Sindy_0311

19 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

For a guy who initially bailed, he's become strangely pushy and demanding. 

So I guess this is bad also… 

16 hours ago, Jaunty said:

Have a good time on your date.  You have two dates planned now?

I have one during the week and he then asked if I had plans for the coming weekend, said if I also wanted to, he would love see me during the weekend.
He said he wasn’t willing to wait until weekend to see me again.

I said ok for the coming date and said we will talk about the weekend when we meet. I still need to make my opinion about him and see whether there is real attraction from my side. 

10 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

You have to know to avoid "time wasters". Lots of people would just want some form of attention and somebody to be there. Lots of people(especially men) would want one thing only. Lots of people would just hold you there if anything else better not show up in meantime. Lots of them would just be polite and say how they want to see you while the truth is just far from it. They are all "time wasters". You falling in line with any of the cases like that would just waste your time. Time that could be spent on somebody else who would maybe want to date you properly. Without excuses and cop outs how he isnt ready to share anything with you. 

Maybe I’m being naive ( i don’t think so) but I can’t make my idea on someone’s intention if I see them only once… he has been texting, and showing interest consistently this week, asked me out for next week and for the next weekend, saying he didn’t want to wait until next weekend to see me, that’s why he suggested we see each other also during the week. Wen I don’t text back immediately, he tries to reengage the conversation, which I assume would not be the case if interest was low. As I said, I don’t know him yet, and I will figure out his intentions when we meet in person. But so far, it seems ok. 

3 hours ago, Jaunty said:

I think that it's wrong for you to remind him of what he said before you had met, and hold that against him now. 

I didn't say I would remind him of that. I AM the one reminding me. 

3 hours ago, Jaunty said:

I understand that this is an activity you enjoy.  I can't even fathom why.  It sounds like the most time-wasting game playing imaginable.  It's not going anywhere, that seems obvious.

Who is playing game? and who is waisting time?? I'm not waisting my time, I just give it a chance to see if there is some potential. This is how dating goes. you meet people, see them once, twice or more and decide whether there is something to expect from it. So you mean dating is a waste of time... then I'd rather stay home with my cat and don't loose my time meeting all these guys. 

It might not go anywhere, but it also might... who knows? 

20 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

That would put me off. How did you respond?

I just said I don’t do last minute… 

2 hours ago, Jaunty said:

What's the problem with you telling him "I'm looking forward to seeing you again"?  This whole thing sounds very controlling, to be frank.  You are looking for him to demonstrate that he's completely prepared to be your man before you even take a step in his direction. 

The risk needs to be shared. 

I don’t think so, I already told him i would like it, to see him again. Maybe he’s just waiting some days as he knows I won’t be available before next week. I’m being nice, gentle, showed him interest by giving his kiss back, I won’t do more. Also I remind what he said about not be willing to share anything right now, even if that was an excuse, I will remain cautious about him because of that. He is still texting consistently, replying to my texts in the minute but I will not give him more benefits for the moment. If he wants to see me he will arrange smth. If he does great, if not, I will just go on with my life.

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

It sounds almost suffocating. Is he aware you have your son this week? Is he aware you're not big on texting? 

 

He is aware, he knows both things 

26 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

All this person is showing you is that he enjoys texting with you and you're showing him you're ok with him mentioning a wish to get together and not following through for what -over a week now? So he knows you're available to chat away because apparently you're not busy meeting your friends, meeting potential dates, etc.  That's again my interpretation.  You're comfortable with your approach and you see it differently as far as the impression you are making. I respect that! 

In fact I do not meet other potential dates this week as I'm saying home with my son every night after work, which also makes me more available to chat or text new potential ones. One exception on Wednesday, I always finish work too late and the kids stays at my moms for the night. Yesterday night, after work I went for a drink with a friend. That evening he asked if I had 5 minutes later to talk a bit. To which I replied one hour later that I was out.(I guess he felt asleep meanwhile) This morning 6am he asked why I didn't tell him to come see me (and he meant it seriously) 

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

You'd mentioned wanting to get together again.  When you have an idea of when you're free please do let me know and we'll figure out a mutually convenient time to meet.  Looking forward!"

We met 4 days ago (on Sunday) and he didn't make plan yet, but said more than once, "I hope you will be willing to see me again" or "I'm looking forward to see you again" or "I hope someday you will tell me you want to see me again" This makes me a bit uncomfortable. I'd rather he proposing a day or plan something or asking straight forward "when can I see you again"... What do you think? 

8 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

No it would be showing that you don't waste your time with chat buddies and you have enough friends and chat buddies right? Be a person who shows self-respect.  Even if you have to fake it till you make it.  I wrote above how to put it.  "I'm really enjoying our texting! Right now I'm too busy to text and I really look forward to getting to know you in person.  You'd mentioned wanting to get together again.  When you have an idea of when you're free please do let me know and we'll figure out a mutually convenient time to meet.  Looking forward!"

And yes you are too busy to be his chat buddy- it's a fact - you're in contact with him because you are interested in going on an official first date that he asks for.  So you are too busy to invest time if it's just going to be a chat buddy or "friend".  And if he asks you out for a date he plans in advance then text to confirm.  If he wants the privilege of talking with you he has to put in the effort and follow through on wanting to see you. 

For all you know he's texting you while en route to meet a woman who is not as overly available with to text back and forth while he's shaving or in the restroom so he knew he'd have to make a plan to meet up.  

And I think its totally fine you want him to ask you out -I'd feel the same -but that's a game too because you're an adult woman who wants to see this person but you're going to play the waiting game.  Not all "games" are created equal but I don't think you should play a game- be a genuine person who has a fun fulfilling life and no time for chat buddies.

I see… I don’t need a chat buddy in fact. But I think it would be to radical to say this now. Would be interpreted as me trying to get something from him now. I mean, who is not having 5 minutes a day just to respond to a text even in the restroom 😅 

What I will do from now is just spacing more and if he gets irritated then I’ll explain I’m busy. 

6 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

 

I don't think in your case your decision to keep texting as you are will motivate this guy to ask you out -I think it will have the opposite effect just what I saw in my own decades of dating and among all of my friends with very rare exception (and in that case she got her man -for 3 years until he cheated on her with her best friend who he later married).

So you would rather tell him to stop texting until we meet? Because he feels to comfortable doing so? (Which i assume he does) If I tell him to stop texts, in a gentle way of course, that would be playing games… dont you think? 

18 hours ago, Batya33 said:For example my future husband asked me certain questions on our first lunch date to assess that even though he'd been attracted to me for months and had wanted to ask me out.  

That for me was a way to assert the way he was feeling about you or find out whether there was a true compatibility because he was already considering you as “girlfriend potential” In the opposite, I don’t think a man who sees a woman in a casual way or not being enough attracted to in the first place would change his mind about any potential in time. It’s rather there or not. 

42 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

My husband was so so shy (less so now) in his 20s and he was worried about asking me to lunch (we worked for the same large company) but when I touched his arm lightly and briefly the third time we met at a work event over an 8 month period he called his friends to help him get motivated to get over his shyness to ask me out to lunch and he did.  Because it was that important to him.  

8 month! Thats a long time. Me and my coworker have been flirting etc for about 5 month now, and I don't think someday he will find the courage to move it further. Thats something im still having in a corner of my mind but unfortunately can't expect anything from. 

This arm touching should be considered as a green light for men to ask a woman out or to make a move. As I said, I don't ask guys out, only when they ask when I will be free again I propose a day to meet. What I do, I try to give them enough (not too much) signs of interest. Like this one guy, the other night I slightly touched his leg when we were laughing (we were sitting next to each other on a little sofa at that bar) That was the moment, he said afterwards, he wanted me closer or lay his hand on my back. Even with this obvious sign of interest, my hand on his leg, he didn't make the move but waited until very last minute to do so with the kiss. Also I think I can recognize signs of attraction in first minutes. It's in the way they look at you and face you while speaking, its also in the way they turn their body towards you (for instance on that sofa, he was completely leaning in) you can sense those things, even with shy guys. I met a guy once who wouldn't look at me while speaking, and that for me was a complete turn off even if he invited me to another date the day after that and said he liked me, I could feel something was wrong.(and I was right btw) 

But attraction (or the impression of it) can also be the relief you feel after spending some minutes with the person. You get nervous about meeting that person, and once you feel more comfortable, you can easily mistake it for attraction.

Someone also said once that guys make their opinion about women in the very first seconds. they know whether they will be girlfriend material for them or just hock-up so to speak. What do you think? (I suggest you guys answer to that question, that would be helpful for me... )

1 hour ago, poorlittlefish said:

Why not tell him something like, "Hey, it's great to hear from you, but I'm terrible at texting and forget to reply. I don't want you to think I'm not interested and I know I'm unavailable this weekend, but are you free on (insert day)?"

You suggest I arrange a date? It's not my opinion.

I'm being kind, replying to his texts, sometimes right away sometime within minutes, two hours or so, depends of what i'm doing. I already told him I was a bad texter when we first met. He knows it. I also mentioned that I wanted to take things slow. Yesterday he asked again about our meet, trying to figure out whether I was attracted to him and I indirectly made him understand I was to make him relax a little. I think he is really shy. He said for instance he had been willing to lay his hand on my back or have me closer to him while having our last drink but that he was too shy to do so. When we parted that night, we hugged and I went my way. He watched me leave, called after me to come back to him. And only then, he kissed me. 

I will not play games, I will just go at my own pace and with caution according to fact he said he is not ready to share with anyone... Also he knows next week I won't be with my kid, if he wants to see me again he will have to ask me out, I won't do more for now. 

4 hours ago, Jaunty said:

So you're developing a "chat buddy"?

I’m not trying to do this, but in my experience, guys I have been dating tended to text every day or every two days. Idk what part of the world you live, but here in Switzerland this is how we usually keep in touch. Also I forgot to mention about the options I can get through dating apps, i live in a very small town, and there are not hundreds of single good guys to meet through dating apps. Maybe also the reason why when we find someone we are attracted to we try harder to make it work. IMO 

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

This sounds consistent with what you wrote to me above about enjoying this sort of "drama" 

I think I lost you when I mentionned this « drama » thing 😅

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

Do you mean progress in your texting? Do you want him to get to know you better in person and if so, how badly?

What I mean by progress is in the pace, and the content of his texts. He is waiting for my replies and doesn’t doubles texts each time. And also he is asking more profound things about me, not flirting that much as he maybe  understood I wasn’t responsive to that kind of texts. I although told him that I’m willing to learn to know each other in person, and he agreed. But still, looks like he has many questions to ask. We exchanged about 20 texts since the morning, which is completely fine for me. I would not want more… 

1 hour ago, lostandhurt said:

 

 I would guess he is afraid of being friendzoned or you losing interest so he is trying to hard.  

 

 

Yeah I think this is what’s happening here. He tried to flirt yesterday and me not responding, or in a distant way, I think he realized that it wasn’t the kind of discussions I wanted. Today it was more about knowing me better and making assumption or wondering whether im willing to see him again. I tried to space my texts a bit more and he went up to 4 hours without double texting. Which is a progress…😅

1 hour ago, lostandhurt said:

So you had a good time while talking in person correct?

Yes, exactly. I dont like the texting very much it’s full of presumptions and missunderstanding. For instance tonight he tried to flirt on text a bit and I didn’t reply. He double texted… (tomorrow I will pretend I fell asleep) I will not see him this weekend as I will be with my kid (he knows it) and I don’t want him to try to move on the texting into flirting as i am not there yet. Tomorrow I will try to make things clear, gently… 

15 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

 

I don't know if that's what is going on with this guy. But it would not surprise me at all if it is. 

We have been talking about past relationships yesterday and for what he said, he mentioned his ex wife (divorced for 10 years now) she cheated on him twice, which is why he left. He also said he had a few relationships since but nothing really serious, or at least didn’t live with anyone. He didn’t mention a recent girlfriend or anything. I guess he lives alone bc he has been texting since he came home from work, and always replies in the minute to my texts… Maybe you are right. And someday I will found he is in fact engaged or in love with someone… that’s why I will remain suspicious about him… 

22 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:I think it's more likely that he recently ended something or was dumped. 

Even if that was the case, that he was dumped for instance, is it a big deal if he shows interest through the time? I mean I also got disappointed lately by someone I really liked and wasn’t sure about willing to meet new guys. But doing so also helps me go through this disappointment. And with time I think less and less about him. I just need to fall in love with someone else. If really he wasn’t ready to date again or was broken-hearted, he would not have come yesterday and show so much interest… don’t you think? 

4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

 

It's odd he's sending texts and pics from work. Is it possible he's in another relationship? That may be what the 3 ring circus about meeting was all about.

 

I don’t think he is in a relationship. Yesterday he mentioned many things according to him being single, like lately he went to the movies for first time alone and it was weird to him, also that he planned to go on a 4 day trip with his friends in summer and that he didn’t felt like going on a trip alone yet. He told me he likes going for long walks alone or go motorcycling. He told me about his last weekends and daily habits. with whom he is and what he was doing etc… I don’t know… 

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

The dating process is really tiring.  IMO it's not fair to subject a new person to baggage about how tiring it is (as he seemed to do before he changed his mind).  I had a few experiences being cancelled on last minute, one no show.  I used to go to a cafe in my neighborhood for first meets that was very popular for first meets and more than once a man who was obviously waiting for a long time would ask me if I was [not my name] and one time I was on a really bad first meet, a guy at another table was checking me out lol and then he messaged me after that he realized I'd contacted him on the site in the past. We ended up going out a few times.  Bad First Meet didn't ask me out though. It's a crazy world!

I never experienced a bad first meet. They always showed up and it always went well, attraction was always present as I try to only meet guy I’m attracted to physically and with good conversation. I met about 10 or 12 guys last year and it always went well. Like talking a lot and almost always exchanging kiss at the end (if not on first meet, I always got a kiss on the second one) The trouble is more after the first meet or first date when I see inconsistency or flakinesses… if someone flakes on me once, I give benefit of the doubt, but second time I cut off. Also I met many guys pretending they look for something serious only to find out it was not the case… 

44 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

 

When I dated I had extremely limited contact after the date unless there was a time place plan for another date - I didn't want to give the person the benefit of being able to chat with me without stepping up to the plate and suggesting a plan to see me again in person.

 Since this morning he is texting in a casual way, making some jokes, he also sent me a pic of him at work and asked me to send a pic of me also. I would rather him saying he enjoyed the night and ask me to see him again. I do not respond immediately to his texts, he begins double texting when I don’t respond. for the moment it’s ok I will go on with the discussion as I don’t work today. But I know I won’t be able to do it for the coming days as I have busy weeks at work and I get bored soon with the texting thing…

how can I make him understand I will not be willing to text the whole day every days?(mostly if he doesn’t ask me out again)  Should I just answer in my pace to make him understand I’m not as available…?  (I use to respond to texts after 2 or 3 hours as I often have meetings at work) 

11 hours ago, Jaunty said:

   I mean ...  he practically has a tattoo across his forehead in giant letters saying I AM WISHY WASHY, DO NOT EVER COUNT ON ME.  But you want to give him more chances to ... prove that he really is wishy washy just like he demonstrated brilliantly already. 

I know, that’s exactly why I will not have to many expectations about this guy. I’ll give him a chance to show who he is through his behavior, but meanwhile i will still date other people.  I’m not trying to make excuses for his wishy washy style, but he told me being very shy with women. Like being able to sit at a bar for 3 hours without ever find the courage to approach a girl he is attracted to… he is strange case haha 

2 hours ago, Tinydance said:

Are you getting many matches and messages on the dating apps? The reason why I ask is because if I had a few options of guys messaging me on dating apps, I would go out with the ones who are straightforward and are not hard work. To be honest this guy sounds like hard work. Considering he's just a stranger I don't really think you need to put up with his insecurities or that he's not sure what he wants. 

I know you said you're not looking for marriage or kids and just want to meet new people. I guess it's OK that you still gave him a chance but you can also go out with other guys who are not acting flakey. 

Hi, I do get many likes on my profile but I don’t alow many guys to text me as I also have specific physical preferences. (In this app you have to like the person back to allow a conversation) I usually text with 3 or 4 guys on same time but remain with the most interesting one (I mean in conversation) I don’t text with the one looking for casual or hock up. 

I don’t think is a big deal showing fleaky when you don’t know the person. It’s just a picture and a name on a screen. The same goes for me. He had been dating for 10 years, and sometimes girls don’t showing up for first meets and he is 42. Maybe a bit tired of this process. He knows I’m staying with the kid until next week, so maybe he will arrange something for the weekend in two weeks. We will see. He texted me yesterday night, and this morning early. Also I think he might have stayed so long and kissed me on the go to try getting something more out of me yesterday. It’s a possibility, so I will try not to be to enthusiastic about him! 

I finally met him tonight. I had a good time, he showed interest in me, leaning towards, making much eye contact, paid for diner and we talked a lot. He said the text this morning was because he was afraid of being disappointed or of me not liking him. Had nothing to do with him going through a heartbreak or something like that. He kissed me before leaving and said he had a good time and wants to see me again. So it’s all I expect for a first meeting. I will see how he behaves in the coming days. I like him but I will stay careful…