Respectfullylogical

My significant other gave my dog a home cooked dog meal that had fish in it. I have a sever anaplatic allergy to fish and shell fish. I’m my puppy licks me all the time on the face and etc and I hug my puppy we are very affectionate. But my partner knows I have an allergen and I asked that they never feed my dog any fish or shell fish core products and they did it anyways . Idk how to feel about this. My trough swells shut and I die without my epi pen. Help me sort how I should feel cuz I feel like I was being murdered by blantant incompetence

I want to thank everyone that has replied to this topic it has been helpful to me in a huge way to conclude here . move decided to get ride of them even tho I could keep them and store them elsewhere and that would be sufficient to make all parties happy . However upon thought and with the questions you guys had asked me I’ve come to realize that I may have been subconsciously been following a belief because it was just something I thought was a thing you do . I couldn’t seem to answer the this without looping into circles or saying idk line of questioning : Question : why do I keep these Answer: they were from his time in jail and the memories Question : what memories that you want to hold onto or to remember Answer: the time he was locked up and writing me that it was important then Question : what is it about him being in jail or his time in jail that is important to you Answer: idk they are memories Qustion : so with understanding that you hold onto mementos as a way to not forget the moment a way to always have a piece of the moment the will remind you of your memories. Similar to keeping your exes shirt to help you feel close to them for when they are away or overseas etc. similarly when you go trough a bad break up or experience something tramatic you get ride of any triggers of that even. Sometimes to the point if it’s bad enough your subconscious will block it and suppress it from your consciousness. And if it bad break up you will get ride of everything and everything to not be reminded . And if the event is neither good nor bad and is neutral you just log the memories and don’t tend employ a insurance policy to ensure you retain the memories nor would you avoid things that remind you of the memories . With that being said what is it about the memories you deam important enough to want to keep and not forget ? Answer: nothing Qustion : then why keep them and fight to keep ‘em and use time energy and effort to keep them Answer because there memories …. this is where I would loop back to my previous answers . Do I have decided to just throw them thank you everyone this fourum was very helpful

Think it’s the blindly ignoring the action that shows it and believe the words that say it. Most likely it’s that the one makes more sense but the other hurts less to accept

There was a one . 8 months later with same guy 3 days before his birthday. But it hasn’t happened since then. 1st time cheated 12/24/21 When he found out 12/27/21 2nd time 07/31/22 when he found out 08/03/22 birthday is aug 3 as far as he knows there has not been another act of unfaithfulness since

He keeps believing her words instead of listing of to what her actions say. He is being naive. He didn’t grasp that concept he goes to why if someone don’t want to be with you or don’t care etc would they say they do and argue as if they do but act opposite of what they say

It’s not that I look at the him being in jail foundly but the memeries of him writing me

Again to clearify the picture of a sick pick is a different ex not the same one that was in jail . I had it just never deleted it. I was not like trying to hold onto it l. it was there because of my lack of action . Me and my man have a few home videos of xxx content of ourselves for our selves to have not for any others . And definitely not to be put online or shared as porn. Me and my man know each others logins for emails and Facebook etc. and yes the ex bf is and was a ex con and not a mature man or one of being a provider and In short my man : 1. Is the one I share my logins with for email and Facebook etc. and his with me. 2. There is no porn. 3. he is the one the xxx videos are shot with and are for him and me only ‘ IE not to be shared. In short the ex bf : 1. Is and was an ex con. correct!

That’s what he certainly thinks he feels there is an ego defense mechanism in play here that’s not allowing me to see the truth . But let’s pretend that’s the case. That I’m minimizing ,rationalizing, reasoning, denying ,etc how am I able to decipher that if these defense mechanisms work on the subconscious part of your mind . Meaning your your not aware that your lying to yourself ?

Memories / and because I like them

Yes I suppose he does but I do contribute and do half and half of anything until I don’t have money left then yeah he takes care of the gap but he takes care of anything that I’m short of

Memories

I wasn’t keeping them it was just on my google photos but they are of another guy I dated for a lil bit but I do have hundreds of photos on my google photos of me and different exs hugging kissing cuddling etc and non of them bothered him and the only one he asked me to do anything about was the 1 *** pick and to delete it . But I mean I have my own job but only pays 200 a week . But we have been together for almost 10 years

Yes and I have agreed to store them else where but I can’t help but feel like it’s still hurting or bothering him . Band he is just holding back because he knows logically that asking me to do anything further is not reasonable. He made a hint that he feels hurt that this guy means ,meant more to me than our relationship or has higher importance than us

I’m not worried about the password stuff and the porn hub etc . I have access to all his things he has access to all mine were rather forth comming in those regards now after years of being together. I also we have done a few xxx videos for our personal usage . I once made a joke about him using it as revenge if we broke up he replied to that with “nah unless you cheat on me so don’t cheat on me . Fast forward to today I cheated on home 2 years ago on Xmas and left him for his ex friend . He had stopped talking to him because he felt like the guy was a fake friend . Anyways after I left him for his friend and told him I cheated he had over a month worth of time to do such but never did I asked why he never did he said besides the fact he was to preoccupied picking up all the shattered pieces of his heart and life . That he really does love me and couldn’t hurt me intentionally by doing such. But in regards to the store them else where yes I have agreed to that but I’m still searching for deeper understanding about what’s at play here so Imwe can be better in the future

I will definitely get back to you about why once I first figure out exactly what it is that makes it special these questions are ones I guess I’ve never asked myself in the first place . I instinctively wanna say “idk that it just is “ but will get back to you

I guess it’s more of that it was a time that meant a lot to him so special to him maybe let me ponder that. I don’t think I’ve taken time to try and figure that out ever. Very good question I will reply just want a moment to think on that

Nothing special about it but like I would keep anyone’s notes that I got during their time in jail

Solids advice and judgmental is correct I felt persecuted just for asking like I was being drilled for holes in my story like yes I just wanted help to help him within the reality of the variables I laid out . Clearly it was best if had left but I need help with what he did moving forward not help what he should have done but seriously perfect reply .are you a therapist or something?

I agree fully its a ego and I’d thing we don’t see ourselves as a bad person .and we only do bad things if we can minimize rationalize or justify a otherwise bad action .we don’t go into it thinking I’m a bad person to do this and then do it . No we make it reasonable where we still see ourselves as a good person when doing a bad thing but also I think he was just hoping for her to really be honest with him and herself even and admitt what it was even once you take away all the ego defenses and what it teuelly was which in my opinion is like very rare to see anyone do

Prevention for her doing it to him again yes for sure but not prevention for any future partners and closure is just knowing the answered to why please refer to the reply to wiseman2

Please refer to the reply to wiseman2

He knows this but he chose to do the harder thing so moving forward with that as the variable he wants to know what he can do

Friend is my step brother we have more of a friends relationship instead of a sibling relationship. He is a guy so that’s problem why he’s talking to me before therapist. couples counseling is not an option at the moment because she doesn’t think it’s something they need. but to clear the confusion they are not married they have been together 10 years tomorrow he is 33 yrs old she is 31 and as you see I cannot not just step away it’s my step brother once removed and my friend best friend honestly but how does he want to make her suffer he is the one suffering not able to move past it and just wanting answers I feel is normal however starting at number one is his direct replies because I just forwarded the questions to him and this is his reply text exactly as follows 1. Prevention involves awareness of potential risks and threats. For relationships, it means recognizing signs that someone may intend seduction or have hidden motives beyond platonic friendship. 2. Closure can provide understanding to prevent recurrence. Even after ending a relationship, one may still desire insight into what went wrong and how issues arose. Difficult experiences drive people to analyze what happened to avoid repetition. 3. Identifying the factors leading to the problem is equally important. Only by understanding the cause can one develop solutions and safeguards. Even without immediate escape, knowing how the pit was reached allows avoidance of similar risks going forward. The lessons learned may protect from falling victim again elsewhere. Fully analyzing situations prepares one to handle future challenges through gained awareness and insight EXAMPLE : So imagine this scenario. You're just going about your normal day, walking the same route you always take. Suddenly, you fall into a deep pit! The walls are steep and it's not easy to climb out. The first thing you need to do is get your bearings and figure out exactly where you are. To do that it’s best to figure out where you just were before ending up where you are. Now Knowin that the next step is figuring out how you ended up in this pit in the first place. Did the ground collapse beneath you? Did you not see the pit? Pay close attention to any clues that might reveal what happened. Figuring out how you got into the pit is really important. Not only could it potentially help you find a way out, (going out the way you came in )but it will prevent you from or at least make you more aware of how not to fall into pits like you just did . You don't want to escape the pit just to wander into another one do you?

Yes it’s his house and he provides I’d be living with a friend or my mom if it wasn’t for him tbh . I don’t make near enough to be paying for an apt on my own let alone a house. that reminds me he did say something like “I’m not paying to provide a space for other men to live in our home “… btw he refers to house and home as different things a house can be a home but home is not only a house home is any place you build a life and family together so it’s his house but our home and just covering bases here but if we broke up or something it would be just a house to him no longer a home maybe he would say it use to be me and her home but now it’s just my house. Idk if that makes sense

If I missed any one or forgot to answer a ? or reply to someone please let me know