cuddlebunny777

Yes as in forever. And if it doesn't work out, divorce is expensive too.

Knowing him longer might've changed it actually. I say more time would've been better because we could've organized our lives better. Individually and as a couple, time would've helped us to really decided if we were ready or not. Or helped us get ready. I could go on.

I do love life with him though. There's just a lot of obstacles and setbacks that I wish we would've prepared for better. And adjusting to each other has not been easy.

I hear you. I didn't want to marry anyone at all. I thought that would change when I met my husband though. It did, actually but it didn't last.. I think it was just easy to imagine being married when I was infatuated with him. Of course.

He doesn't. Thats what breaks my heart. He does say it's difficult to adjust but that he just gives his best and that's all. He's always been 100% sure and committed. 😞

Well that's the diffrence here. You were together for 5 years. I MET my husband all of 2 years ago (next month will make 2 years)

Our marriage license.

Yeah, I can't tell why I am partly committed either. I guess bc I'm scared we really did jump into this with our eyes closed, hoping for the best... and now I'm terrified of having this big expensive contract looming above me at all times. And the sad realization that maybe if we could've built this slowly and over time we probably wouldn't have so many problems

I have no idea. I remember talking to his mom one time saying I was in no rush... and she said "don't make the same mistake I did, I waited forever to get married! You don't want to do that!" I didn't see it at the time but that was her super subtle and indirect way of pressuring me. Well it worked. We still talk of course, but I think I will always resent her for that.

Part of me really does love him, another part of me doesn't know if it's a lot more of attachment. I will admit part of was pressure from our families as well.

I just don't know if being partnered is right for me. I wish I would've had more time to really sit with it and figure that out but since I didn't now I stress over the little things, it's not just the flowers it's the deeper realization that I feel so much pressure and fear of being married. So I release that pent up energy in any way that I can.... of course it's super unhealthy, but I really don't know what else to do

It was a courthouse ceremony, but yes. I am questioning things bc I'm like, how do I know if I'm built for all of these curveballs that this relationship has thrown at me?! I've never been in a long term relationship before so maaaaybe I am encountering so many new things and just overwhelmed with it all, but again I really don't know if I'm built for it and that scares me!!!!!

I'd be doing everything if I were single and I would be fine w/it because I know it's just me. In fact, Sometimes I really think I'd be happier this way. I wouldn't have to worry about my partner not doing their half. There would be no half. No need to have these chore division conversations. It would just me all on me, and I would find peace in that, ironically enough. It'd be easier. I think I'm all struggling w that part. And it worries me. I don't really know if I was built for the partnered up lifestyle... too many moving parts to keep up with. Not saying I want the easy way out, but... man I don't know

my issue is: he SEES that most of the stuff falls on me and doesn't SAY anything about it. It's almost as if he's okay w the way things are now, now that I am taking care of most things. It's like he wanted to get to this place because that's where he is the most comfortable. Otherwise, the way we were doing things before where he was taking care of more things, he didn't like it. It was a bit more even I think, but he started complaining. I think that's what aggravates me even more. And prevents me from even having a calm discussion because it's like "do you even NOTICE that the household labor is falling a little uneven?!" And then I feel like I sound insane. Regarding his hours, he is actually looking into quitting to start multiple businesses and side jobs, which of course is going to take even MORE of his time. I truly wonder how the chore division will be then. I truly see it ALL falling on me.

Yeah I thought about doing the chore chart. I don't know quite how to bring it up in a non-accusatory tone so I will have to brainstorm that.

For dinner I just eat the same meal, leftovers. sometimes I make him a sandwich and have it waiting for him when he gets off work, sometimes he just has a snack. But I don't ever cook dinner.

In reality intensely. lol I just chucked it up to paranoia and/or general anxiety as I get with everything.

We didn't really talk about it until we moved in. And we just said we each do what we can. I didn't think that would mean me doing most of it though. If so, I would have asked us to outline things more specifically.

That is precisely my problem. I always seem to have one foot and one foot out. Not because I want to, but because immediately when something disappoints me, I'm too quick to try and address it bc for me it's about the bigger principle. I can honestly overlook the flower things but this I cannot. I have a feeling that my husband wants to feel like he's living back home at his moms house where she took care of everything and that I cannot overlook. This is a hill I have to die on. If things get into this routine, they will stay there and I will grow resent to the point of no return.

I think so yeah. A year and a half. Now I feel our relationship has all of this pressure that wasn't really there before. And the little things are now becoming huge. All because were married. It doesn't feel like a choice anymore. I know we're trying but it's really hard bc I don't know if we're just having a hard time adjusting to each other or if we're just forcing things to fit where they just don't.

Sometimes I ask myself the same thing. I mean I did it because I love him, but I truly always wondered if we were really ready. a cleaner would be ideal yes, but I doubt we can't afford that.

My husband works 12 pm to 8 pm 5 days a week, walking all around the airport all day, without the chance to sit down except for on his breaks; he also says he has flat feet so his knees hurt a lot. As you can imagine by the time he gets home, he's exhausted and he just wants to be on the couch. But that's crazy because how must construction workers do life then? We don't have any kids. I work a less physically demanding office job also 5 days a week from 9 to 5 at home. Although I am sitting all day, it doesn't mean that I don't get off of work tired. I am actually mentally exhausted but I don't nothing about it because that's when my home shift begins. Whether it's laundry, dishes, or sweeping, making the bed, figuring out dinner, cleaning, grocery trips, you name it during the week it's on me. I want to emphasize that at first when we first moved in, my husband was taking care of quite a bit and we were working together on stuff; I've noticed it was really only on his day off, aka Sunday which we have together so we're really only sharing chores that day. But that was fine. But now it's not even on his day off. He usually took care of the cleaning bathtub on his day off but this time I did it. Last night I also took care of about 3 laundry loads. Our loads are quite small but it's irritating to know they will just sit there if I don't get to them. He was on his computer doing some stuff and didn't get up until 11:3O pm to ask me if I had left any dinner. His only consistent job is making breakfast for us every morning. Everything else, is just sometimes. Making the bed, doing the dishes after breakfast, laundry, etc etc. It's like he picks and chooses a few days to help out but then not others..? When he gets home from work, he just has dinner and either we watch something, or he plays video games until it's time for bed. And here's the thing: sometimes he helps in the evening and other times he doesn't. It's like he doesn't have a consistent thing. It's like he gets a free pass on housework for the week and only does it on random days lol. I don't think that's fair as I don't get a single day from anything!!!. I don't feel like my day truly ends until I go to sleep. I clock out of work and into the house. I'm exhausted. Even on his days off I help HIM and we do stuff together. We meal prep together for the week. He will VERY occasionally put a load in, and I end up folding. And yet I'll do laundry and it just sits in the dryer if I don't take it out. If I fold it, it just stays on the couch. I have to ask him to put it away. Sometimes he doesn't even make the bed before he leaves and he's the last to get up. The last laundry load was in the dryer for a week before I took it out. I understand his job is physically exhausting but these tiny things don't take much time or effort do they? Also, how would he do anything if he lived alone? I can already see he'd have an extremely hard time. I feel bad asking us to divide the chores because I want to believe he truly does what he can but at what point does it just become laziness and an unspoken expectation of me to just take care of as much house labor as possible because I'm home more often. . . He did once tell that since I'm home more I should do more, and I have a hard time agreeing with that. Also, since he really only gets 1 day to himself, he uses that day to just rest. He will take a nap and then take the rest of the day to do something he didn't get to do during the week. He helps with dishes, but there's the issue. He just helps. As if it's MY job and he just has to help. Should I give him a pass since his work schedule and job is more physically demanding or should he be expected to still pick up his fair share of things? He's tried arch support, says they don't make much of a difference. I feel resentful because if I'm doing most of the chores a lot AND I'm still working the same or even more hours as him, what's even the point of having him around?! I'd honestly rather take care of it all myself and not have him, than have to ask someone to pls pick up their fair share that they would have to do anyway if they lived alone. So this is pathetic.

It is not the worst thing no. I will make a post about it.

There is yes. I will make a post about it.

I do that! But is it wrong of me to want them from him? also do you think it's fine for him to just disregard my only request on my birthday for no reason at all?!