MrHorizontal1234

I mean, I'm socially awkward, although I've been getting better. I'm very much alone atm, and it's a struggle. I consider these people "friends", but they're more like casual acquaintances. And they always end up ditching me at the end of the night. Sometimes they're nice, sometimes I get treated like crap. The gf is the worst. She blows hot and cold and has a lot of baggage.

Hi,

I've been recently volunteering at a venue in which an old friend from school works behind the bar, and his gf is head chef.

I've had a turbulent relationship with them both for one reason or another over the last few months. They often, on a saturday night, bring others back to their flat for an all night party. Tonight I heard them spewing nasty things about me threw their window. It hurts like hell, but I know I am better than them.

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

Because it's a self-defeating bad habit to run off to bars when you're lonely looking to "pull" women. 

Everybody else seems to be doing it.

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

Unfortunately that may be part of the depressing situation. You drink, hang out in bars and try to pick up women. That could keep you lonely and frustrated as long as you are still doing this routine.  It's unclear why you won't use dating apps or other healthier settings to meet women and make friends. 

Why? Because of my age?

I feel like I am struggling from severe depression.

I am someone who struggles in social situations. Although, though I was told by some stranger I met tonight "everyone struggles". I can manage to be quite social and funny when I try (and a few drinks does help). I just don't seem to be like everyone else. Like I got speaking to some girl in the smoking area earlier, and she told me she knew me from here or there etc. It went alright. But everyone always seems to get with someone else. I spoke to this other girl tonight, an older girl, there seemed to be more chemistry... She gave me her number... but idk it's all ambiguous. I have had sex in getting close to 7 years. I'm 29 and I don't know how I've ended up such a social outcast that I can't pull anymore.

I just feel I have been so inactive. Regarding vows, yes, I think he is married. So I am currently speaking with a mental health charity and they've suggested groups that go on walks etc. I think it is worth a try. Hobby or activity? It's my harmonica playing and a youtube channel I am trying to build. I am currently signed up with a mental health support service and have a session booked in with a private therapist for next week.

Despite all of this possitivity, I am still feel very bad how I've let it get to this point. I go on facebook and I look back over the years and I think "how did I end up here"

20 minutes ago, Capricorn3 said:

That was 6 years ago. That's a long time. And if he's not a close friend, why does this upset you so much?  Do you not have closer friends? People you see and hang out with regularly?

That said, if you have such low feelings so as to make you think of ending it, please contact a hotline a.s.a.p. You need professional help at this time.

No, I don't have any friends. Just a couple, one from school, who I reconnected with recently. They both went to this thing and I wasn't invited along.

8 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

This is what they call a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Your parents would be horrified and grief stricken if you harmed yourself. 

If you truly feel this way it's vital you reach out to someone for help. 

Parent, my mother took her life 6 years ago.

15 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Please talk to your parents or contact a hotline if you're seriously considering harming yourself. You have value. 

I just want to let them know that what they did has made me feel awful.

12 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

Old friend as in "We used to be good" or old friend as "We still hang out"? 

I am asking because lots of times people not necesseraly fall out but just dont be so close anymore. For example I had a friend who I met because we both played D&D. We hanged out for years and both helped each other a lot. But we dont play D&D together and we dont hang out as much, so surprise, I wasnt invited to his daughter 1st birthday party(big deal here, you have almost like a wedding reception crowd of 100 people). But again, we dont hang out as we used to. Again, sometimes friends get bumped up to acquaintances.

Sorry it happened. But now you know that they arent really friends to you at least. 

Not really a close friend, but still I remember going out for his 24th bd like it was yesterday.

It just feels really horrible to loose everyone. I even thought about ending it.

It was an old friend of mine's 30th Birthday and I didn't get invited. I went out to a gig with my father and his gf and a venue where a friend (or should I say casual acquaintance) work and even they were going to this thing. A couple of the lads that went out used to bully me at school. I went home a billy no mates. I'm feeling really angry, both at myself, and some of the people. What a dreadful way to spend an evening.

I don't go on her profile, nor do I go out socially with her or her bf. I haven't seen her in a few years. These are photos that came up in my fb timeline.

If I could see my therapist I would, but she's booked up for the year. I am trying everyday.

My feelings regarding this girl are very complicated and I'd appreciate some compassion and understanding on this forum.

I spoke to the samaritans last night, and they basically said they think I'm inactive because I had strong feelings for a girl I worked with during my Master's course and I didn't tell her. Years later, I'm feeling pretty broken up over photos appearing on fb of her and her bf at Christmas.

.

On 1/5/2024 at 7:26 PM, Insert-Name-Here said:

Do you want to be a good friend, or do you want to fulfill your own wants?  There's not a right/wrong answer, but you're not going to have it both ways.

What does your friend consider their relationship to be?  If it's a sexually exclusive, monogamous relationship, then just drop this unless you'd like to ruin this friendship, and actively hurt someone you presumably care about.

If you feel like this behavior is making it uncomfortable or difficult for you to spend time as a group, find some time alone with your friend and just tell them about this so that they know.  If that kind of honesty is also something that would lead your friend to end the relationship that you have together, it's better to know than not know.

 

Thanks for your response. I should say he's not a very close friend, if I am being honest. They are on holiday at the moment, for some reason, I'm thinking of her all the time. I thought distance would be the ticket, but she's always there in my mind.

Distance has been a great thing.

5 hours ago, Andrina said:

How will jonesing after a taken woman make you feel good? Do you not feel guilty? Perhaps not, since you're giving the excuse for bad behavior because of living in a small town. No good excuse exists for behaving with poor ethics. What would I do in your shoes and situation if the dating pool is minnow size, if in fact it is? You can join the Peace Corps. Helping people and the environment will have you seeing your own problems as minimal and you will get to explore another country. My friend did a stint in Jamaica and temporarily dated another woman in the Peace Corps there. 

Some people teach English in Japan. I wish I'd known about that when I was young and single.

Begin treating people how you'd like to be treated and you can't go wrong. If you wouldn't want a friend being inappropriate with your gf, don't engage in that behavior yourself. The path your on now is a road to hell, though you mistakenly see it otherwise. Time to grow up and make mature decisions.

I feel guilty about a lot of things in life. I'm just struggling with my feelings at the moment, and my brain is telling me theres no hope, nothing will ever get better etc. 

I never came to terms with my mother's death a few years ago, and Christmas is always difficult for me.

Went out with them again tonight, was a bad idea. Aw hell, it's a small town. Don't know what to do.

1 minute ago, Tinydance said:

I think you're imagining a connection with her that you don't actually have. You feel like you're close but you aren't. Doesn't matter if you've had a similar relationship experience. That doesn't actually mean you're best buddies or are in love. It's OK to have a crush and you can't help that. But you probably need to distance yourself from them now.

It will be easier said than done. I think the thing that kills me is that if he goes to bed at 9.00pm or 6.00am, he's got a desirable girl with him. I live alone. 

5 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

Well I think maybe you might be better off just to not spend time with your friend and this woman. I didn't get the impression that he's your close friend because you said you hadn't seen him since school and then you just ran into him. You don't sound close and your motivation now to hang out with him is basically only to see his girlfriend. So it's not like you really care about his friendship that much.

You mentioned that she just moved here. Did she move to be with him? I think she actually wants to be with him and moved for that. But she loves the attention from a younger guy so is throwing you some breadcrumbs. She doesn't sound like a good girlfriend and pretty immature. If she was your girlfriend she'd probably do it to you.

 

Ok, to give you some credit regarding the previous post, I think you're right; her looks matter to me a lot, I don't like to lie.

She moved for a fresh start, from what I can remember. She was in a very-long term relationship that ended/went nowhere. So can feel for her with regards to that. 

22 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

I think you actually do care about her looks predominantly. The reason why I say this is because you basically don't actually know her. You met her a couple of times but otherwise you've just seen her around. She's not single and not your girlfriend or friend. An acquaintance at best. You say you love her but what do you love her for? Just sitting there looking pretty? You've imagined some kind of connection with her which actually doesn't exist. And she's acting pretty immature for a woman in her late 30's. I thought maybe she was in her early 20's or something. She already has a boyfriend. Why did she invite a random guy she just met to go out clubbing and drinking with her? I think she's having a mid life crisis and she just wants attention.

Well I like her. Can I be with her? No, she has a partner. 

9 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

Are you seeing a therapist? I think you really need to speak to someone. You seem to have developed a big projection on this girl. You hardly know her, she's not your girlfriend or your friend really. Just because she's pretty you're saying you're in love with her and she's stopping you from killing yourself. I think this is all just in your head. Also you say this guy is your friend but you want to pursue his girlfriend. What kind of friend does this make you? Please get support and professional help.

I don't care about her looks. This isn't some younger girl, this is a woman in her late thirties. I am in my mid twenties. I like her, that's all. And yes, I've seen therapists in the past, usually over past heartbreak. It's deffo time to make another appointment, but this isn't the right time of year.

Also, just to add, there's no such thing as "get help". There's join a self-help referral scheme waiting list which has a lot of grey areas, and work through this and that.

33 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

That's ok. You had a misplaced crush. . It's time to distance yourself from them and find your own GF to direct your interest toward. 

I have cripplingly low self-esteem and I see this girl all the time and she alleviates the feelings of wanting to kill my stupid self.