think I'm also proud of the inner work I've really tried to focus on lately. Old me would spiral and overthink and blame myself. Now I'm glad to let go but still practice confidence (even if took me several days and an internet forum to do it 😂).

2 minutes ago, kim42 said:

What do you mean by 'ghosted'? He didn't reply to your message?

Well, I just checked again. I thought he ghosted me, but he eventually responded (after like 8 hours). Said he's too busy to come to the event.

I can take the hint. Oh, well! 🤷‍♀️

LOL! He ghosted me!

I wonder if I came off too strong. Or something. 

Oh, well. Going to try real hard not to overthink about this...

Welp. I sent it. 🤪

2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

It's still a bit oblique and confusing as if you're trying to sound overcasual rather than interested but it's better than saying you're too busy. 

I'm getting so much conflicting advice. Some people are like, "Ask him out very directly!" and others are like, "OMG, he's not interested, you're going to get played." 😕

5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

It's ok to be polite.  Just ask if he's attending the event and suggest doing something afterward. Leave out the  busy remark. It adds nothing to the text but confusion. 

So: "Hey, are you coming out to our art event tomorrow? I'm going to be tabling for [org name here], but afterward I'm going to chill and check out this restaurant I heard is good. You interested in joining?"

20 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I worked with my husband and we met at 3 work events -same company, different departments and floors - after the 3rd event - over a period of 8 months- with no context at all he called me at work and asked me to have lunch.  We spoke one other time on his first day of work - no other contact.That simple.

Thanks for the encouragement. Because I posted this on another forum and people are calling me obsessed and desperate.

The only reason I feel the need to do this is what I said in the OP and that I'm on the clock during the event tomorrow (I'm tabling for an org) so I literally can't leave until the end. If he shows up at 11, leaves at 12, but I gotta stay there till 6, it's a bust.

So, yeah. This is what I'm going to say. "Hey, are you coming out to our art event tomorrow? I'm going to be busy most of the day, but afterward I'm going to chill and check out this restaurant I heard is good. You interested in joining?" And totally leave the ball in his court then.

25 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

Why not invite him to an event of some kind. Say like: Hey there's this______ happening next week want to check it out with me? 

The only thing I can think of is a big art collective event we're having our event space tomorrow! But I'll be busy the whole day and it's not a 1:1 date thing. 😕

Wait -- maybe I can invite him to hang out after it ends at 6pm? Like, "Hey, are you coming out to our art event tomorrow? I'm going to be busy most of the day, but...." 

And then I don't know how to finish that sentence. 😂

12 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

That's a good start. Perhaps invite him to something. Drinks coffee lunch? 

Maybe a, "Thanks! Also, if you ever know another cool movie event or likewise, I'd love to go again!" Or is that too passive?

I tried to find a cool local event to go to invite him to, but none looked interesting. 

Isn't it weird to go straight from talking about org recommendations to asking out someone for lunch? Yall gotta give me the words to say 😂😭

7 hours ago, Mason Parsons said:

Keep it casual...

1 hour ago, TeeDee said:

I agree DMing him to talk about the book or follow up with the organization he mentioned.  

3 hours ago, Batya33 said:

I don't think it's bold - you simply are asking someone out for a date. 

Okay...so, I did it.

I just asked him what was the name of the organization and he came back right away with some names. He sounded friendly, but nothing that sounds like interest.

I don't think he's out of my league or anything, but I'm really trying to reframe this in my mind as us both being on equal ground and me simply making the first move vs me feeling like a stalker hanger-on. 😕

How TF do I move the conversation forward now?

23 minutes ago, Mason Parsons said:

Keep it casual, like asking if he's up for grabbing coffee or something. Mention the book club or the events as a segue to why you thought of hitting him up.

Oh, man! This is really bold. You gotta give me a script I can use. 😅

23 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

Why don't you just send him a DM and have a bit of a chat first?

Then consider mentioning maybe another 'movie'.. just the 2 of you - or meet up for a coffee?

You hafta get to know him more one way or another.  You really don't even know IF he is already involved or anything.

Maybe a coffee meet, you will learn a little more of these things, then go from there.. ( make note: If he admits he is freshly out of a relationship or marriage, don't even thin twice- walk away.. lol ).  Believe me, you don't want to be a rebound 😉 .

Eeek!

There is something he mentioned at the movie -- a local org or something -- that sounded interesting and I need him to remind me the name of. Maybe I'll just ask about it and it snowballs into a conversation.

Let me explain.

I run this little social-justicey event space and there's a guy who's been showing up to our events for the past 6 months now. He was just a cute acquaintance to me, until he flirted with me a bit at this movie event we inadvertently showed up at together, and now I want to get to know him more. 

Thing is, I've only seen him around at the pace of 1-2x/month, and things are slowing down at our event space, so if I just wait around, it's likely I won't see him for a long time. I'm trying to be more proactive in my dating life, and I just realized I have his contact on Signal and I could hit him up.

But...I don't know *** to say or do. I only have his Signal contact because our book club group chat is on there. DM'ing and inviting him to a date 1:1 seems premature and too straight-for-the-gusto. There's also the thing of us being mere acquaintances that've only seen each other 1-2x/month...how do I not make this seem stalkerish or too forward?

Help!

TL;DR I want to get to know this guy more, but I don't see him often enough to wait on another IRL chance meeting. How do I DM him out of the blue to non-suspiciously initiate more 1:1 time?

Oh, well. Book club happened tonight and he showed up, but I didn't get a chance to ask and it wouldn't have been a good time anyway. He came with a (male) friend and it was thunderstorming like crazy. Urgh.

26 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

Hmmm I see things differently. I saw him as taking advantage of you when you weren't even on a real date. I think his motives are not what you think. He may just want to get you in the sack and nothing more so be careful what you wish for. 

Oh no... 😞

18 minutes ago, lostandhurt said:

You are a great listener and easy to talk to and cute too, would you like to get a coffee after we are done here?"   or simply

"I was going to get a coffee/ice cream/drink when we are done, would you like to join me?"

Nice! But what if the book club is at night and you don't drink?  😅

5 minutes ago, Coily said:

How old are you two?

I'm 26. He's 29.

5 minutes ago, Coily said:

Sounds like he was flirting up a storm!

It's hard to tell these things sometimes! I never want to lie to myself, so I was also considering he could just be a touchy extrovert. 😅

5 minutes ago, Coily said:

You could be bold and ask him to a low-key date, something like coffee.

I'm hoping at the next book club, there's some time just between the two of us at the end as there's been before. And I can say at the end of our convo:

"Hey, I just want to be straightforward. I think you're cute and kinda want to get to know you more. Want to do something this weekend?"

Is that...good? 🫣 And more importantly, what happened last week is the FIRST time something flirty happened between us. Is asking him right now too fast, too presumptuous? 

I will say, I don't want to wait around for him to ask me out or hopefully show more interest. This guy has been attending our space since September. The whole push behind wanting to ask him is because I don't see this guy that often -- once or twice a month around this event space at most -- and I don't think I can rely on fate to just magically conjure more time between us.

His flirting last week (and he was flirting...right?) was the thing that actually sparked my romantic interest in him, so I hope this goes well!