WrittenInTheStars

He has been texting and I sadly gave in. I told him about the comments and likes he’s removed from Instagram and he said that the solution to it was to not react anymore. I also told him I wanted us to define our relationship and he told me “does all this time not matter or that I’m planning to go see you?” I asked him again to answer me and he said “I love you” but again he didn’t answer me. I know he’s avoiding being in a committed relationship, so I told him I won’t go on if we don’t define our relationship. And now I feel like I’m hanging on a string because if he says no then we’re officially over and I don’t want that 😔

40 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

Its called "projection". He literally accuses you because he is the one who is unfaithful. So he thinks you are also unfaithful like him. Some just gaslight themselves to justify cheating(other side must be doing it to so its OK if I do it) but most just project. They think if they are like that other side must be too.

I’ve thought about that a lot too. But he hasn’t given me any signs other than he doesn’t want to post me on IG and he deleted my comment on his picture this past week that he got mad. But it’s possible he recently started to see some one else. Who knows 😞

On 8/20/2023 at 11:31 AM, MissCanuck said:

Your "normal" with this guy is completely dysfunctional, anyway. 

At some point, you're going to realize your heart-ache is really because you're with a toxic person and not only because he ignores you randomly. 

You won't feel healthy "normal" again until you leave this relationship behind you. 

You’re right, I didn’t wait for his texts any more at night and I was able to sleep without my usually anxiety. I guess time will help me heal.

I did however make the mistake of messaging him. I was angry and told him the surprise I had planned. He actually responded but he didn’t apologize. I’m not gonna be taking a man back for not apologizing for what he made me go through. 
It’s still unbelievable to me that he got mad over this small thing.

I’m so close to texting him again. The last time I texted him was Thursday, he left me on read again. But I saw a meme he like on IG about being cheated on. Do you think he thinks I cheated on him. He’s always doubted my faithfulness to him and when I told him about the surprise he thought I was planning to go to with someone else. I just want us to go back to normal so I can stop feeling this heart ache, all I think about day and night is him.

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this is happening. Unfortunately there has been a long history of visiting and him disappearing and accusing you of things. Try not to panic. Is this the same man?:

 

 

Yes it’s the same person 😔

I’ve been in a long distance relationship for almost two years. I just got back from spending the entire summer with him, this Monday I asked him when he was going to come visit me because I had set up a surprise for him. He told me that date and I responded to him that he wouldn’t make it on time but that I would plan another surprise for when he got here. He told me to tell him what it was but I refused and said I wanted it to be a surprise. He then followed by telling me that I probably planned it to go with someone else, he said goodnight and since then we haven’t talked. I called him Tuesday and Wednesday, I texted him, told him to please response cause I felt a hole in my chest because he was ignoring me. He read it but didn’t respond. Yesterday, Thursday I wrote three long paragraph messages and told him that I was sorry if it seemed like I was going with someone else, that I didn’t want us to end and that I loved him and whatever is going on that I need to know I can’t be left in the dark. Afterwards I went to his IG and found that he had erased my comments on his pictures and realized he’s probably dating someone else that’s why he’s ghosting me. I don’t know what to do I want to get him to respond to me, not to get him back to find some kind of closure to understand what happened and try and close this chapter.

8 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Does he completely dictate the terms of this situation? What is his issue with "labels"?

And how often do you two spend time together in person?

I guess now that you asked I realize he does dictate the terms. I’m not sure what the deal with labels is but I’ he’s had girlfriends before I don’t know why it is that with me he doesn’t want to put a label to it.

It varies we’ll see each other for a week or a weekend on average every two months

2 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

How are things in your day to day life with him, in person?  

 

We are long distance. We text at least once a day. We had a problem back in January where he told me he wasn’t sure he could give me what I wanted. We saw each other in February and talked about it he basically said he wasn’t ready for commitment. But it’s strange to me since he still tells me he loves me but can’t commit to a relationship 

5 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Can you define what "talking to" means? Are you in a committed, exclusive love relationship with him?

We don’t have a label but we’ve been going out for over a year. He doesn’t want to put a label to our relationship but he says he doesn’t talk to anyone else 

I’m so furious right now but also a little confused.

The person I am talking to right now unliked my picture. I posted it two days ago he liked it one day ago and unliked it today. He sent me a message about my picture saying “I wonder who you went with in that picture.” It was sarcasm cause it was obviously with him. I would think it was an accident if it wasn’t the first time he had done it but he recently did it to a picture I had posted over a year ago. We have a lot of friends in common because he’s from my parents hometown, and when I see there profiles he’s liked every single one of their pictures (girls in seductive poses). It makes me wonder if he’s trying to hide that fact that he likes me to someone who follows me.

Please let me know what you guys think 

1 hour ago, Jaunty said:

That's exactly what won't happen. Going to see him in person at this stage is literally the opposite of "closure" - more like ripping stitches out of a freshly sutured wound.  

At least be honest with yourself.  If you go it's because you are not ready to end it and you want to try to get things back on what seems like a good track.

I guess you’re right. A part of me wants to fix things but I know that may not happen so I also have to be prepared to end things with him.

Thank you everyone for your responses. I know the best thing to do is follow your advice.

He just texted me and said if we can continue with the plans we had to meet up in February and talk about it there.

I’m thinking of going for closure.

51 minutes ago, Elle222 said:

Thanks, I know, he says do I want him or not, I say I do but I just dont feel it and he says, why, I say I just feel low, and then sometimes say, I dont want to be the one who always initiates sex etc,  but when he does hardly start it dosent do anything for me, I cant tell him that last part though. I know we will break up. I am 60 like him, still feel 40! But I cant go through meeting anyone again after him, ive had enough. Too sad, and its a shame. 

I can see what you mean about not wanting to go through meeting someone else. How about suggesting trying new things maybe looking at new sex poses or using toys, vibrators etc?

53 minutes ago, Coily said:

I think you fell in love with the idea of loving him, rather than the man he is. That's a lot of pressure on you both, and I think he felt it. I think you need to take a deep breath and mourn this relationship, because if nothing changes in short order, you both will be sad and disappointed. I really wish that you two had nothing but sparks and butterflies when you were together; but life is tough.

Thank you I think you’re right it’s just so hard letting go with all the good memories we had together I just don’t know if I’ll get over this. 
 

Also update, he finally replied and said it’s been a lot of things that have happened and he doesn’t think it’s worth explaining. He also said I can see you are doing whatever you like. he’s saying that cause I turned off my location and posted a story of me in a concert. 
 

him getting upset over that makes me feel like he still cares

It’s very unfortunate what you are going through but from my experience when you stop feeling sexual attract you body is telling you something. I know it’s hard to leave someone because you get used to their company especially if you’ve known them for a long time. 
I would suggest you have a serious talk and explain to him how you are feeling, it’s better to do it now than wait a long time and have it be harder to do.

13 minutes ago, Coily said:

With the level of conflict between the two of you this is pretty grim looking for an on going relationship. Also with the mental anguish that you are going through, I have to ask, is that how you envision a life with this man?

I honestly felt that we had this conflict when we saw each other because we never spend time together so we never get to have argument or discussions since we’re almost always apart. I loved the idea of him being my forever person, when I’m with him I’m so happy I feel like we are so similar and mesh so well I would hate to see what we have come to an end. 😔

37 minutes ago, spinstermanquee said:

Gosh, Written, that is a humdinger of an event.  I can't predict what will happen but I do know this:  if a man values you and wants to be with you he will show it and you will know it.

If he's not so into you there will always be an obstacle he claims is keeping you apart:  you're not pretty enough, you're not good enough, you don't earn enough or are not as ambitious as he is; your insurance won't cover his ____, your parents are _____ blah blah blah

You are good enough, and everything enough, to the guy who loves you just as you are.  I wish that for you <3<3<3

Thank you spinstermanquee! All my friends tell me the same thing. And I’ve thought about the fact that he doesn’t ever buy me flowers or do any romantic gestures.  But all of that doesn’t matter to me cause I keep on having hopes that he’ll come back to me and say he was wrong for thinking he didn’t love me. Am I wrong for that?

My LDR just ended, or so I believe it did because I haven’t gotten any responses.
 

We had been dating for an entire year, he lives in Mexico and I live in the US. I always made sure that we would communicate everyday by texting him and sending him snapchats. We started dating in January of last year, I flew to Mexico for a week in March and a week in May to see him. I thought everything was going well until July came around and he started being distant and stopped answering my phone calls and messages. It turns out he was ignoring me because he would no longer be coming to visit me like he had planned, instead he was going to go work in the East Coast (I’m in the West Coast). During that time I began to get panic attacks from the overwhelming thoughts I had when he was ignoring me. Even after he responded I continued to get panic attacks, had insomnia, was calling in to work almost everyday. I wasn’t getting any better and Kaiser wasn’t of any help since their psychiatrist were on strike. I decided to go visit him in September to the east coast, it took a total of 10 hours. When we finally saw each other I was so happy to finally be with him again however while I was there we fought constantly. He said he had seen me send a kiss emoji to another man, even though I hadn’t. We argued for almost 10 hours ( I was only going to be there for 3 days) so I was so sad that we would be spending our time just fighting. Eventually we got over it and spent our last night up talking. When he left we were both crying. After that he started to call me through FaceTime every week. We planned a trip to Hawai’i and went for a week and a half in November. We fought about dumb things like jokes I would say and me calling him stupid after running a red light. On our flight back he wasn’t talking to me and I was crying the entire time. When we landed I told him to decide whether he was gonna continue to try and work things out or not and he agreed to continue and we apologized to each other. After we came back he stayed here to work and be with me the entire month of November. He went back to Mexico and we were away only 3 weeks because then I also went to Mexico to stay with him for three weeks. We spent Christmas and new years together everything was fine until I started asking him why I was he hadn’t asked me to be his girlfriend yet. He told me to stop crying because he didn’t like it when I cried and told me he loved me deeply and hasn’t asked me yet because he doesn’t want me to think he’s only doing it because I asked him to. I came back and he told me how much he missed me and couldn’t wait to see me again.

We were planning a trip together for my birth in February and he asked me several time if I was sure I wanted to go. Last week he was asking me if I had told my mom about him going to visit me and if she had told anyone else (our families are from the same town). After I asked why he was so curious he said it was only because we were planning another trip together. This was on Saturday and he stopped responding to me that day so on Tuesday I called him, he didn’t answer I sent a message and said your probably asleep already I only called to say hi cause I miss you. He left me on read so I’m Wednesday I tried again, this time I told him that whatever was going on to tell me because I deserve to go. He responded at 1am telling me he didn’t know what to do because he feels like are relationship was being wasted and felt like I wasn’t happy anymore, he also told me he doesn’t feel the same when he’s with me and needs to clear his mind because he doesn’t want to make the wrong decision but he also doesn’t want to waste my time. I responded to him and told him that it made no sense since he had just told me he missed me and wanted to see me. I also told him it normal for feelings to change since we’re no longer in the beginning phase we’re there’s sparks. I told him I didn’t want our relationship to end and asked him if he still loved me. He never responded he just left me on read. This was Thursday and it’s Saturday I don’t know what to think. Please any advice helps