Beebee1234

Seek out support from your friends and family. It is good to talk. Someone will be glad you did.

I live with my ex partner as we split 4 weeks ago. We have a joint mortgage and two children. We had been in a relationship together for over a decade. We’re still quite friendly as the split was mutual as we’d fallen out of love with one another. I’m not sure if that spark will ever return. In the meantime we are working on finding our own individual happiness. I’m lucky that he works unsociable hours so it’s not like we have to spend every evening together. He said he will be the one to move out (eventually) but said that time apart in the meantime would be healthy. I have suggested that when he is away for two nights with work that he check himself in to a B&B for a further three nights so he can get a taste of what life would be like living on his own. He said he would think about it. The biggest problem which he will openly admit is that he doesn’t know what he wants… and I won’t put my life on hold whilst I wait for him to decide if he wants to be a single guy or a family man… I know 5 days apart non contact isn’t a great deal of time but that would be the reality if/ when he leaves due to work commitments he would only see the children twice a week. I’m not sure if it’ll achieve anything but thought it was worth a shot to see if we feel differently afterwards… This may come across that I am FOR us getting back together but I feel like only time will tell as right now I would say I enjoy his company when he is around as another adult/ friend but not romantically no. I’m a strong, independent woman… it certainly doesn’t scare me being on my own and I haven’t shed a single tear over the break up. But I think deep down there is that thought in the back of my mind that what if I miss him? I’m guessing that probably a normal… Does absence really make the heart grow fonder?

The home is both of ours I actually paid the deposit as I had inheritance money then his wages have enabled us to afford to live comfortably owning our own home. Batya33 I asked myself the same question earlier if you’d of asked me yesterday my answer would of been different but today I’d firmly stay where I am and send him off with a chunk so he’d leave. Thank you for your replies I’m going to leave the chat here as I’ve gotten what I needed from my question.

He broke up with me as he said he didn’t love me. It didn’t hurt as I felt like I’d been on my own in this relationship for the longest time.

It’s difficult to get a point across when typing it’s perceived differently to each individual. His behaviour is out of character from the person I knew. It’s just expected that I’ll be here whilst he goes off to enjoy himself. The children have never been away from myself for a night as we don’t have grandparents to rely on. He loves the children and as we’re still living together he pays 65% of the household bills as he earns a hell of a lot more than I do. He expects his shopping done and his clothes washing. He also will physically try and have contact with me and keen to still do our usual Friday night dinner date. If I wasn’t so certain it was over he would be messing with my mind sending mixed signals like that. He has never had to stand on his own two feet as we’ve been together since we were seventeen. I’ve done way too much for him… I realise that now but it was convenient at the time as he wasn’t interested in learning.

I get that just my interpretation is that he is not dealing with the problem at hand when he is blocking it out and forgetting about real life for the night but hey it’s not my place to judge that’s his choice I’m just putting forward my opinion. It’s not a sustainable life but I do hope he finds what he is looking for as right now he admitted he hasn’t a clue what he wants and I can’t hold on and wait around to see what that looks like my priority is me and our children. I can’t kick him out of his own home he needs to want to go off his own accord but he spends the extra money he could be saving if he was serious about moving out.

I think it’s just human nature to want to understand why but yes it won’t help moving forwards. 11yrs, yes we live together they’re 3 and 7. Thank you Wiseman2 I needed to hear this. I haven’t slept with me I turned down his advances to which he said it really messed with his head but I value myself way more than to do that with someone who doesn’t love me or doesn’t want to be with me. We work. He is full time I work part time I’d get support financially from the government with being the primary carer for the children but I’ve never claimed benefits in my life so I’m trying to seek advice on where I start. I have a good family they’ll support me if I’m struggling. I arrange everything and I mean I’ve thought for him for the last decade hence why I feel he is dragging his heels as he has no idea how to pay bills! I’m a proactive planner and he lives for today so yeah it probably would have never of worked forever.

I appreciate your comments. I could write pages and pages giving more context on our situation. My concern is about his mentality. I’m trying to understand his behaviour as last week he was trying to bed me again and this week he hates me… I’m sure it’s all part of the break up recovery process. When we split previously he came begging for another chance perhaps I’m anticipating the same again…

I split with my ex nearly 3 weeks ago. We‘ve been civil for the most part in fact even just short of a week ago I was really enjoying his company being friendly whilst working on myself and what makes me happy. We are 29yrs old and have 2 children and a mortgage so it isn’t as simple as just walking away. I honestly feel like the person I once knew has gone and I now live with an imposter. He just wants to be out with his friends partying and in his words “I want to relive my youth because I didn’t get to in my early twenties.” This is because we decided to be parents and you loose that selfishness when take on a greater responsibility like that. I don’t believe for one moment he is happy. I’m all for letting my hair down and having a good time but when it becomes almost a daily occurrence drinking, smoking, partying in between working and being a parent for me it’s blocking out and running away from your problems but I suppose that’s just my opinion. I’m concentrating on myself and finding out what brings me joy outside of being a mother. I’ve bought a book to start reading, connected with old friends I’d been neglecting, meditating, exercising, eating less etc. I’m in such a positive mindset and I’ve never felt more confident. I know I’m worth more than being with someone who doesn’t come close to matching my own maturity but it’s hard to let go. I worry that he’ll press self-destruct for a short period and then the penny will drop and he’ll think what the hell am I doing but by then I hope I’m strong enough to tell him it’s too late.