miffy

Hi Jaunty, thank you for following my situation and responding to this post. I just want to clarify that when I say I look back on the situation “with love and grace” it’s more so towards myself, not him. I recognize that it was a bad situation and like I said, I have no intentions of going back, I just have episodes that happen often of me missing what could have been, which I understand isn’t healthy either. I guess I feel nostalgic about being in a relationship, since it was the first one I’ve ever experienced. Unfortunately, I’ve kind of lost my love for acting. I really don’t want to be in the spotlight anymore and I don’t know if I see myself ever getting back to a place where I’d like to put myself on display like that again. But I still do technically work in the industry. I’ve been doing many gigs on set as a background performer, so it’s been a good way to get myself out of the house and make money to support me. I think where I’m having trouble is the balance of it all. I want to allow myself to have time to grieve and heal and give myself grace to process what’s happened, but I also want to quickly move forward with my life and be proactive. I’m getting really frustrated with the “healing” period, because I just want to be done with it. At this point, it’s been 2 months since I’ve last seen/talked to him, and 4 months since the initial break up. For a relationship that lasted about a year and a half, I should be over it by now, shouldn’t I?

Wow, thank you so so much for your insight. I really appreciate you sharing your own experience; it really helps me to feel a little less down about feeling the way I do. My diet and exercise are very poor as I tend to eat little to nothing and I don’t do much physical activity so I can see how that could affect my emotional state too. Thank you for bringing that to my awareness. As well, I actually really love your idea of setting the “feel sad” reminder, as I can that working for myself, and I imagine it would feel really nice to reach the day where I no longer need the reminder. Thank you again vaxxter, I will take your advice xx

Hello, I hope everyone’s doing well. It’s been months since I’ve last been on here; I thought I was doing really well and handling myself pretty good but lately I’ve been feeling quite sad again and missing my ex… I know it’s all nostalgia for what we had and could have been, and I have no intention of going back. I don’t have him on any social media, his contact is blocked, and I haven’t spoken to him in months. I’ve been seeing my therapist regularly to process my emotions and work through them, and I’ve been spending a lot of time with my best friend and my family, travelling around and doing fun activities to keep my mind busy. I definitely feel much freer and happier than I’ve been in the past year and I really believe I’m making a little progress, but I’m really getting fed up with the healing process and how often my mind tends to stray from my goals and motivation for the future back to him. Everyone, my family, my friends, my therapist, says that it takes time to heal and I’ll continue to feel like this for awhile, but I’m so tired of feeling sad and missing him. I’m sick of thinking of him every time there’s a break in my thoughts. I’m sick of seeing him in my dreams. I’m sick of him being the first thing to come up in my mind whenever I see a happy couple. It’s so annoying to me and I wish I could just forget him and the relationship completely. Don’t get me wrong, I still look back on it with a lot of love and grace, since I learned so much and I feel I’ve grown a little bit and have a lot more growing to do, but with the new year coming up, I just want to move on with my life. Any other advice other than ‘time will heal’? I just want to be better and do better… Thank you for reading all the way through. I hope you’re doing well.

Thank you everyone for your advice and just for reading and helping out with my situation. I have a lot to process now and I'm really hurting, but I'm going to focus on working through it with my therapist. I guess this will be the end of this thread as I feel like there's nothing else to be really said, but thank you from the bottom of my heart to all of you for helping me through this. I truly appreciate you all and I hope you all are happy and healthy. xx Miffy

Thank you for your kind words and helpful insight. I will send that message and be done with the whole relationship.

Thank you for your response and for keeping up with my post. I took all the comments to heart.

Thank you for your response. I wasn't going to try to convince him, I just wanted to send him a note saying I'm done and then go full no-contact. All the messages have really drilled it home that I have to let this go.

Thank you, Andrina. I appreciate your kind words. After opening up to my therapist, I realize I have no other option other than to stop talking to him. Thank you for your response.

Thank you for your response. I will be seeing my therapist tomorrow so I’ll be telling her what’s going on.

Ouch…. thank you for your input. I understand.

Thank you so much for your response and concern. I just scheduled an appointment with my therapist for tomorrow. It’ll take me a long time to open my eyes to what happened honestly. I still love him with all my heart.

Thank you for responding again. I’d like to hear your opinion: do you think he actually loves me or just what I’m able to provide for him? I really hope that he truly loves me and that even when we separate, he’ll still have love for me, but from what everyone is saying, it sounds like when he finds someone else to take my place, he’ll completely forget about me. I’m really scared of that.

Thank you again for responding. I guess I just don't want to hurt anymore, and I wish I could stop the hurt he feels too. I've been slowly accepting that I have to end things for good, but that's where I'm having a problem. I've tried to tell him that I have to walk away because I can't be in a relationship anymore, but I keep getting convinced to stay. I don't want to just block him and stop all contact without telling him why because I don't want to hurt him. I feel horrible because I feel like I gave him some hope that we would be getting back together by agreeing to see him and spending a night with him. I figured that sending him a message to end things would be the best way to do it so I don't get manipulated back in and that way I don't just disappear after speaking with him for a bit. Is this a good idea?

Thank you, Jaunty. I really want to do that, but I feel so unmotivated and sad about this whole situation. I don't know how to get back into it when I'm feeling so desolate.

Thank you for your kind words. I really appreciate it. How do I end things now? I feel like every time I try to end things with him, he convinces me to stay and I end up falling for him all over again. What do I say to him?