guyguy420

The past 6 months have been particularly damaging to our relationship, and I feel it worsen every time we try to talk out our issues. I am strongly of the belief a relationship, including the love, trust, and respect are two way, earned and maintained streets and that no issue can be the fault of one person. The persisting issue in our relationship is the presence of other men and my insecurities towards them, how I attempt to approach them, and how we move on from them. Admittedly, my childhood and sexual trauma related that I have mentioned here before make conversations, confrontation, and sometimes arguments or relationship problem solving a struggle. But over the past Year and a Half almost, I have made right to change nearly every aspect of my life, starting work, getting better work, about to move out of my parents, quit drinking, etc. I did all of this for my girlfriend and only for her, and I had intended to do the exact opposite with my life before I met her. Not because I was desperate for a GF, but because she seemed so very special and made me drop my years long “I don’t need a GF mantra” instantly. Dropped people, forced myself into uncomfortable sexual and social circumstances, and have tried very hard to assess the way I speak. If she does not like someone, they are gone tomorrow, no, today. She cannot do anything for me. She can buy things sure, but after a while that starts to feel superficial and what I am really after is affection and security. Things I strongly feel I do not get from her, as she has lied to me about going clubbing, lied about talking to men, what they said, what they talked about, who they were and their past. I know a lot of men have an inclination to be aggressive towards any man near his girl, but I swear I have put up with every single guy up until the moment he explicitly says he wants to badly *** her, tries to convince her to cheat on me, puts hands on her, or they suddenly reveal they used to date or had ***ed and that she “forgot” or “omitted” from telling me. And again, I know a lot of guys are Gun-Ho about this type of thing, but I am serious when I say I fight any feeling I have towards a guy until one of these things happen, which they have. Every. Single. Time. In my past two posts I had written about how one of these co workers, one that seemed closer than the rest, began putting hands on her and telling other people how badly he wants to have sex with her and how she’s exactly the type of girl he wants. Before this, I had already told her how I felt about him, but I won’t repeat too much from previous writing. More recently with this guy, I had told her twice that if she talks to him again in any context other than strictly work or confronting him about what he said + cutting him off, she absolutely could not talk to him. She has now twice tried to hide talking to him. The first time, she tried to hide that she worked and talked with him, and this second time, she tried to hide that she told him to come over to her house to drop off a mini fridge. What I am about to say is a sin and I regret it absolutely, but this morning my curiosity got the best of me and I picked up her phone to look through it. I rationalized it to myself with all the times she’s gone through my phone and LOTS more than that while I’m asleep. I only looked for about five seconds, seeing that she invited him over at the beginning of the week. She woke up, and I told her I was sorry but I looked and that it hurt me that after repeatedly telling her I am not comfortable with him, not to talk to him, etc. she still wants to have one more conversation or something with him. My view is: you want a mini fridge THAT bad that you’re willing to completely disregard my feelings and boundaries of our relationship, then just ***in ask me for one! I’m your boyfriend?? That’s what I do?? Her response to this was to shame me for looking (fair), call me a “***ing Retard,” and then told me to go home before we could even talk about it. When we did, she still refused to talk to me about it and like with many conversations recently, she has begun to just say things never happened that I remember clearly, or that she never said something, that there’s problems I “can’t understand” (she doesn’t talk about it anymore before or after saying that), and that I only talk in circles. Admittedly, I do talk in circles. But it’s only because every time I want her to stop talking to her ex boyfriend or some guy, she gets offended by it, wants to argue, eventually (like when I’m shaking nervously after she yells at me about how stupid I am and how I don’t understand anything) does talk about it, then forgets what I said immediately, talking to the same guy again, until she finally cuts him off and starts with some other guy- so we have to have the same conversation kinda often. Up till this point I have tried to be unbelievably understanding and see where she’s coming from, but I can’t. We are both sexual abuse victims, I have never told her I hate her or that she’s a retard. We were both homeless for some part of our adolescence, I never thought about going out to get ***ed up at the club without her or just go to some chicks house. Many people around us suffer from trauma and issues larger and smaller than both of ours, and I have never seen someone treat someone they claim to love with so much vitriol. Due to her anger, and though we have never had any physical altercation, I am afraid she will attack me if I break up with her. I am afraid she will try to hit me or break something (she has broken things, a couple of times slammed my things, or accidentally hit me flailing in rage), or that best case scenario she will try to harass me and my close ones, which she did with her last ex boyfriend and stole a bunch of money from him. Also past three weeks she’s cancelled every date to go get ***ed up with her friends then freaks out on me for not taking her places. She never tells me anywhere she goes, certainly not other men’s houses, but last week she blew my phone up because I went to visit my brother and grandmother while she was at work and forgot to text her. I finally got to bring her on a date, and after the movie, she was just upset that I didn’t have more money to go to a ***ing theme park which she was itching to do anyway, because right before our date, she wanted to delete half our plans to go out with her friend. 1. I paid at least $150 for a couple hours on the town that she didn’t care about, and gave her damn near $70 for no reason at all, which she MAYBE texts “Ty” for, meanwhile some random kid comes up to us after she told me she “wanted to be nowhere near me” and gave her $10 which she just absolutely lit up for. 2. The friend she wanted to go to the park with tried to get her to cancel on me completely, and is also the friend who she cheated on her last boyfriend at her house. I get it, they’re all red flags. But I love her, and I wish this was a forum / place or that there was an easier way for me to include all the great things about her, so people could understand why I love her so much. I have told my friends and family, I will probably ride this until the wheels fall off because I love her so much. Basically, I don’t know how or when, but I think I need to leave her. I HATE thinking about it. I don’t want to do it. I don’t want to even think about it. But I think I’m at my limit, and I’ve had too many people suggest I am in an abusive relationship and need to leave. Literally too many people coming up to me and saying “I’m not saying she doesn’t love you but…” but I need to know how to approach it, in a safe, civil, healthy way.

I am 19 and will soon be moving out of my parents, but am going to stay with my father for a few months to get more work sorted out, help with financing, and looking for a place. During these few months, I need someone to watch my cat because my Dad doesn’t allow cats in his house. I have gone through some options, close friends and other family, but all are either too occupied with their own animals (2-3 each) or just do not have the environment for a feline to be in. My girlfriend has tried helping me, offering both of her parents as options, which I reluctantly told her to keep on the table. I did this because admittedly, I love my cat and am a bit protective- I would like him to be somewhere I know he’s going to be safe and have fun. Her fathers I was iffy about as her father already hates me, has threatened me, and talked about sending people to harm me when I’m not around, but most of all, he has a dog that is 100-and-something pounds of tortured, ANGRY muscle. The dog has scarred her and him multiple times, and needs to be locked up any time anyone is walking around the house because it’s unstable and violent, sprinting and screaming to attack anyone who isn’t her dad the second it gets a chance. Gotta love Pitbulls! Needless to say, I am a little iffy about the chance of my cat coming home as chili meat. Her mothers, while better, is still an iff for me. Her mother and step father are recovering addicts, no issue with that, many in my family, but they are also manipulative and combative. They also have an autistic daughter, who they get into screaming matches and arguments with and who has frequent temper tantrums + attacks people. She, despite having been told not too, constantly grabs, hits and even bites me to this day and I have watched her attack her tutor, who they have because her mom admits she doesn’t want to deal with her and would rather pay someone else to! I don’t think she’d be able to do much to my cat, even if she could catch him, but the though if him being hit, kicked, tail pulled, or even chased around all day by someone trying to do those things, sounds horrible. Best case scenario he is unscathed and just gets this girl in a lot of trouble. Despite this, my girlfriend seemed pretty open to the idea of having him stay at one of these places. But suddenly, when I start to ask her if it’s still an option, she is very unreceptive and tries very hard to steer the conversation towards having him stay at her sisters house, getting angry at me for disagreeing. Her sister lives an hour away on farm land, with her son, husband, and step son. Over my entire relationship, all I have ever heard about this woman is that she disappeared one day, and is extremely manipulative, lies about everything, and treats her autistic son like an animal while praising her neuro typical step son, in addition to a myriad of unkind, bad things. I told her I am not comfortable having my cat stay with an abusive mother that I have never met and who lives an hour away, to which she responds with telling me “it’s not like she abuses animals,” which is the only non-bad thing I have ever heard about her sister in over a year, and I feel like it’s a low bar.

No. I have looked into it before but I’m not really sure how medical insurance works and can’t afford it at the moment.

Forgot to hit paste in my last reply lol In my last post some people had asked me if I have gained anything or what I see as the upside to my relationship and someone had also asked how old I am. I am 19. Me and my GF are young adults and started dating when were both about to turn 18. I want to make this post to respond to the general sentiment I see people leaving on my past two posts and to have this post serve as a place for me to ask - what do I do. I do not want to leave my girlfriend, obviously I have considered it and many of you have told me to, in fact I only recently started to vent to close ones about my relationship and they share the same view. And though my girlfriend is very beautiful, it is not the only reason I am with her as many seemed to think. I am a sexual assault victim and have had two different sexual abusers. Needless to say, this has severely damaged my development and, as some of you recognized, my self esteem as a young man growing. I saved myself for a long time after what happened and rejected many girls before my girlfriend even when they were attractive or close to me because it just did not feel right. When I met my girlfriend, I had a few opportunities to talk to her and get to know her before we got into our relationship. These conversations have shown me we have a startlingly similar experience with family, sexual assault, poverty, etc and have both come a way to improve our situations significantly. When we fell into each others hands, she was the only person in my entire life I have felt comfortable with and she is the only person I have truly told about my experiences. And despite many of you seeming to think I also may only be here for the sex, and although I did in fact lose my (consensual) virginity to her, I put off sex for some time in our relationship as my PTSD makes sex very hard or at best somewhat uncomfortable for myself. I am with her because I know her and I love her and when she is her kind self she makes anything else in the world feel superficial. But at some point it just began to feel like she didn’t totally love me all the time, and got annoyed by my awkwardness- or at the very least did not share the same sense of humor as me. At some point, she just always seemed to have a stomach ache or head ache any time I touch her and getting angry or going ballistic on me became normal and easier than telling off the people who she says she hates. I love her and if there is anything I can do to stay with her I will probably do it. It may be pathetic, and many of you seemed to notice and advise against it, but I will admittedly probably stay with her no matter what happens until I see or accidentally find something that undeniably breaks us off. So, if I must leave her, I don’t know how to even begin processing the idea in my mind. someone said in the last post I must be a very soft person and admittedly I am. I am incapable of just dropping her or forgetting our well and good moments.

Hello everyone. Hopefully this isn’t too dead. I was going to make another post, but was told it was better to simply post it as a reply. So here’s some answers to some questions and sentiments I see: (Forgive me for references to this post and others I originally typed this as it’s own post)

And any time I try to have a conversation with her about it, like last night, she just says she can’t or doesn’t want to talk, talks about anything else, and goes to bed early. Also her and my best friends girlfriend were friends for some time until my friend and his GF broke up after she lied about leaving the country, going across the country, staying with groups of guys, lying who she was with, and making a secret tinder account - she said she was going to get some things with her real quick from a store down the road and they’ve been out for almost two hours. Am I just crazy

Refer to last post for a bit of context. Me and my girlfriend are a young couple and have been together for a year. In this time she has made her insecurities clear to me and has made it feel like she doesn’t trust me. She wanted me to get rid of many of my female peers when we met, and I obliged, agreeing with her on how we should conduct each other moving forward especially in regards to other people. To be completely honest, I know this isn’t normal for a couple that just began, but she is my first real girlfriend so when we started dating I was very eager to make myself dedicated and exclusive to one person who did the same. Other ways she has shown her distrust are: -Going through my phone while I’m asleep -Going through journals from my childhood -Taking my phone right out of my hand and going through my texts, confused when I ask her to stop -Stalking my social media and taking note of every single girl I follow or that follows me, to the point she found photos of me I didn’t even know existed And these things have manifested in a general disrespect for my privacy, where she had even gone through my mothers things and journals, gets angry at me when I don’t include her in every single plan or update her on everywhere I go, etc. And again, to be honest, these are things I understand and don’t necessarily take issue with. My main issue is the fact I have told her many times that I want my privacy respected but if she ever felt as though she needed to go through my things I would just like if she asked and I would never get in the way. I also told her that I never wanted to be a controlling boyfriend, and that she should never feel obligated to dress, act, or be a certain way so long as we have a healthy relationship. Needless to say, we have had compounding problems over the past few months. One of the issues I wrote in my last post was how she had a co worker putting hands on her playfully, after trying to make conversation with her about sex- a coworker that I told her over and over is not a good or well intentioned person who I am not comfortable with. After he touched her, and later made a comment to a different co worker about how badly he wants to *** her, I told her that after all these times she has talked to her ex boyfriends or allowed a man to make verbal or physical advances on her with no issue, she needs to cut him off and tell him he’s done or that I would not be able to deal with it or stay with her anymore as I need SOME kind of reassurance I am in an exclusive relationship. In the weeks since then, she has worked with him once and wasn’t going to tell me. I only know because she let it slip while on the phone, ironically, with another male coworker who she had sexual conversations with and who had put his hands on her, which she pretended to hate him for before they returned to gleeful phone calls and hanging out. When I asked her about it, and if she said what I asked (and that she promised she would say), she shut the conversation down, said no, got angry and stormed away. We didn’t talk for a while until she sent and deleted a text I never got to read. This is driving me insane because there is a consistent theme of men being allowed to say lewd, suggestive, and out right sexual things to her, or put their hands on her, and they will NEVER get her angry attitude, they won’t get told off, they won’t be called names, blocked and ignored, etc- all things she does to me multiple times a week for any and every issue that arises. Plans don’t work out? It must mean I secretly hate her and avoid her and have planned for two days to avoid her. I make plans when she plans to go out alone? I’m a horrible person for not bringing her after she canceled our date to go out with her friends. And with all of this, the minor things that I never thought I would be the one to be picking up on start to bother me and I can’t tell if I’m being manipulative or looking too deep by thinking these things but I can’t help but feel weird when people make advances on her, it’s okay, I get shut down every day, and we have had sex one time in the past 2.5 months. On our anniversary, which she only wanted to do because she had a little bit to drink. In that time, she has been on her period for about 3-4 weeks and I notice she goes out with her friends a lot more unannounced, cancelling our plans to do so, and she dresses very sexy when she goes out. In a year of dating, she has never once dressed up for me or dressed so little when she goes out with me. Last night as a joke I picked up her phone without saying anything, didn’t even open it or look at anything, and she SHOT up to ask me over and over what I’m doing and why I just picked it up.

I am 19 years old and have been dating a girl for exactly one year. We met due to being in close circles, and quickly grew close with our interests, hobbies, childhoods, and conversations. A few months into the relationship we began having issues as she expressed a deep insecurity she carried concerning abandonment, and said she feared a different girl would get my attention or that I wouldn’t be faithful to her. I have since made a note to assure her I wouldn’t, which came at the cost of some of my friendships with female peers that she particularly didn’t like. She would also mention that she didn’t want me speaking to my former girlfriend, which I assured her I had no interest in doing and have had her blocked since our break up. And generally, during this period we would discuss boundaries and sort of ‘rules,’ regarding the way we navigated our relationship. In the months following, she would break every single boundary she set for us, and particularly the ones I had set, despite the fact she would become very adamant about maintaining these boundaries, going so far as to go through my phone, old writings, etc at random or while I was sleeping. This was the first boundary broken, as I have told her I take privacy seriously and that we should respect each other, but also that I was more than willing to surrender my phone whenever she wanted if it’s what she needed to feel reassured. She would one by one break our other boundaries, by hiding from me for about two months that she was in contact with two of her ex-boyfriends, one of which was very adamant about keeping contact and alluded to her breaking up with me despite the fact he lived on the other side of the country. She would then spend hours after work every day with different male co workers, who she would tell me she had conversations with about her sexual life and interests fairly normally, which I told her made me uncomfortable. She would stop having these conversations and staying out late with them, opting to instead go to their houses after work (though she claims she “never actually went inside) and even allowed one to put hands on her once, getting angry with me for suggesting it was wrong. She has mental health issues, which play into a greater issue with her anger. She has a tendency to take everything out on me, accuse me of lying or acting maliciously towards her, and accusing my friends of being bad people when things don’t go the way she wants. I recently started working, and am about to get a car. But up to this point, we have been dependent on cabs and rides with friends, and she constantly demands rides from my friends, suggesting they are disloyal, dishonest, or bad actors when they don’t or are slightly late. This is what I don’t understand. I have taken every possible step to remove other women from my life, and have rejected every advance others have made. Meanwhile she repeatedly allows guys to ask her about her sex life, tell her she’d look cute as their girlfriend, touch her, etc, all while claiming she dislikes these guys, but only ever showing them friendliness and never halting their advances, even accepting to go to their houses in response to all of it- all while constantly talking about her insecurities regarding me and other people. I have never disrespected or talked poorly about her friends, besides mentioning the fact I didn’t trust her friend who allowed her to cheat on her last boyfriend, another story she claims to have “accidentally completely forgot about” and only mentioned months later, but she feels an intense need to psycho analyze and judge my friends. She lied about who she’s dated, she lied about what happened between them, “omitted” when she dated certain people, will tell me she hasn’t spoken to a guy who’s house she was at in weeks, etc and every time I call her out on it she stops, only to do something worse or escalate it. I love her. I really, really love her. She is beautiful and can be very kind, creative, and generous. She has proven to me many times that she has not cheated or done something like that, but I feel like she keeps the door open. She makes me feel very comfortable and helps me with my issues when I need her, but also has a tendency to later throw gifts or help in my face, or use things I admit or vent to her about as a weapon against me in the future. She has told me she “***ing hates” me, wants nothing to do with me, said I can’t do anything without her, and has threatened to break up with me or said we were multiple times and gets defensive whenever I bring up how it made me feel. I believe I can work these problems out, and want to know how. And if I can’t, I need to be explained to why. I want to get couples counseling, but am not sure what it would help and need to save money. I am also afraid that if I break up with her, she may attack me in some way, but I don’t even want to. I truly have never met someone like her in my life and blew girls off for a long time until I met her, because I truly believe she is different and an amazing person struggling. I want to do whatever I can but am running out of options I feel, and the thought of not having her around is extremely painful.