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Its nice to know I'm not alone in my 'condition'. I decided to give my guy another chance. I don't know what will happen next. My other advice for you is although you are giving her time, keep in contact with her, even as a friend. Otherwise she is likely to run away as I was tempted to do until my guy called me yesterday. Just let her know that you're there for her and really care about her, but don't be pushy or anything. Try not to dwell on the relationship topic too much. (I'm sorry we're so sensitive)

I can't explain it in words, but I know that she is feeling exactly as I feel. I did say to my guy friday night that we can't have a relationship, but I've been thinking about him all weekend and now I'm really tempted to call him and ask if we can go out again. But I know that if I go out with him I'll be unsure and be tempted to run away again. It's definitely not that we (me and your girl) are waiting for someone else or using you as a spare tyre. In fact, I think that my guy is the best guy I've ever met and probably will ever meet. Weird thing is I said to my guy on Friday night ""i dun wan to hang onto ur life den restrict u from knowing others". I said that to my guy because I care about him, I know that I'm really uncertain about this relationship so I feel that it is not fair that I should have him hanging there while my feelings yoyo. I feel like i don't want to waste all he has to offer (and he has so much to offer) on me because I think that I can't commit 100%. He deserves more happiness than what I can offer him. Perhaps we (me and your girl) are just insecure. For me, the reason I don't feel like I can commit 100% is because I'm very career oriented. Everything I spend time and effort on has to have a acknowledged end to it, eg. promotion, awards, societal acknowledgement. Its really bad I know, but I can't help my sense of wanting to achieve. I'm not sure if your girl is really sucessful? Another thing is, I think it is because its our first serious relationship we don't know how to go about it. Its the first time we've needed to constantly think and consider someone else (besides our family members which is different). If you really see potential in this girl, give her time. She needs to think about her new emotions. But if you feel like you can't put up with her yoyoing and emotional insecurity perhaps move on, otherwise it is not fair on you. But one thing is for sure. Like me, she is a type that takes relationships really seriously (almost too serious that we become insecure once we face one). I don't tend to have deep feelings for guys very easily. That's why we're so old, but have never had a relationship. But the up side is, it means that if you win her heart she will be very very faithful. I will guarantee the chances of me cheating is 0. Which is why we are so afraid of entering a relationship, because we are afraid of being hurt, because we know that we will take the relationship very seriously. my guy just called me. I told him I'll call him back. Help! I really don't know what to say to him. I kind of miss him. But then I don't know.

I think she is as confused about her own feelings as you. She doesn't know what she wants. I have to admit, I almost jumped when I saw your posts. I almost thought you were the guy I'm currently really confused about. I have never been in a relationship before because, though I'm friendly, I tend to automatically block people out when they get too close. I also have a tendency to go after guys that are not interested and don't give a chance to those that are. Is that commitment/relationship phobia??? I was searching for answers when I came accross your post. I agreed to go out with this guy that I dated recently because I felt so comfortable around him, like I can finally be myself. He's unlike any other guy I've ever met, so I decided to give him a chance. But after a few really great dates and conversations together I told him I could only see him on an occasional basis due to work&study committments, but he wanted to see me more frequently. thereforeeee, we decided (or maybe I decided...) we couldn't go on with the relationship. I really don't know why out of the blue I just decided I didn't want to see him so often bc everything was going great. I've rested against his shoulders and held hands, like in your case. But I have avoided kissing him because what was going through my head was fear of leading him on and hurting him (because he is such a great guy) and also fear of getting too emotionally involved and unable to get out of something that I may want to get out of later on. I think I also have a general fear of the contingencies of relationships, eg. things not working out, making regular time to see him Like your girl, I've never been in a long term relationship before so this is very new territory for us. I think maybe if there is this such thing as a 'phobia' then if you can get rid of it then there is definitely a chance of winning her heart. I have more questions than answers for you. This is just a statement of how I feel, perhaps allowing you to understand her better. But then she may be different. I don't know what's wrong with me and am quite confused. It will also be helpful for me if you could keep me updated on how your relationship is going and tell me your thoughts