Kobra001

So deed was done few days ago. But something doesnt seem to sit right with me. I'am not feeling any better and i cant help myself but wonder could i have done it better. Im gonna apologies in an advance for ranting this again. We kinda has open chat and i said everything i felt. I even asked her to never talk to me again. It was going well untill we came back to that guys subject where she accused me of being childish. I mean she might be right but there are things i cant get over with, I mean in human in allowed to make some mistakes, i could have been silent but thats just not me. I cant let certain things go by. I admited in in fault and kinda asked why she puts all blame on me, why am i the only one in wrong here. She continued to move story onwards, she says she feels and knowns it was like she said. I was always sincere to her i said what i did and what i saw it but she still wouldnt belive me. She has her theory that not even other guy believes in fr. All the blame is on me, i admited sone blame is on me im willing to go, 90% but she insisted all was on me. Im sorry but i wont be simp or anything similar i still belive its 50:50 but she still writes 200% to me. I told her everything that happaned that i remember, i thought u know me 2 years u kinda know i wouldn't lie to you. But all in vain...But then came very hurtful sentence even tho she refused to belive me.... I kinda admited i felt like i wasted 2 years on wrong person, who wouldn't even try to hear me out or put in my shoes. She said she felt the same. Like she wasted 2 yearss talking to me..... I was kinda very hurt by that like really hurt. She started talking to me first and i kinda went along with it until i realized wow our views do match and others are kinda similar. Its when i decided to open up i never do that even with irl friends i never found some1 so similar to me. Ans she kinda already said alot to me already. So it was my time to give back and i did. Things not even my father or best friends know. No1 probably will because in easily misunderstood when i open up and it requires some1 whos like me to even understand me lil bit. However lesson learned never open up especially not to online person 😀. Like i said i have regrets for even meeting this person, but it would be logical to not feel anything after all was said and over but still. Idk if its my human side , my professional side i kinda feel i should have done better, i know all issues i tryed but did i really try my best idk. Maybe its selfish side haha idk. Its just i dont like this , kinda feels like i was the one who betreyed the other person. Is this feeling normal or im just idiot ?

Like i knew from start it would become toxic like this and idk one more friend doesnt hurt. After while learning about her i kinda wanted to help her stick around if she needs me maybe in future become irl friends who knows. But now no way lol.

Yea we know people with mental issues arent really willing to seek aid from various reasons, she did ask her family once and got turned off, they said well if u aren't being bullied u dont really need help. I tryed my best with her but.. You are right she is manipulative i agree with you whatever the issue is she shouldnt be like that. I need to stick for myself, from human side ill always be worried about her but sometimes enough is enough and i have preserve my inner peace. Thanks 👍

I actually agree with most what u said but this isnt just because she is girl, and im yes man only when i agree with her point of view , because we are alot similar but if i see shes in the wrong i do tell her and she kinda takes it well untill it changes into argument and then fight and then block. You actually explained pretty well about her thanks. I know is should have done this long ago but idk its just my good nature and she has her issues , few days ago she litterly sent me picture of her legs covered in blood from self harm and that *** went from scratching to now stabing herself with knife. And i kinda feel bad about it i tryed to help her but nothing works and i think its time i start thinking more about myself here and do whats right for me.

Brothas, i'm not gamer as i used to be i play games for 1-2h every third day. We met and played 2 and half years ago, thats Covid era and whole country was on lockdown and we had nothing better to do. And besides we dont use games to chat, we used that for 4 weeks then we moved to facebook and then we exchanged numbers and we talk over Whatsup. And its not like we are countrys apart we live in same country, difference between our cities is like 50-70km something like that and she often visits my city she has brother thats studying here like i am and they have their own apartment. And i do have friends outside , its not like im sitting in my apartment all day long im studying nursing on medical college. I go out with my friends regularly whatever its just coffee and talk or going to party somewhere. I have bunch of friends in real life its not the issue here.

So, this is going to be unusual to 99% of you. I'm sorry its going to be long text and im going to spend at least 1h writing it. So our story begins on video game, particularly very old one but still popular Counter Strike 1.6 and that game is like 32 players in game and there is this chat thats very live unlike any other game. Like people actually talk with each other its not your common mw2 lobby or anything, its actually way more passive aggresive and toxic but there is good also. Anyway so i met this girl there and u know we were playing and chating and we kinda hit it off just joking around making fun of admins etc. So 4 weeks later she msgs me on messenger something regarding the game anyway , suddenly she just starts talking about her cat and it progressed into her talking about herself. Since that day we ve been in contact for now 2 and half years. There were times where we both spent both morning, day and night just messaging and talking about real life stuff. I mean that litterly. Anyway she would tell me all about herself , her friends, her brother mother grandma , her problems and all that. She would litterly send me screenshots from the msgs with her friends and we would talk all about it. She also had similar online friends and she always talked to me about them , complained sent me sc of their chats and i always sided with her cuz she was right i mean for real. Then 6 months in we started arguing about our views on certain matters, take a note we share alot of similar views except this ones and arguments got heated and i was kinda trying to explain myself to her and she took it like i was attacking her view. So i got blocked eventually and next month she unblocks and msgs me and i try to remedy situation before but she just didnt bother about it. So similar things happaned atleast 3 more times before true disaster. So year and half in our relationship, we are friends she didnt block me recently and i thought we truly became friends often.she would often say i am important to her. So as you know in a game a giant douchebag appeared, and i just wasnt having it i was enjoying my playing time i had fun joked around and now this guy comes in starts insulting everyone guy litterly spams chat all the time. So i tryed telling him to shut up , i mean other player were like pfff imma just go elsewhere or they were silent. So i told him couple times to shutup , and guy just started cussing my dead mother all of sudden. So i kinda got really pissed of, i can tolerate everything but when u cuss my mother and i say i don't have one and u still continue yea its on. She was there some of time , she saw lad saying all kinds of things to me. Things got heated up for 2 weeks untill admin banned me. Now what happaned is she actually messaged me and insulting me and defending the other guy and i was kinda flagbastared like ***. I asked why u protecting him , why u attacking me, why u doing all this u saw things he says to me, shes like idc u started it and u deserved it. I mean i might be stupid or in denial but what ? Little did i know in this 2 weeks she became friends with him and spoke non of it to me. So after that argue i said what i saw and explained everything she didnt belive me she kept repeating her story that neither the other guy agrees with. And since that day she blocks me , unblocks me we speak somehow that argue ends up in our discussion again i get blocked etc etc. There is even point when she complained about him and sent me sc of their chats. Tbh i feel like i should have cut her loose long time ago, but thing is she became very dear to me and im very worried about her she has depression, she does self harm , she is anorexic, she idk has split personality or something. She has dark days and good day. And im unblocked on her bad days and i listen i try to talk to her cheer her up when those dark days start ending quess who is on block list xD. Anyway recently we ve been talkin alot i mean 2 months recently is our record in last year. So she was looking for games and stuff and i suggested few , and i said we can play together her response was nah i dont want games anymore. 2 days later she says she gonna play same game i suggested with guy i was fighting before. I mean 3 days ago u said he was idiot and retard and u blocked him. She says oh well he apologized right after the block. Im still in shock so i ask why not play with me , i mean i asked u dozen times to play anything with me u wanted to learn chess i could teach u. U refused. She says whats the problem if i dont want to play with you? And im just in shook so we start arguing again and she admits she is on his side she accused me of things even that guy knows arent true but in her mind im bad guy there. So whole this 2 years i thought we were friends and i feel i just got stabbed in the back , when fight between me and other guy started. I mean u shared all ur secrets with me and i shared alot of mine , keep in mind i dont talk to anyone about myself not even my best friends she knows more about me then my family, my friends combined. I known her for 2 years and only a month ago i learned how her face really looks like, she often sent me pics of her eye or chin etc. Nothing full picture untill month ago. Meanwhile that guy knew all that since first week of them talking, she even followed him on social media. She also added me few times on snapchat but next day i was gone in excuse i deleted it, actually i believe i was just blocked lol. So at the end of this argument i told her all about how i feel idc about that other guy as much as care how u treat me. She said i dont know what to say i said its ok u have month from now to figure it out. I kinda feel used like damn chat bot, like talking tom app. I feel betrayed since she first sided with guy she barely knew and she defends him meanwhile guy is nut job aggressive , impulsive, she chases every girl on game, he even seduced girl from game to strip for him on camera and she knows all that she know and still...She often sent me msgs of people she met online and talked and them saying " i kinda feel you are going to betray me someday" and i kinda wish i had same thinking in the begining. Idk anymore maybe i shouldnt have given her that month. Maybe i should just end it here. I mean when i recently asked her did i ever mean anything to you she said not anymore. Idk i am stupid i wasted 2 years into this relationship ups and downs ups and downs always and now.... I really dont want to be her Chat bot anymore if we are going to be friends i need her to act like im one. Eh i wrote too much not many will bother to read but i just had to say this somewhere and hopefully have some give me advice or plain tell me am i retarded or am in the wrong here. Sorry for bad English and grammar i kinda rushed to get this off my chest really. I will try to correct everything.