JaneWick

He sat me down and told me that he has felt at a crossroads with our relationship for about 3 months now. He feels he is incapable of change, for example when I come to him about things that he does that upsets me, that he is incapable of making the changes within himself to make better choices in the future. He always apologizes, and shows genuine remorse, but he just told me that he cannot promise that he won't "do it again." He hides things from me. He doesn't tell me things. He keeps a big majority of himself a secret from me, including being emotionally available and open with me. This, as a result, made me want to check his phone, watch, etc. and ended up finding more secrets. I know it's wrong to go through his phone, but I felt that was the only way I was going to find out the truth about what was going on. But he would just double down and lock me out even harder when he KNOWS that being honest from the beginning was all I wanted. This is what led to him breaking down and finally admitting to me that he is incapable of 100% openness and honesty. He admitted to "not wanting to appear vulnerable" to anyone, even me. He and I have both made mistakes and have hurt each other in the past, and I have always made steps to make sure my mistakes aren't repeated. He, however, just admitted to me tonight that he can't promise to stop making the same mistakes. And by us staying together, he feels like this relationship isn't fair to me, and I deserve someone better. He insists there isn't anyone else, and that he still feels very strongly about me and loves me, and this would hurt him tremendously if we broke up, but he wants me to be happy in the end. He said he doesn't think he is the right man for me, because of the above reasons mentioned. But he also admitted to sometimes imagining his life without me, (not exactly fantasizing, but just thinking, and processing the what-ifs) I love this man. I don't picture my life without him. I don't want to break up, despite everything he just told me. I am not "content" with this relationship, but he says he is sometimes. As of right now, we don't know what to do. I asked him if he WANTS our relationship to work, be mended, and move forward by doing things differently. He said he didn't know. I internally thought it was because he doesn't think he can make these changes that are needed. We're going to continue the conversation, and it will be an ongoing thing we discuss until we figure it out. As of right now, he says he doesn't want to break up, but he said that would be "selfish" to keep me when he doesn't think I am happy. I get no relationship is perfect, there will be arguments and disagreements, and we won't see eye-to-eye on everything. I don't know what to do. I know what I want and I made that clear to him. But I don't know what to do. My gut reaction is to try to be happier, show more happiness, and show him that I AM happy in this relationship, but he told me not to do that because it would be proving his point that I wasn't happy before and it would seem like an act to be any differently. My head is spinning, bomb dropped, exploded, it feels awful. I don't want to break up.