Alokinga

57 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

Don't bother waiting until Monday.

Strike while the iron is hot (today) and ask her to meet. 

Thanks, I just did now, we'll see how she responds!

2 hours ago, ShySoul said:

What do you think the next move should be? Don't think about it or plan it. Don't wonder, worry, or wait. Just do it. People seem to think they need a guidebook or have an action plan. Really, it's all about living in the moment and going with the opportunities that life presents you. 

So you had a good time with her and want to spend more time together? Then see when she's free to meet up again. Whenever you are both available, do it. It could be next week or it could be the next day. Whatever works, as long as you can be together. Think about what you talked about and suggest an activity that ties in, something you think she'd enjoy. Point is to spend time with her and continue getting to know each other and get closer. Remember, you didn't need to do anything special to get her talking to you. You were simply you. So just continue to be you, relax, and have fun. 

Thank you. Due to past experiences, I often get into that mindset of hoping not to ruin something with a girl that's going well, either by not waiting enough or waiting for too long. I'll keep it chill and ask her out soon 🙂

Just got home from a birthday party where I met a girl with whom I almost spent the entire evening with. We really had a great time. She was constantly smiling, invited me to sit next to her on the sofa, laughed at all the things I said (even when they weren't the funniest), and we exchanged instagrams. She then texted me the moment she got home about noticing that we have a common acquaintance on ig, so we chatted for 10 minutes and said good night. I feel like I'm at an optimal position right now and I don't want to blow it. What's my next move? Talk a bit tomorrow then send a text on monday to ask if she wants to go out next week?

13 hours ago, ShySoul said:

Why the rush to look for a partner at all? Relationships happen in their own time, when the right person comes along at the right time. Just because your friends are in one, doesn't mean that it will last or that now is the right time for you to be in one. Just because you are 20 doesn't mean now is the time to find someone or you'll lose your chance. Plenty of people are single at that age. When I was your age I hadn't come close to anything and knew multiple people in the same position. So you've had more experience then some. And while I get that there can be a feeling of lonliness, or the fear you're missing out, there is plenty of other things that can fill that hole in life and can be just as rewarding for you.

I actually think you have a good head on you and have the right idea. Dating apps are far from the only way to meet people, so if you don't want to do them, don't. People were meeting each other and having relationships for millenia before dating apps existed. If you don't like clubs or parties (I'm with you on that), then don't go there. And certainly don't start something just as a way to meet women. It's disingenious, and people will like see through it anyway.

So what do you do to meet someone? Don't try to meet someone. Focus on you. Learn to be happy on your own, doing what you love. Love happens when you least expect (yes, I know that's cliche, but it's true). Over and over again I've seen people worry and stress about having relationships. They try to meet people and put themselves out there. But they try too hard, causing them to mess up. Or they try doing things they aren't comfortable with, and mess up. Then they end up more stressed and depressed that nothing works out. Yet, when they stop caring and simply go about being them, their authentic self can shine, they gain more confidence, and eventually that attracts others. It happened to me. When I allowed myself to feel depressed and convinced myself I needed to be like others and have a relationship, got me more depression. When I said screw it, I'll just be me, I had multiple women being interested in me. 

So just focus on you and your music. Find avenues to perform. Have fun with it. You'll meet someone when you're suppose to.

Thank you for your feedback! It really helped me clear my mind. I wrote this post after an evening out with my friends and being the only single one there, so it inevitably stung a little when they started discussing couple stuff, especially since they all got way farther in their relationships than me haha... but now my head is clearer 

27 minutes ago, Coily said:

Are there any musical groups that are looking for an extra? Or maybe off campus bars that you could play at? Women do tend to have a soft spot for musicians.

There's a little problem here: I'm a classical guitarist and as you might expect, classical music doesn't have that kind of draw power that rock or pop has lol... so yeah, playing at gigs is a bit limited

6 minutes ago, Coily said:

Look for meet up groups, or get into hobbies you are interested in that are co-ed. If you're religious or curious about it, join a church. Don't be afraid to go out where people are in general. Since you are in college, maybe there are on campus activities that you can explore?

Find a passion that you can accidentally bump into someone and get to know.

Thanks for the feedback. 

Yeah, my situation is kind of particular since I study music which IS my passion, and everything in my life is centered around it. So my college feels like the best (only) place to meet people who understand me. 

I'm 20 and go to college. I've had 3 relationships over the past 3 years which didn't last longer than 5 months and weren't that great. Now that I'm older and most of my friends are in very healthy serious relationships, I decided that I really have to look for quality partners and that I mustn't make the same mistakes as before. However, I really don't know how to go about it without using apps... 2 of my relationships started from me sliding into dms on instagram, and one was in-person, but it was a girl who I wasn't actually attracted to and more of a rebound. About a month ago I decided to take my chance with a girl who obviously liked me, but failed since by the time I made up my mind she already got into a relationship. Last week I invited another girl with whom I was good friends since october out for coffee, but she declined. It feels like there really isn't much I can do except wait... because I really don't think dating apps are worth it, and I want a natural connection that will last. I also don't enjoy going to clubs, and I rarely go to parties. And I wouldn't want to start a hobby or activity with my goal being finding someone, because that would feel disingenuous.

I asked a girl I go to college with "coffee this week?" to which she responded with "sorry, unfortunately I have other lectures after our lecture :/" (we're not on the same year). I didn't say it had to be after our lecture, so is she simply declining?

2 hours ago, smackie9 said:

Don't matter if you see signals or not. If you find someone you are interested in, you simply ask them out. It's that simple. Oh and do it in person, never over text. If they say no, no big deal. It's just part of life.

I would prefer to do it in person too, however I won't be seeing her till next week since we don't have class, and even when we have class I can't exactly count on running into her because we have different schedules.

I've been eyeballing this girl in college for a couple of months who I find very attractive. We have a lot in common, very similar interests, and a lot of her friends are also my friends. We only see each other on our way to class (we're not on the same year), but we always smile and give a little wave. We also rarely text, but when we do it's always good fun and banter. I'd like to ask her out for a drink, but I don't know if it's too out of the blue since a long time has passed since we met and I never really showed any intentions. On top of that she left me hanging in a short convo we were having yesterday and still hasn't answered my last text even though she's frequently online, so I wouldn't want to seem too eager by double texting... Thank you in advance for your responses!

On 2/4/2024 at 3:50 PM, Andrina said:

Why not? If you're lacking in friends, maybe join a school club in any of your areas of interests. If you don't have anything much going on with hobbies, interests, friends, it'll feel too smothering to a woman that she's your sole source of a social life. Anyway, good on you for setting yourself up for a good career and taking a chance on the girl, even if it didn't pan out. We've all gone through those times. Take care.

Thanks for the advice, but when I say that I mean that I don't want to pester my friends with my lamenting, easier to do that with strangers online haha... and I really didn't put any pressure on the girl, it was all very chill

4 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. At least thing's are clearer as to where she stands. Please set yourself free to move forward and start talking to and meeting women who are interested in what you're interested in. 

I will, thanks. Feels bad because she lost interest the moment I discovered how much I like her, truly, as a person... I haven't had a similar experience before. Now I guess I know what to look for. Thanks for listening to my rants, I don't really have a lot of people to talk to.

On 1/31/2024 at 10:11 PM, Wiseman2 said:

Is it possible she's working or doing something?  Does she work? Go to school? Sleep at night? Eat? Have family and friends? If she hadn't read it she doesn't seem available at the moment.

Why is that abnormal? Please try to relax. It's disappointing she didn't answer asap but why are you spinning out of control? Do you think she's ignoring you on purpose? Does she have any reason to? 

Went out with her today, it was great as always, but when I was telling her we should do it again she said she'd love to, but as friends since she's seeing someone. So that's the end of that...

53 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Is it possible she's working or doing something?  Does she work? Go to school? Sleep at night? Eat? Have family and friends? If she hadn't read it she doesn't seem available at the moment.

Why is that abnormal? Please try to relax. It's disappointing she didn't answer asap but why are you spinning out of control? Do you think she's ignoring you on purpose? Does she have any reason to? 

We don't have lectures for the next three weeks. She told me she'd be free from Tuesday so we could meet up, I assume she would have the time to just open a text if she's still interested... It's been 11 hours since I sent it, and longer than 24 hours since her last response. Thanks for trying to find reasons to make me feel better, but I can't be in denial forever. I'm calm now, I'm fine with whatever the outcome may be. 

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

That's perfect. Enjoy the date and try to relax. 

Sent her a message asking her when she would like to go out, 7 hours later and she still hasn't opened it... I think my gut feeling was correct, this definitely isn't normal.

2 hours ago, MrMan1983 said:

Best to bin off all the pointless texting, use the phone for setting dates and focus on those instead. You'll subconsciously bore each other to death with the 'Hey how's your day been? What have you been up to?' type needless texts and you lose any kind of intruige and convo that could of happened on the next date. Obviously the occassional upbeat check in or 'Looking forward to doing <insert activity> with you on <insert day>' doesn't hurt but there's a balance to be had.

Of course, those are my thoughts as well. However, I can't just ignore her when she asks me a question that keeps the conversation going. I'm mostly matching her own texting habits.

7 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

She seems interested so have fun on the date. Please don't smother or text tether people.   It's a real turn off to have someone pestering you with texts a lot. She's allowed to go to the bathroom, eat, sleep and get other stuff done. Please relax and be confident.

Please try to avoid stalking when she's online, why isn't she replying asap and so on. Take a deep breath and relax. She's going out with you in person.  That's the important thing. 

Thanks. I'm not pestering her by any means, I've learned my lesson a number of times before. I think she actually wants to continue the texting since I directly told her we didn't have to do it if she's busy. I hope it really is just work and business and not her being too sweet and nice to push me away more openly. Because she really is a very positive person. 

There's this girl I go to college with who has been very friendly and talkative with me since the beginning of the year. It started with random fun convos before lectures, then she sent me a message, we went out to a club once and then texted a lot every day during the holidays. After the first week of class, she started responding to my messages very rarely, one time even a little more than a day later (although her responses were always detailed and as warm as before). At one point I told her that if she's very busy she doesn't have to bother responding when it's not convenient, but she brushed it off saying "don't worry, you're not the one who haphazardly responds because he made his life chaotic lol" (I suppose she was referring to her new job, which is teaching guitar a few hours a week at a music school). The thing is, I see that she's online a good number of times during the day, but I get a response at like midnight.

We're supposed to go out this week and she seemed happy when I asked her about it, but I don't know if I should keep my hopes up about anything more... especially since she wasn't like that at the beginning. It's strange because in person nothing seems to have changed. We still have a lot of fun together and I feel that she's grown on me in the last 1-2 months. I genuinely have never felt so much connection with a girl before, even with the ones I called my girlfriends.

Any ideas why this is happening?

Tl,dr: girl initiates convos (irl and in text), we hang out, seems to like me a lot, then starts responding rarely even though she goes online, but keeping the same upbeat tone in messages. Agreed to go out with me this week.

On 1/24/2024 at 11:36 AM, MrMan1983 said:

Echo what everyone said above, if a girl says that, you give her a time and a place. You don't beat around the bush or continue to waffle about other stuff.

Been there, done that, got the failure t shirt and regret to go with it 😛 

Anyway hopefully you have salvaged it and she does meet you for that date, would try and avoid loads of needless texting in the interim though, it's a fast way to bore each other silly.

Have you set a definite day, time and idea next week or was it a loose 'I'm busy this week but should be able to do next week' from her? Would be good to show you're proactive in setting a good date idea and plan if you have not already.

Sorry to hear you also made this mistake...

Yes, she told me she'd love to go out after next Tuesday once our partials are over, so I suppose it's going well.

And I agree with you on the texting part, but although she responds rarely, her texts are always detailed and she even asked my opinion on something last time, which makes it seem like she does want to text... I don't know, at least I don't feel like I'm forcing things haha

1 hour ago, NighttimeNightmare said:

My first inclination when reading your post was that you asked her to get drinks sometime, she said “ok! when??” and then you never said when but continued to send texts, presumably never mentioning this date she seemed so enthusiastic about.
 

She likely thought you were just BSing her in the moment about a potential date, but want to sit there sending stupid texts back and forth.  It’s probably she who was made to believe you weren’t interested. So she’s carrying on with her life.  

Asked her out now, we're going out next week because she has a lot of work to do. I think everything is fine now!

3 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

You literally never asked her out in a means that you have a time and place. Even though she literally almost flashed the sign that says "I am interested". Just ask her out properly lol

Yeah, I did just now... I'm just not used to girls coming my way, even if I like it. I've always been the one to initiate, so maybe I don't have that instinct. Plus my last relationship was bad and when I discovered the girl was crazy it was almost too late to jump out. It was my fault because I had rushed things in the beginning...

2 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

And now you have dropped the ball. 

My guy, you are doing this all wrong. She is waiting for you to nail down a time and place, not just to continue messaging randomly. She likely thinks you were not serious about setting up a date and is keeping her distance a bit.

Act now or you risk shooting yourself in the foot. 

Yup, sent her a message an hour ago... maybe it's not too late. Perhaps I was too slow and careful since my last relationship ended badly (and started too quickly, before I got to properly know the girl), even though I know for a fact she's completely different. 

44 minutes ago, kim42 said:

I have 2 questions before giving any advice.

Did you actually choose a time and a place for drinks? Did you follow up on this by making concrete plans?

Not yet, that was two days ago and I didn't know exactly what my week was going to look like, so I just told her I'll do it shor. I really don't think she ran out if patience suddenly. I plan on doing it this evening when I see her at the concert.

A girl I go to college with (I'm first year, she is fourth) seemed very interested in me from the moment we met and now all of a sudden she responds very rarely to my messages. This is confusing to me since she was the one to make a lot of moves. First she came sit next to me before a lecture and started a conversation back in October and we continued to sit next to each other since then because we enjoyed each other's company. Then she texted me about something completely unimportant we had talked about (which was obviously a way to get into my dms). Then we started texting regularly, having fun, she invited me to go to a club with her friends before the holidays and it was great. Went to a concert with her three days ago (we're musicians), hung out until midnight with her afterwards. I said that we should go grab a drink some day and she said "About time! Choose a time and a place and I'll be there" After that, she started to answer my text more and more rarely, sometimes with more than 10 hour intervals, and now I'm super confused as to why that is. We're always laughing when we're together and I'm 100% sure that there's chemistry between us. I plan on asking her out this week, but I don't know what to expect since she's not been giving a lot of feedback these last few days. Everything was going smoothly and little by little I realised that I liked her a lot. Don't know what to think...

1 hour ago, Kwothe28 said:

Your first red flag. The person who still dates somebody and is flirtatious with others, wouldnt hesitate to do the same thing if she ends up in a relationship with you. So her dating other people, worst of all openly telling you that, is not really a surprise. I mean you did the same thing as well. But just saying that you cant expect to be higher on a priority list and some loyalty there. Because the person like that isnt cut out for loyalty.

Case in point: She had a convinient excuse in her being far away before. But even now when you are close, she would rather date other people then give you the time of her day. Dont start anything with this person. She isnt worth of your time.

The flirty things were when we were both single, didn't mention that. But yeah, i mustn't let my expectations get too high now.