Amod47

Regardless of his issues and whether there will be any potential for us etc, I still have the problem if spiralling when I don't get a text bavk after a while- this has been the same for precious relationships and only happens when there is some form of tension/negativity. If the relationship(romantic or friendship) is in a good place then the replies don't bother me. But right mow I'm at a constant anxious mess checking my phone and triple texting. Distractions only go so far, my mind is constantly busy and trying to distract myself only works in the "now" and the feelings come back.

How can I stop feeling this 

47 minutes ago, waffle said:

When you finally meet a guy who's all in with you and wants a future with you, he will not say the above.  He will be clear with you in what he wants, and he will share with you how he plans to get there (and it won't be the way-too- early fake future talk).  He won't risk losing you to someone else while he monkeys around making excuses and playing footsies with exes.  And you will wonder why you ever wasted time and energy on guys like this one.

I'm finding it difficult because at the start of us 'getting together' he did just this. He told me exactly what he wanted with me and when and how we were going to get there together and then it all went away over night because of these "issues". 

2 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

Yeah, issues or not, he is trying to get back to his ex. You are being used as an “emotional pillow” to talk and have sex. Sort of like a therapist. Who also sleeps with patient but you get the point.

The soon as the ex approves that he can come back to her, you and your pillow will be gone for him. Stop the contact before you get more hurt when that happens.

 

The thing with this is, she wants to get back with him but he doesn't. He has apparently given her the same response of "I don't know what the future holds" and has also said "for both of you right now, it's a no" in regards to potential for future relationships. He's very aware that both myself snd his ex want more 

Hi everyone. 

Back in December I started dating a guy (lets call him Ben). We hit it off statight away, we had both admitted to never feeling a connection deep with anyone else before and we both fell extremely hard and extremely quickly. Every aspect of the future was being discussed. 

Cut a very long story short, he ended things because he had a lot of personal issues happening and it wasn't the right time for us. He said he doesn't know what the future holds on if we will ever be together as he doesn't know what heads pace he will be in.

A quick run down of those personal issues; he found out he cant have kids, his dog is dying, he night move country and he's also not processed his previous breakup.

It's a lot for any one to go through. We continued to stay friends (it was destroyingly hard for me) but because of the connection, it always led to sex, cuddles and intimate conversations.

We're at a point now where besr enough all of it has stopped bevause of his mental heads pace. Which is fine. He's really not in a good place and I'm trying my absolute hardest to support him but I'm also very much the type of person who gets obsessive snd starts spiralling if I don't get a text back or I feel as if I'm being ghosted. He's already told me it's nothing personal and he needs to deal eith things, which I get it, but it just doesn't stop me over thinking and over alanysing. I know he also sees his ex most days and she is helping with the dog situation. 

How can I get out of my head and actually be a good friend here? How can I stop taking things so personally when there's bigger things happening. I genuinly care for him and regardless if there's any potential future for us I want to support him but I can't do that when I get anxious and sick if I don't get a text back. 

I hate you for this.I swore to myself I would never let another man make me feel this way again. I was doing so well. I hate you for making me feel like we had a fairytale story that was just made for us and I hate you for making me believe every single word you said to me. I hate you for selling me the dream and ripping it away over night. I was desperate to keep you, I knew you were leaving but still you fed me more b.s and said you wernt. I was awake all night crying and holding on to you whilst you slept, dreaming about your ex. You told me you didn't love her any more and  made me feel silly for thinking there was still feelings there. You told me every single day that you wouldn't never let me go, I wa tour angel, thst any man who has let me go before is crazy. You told me I was your future and you could see yourself marrying me. You told me all the dreams you had of us having a family and how happy it made you. You told me you've never felt this way. You told me all this and then shut me off overnight whilst I'm still lying in bed next to you. You wouldn't even look me in the eye. You're a coward. You're a coward with your own feelings, you're a coward with the way you ended it with me and you've been a coward with your ex. I would have given you the world and you knew that bevause you promised me the same. How dare you play me. How dare you play on my wants in life to make me fall for you so quickly and then leave. How dare you shut me off so coldly. How dare you perause me to come bavk to work in the same building as you knowing you were going to do this. How dare you tell everyone one about us when I was so nervous to incase that happened. You told me you wanted to shout about me bevause i was yours. How dare you make me feel like my feelings are stupid when you are the one who caused this. You wanted this fairy tale love. I have the message to say so. You wanted all of it and despite me saying I felt vulnerable and scared, I gave you everything you wanted and offered even more. 

I hate that I'm still waiting for you to change your mind. I hate that I WILL be waiting for you to change your mind. I hate that I dont care if you're not over your ex and I'd wait for you to process it. I hate that I still want you more than anything and anyone. I hate that you have got me questioning everything. I hate that will never trust another man again. I hate that I fell for you and i hate that you made it so easy. I hate how it hurts me to get out of bed and so the most basic of things when you're back to normal. I hate how every single thing reminds me of you. I hate how you've taken my peace away and made me want to isolate..I hate how I feel all this. I hate the thiught of not speaking to you every day and waking up to a good morning text off you. 

I hate that you've done this to me and I hate that I know I'd forgive you. 

6 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this is happening. Where do you spend your time together? Don't let him camp out at your place any longer. You need to see how he lives. Before you can assess anything. Try not to stay out of pity. You need to live your own life.

I lived in a shared house right now so when we see each other we spend the whole time in my room unless we go for food etc 

Hi all. Hoping for some outsider insight as I'm really struggling to get out of my own head.

I've (27)been with my boyfriend (32) for slightly over 3 years. We were a Pandemic relationship so we never got to spend our honey moon period together but otherwise we were strong for the first year. After things things started to slip and it's just got worse since.

To cut ! very long story short, he still lives with his mum and because of a lot of mental health issues since his dad died she is extremely dependable on him. She doesn't do anything in the house and won't leave the house. This means in our whole rationship ive only met her once and never been invited to his house. This is where the main problem starts, I can not ignore the fact I've never been invited into his home life. There's a whole side to him I dont know about and he keeps giving me false promises that it will happen but it never does. He said it won't happen until his home is clean and much better than how it is now. I've also never met his friends. On a side note I don't believe there's any other reasons apart from that noted, or that he's hiding anything. 

He's not willing to budge on the matter and I'm not willing to let me desires go of having a close family. He wants children one day but I'm struggling with the thought that my future children will be going to a stranger, because he's made it clear I'll never have a strong relationship with his Mum but she will want to be part of grandchildren lives. 

I've dreamt of having a large family and having strong bonds. I don't want to give this up and I feel selfish  but I also feel terrible because it's only him and his Mum, so he doesn't have anyone else. 

My family live an hour away so it's sometimes difficult for me to see them and I've always made it known to him I'm nervous to start a family because I'll be so isolated. So not having any ties to his side either makes me nervous. He only has his Mum.n

Another side issue, we never have sex. It's always been a problem and no matter what we do we just can't seem to get it to happen. We both want to, but when it comes down to it we both get into our own heads and it just vets awkward. We're both so used to it failing now both of us are too nervous to initiate it. There's also been a few instances along the lines which have made mess attracted to him.

We can't seam to come to a solution. It's very much I either A) get over the fact I won't be part of his home life  and start being a good happy girlfriend again or B) move on but feel like a terrible person for doing so. He promises me it will happen but those promises have lasted 3 years already.

I feel like 27 is too old to start again. I don't know what to do. I love him but i can't trust his promises anymore.