AGrPerson

6 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

He probably wants to keep you as an option if he feels like hanging out again.  Also it's good for his ego since he knows how interested you are in him.  

I keep thinking whether things would have been different if I had done something differently. For example, I made myself too available. I would immediately answer his texts or calls. Maybe that made him back off? Even though he was the one who encouraged me to talk to him by saying when we started talking that he liked that I showed interest. I tried to match the energy and interest he had when we started talking to each other. But, when we last talked he said that he felt pressure and wanted us to talk and see each other even less. I just feel confused by how inconsistent his behaviour was. And the problem is he didn't offer me some clarity in order to know which parts of me I can improve.

3 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Remember for next time -nothing made you ignore the red flags. You chose to.  Own it so next time you know the choices are up to you.  I'm glad I was able to give you some ideas! I'm still in touch with people I volunteered with from 2002-08 in my former city.

Thank you very much for your time! I would like to ask something else. Why did he want to keep in touch with me even though he kept treating me like I'm not a priority and he seemed less interested in me compared to when we started talking to each other? I mean why would someone want that?

3 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

No. I don’t think self focus to the exclusion of dating makes sense. Making new friends and acquaintances and networking is outward focus. Do you do volunteer work ?  I know of many people who met great people volunteering backstage at a church or community theater. I met many good people in my decades of volunteer work.  
I made the best choices when I had a fun fulfilling life and wanted to find a man to marry and have a family with to enhance what I already had. Not to fill a void. 

I think I understand what you are saying! I haven't thought about volunteering to be honest! I might give it a try! 

I think I understand what my mistake was. I got swept up by all that ideal future that he presented to me. I felt that he would be able to fill that emotional void I feel because of loneliness. This made me ignore all the red flags.

2 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Right so it’s safer to go with a fantasy. You have no idea if he was an obsessive person. You only know how he acted in the very short time you knew him and like you said you focused on his words and ate it up. Because you were lonely. It’s hard to make appropriate choices with that mindset. I get it. So you glommed on to this man who whispered sweet nothings.
 

it’s a good thing overall that he’s done. This way you can make better more reasonable choices next time when you’ve done the work to meet new people in your city and still have a blast !  Take care. 

You believe that it is better to focus on myself and making new friends first so that next time I meet someone I won't be affected by feelings of loneliness into making a wrong choice?

7 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

This is mental and would have creeped me right out. 

It is not sweet or sincere. It is a red flag when some stranger you have never met is making all these grand declarations. It is a sign that they are: A) mentally unstable, B) love-bombing you, C) incredibly impulsive, or D) some combination of A,B and C. 

It sounds as though you got very carried away in the frilly words, so let this be your sign that you need to keep perspectve when you hardly know the guy. The fact that you describe this as devastating to you means you need to some serious reflecting on how you got here, and so emotionally attached to someone you barely know: have you been lonely? Unlucky in love? 

He was indeed impulsive with every aspect of his life. Each week he would be obsessed with something and it would take all his energy and attention.

I indeed got carried away by what he said. The truth is I've moved to a new city recently and I am feeling really lonely since I haven't yet been able to make new friends.

11 hours ago, boltnrun said:

No reasonable person would make all those ridiculous promises before you even went on your first date.

I understand you're new to dating, so take this as a lesson. A reasonable man will want to get to know you over a period of at least a few months before making any of those types of promises. 

Thank you for your reply! I'll keep that in mind! It's just that he was so excited and seemed so sincere when telling those words to me that I was sure he meant each one of them.

12 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Watch the feet -what he does -not the lips -what he says -over a period of months.  He was showing interest in you but he didn't really know you.  He might not have been seeing anyone -he crashed and burned because he was excited about the idea of you, the idea of a relationship not a real person or potential real relationship -he wanted to be infatuated in an insta-relationship.

The thing is he never got out of his way to do something together with me. Even on the phone, after the first week, we would talk whenever he had time and mostly about topics of his life that bothered him.

He must have been infatuated with the idea of a relationship yeah, but I don't understand how he can lose interest so easily? I mean he was infatuated for 3 days, went on our first date, he was infatuated for 4 more days, and after that gradually started losing interest.

5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. It seems like he's a player or a flake. You made the right decision ending it after he stood you up.

Please look for red flags like future talking, excess flattery, constant texting and bombarding you with coming on this intensely

. After 7 days he doesn't even know you so he was insincere and possibly just laying it on this thick to move things to the bedroom. Delete and block. 

Thank you for your reply! He looked so sincere and so excited at the start that I was confused when he stopped showing interest. I thought that maybe he is seeing other people (which is okay since we weren't exclusive), but if that's the case why he wanted us not to see other people if he was planning to go out with others?

I've been dating a guy I met on dating apps for about 3 weeks.

During the first week he would tell me compliments like how beautiful I am, how lucky he is to have met me, making future plans, making plans to meet his parents, insisting that we should go on vacation during the summer, texting consistently and phone calling frequently. All these before our first date. He also set some boundaries like we won't be talking, or going out with other people.

During our first date he said that after a month it would be a good time to start a relationship with each other. All these happened consistently during the first week (compliments, texting and calling).

After the first week ended he started being inconsistent about his texting, cutting conversations abruptly, replying late or never replying. When I confronted him about that he didn't want to discuss it, and after pressuring him he said that that's his communication style. He would also make simple promises and never keep them.

He stopped making compliments and future talking. He would prioritize everything else (friends, activities, hobbies) and if and when he had time we would talk with each other.

The worst thing happened when we planned a date and he got asleep and never came to the date. That's when I decided I had enough and told him to break up. He said that he is sad and that he wanted us to stay together, but he didn't seem sad at all.

The problem is I'm thinking about the first week and what could have been and that makes me depressed and sad to the point that I want to text him... It was my first attempt to date someone. I would like some advice on how to cope with my feelings. It would be nice if you could offer examples of similar situations you've been in and how you got over them. Thank you in advance.