EitherDare0

On 6/12/2021 at 1:53 AM, Wiseman2 said:

He probably didn't know about you or she told him it was over.

That's how it works. You can hate them both because you are hurt, that's ok.

However when the dust settles and you reflect, you'll see a lot of red flags 🚩 you missed along the way. 

He met me at the wedding. I was there, the groom knows me and knows Morgan and I date. I’m sure he has inquired about me. 
 

Weird thing is, she texted me the other day. Idk what the point was. She out of nowhere decided to tell me she “didn’t talk to him”, and then rambled on about being at the pool talking to a 6year old boy playing hide and seek. Idk what the point of that was. 

On 6/11/2021 at 7:45 PM, Bothered2021 said:

Weird that she saw one attractive guy at a wedding you were her date to. And you had a fight and suddenly she wants to break up and pursue this guy? It’s not even like she had been spending time with him and grew feelings by the sound of your post. So if a handsome face is all it took for her to do this, it seems like you’re better off. There are so many attractive people in the world but we don’t throw our relationships aside to have a chance with them all. Clearly she has been thinking about ending it and that guy was a “reason” for her to do so. I know you feel awful. What she did and how she did it is awful. You don’t need a person like that. 

Yeah, that’s what makes this all so crazy hard to understand. This guy could somehow be so enchanting she could just throw her relationship of 2.5years away like that. I am shocked. Like it feels like a nightmare you’d have. Not real life. Even though I guess not cheating, I feels like it. Heck most people who I feel like are caught cheating regret it and want to the person back. She did not really cheat, but to be like yeah I liked that guy, it scared me, can’t be with you. Goodbye to 2.5years. Let’s be friends. How malevolent. 

6 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

This is a normal part of dealing with 'loss' 😕 .. let the feeling flow in order to work through all of this.

We are human.. we feel.

Look up 'The stages of grief'.  All you feel atm is okay.

If anything, it would hve been best of her not tell you all of that! ... Less we know, the better.

Is hard enough to have to accept when a relationship is over 😕 ... you didn't need more of that added.

As mentioned, could end up some kind of 'rebound'- but that's on her now.

And avoid accepting her messages, etc. ( as she may try to soften the blow).  Don't give her that option.

Just be done now.. and focus on yourself.. It will take some time to work through all of this.

But... we do it 😉 ... been there.

IF you find your anxiety is too much, get hold of your doctor.. ask for something to help you with this.. Also, journal, it's another good way to 'vent' - release all you have to say... Try & get your rest and look forward to your move!  Keep busy working on that.

Life does go on.. we can't make people love us or make us happy.  We need to find that within ourselves.

One day at a time.. TC

Yeah, I wish she wouldn't have told me that, but it's my fault. I asked. I think she would have resigned to "The relation and love was over" and left it there, but i blatantly asked about something else. She maintains that it's not even likely this guy, but in general feeling like she did about another man with me. That is the brutal, gut searing truth.

I also can't help think what a spineless dbag he is too. He knows damn well she was with me, and yet he's now going to get involved. F them both. That's one thing I would never do, I would never get with a girl like that, knowing that she was just in a committed relationship like two weeks prior

3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Agree. You'll need to process all this and wrap your head around it. It will take time.

Obviously she was not all, bad otherwise you wouldn't have been together.

Sadly it seems she just veered off in her own direction but in a slithery kind of way.

Problem is I have no real support network. Not in person anyhow. I am all alone in our apartment. Full of things of us. With a lot of her clothes still here. 
 

I don’t have any friends or anyone here to help distract or take my mind off stuff. Plus there’s not much anyone can truly say. 

2 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

Not very classy. But you'll have to drag yourself out of the victim mentality eventually. This is all the more reason to put her behind you and start anew. Good grief. Who wants a person like that around?

I agree. It’s just fresh. I found out about the talking to another guy like 14hrs ago. I am sure I am going thru different stages of grief right now. 
 

I know I deserve better. Sadly, I am losing hope that I will find better. I know I’m not perfect but I don’t think I’m that terrible either. Yet I keep striking out in the life of love. 
 

At this point it feels like all thats out there is other scarred messed up people like me, or people who have a few kids wit someone else. Something I really am not interested in getting into personally. 

37 minutes ago, DancingFool said:

Come on, change your mindset to "no, losers don't break me". I mean, do you really want to give this kind of power over your life, emotions, and future relationships to disordered narcissistic cheaters?

Absolutely anyone can be cheated on once. However, when you find yourself choosing relationships with narcs, you have to start looking at yourself and why are you making these choices. What is attracting you to these types of people? Also, why are you having such a hard time letting go of someone who is so unworthy of you and your time? Might be time better spent than pining for her.

Trust me I want to feel that way. I have brief moments of clarity where I realize what a crappy person she is and was to me, especially at the end. Nothing would make me happier than to be able to smile, laugh it off, and move past these feelings and be comfortable alone. 
 

Sadly, my mind doesn’t work that way. I do not excuse her actions nor find them ok  quite the opposite. But I feel like she is mentally screwed up. I though she was getting better, but it was a false illusion. I realize that’s not my problem and I am not trying to fix her, but we gave each other our hearts for quite some time, she just took hers back in the last few months likely knew there was problems,but just ignored them. She didn’t try to sort through them or really help me understand. Instead she acted incredibly selfishly.  Which I am sure she knows this, but either doesn’t care or has become really good at turning off emotion and feeling. Something she learned I think in growing up with such a toxic mother and family  

2 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

You werent cheated, she broke of with you before that. But her behavior is quite cold and calculated indeed. That is some high school level stuff. She saw some guy, broke off with you and then started talking immediately with him. While keeping you on the leash if that doesnt work. That is the thing you do in high school, not in commited 2,5 years long relationship. Again, there are no emotions there if there ever was one to begin with. Block this girl and dont look back.

But we were together when she initially felt this attraction. I cannot imagine they didn't flirt at least. I am not willing to think she just met him and they both liked each-other soooo much off a few exchanges of words. So definitely borders on emotionally cheating I feel. When i confronted her about how disrespectful that is to me she could give it a few weeks or months to move past us, she just said "I can not talk to him and ignore him if you want, but it won't change that he's in my head" Is this woman insane? What kind of sociopathological *** is that?

Yes it is very cold and calculated. I am scared for her, bc her mom has diagnosed narcissism and this exactly like something her mom would have done. Her mom ruined her dad growing up. This was always a fear of mine, so maybe in time i will realize how lucky i was to get out before more happened.

29 minutes ago, EitherDare0 said:

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Posted Wednesday at 01:47 PM

Seems many of you think she’s found another. 
 

I week back I asked her this very thing. She was not super defensive, but she did easily refute back “No 😐, why do you think I cannot just be by myself and just be alone?”  
 

When it comes to the truth, she has never had any issues being honest when it’s something she knows the be fact or not. So although the mind wanders, I do not have really any logical reason to think that’s the issue. I suppose it would be easier if she told me she had. Although more initial pain, it would also be easier to write her off as an act of utter betrayal. 

ive had trust issues in my past. My mind would often envision the worst and a lot of times was completely ludicrous. But I can say confidently that now, I just do not feel logically that she’s found someone else.  
 

Sadly, my impression I get of why the sudden end is more of her resentment towards me. There are a few things from my past that she resents. I think she admittedly compartmentalizes it from time to time, but now and then resentment comes back out. Which I know isn’t good in a relationship. She would agree. SADLY the things I believe she resents are not fair. They are things that happened way before her and I even knew each other. Essentially they are my number of romantic partners earlier in my college days, and my college debt, which is a burden.

Wow did this not age well for me. Maybe she wasn't seeking or giving another person the time of day in the weeks leading up to this, but it's clear now in our final days, she was. And she lied to me about it. And she justified it by pretending like she didn't really start talking to him until yesterday. So I guess her wild affection and desire for a man she barely knew, while we were togther, does not count.

Is it any wonder people become broken or toxic? 5 year relationship, found my GF sexting other people. Then 2.5 year relationship, GF falls out of love with me, never confronts it, then betrays me to turn around and purse or at least talk with a guy she met 2 weeks earlier, WHILE WITH ME at the wedding.

This kind of emotional damage is what breaks men and women for relationships

27 minutes ago, goddess said:

Firstly, i want to say how very sorry this happened to you.  What bothers me a lot is the fact that she outwardly lied to you:  "...right now she is not feeling things and she wanted to focus on herself and be alone. When I asked if there was or is someone else she said "No, do you not think I can be alone?!"

That, to me, is a red flag.  If she truly loved you, she would not have conducted herself that way.  However, you yourself said that you "didn't feel the closeness or spark I am used to though."  Perhaps you were losing interest as well.  Think about it.

What you are feeling is normal.  Yes, it sucks (big time), but there's no magic switch which you can turn off.  You need to heal that that takes time.  Plain and simple.  I can guarantee you that, with time, your heartache will lessen and your broken heart will mend.  It seems to me that her emotional compass is broken.  You need to break all ties with her; block her, etc.  Do not talk to her, text her or otherwise because, IMHO, she is only hanging on to you in case it doesn't work with the other guy.  Do NOT be her doormat, please.  Pick yourself up off the ground, dust yourself off and do your best to carry on.  Difficult?  Of course!  But you will eventually find peace and happiness.  You will be moving to Arizona - wonderful new start.  Best of luck to you, and remember, you don't need someone like her to bring you down.  One day, you will look back at this terrible experience and truly realise that you dodged a bullet.

 

I agree, but she maintained that it wasn't a lie, whatever mental gymnastics she had to play for that one...

Well I didn't feel the closeness or spark from her as much. She just felt, distant. At times  she would do or say things that would make me shrug that notion off, but when we were together that last time it just didn't feel the same. I now know it wasn't, and sure was likely emotionally done but didn't want to admit it to herself or hurt me, Likke she wanted to wait until I was leaving off to AZ to do this. Which she claims it is not true, but what convenient timing. She says she cannot exactly even pinpoint when she started feeling the love for me dissipating. Which I told her she had to know something, she could have at least confronted me on it, told me the truth, seen if we can work it out and realize what needs fixed, or it is truly over, Long before this stunt

I know it's normal, and i know many people go thru it. It wouldn't be so bad if I was out of here, in AZ, with friends, new people, and no constant reminders of every turn of our relationship.

The sad thing is, I have already been getting in great shape and as well increasing me status in my career. This new job is quite the jump, and I know she is going to feel regret. I hope she doesn't actually try to run back to me. Because as much as I love her and wanted to work things out with her, how she handled things is a complete deal-breaker, But like any narcissist like she is, she will probably be sad and unhappy when I drop her from my life for good, and will try and reach out. I just have to remind myself thatshe deserves every second or guilt or saddness, as SHE caused this. 

25 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

You are still at shock and denial phase. You need to move to anger. Because you have every right to be angry at her. Sure I understand that what doesnt work it just doesnt. But for her to freely talk to you that way about some guy she saw while she was with you at the wedding? Yeah, that is unacceptable. People usually feel regret and need time. She clearly got over 2,5 years pretty fast which means she either didnt feel anything at all or planned to dump you long time ago or both. First of all, tell her that she hurted you and block her everywhere. The only reason she is even talking to you is to keep you as a spare option in case that guy or some other doesnt work. You dont need that. She is not a good girl, or at least she isnt very good to you. As soon as you realize that you will move on faster. Second, it will still hurt. At least for a while. But you also need to realize that life goes on. There will be some other girl that will spark your interest and like you. Use your moving to Arizona to start new life. From romantic and every other side.

I agree. I am teetering on anger. For moments I am very angry.... even resentful and hateful, which is never a good thing to have. I know that's not good, but what person in my shoes who has been treated like this could be? Like any dummy in my shoes, I am not a rational thinker. I at least know some of the thoughts I try to convince myself of are foolhardy. 

The sad thing is I could see where this was possible. She has something wrong mentally, from her childhood I suspect. Some narcissism or sociopathy or something that allows her to just feel nothing so quickly. Sadly, this is something she told me about way way back when we first started dating. There were some red flags, like ones who think with their heart instead of their brain, ignore. 

I doubt she is over me, but she certainly isn't very in love with me if she could do that. She probably wants this guy as attention and the new exciting thing. I am sure at moments, she will feel a little bad or nostalgic, and she should. 

I actually laughed at her. I told her "Wow I can't believe this is it, this is how it all ends, never to see each-other again." and she said "I don't want to talk about that, there is too much unknown, but I hope if we don't see each-other again you make me regret it for the rest of my life."

So of course incredulous I said "What do you mean? Why would we ever see each-other again?" And she said "Idk, in case I want to see you again? Or you want to see me again, idk"

Like what in the bloody hell kind of psychotic-ness is this?

There are some silver linings and I am trying to think on them a lot. Reminding myself at least I didn't marry her or have kids or move to be with her for this to happen. Thank god.

She told me her realization that she was attracted to another man was the final straw, what really made her decide she doesn't want to be with me, because how could she desire another guy and yet be in love with me. Which, she's not wrong, but god that's so cold-hearted to let it drag out that far.

Am I wrong to feel like I was cheated on?

Sorry for so much, this all helps me get it off my chest and out of my head, I don't really have anyone to talk to. 

That feeling is the worst. Stomach is in knots, emotions all over the place, irrational thoughts. So much over analyzing, questioning, and shear mental anguish.

Long story short, dated a girl for 2.5yrs. Two of those years we lived together. 6 months ago she got a job offer she couldn't refuse, so she moved 1,000 miles away. We agreed it was a necessary sacrifice for greater things. At the time our love was strong, deep, and connected.

Over time, apparently the love has faded, especially for her towards me I now know. Things didn't seem right for the month of May, she felt a little disconnected at times, but was still calling daily, sending snaps, saying I love you etc .

Fast-fwd to two weeks ago. I was her date to a wedding that she was in. We both traveled to it. the day of she had to be off with the bridesmaids and other wedding party doing that stuff. I was hanging out with her Dad, got lunch with him, he was asking about when I and his daughter get married etc.

The wedding was fine, didn't feel the closeness or spark I am used to though. We did have a fight, not real bad, but a good 5 minutes of anger. The next day she flew back home. The day after that, she said our fight was the last straw, she felt all her feelings disappear for me, and she wanted to breakup. Obviously very painful for me, who still feels in love with this girl.

I took some time, gave her some space. After a few days she asked me how I was. Started to talk to me more, but not like old times. I felt sort of like a convenience. She told me who knows how the future will hold and if our paths lead together again, but right now she is not feeling things and she wanted to focus on herself and be alone. When I asked if there was or is someone else she said "No, do you not think I can be alone?!"

Yesterday, she dropped the bomb on me. She admitted that at the wedding, the guy who she was paired up with to walk with, she realized she was really really attracted to him and wanted to get to know him. She told me that was a huge factor in ending things with me, how could she feel so strongly and attracted to a guy when I am 10 yds away, there with her as her date, lover and partner of 2.5 yrs. Ok, sickening feeling strike one.

It gets better, she told me yesterday, she added him on facebook and gave him her number. She told me that she is really intrigued by him and she likes him and he likes her too. She told me it probably won't work because they are a good 1,000 miles away too. Sick gutted feeling magnified times 10 now.

Not only has she secretly been harboring desire to breakup, she then meets another man in front of me, and is also telling me she was so attracted and intrigued that she immediately has started talking with him (via text). Wanting to die, I obviously explained how gross and messed up that is to do to me. You can't just breakup with me and be by yourself, you literally meed a man and start flirting with him, while I am out to lunch with your dad talking about marriage  someday. Sickening thing times 50, is she seems so hell bent on talking to this guy too, like she cannot stop herself, no matter how badly the whole thing is ripping me at the seems. Basically just says "I know, I am sorry, I am terrible, I am so sorry, I feel so bad, I am sorry."

So now I sit here, alone, shocked out of my mind of what just happened. I still live in our apartment, and have a million reminders of "US" everywhere. Thank god I am moving to Arizona in a few weeks.

I do not know how to get over this. This might be the killer of my relationships. I had trust issues and a failed 5 year relationship prior to this one. The last 2.5 years, her and I grew and became so close and seemingly mature, those wounds healed and I felt truly confident in a relationship. Now that wound is tore open and another 6 were added. I am so alone here.

I do not know how to get over this, to deal with this, how to feel. I feel sick, and although I am not suicidal and have no desire to end my life, I would not care if I just died right now if not for the hurt it would cause others close to me. At least my pain would stop.