Hello everyone,
So as the title say I was having an affair with a married man with kids
When we met I did not know he was married.
We exchanged numbers and began talking and such nothing much at first but I did like him as more than a friend before I gave my number to him shortly after he told me that he was married and at that point I should have just backed away but I thought I could keep the relationship plutonic because I did enjoy our talks but now that I look back at it even that would have been terribly wrong in itself but sadly I continued our relationship as friends but a while later he told me that he liked me as more than a friend I really didn’t know how to take this because I did want more than a friendship with him but he was already in a committed relationship with kids so I just left it on that note and after a while he was starting to not contact me as much so I eventually told him how I felt out of fear of losing what I thought we had so
A while after that our conversations became inappropriate but I was in something with him but I know now that it wasn’t love or anything close to it but unfortunately this relationship continued
He’d start to tell me that he didn’t love his wife and he didn’t feel the same way about her as he did for me this made me even more hesitant to leave because I thought he loved me and wanted to be with me ..
It started as him asking me if we could hug
I told him no and that it was not something I could do but he asked more and more until I eventually said yes so we hugged
And it felt wrong but it was just a hug and it was only supposed to be that one time but it was not the last time
We hugged again after that and he was more touchy this time I can’t say that I didn’t want him to but I stopped him from me too much because I was trying to resist it going any further than a hug ,
The last time we did hug it became I little more than a hug I let him touch my body this time .... I gave in unfortunately and that was close to the last time we saw each other but we did stay in contact because it was hard for me to let go at first
He tried to invite me out like to a hotel but I just couldn’t do that so I told him that we should not talk anymore and I blocked him . But I started to miss him so I unblocked him and told him that I missed him and we just talked for a little while but then it led back to him asking me to come over to his house because his wife was on vacation.. I said no and I couldn’t do that to her or his family it was then I realized that he was not mine and was never going to be because I could not break his family.. he told me that it was not the first time he cheated and that almost made me think that it may be ok if we did have a relationship . But I still couldn’t go through with it and this time I blocked him for good and we have not talked since..
Shortly that after I met my current boyfriend and he makes me so happy and I know what it’s like to be truly loved and to love someone he’s everything to me .
But I can’t be happy with him knowing what I did in the past and who I was ..
This was my first relationship ever and I hate that I was based around lies and secrets and hiding..
and again I don’t want to try to sugarcoat this in any way I am very ashamed of this it was very wrong and it is something that really deeply regret and cry and hurt over it should have never happened i feel just awful about everything and I feel like don’t deserve to have a good relationship with my boyfriend and I don’t deserve to be loved by him or to love him . But the truth is I do love him with all my heart and because I love him I feel I need to tell him but at the same time I don’t want to lose him . How do I approach this with him ? I really need some help with this .
Please and thank you all