al7

1. Trust me, I've worn miniskirts on plenty of first dates, and been asked out on more.

 

2. I wouldn't jump to such conclusions. Girl wearning miniskirt = she wants sex. No! How about, girl wearning miniskirt because a) it's in fashion, b) weather is hot, c) wants to show off her tattoo on her leg, d)

 

3. Any guy that would assume because I'm wearing a miniskirt that I want sex - well, that's a guy I really don't care to associate with.

 

4. I have nice legs, and when it's summer and warm, I'm going to enjoy the nice weather and I'm going to wear miniskirts - to Farmer's Market, to the library, wherever.

1. I guess if you are interested in good results I would recommend you not to wera mini skirts on the first date. Just my opinion.

2. Huh, I didn't say that. Not at all. I said she send a wrong message...

very wrong for guys. They do not think in terms of "She wants sex or not". they thin in terms of "I want sex" while looking at her miniskirt.

And while thinking about it he tend to forget about everything else.

yes summer weather is conducive to wear mine I understand. But you are going on a date, arent you? So you can dress appropriately.

Can you do it at least once, for the first date? Yes? Just do it if you want

some long relationships. I do not underatnd why you argue with me: I am suggesting so simple thing, that would contribute to your goal in a very direct way......

3. Guys do not assume much: guys look and feel, ok?

4. Thats fine. Just if you go on the first date and ideally you want a relationship, wear something longer than mini skirt. You will have plenty of time to show off the legs later if you get the first date right.

1. I realized today that it's all my fault. I'm waaaay too shy, and I'm too bitter

 

2. Today, I was on a train, standing in front of a cute girl. the girl took out one of those individually wrapped chocolate cherries from a bag she was carrying and out of the blue she asked me if I wanted one!

 

But what did I do? I was so startled that she even looked at me, much less talked to me that I shook my head, smiled and said no thank you,

 

1. It is not enough just to "realize"... what have you done after this realization? Any steps?

2. yeah it was nice...well I don't blame you, it is easy to get confused if you are not confident enough.

You lost this chance.. and that ok. Start working on creating some more chances. Try online dating. Expand your circle of people you know (if you can). Go to some parties (if you can).

.....And report the results

1. Really? I am impressed.. I guess I didn't realized it before.

Kudos to you!

I thought all men were so happy to get asked out.....

2. I do not make it.. it is just true: you just said it: in order to get a date you dont need to do anything. That is what I meant by "doing nothing".

3. Well it is not about dating, right? it is about next phase: relationships.

We are talking about dating, choosing a partner. Right?

In dating men do not have power as much as women do.

4. I dont get you: what is big deal about it? You didn't like that guy anyway...plus I prefer curvy women, I don't get that guy.

You can go on a date with another one on the same day!

I, as a guy, cannot go on a next day in weeks!! Plus I have to work really hard to get that date. You dont have to.

Do you see the difference?

5. Well for me her accomplishments in a gym is nothing. I say what I think here. I dont care about how fit she is, what I care about is chemistry...of course there should be some common sense, 200lbs and 5'2 is a little bit.. too much. But you dont need to go to a gym at all, some average balanced diet thats all you need.

Yeah, there are many guys who want "hot, athletic body". i have no idea why they want it. To me it is not hot nor it is feminine.

1. Yes, I took statistics, and I hated every minute of it!

 

2. Yeah... it's true, statistically, most relationships fail.

 

3. I've been in tons of relationships, and EVERY SINGLE ONE has failed!

I don't see no ring on my finger!

However, people get married everyday! In fact, most people get married, true, 50% divorce rate, but that means that 50% of the married people out there DO stay together and DO make it! So, chin up! Be optimistic. Dates aren't about statistics anyways...

1. I got you. thats why I am having hard time explaining how it works.

2. As well as most cars break down, most people die.. it is not about that kind of statistics.

3. Well, what you just said has some information to think about:

when you form a relationship or moreover think about marriage immediately think about prenuptual agreement since the divorce rate is so high it is better to be ready than just to be optimistic.

Yes! Yes I have worn miniskirts on first dates.

When it's hot in the summertime, and it's what I'd be wearing anyways, then yes!

 

2. I'm not going to show up on a date the way I would to a job interview: In a business suit, glasses, low-heeled black pumps, and hair in a bun, along with a pad of paper and a pen. Nope - I'm going to wear what's comfortable, and what shows off my assets.

Maybe it is acceptable if it is really that hot. But. Could not you weak some nice light dress instead?

I am sorry but if you still tend to wear miniskirt on the first date no wonder guys are interested in having sex and not very much into asking you out second time. You immediately send them s message!

Guys are simple: they pick up this message.

Just for a change: when it is hot, try to wear a nice light long.. or just longer dress. And see what will happen.

2. You dont need to. Just a long dress - it is that hard to do? It is more tempting to show off your assests? Can you wait a date or two? Then, later on it would be perfectly acceptable and good.

1. Well - like you commented to someone to get the degree first, job later. But, that doesn't work for everyone. For some people they have to work for many years until they figure out what it is the REALLY want to do with their life.

 

2. Besides, no one on here's suggested anything as ridiculous at 10 gallons of ice cream a week.

1. Annie! Thats is why we are all here, to save his\her time and give some good adive what to do, what to spend time on, not to "work for many years until you figure that out"

That is what our advice is for. To help with information.

And I believe we have to give some good information and filter out useless one.

2. I agree. No one suggested 10 gallons. Sombody gave advice equal to 20 gallons of ice cream per week. I am not gonna say who (easy to figure out though) since rules forbid me to make that kind of discussion.

1. I was reading a book by John Gray (the man who wrote the Venus and Mars books). He says, "Sex is to men, what marriage is to women."

 

2. You look at it like women have all the power because getting sex is not a challenge. however, I am saying that it's a HUGE challenge to meet a man who really wants to get to know me, and possibly marry me. One night - a few hours in bed, then it's all over. Not even a phone call. How is that supposed to make a woman feel powerful?

1. I probably most of his books. And mostly I agree with him. He is good.

2. Annie, you understand that all people have to go through the same dating stages: find a person, evaluate his\her at first.

Now you are saying "it's a HUGE challenge to meet a man who really wants to get to know me"

Excuse me... do you think men do not have that HUGE challenge to find a women who want to get to know them? They do have it too.

But women can easily filter out 10 men in a day, since a woman donst need to do anything to find a man. Guys cannot do that: they shoudl work HARD to get one date in a week or weeks!!

Now do you see where women got the power? Women's power let them easily conduct this filtering process, they do not spend efforting in finding men, they simple wait and filter.

Men do all the work, and face all the challanges on their ways.

Annie,

Yeah it makes sense. Just if somebody says "if I was 24 I would by 10 gallons of ice cream every week." You know, It is obvious that some circumstances made thsi person say that. But would you refrain from commenting on that unusual advice?

1. Certainly agree with you.

2. Don't you know you have to look at her ACTIONS? Sure they will tell you what is socially ACCEPTABLE, not what really is true.

3. In my opinion this is a good example of a gender limiting opinion.

She has never been a man... she cannot imagine what it is like to be a man. She think she got no power since what she wants is slightly different from what her power gives her directly.

C'mon!!! You gotta be fair in your judgemnts!

Look: in order to get a soulmate\partner\lover\spouse a person should first get a date, then firgure out if the date is fine and then proceed on the next level.

Now, pretty women have never had problems with getting a date.

And if they end up with a jerk they should blame only their own bad judgment. Makes sense?

What about men? Men do not get dates AUTOMATICALY just cuz they are men. They should work hard to get even one single date...and face rejection and tests on each level of this dating process.

Why? Cua women got the power of chooseing a man or rejecting him. Power to attract men with no work.

Men in fact got no power whatsoever in terms of dating.

If I am wrong please state what power men have?

4. Because women mix up their power and their goal.

They can attract men, they can do whatever they want with them... but they do not want super obedient men nor they want to boss them around much. When you ask women about power, they got all confised goals and power.

Example: I have a power to open this door, ok, I got a key. But I really do not need to go there. Though it helps: once I open the door, if I am smart enough I can find a key to another door that I neeed to open.

5. Can you state what power men have these days in our modern time?

6. Thats is true. Women could be frustrated, so does it show they got no power?? Example: I see a powerful truck outisde... does it mean it never breaks down? or it doesnt ever need an oil change?

Anyway, the question is what kind of power men have these days?

1. Yes, 9 times out of 10, I can convince a guy to go home with me.

 

2. Yeah, I can get a guy to go home with me, no problem, but, the thing is... these guys *magically* disappear. No more phone calls or anything! No second date!

 

3. the guy just think, "Wow - Annie's a hussy! I don't want to be with a girl like that!)

1. Annie, it is a proof that women got all the power. Hm.

2. Why? Cuz if it happened, in that case you didn't take time to get to know him: if he likes you, not only as a sexual partner.

I realize it must be so... tempting to use this power of attraction, but if you have a different goal (for example a relationship) then you take you time to get to know him and hwat he likes.

Here you mix two things: women's power and women's goal.

Women do have the power, but they have somewhat different goals.

3. Some guys may think like this. But the actual problem is he wants to have sex with you more than to get to know you as a person.

If you find a guy who likes you as a person he wont run away.

1. al7: Its not your job to critique other people's opinions on this topic whether you agree with them or not.

Its not very polite.

 

2. You didn't post this topic in the first place.

1. Absolutely right. I agree. I volunteer my opinion here

By the way, it is not your job to tell me what style I should you when talking to people: believe me, it is better to have something which is not very polite but informative, that makes you think! Makes you analyse what is good for you and what is not.

We play politeness in real life, and as a result quite a lot of people go to this forum to get some REAL advice. They basically run away from politeness.

2. No I did not. If I see that somehting that does not make sense, I cannot comment on it and warn people to at least think about it?

 

1. Regarding that leadership program. I agree to take that step.

 

2. I can meet up with people for 3 hours before i feel overwhelmed.

 

3. if you really want to know, I speak broken english most the time. I often have to focus on completing my sentence.

 

4. The only thing i know is that each time i have a conversation with someone, my communication skills grew a bit more, and so should yours if you just "dive in".

 

5. I'm not here to argue with you; I'm here to give you a formula to improve your ability to communicate.

1. It is about theatrical improvosation.. not leadership.

2. Interetsing what kind of work you do then...

3. Is it cuz you are tired or English is not you native language?

4. You are a good student than you know how to pick up this social skills.

I often feel some people communicate in a strange monologue manner: I cannot lern anything positive from them. Though I agree if I could talk to people for 3 hours each day.. I would learn a lot!

Usually I do not talk at all....

5. Oh that sounds so good.. what is it: the formula?

I agree I have to talk a lot.. I just do not have that nice opportunuity.

What are other ingredients to the formula?

Oh, whatever Al. It's a date, not a job interview.

Well, why to send a wrong message in the very beginning?

You know, it is super easy for girls: just wear a shirt skirt and all guys would tunr their heads... but the question do you really want it?

My point is she wants to attract his attention by something else, not that lower cut. If she comes all "seriously" dressed as for a job interview, it show she takes it seriously: relationship s a serious matter for her, since she choose be be nicely dressed on the very first date.

Just think about: you will not go on the first date in a mini skirt. Why?

This i sexactly the same reason she should not wear lower cut.

Amplitude is different yeah, but the meaning, the message she sends is the same.

if a guy takes you to the most expensive place to eat... how would you feel? I am sure not exactly how you would like to feel.

Same with women and lower cut.

Kino - As you can see, Al is the voice of optimism around here

 

Just go with it - see what happens. My mom married my dad, even though she was a lawyer and made 3x more money than he did.

Oh... statistically it could be. But in general it is not the mainstream.

Anyway, no I know why you think money doesn't matter!

I am not trying to disocourage Kino, I am trying to warn him of most likely outcome of the relationship from a statistical point of view.

Annie, you took statistics, right? So I hope you know what is it and how powerful it is.

Yes - she is very attractive.

I think she has a decent pic that shows her good body.

But her face is ok, I would not say "very attractive".

now you guys and gals, tell me what you think? I wish i had a more recent picture of her but still let me know.

You are ok, she is ok. Neither of you are hot or ugly.

Just my opinion.

And most important is the conclusion: she is not hot in my opinion, you have nothing to worry about. But it is just my biased opinion.

I bet that she sees something special within you - could be your sense of humor, laid-back style, dedication, tenacity... really anything.

She might. But as time passes, she will prefer more and more stability, income, job over humor and laid-back style.

So teh advice - sure date her. Enjoy.

But keep in mind she is not going to fall for you much later if she's good a really good job and really pretty face.

Buy "broken heart insurance".

cyankino,

You gotta adject your judgements:

1. It doesnt matter how many hobbies she have. How can it matter???

The more hobby she has the more busy person she is...it is not fun to date busy people. I see as not super positive thing.

2. She's good a job. If it is just an average job - do not worry.

If it is way above average: you are right, you better think twice about dating this girl. She prefer somebody at least at her level of income\prestige.

stargazer25,

No do not go for a lower cut. It sends a wrong message in the beginning.

My personal opinion it doesnt' matter what you wear if it looks nice.

pants or jeans all is ok.

Learn to truly love and accept yourself and enjoy your own company.

It would be informative if you could elaborate on how to trully love and accept yourself. It sounds good, what could be practialy steps to accomplish that?

1.) Choose a career and go for it. Job security

 

2.) Take care of your body. Its the only body you will ever have in this life time. The effects of smoking and drinking do catch up with you as you age!

 

3.) Make investments. IRA's, stocks/bonds, real estate, savings acct., etc...build that nest egg for the future.

 

5.) Never date anyone you wouldn't consider marrying. (I learned the hard way and live by this religiously).

1. No. Do not go for career. Go and get a degree first! Job security is a fickle thing, do not worry about it now. Get all education you can get and after that you will automatically find job security.

2. Definitely yes.

3. Investments at 24? It sounds good, but I kinda doubt she should focus on that at 24.

5. Date all of them, one date will not hurt! You gotta learn who you like and why.

1) Educate yourself.

 

2) This includes eating your veggies, and participating in vigorous exercise a few times a week.

 

3) See the world. Travel, get out there

and meet every and any type of person. This will give you a global perspective on cultures and will enhance any conversation you have with anyone.

1. I agree.

2. No you gotta be moderate no vigorous exercise: you better develop a good mindset: exercise if you wish but not often, you be better off if you keep it thorugh your life, not just vigoroous exercise when you are young.

Agree: develop a healthy outlook on a diet: what is good and what is not.

It is very simple: read 5-10 books about healthy nutrition.

3. Well, it might be not easy to travel when you are young. I would not advice you to concetnrate on travelling.

But the the seocnd part if good: meet people! meet all people you can!

In other words, what do you advice as an art of living for me at the age of 24? I really wonder how this age seems like when viewed from a perspective of a person who is above or around 30?

 

ps: I would especially appreciate advice about 'personal growth' and finding the "Right ONE"( if there's any

 

Very interesting question.

Personal growth. a) date, meet as many people as you can, be selective but not picky. b) go to school for another degree, it will never hurt in the future. But choose somehting you really enjoy: do some research what universities offer for you in your area.

1. I really dont know what to do to find some common interests, things we can do and enjoy together.

 

2. And how to come to some agreements on how we take care of everything from finance matters to how we do or dont clean up after ourselves.

2. I recommend you to read a book about compromise.

FOr example: you agree to drinking in a car and she in turn agrees to

keep some place\rooms in order and pick things up there.

You gotta make a first step, and then discuss it with her: explain what you want and that you already made a move toward a compromise.

1. Did you start looking? Try something you liek first, make a list if you have many hobbies and then talk to her about each o fthem: but do it gradually... one at a time.

1. Very interesting. Here in my suburban area practically all apartments have washer\dryer. As a resut I have not seen many laundromats here. Maybe you live in a city?

Then it could be different.

2. Certainly so.

3. Very true. But as some people note, isn't that bad boy "attitude" attractive?

4. Oh. That is quite interesting.. you make quite a lot, but tend to be attracted to nice (weak gentle) men? If it is true, then the answer is obvious why "when push came to shove, they were too insecure and frightened to be with". I'll PM you, since It is beyond the topic...

5. My experience says: it makes sense, BUT it is not the true reason.

There is something more powerful, more attractive for you in those men

you chose to date. I guess I know what it is.