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Artist45

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Posts posted by Artist45

    Was I dating a Girl with Borderline Personality Disorder?

    in Relationship Advice

    Posted

    On 10/15/2023 at 1:41 PM, rainbowsandroses said:

    @Artist45I'm really confused here, I must be missing something.

    Nevermind her instability, you very aggressively (almost hostile) told her to lose your number.

    How is that HER ghosting you?  She's doing precisely what you told her to do. 

    What's not to understand?

     

    To be clear - I told her to lose my number AFTER she ghosted me the second time…

    Did not miss her then, but miss her now

    in Dating Advice

    Posted

    6 hours ago, Batya33 said:

    Yes because feelings aren't facts.  Also you are vulnerable now and emotional about that other woman too.  It's like when we miss loved ones years later but maybe didn't 5 years previously.  Feelings are feelings -not facts/often not rationally based at all.  But I wouldn't react by contacting this person.  If that is your underlying issue/question.

    Thank you very much for that.. No, I was not asking if I should contact her….

    Did not miss her then, but miss her now

    in Dating Advice

    Posted

    6 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

    Not at all talking down. I got professional help when I had a mental health issue that I was unable to resolve on my own.

    Suggesting I get professional help is not talking down…

    I was referring to your overall tone in your comments from this thread and from the previous one….

    Did not miss her then, but miss her now

    in Dating Advice

    Posted

    1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

    So this whole thing with the emotionally unstable younger woman happened over a year ago? And you're still obsessed?

    Please strongly consider professional help. It's completely unnatural to still be obsessed over this very brief dating situation. A professional can be if immense help.

    Like I said, I was not obsessed at the time of the breakup.. I was relieved…

    it wasn’t until over a year later that I became obsessed…

     

    Did not miss her then, but miss her now

    in Dating Advice

    Posted

    17 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

    So this whole thing with the emotionally unstable younger woman happened over a year ago? And you're still obsessed?

    Please strongly consider professional help. It's completely unnatural to still be obsessed over this very brief dating situation. A professional can be if immense help.

    Like I said in another post, I am already getting professional help.  

    Yes, I know this is not natural and not healthy...... that is why I am sharing about it.

    I feel like you are talking down to me.......

    Did not miss her then, but miss her now

    in Dating Advice

    Posted

    2 hours ago, Kathryn657xx said:

    Yes, absolutely. Although it may not be 'her' that you miss but rather the feelings you had. I presume it was new/exciting/butterflies and all that... you are probably missing this 'feeling'. Especially if you are in a bit of a "lull" in life recently. I think it's only normal really and I have experienced similar feelings personally. Do things to take your mind of it, you obviously broke up for a reason.

    Long story short: I was bothered by things I saw when we dated.. she was emotionally closed off, had frequent crying spells and never would say why, a former cutter (over 50 scars on her body) and alcoholic…. I was relieved when we broke up (she ghosted me) because I was about to end things…. But she beat me to it….

    I moved on a while ago. But I stupidly  looked at her IG page and saw that she is with someone now… 

    Now I wish I had tried to save the relationship…. And I feel like a total loser…..

    Was I dating a Girl with Borderline Personality Disorder?

    in Relationship Advice

    Posted

    Wow!!! What a story!!! I really appreciate the time you took to share all that..

    can’t explain why I am hung up on her… I was about to break up with her before she ghosted me and after she did that, I was actually relieved….. as soon as I saw an IG pic of her cuddling with some dude, my heart sank….. like why wasn’t I good enough to be with her?… why wasn’t I good enough for her to keep around..

    I know that’s irrational and I’m aware of my issues…. It just hurts…

    Was I dating a Girl with Borderline Personality Disorder?

    in Relationship Advice

    Posted

    Last thing I will add...  I realize it was wrong to suggest sex to a girl who needs help getting sober.. I own it.  So I called her about 4 weeks ago to apologize for that.  I said I know it was selfish and inappropriate and that I wish I had not said that...  She was cool and did not seem bothered by it.  I asked her how she was doing and she told me about a new job she just got.  I congratulated her.  She said, "the story how I got this job is crazy, but that's a story for another time".  I asked, "do you want to catch up later?". She replied, "no, I don't think so"....  and that was it.. (flip flop answer) I realize now I should have just made the amends and left it alone...

     

    Was I dating a Girl with Borderline Personality Disorder?

    in Relationship Advice

    Posted

    7 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

    Yes I realize that.

    What I was confused about was why you need to know why she ghosted? 

    She already told you why, she didn't want anything sexual which to her, is where things were headed.  She didn't leave you hanging to wonder about it. 

    And you responded by telling her to lose your number.   And apparently she's done just that. 

    That's all there is to understand.

    She flip flopped between wanting something sexual, then not......

    Was I dating a Girl with Borderline Personality Disorder?

    in Relationship Advice

    Posted

    On 10/10/2023 at 5:25 PM, Wiseman2 said:

    Please delete and block her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. There's no point stalking her social media. She told you why she ended it, basically patronizing and disrespectful behavior on your part. Let go. Live and learn. Next time treat women with respect and maybe you'll do better. 

     

    On 10/11/2023 at 5:22 AM, redswim30 said:

    OP, I think you need to look more big picture here. 

    Stop worrying about what kind of illness she "might" have, because at the end of the day it doesn't matter and you can't do anything about it.  Not to mention, it's a little mean. 

    What you CAN do is this- Figure out what drew you so much to her and why you kept going back for more. 

    Seriously.  Did you want to be her "savior"?  Was it the thrill of being with a younger woman?

    I do think you were a little harsh with her.  After all, you were well aware of her pretty large issues and yet kept going back for more, and as the older "wiser" person- that's on you.   I know people who have dated alcoholics, knew they were alcoholics, then later got mad at them for being alcoholics.  Do you see how unfair that is?  If you are well aware of a person's issues and you accept those issues and present yourself as those not being deal-breakers for you, then it's kinda crappy to go back and throw that in their face during a time of struggle.  After all, she was always honest about who she was- it was YOU that accepted it- repeatedly. That's on you, not her.  What I don't understand is why you were surprised that she repeated the same behavior.  

    Nothing YOU ever do can change someone.  And no one person can make a "relationship" work all on their own.  Best thing you can do is move on, learn from it, and try to understand why you were so eager to stay in something that was so clearly unhealthy for you. 

    What exactly did I throw in her face?

     

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