SuperDave71

Just a bump in case you missed it.

I hope everyone is doing well and safe out there.

 

Your Friend, 

SuperDave71

Thank you lostandhurt.  This forum brings back a lot of memories.

 

Your Friend,

SuperDave71

I believe what you are doing (or trying to do) is wait for someone to post that "this is what I would do" in order to give you some type of hope.  The people who have been on this site for years have seen it time an time again.  When the majority tells you that in all probability that getting back her trust is NOT an option, certain people will wait for a response that DOES offer hope.

 

I agree with Batya33.  Once trust is gone... it is nearly impossible to get it back and even if you did, it would NEVER be the way it was before.  You show up late, you are busy and can't answer your phone or whatever reason... her mind would start to wander with what you were doing.

 

"Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice...shame on me"

 

The best thing you can do is be accountable for your actions and accept the consequences since you are the one that did this to the relationship.  Remember, just because you felt she did something... it NEVER gave you the excuse to have multiple affairs.  That was created in your head since you felt rejected.

You chose instant gratification over being an adult and communicating with your spouse over what was bothering you.

 

Take care,

SuperDave71

Several years ago, I can vividly remember how much my heart ached and I felt the void that my ex left when she walked away.   I also remember trying to bargain with old man time to just rewind the previous events in order to correct what I felt was wrong not only with me but the relationship as a whole.  The biggest reality check I have ever received was when my ex started seeing someone else immediately.  You heart and head try to come to some sort of conclusion as to “why”…or what did I do to deserve this.  The truth is that I did nothing.  Even if I had done something, it didn’t compare to my punishment of hearing how happy she was in the arms of another man.  

 

We often write of our longing to be with someone who either left you for another…or just couldn’t handle the relationship the way it was.  Through the years, I chose to not look back and say what could have been, I choose to look at what I AM today.   There are so many that choose to live in the past and continue to blame themselves for why the relationship failed.  We have all looked back and tried to make sense of something we will never know the TRUE answers to.  We try to look at certain events or even behavior patterns in order to come to some sort of conclusion.  They left me because of this…If I were only more understanding….If I had only acted this way instead of THAT way they would still be here with me instead of happy without me.  The more you think about it, the more you get bogged down in details that don’t really matter.  It’s tough to swallow but the reality is that they are gone.  You may have the title “Single” but you are not ALONE.   There is a distinct difference between being alone and being lonely.

 

 I am hoping that there are those out there that really need to hear what I hope to convey in a loving but logical way.  You are not different, cursed, jinxed or a loser just because someone has left you.  The truth is that in the long run, you may even look back and realize that it never could have worked out the first place.  In my writings, I choose not to give false hope but I do write from experience.  Based on what you think you know, what others know and what you learn from others is how we grow and mature.  A broken heart just like death doesn’t pray on a certain group or type of people.  Love also is exempt from this.  We all fall in love, want to be in love or hope for someone to come along and love us for who we are.  Just because one relationship didn’t work out, it doesn’t mean they will ALL not work out.  Get that negative feeling out of your head and especially your heart.  It serves no purpose in your life and especially in your head.  I cannot count how many times I put myself down in order to make sense of why she left.  I continued to blame me for her issues.  I am a man that can take full responsibility for my own actions.  I can stand on my own two feet and I can also crawl if I have to.  I would waste countless hours blaming and thinking of a solution to get her back.  The truth was..her heart left months ago, it was her body she needed to convince to finally leave.  Those that have experienced someone that may have stayed with you but doesn’t want to BE with you as a partner know exactly what I mean.  I would rather someone be completely honest and say “I don’t love you anymore and I think we should break” rather than be blindsided and told one day after everything seemed fine that we should break up. 

 

Those who are beating your head against the wall, reading countless self-help books, articles and trying to make sense of it all need to listen to me very carefully.  Just because you are trying to make sense of why or how it happened doesn’t mean you will ever find it.  Even in death you know at least it’s final.  Break ups can be so nerve wrecking because if you are left with a “I just need some time right now”…you have no idea what that means.  What your heart gets out of it is that it cannot freely give and receive the love it wants from your partner you looked so long to find.  Your chest remains empty as your mind starts to wander and reasoning kicks into overdrive due to all the unanswered questions you are left to face.  How do you deal with someone who has left the questions unanswered?  What I did was finally understand that there are certain things that HAVE NO ANSWERS at least not yet.  Do you know how difficult it is to wait on something your heart wants so badly yet your eyes and mind tell you the man/woman you saw standing next to and holding your ex’s hand is “just a friend”?  You try to convince your heart that your head is saying ‘it’s ok because they LOVE ME….NOT them….this is only a phase.  They will be back soon enough.’  That soon enough turns into weeks even months yet you are left alone wondering when they will finally return.  The harsh truth is, the left you, moved on and you are left trying to NOW tell your heart “but…but…but she said she loved ME?!”  All those times together come rushing back.  You think of all the good times you had together and try so desperately to push out the thoughts of your ex with someone else yet the sun starts to set and your heart and the evening sky grow dark and cold.

 

 

The nights after the break can be terrifying if you are alone.  Not only is time against you but your mind plays games with you.  You start to conjure up old memories, feelings, time together when you both were intimate.  Every minute that passes seems like hours.  The thoughts start pouring out and then the “what if’s”..come into play.  What if I send her roses or just go by to see her…then she will know how much I love her?   No…for the love of God….NO!  The one thing that will drive you insane is the “if I do this….they will respond like that”.  WRONG!  The moment you assume ANYTHING about your partner regardless of how much time you have spent with them in the past, will be thrown back in your face.   Those who have tried with this thought process rarely succeeds or if they do it is not for very long because even people can get used to being with someone even if they were not healthy for them.  The thought process is that my partner will change because after all, they love you.  WRONG!  Listen carefully to the next sentence:

**Just because someone SAYS they love you….yet DOES NOTHING to reinforce it…doesn’t mean they don’t love you….it means they DON’T LOVE YOU ENOUGH.

 

Love is a give and take.  Think of it as a drinking glass.  If you consume all the contents, you need to refill it.  The heart is the same way.  After being single and happy with who we are as a person, we are able to fill out OWN heart.  When a single person gets involved in a relationship, the roles switch around a bit.  It is UP TO YOU to fill your own heart as well as your partner to give you the love you not only want but need in order to be happy.  What some do not understand is that when you find it necessary for someone to fill your heart and you cannot do it yourself because you were not able to in the first place then your partner leaves what are you left with?  You are left with a heart that will ALWAYS be empty.  This is where loneliness, depression and other negative thoughts take root.  The space that was once filled with love from someone else is left to possibly filled with resentment, anger, sadness and a general feeling of not good enough.   DO NOT left these things take root.  The moment they take root in your heart is the moment you start to BELIEVE these feelings to be TRUE which is never the case.

 

If you have to lower yourself to beg, stalk, read your ex’s emails, be consumed with their status page online or wonder who they are seeing on a regular basis, then I hope you can stop and look at your own behavior and realize how low you really are in order to be loved by someone who just walked out on you.  Why put yourself through that?  As I said before, sometimes it’s better not to know.  Save yourself the embarrassment and headache and just be the better person and let it go.  People come back because THEY WANT TO not because you DID SOMETHING in order for them to stay.   If this is the case, it will be short lived.  I would rather have someone stay because they wanted to FREELY because of who I was rather than a something I did in order to LOOK loving.

 

I know being lonely is hard.  I know because I was once there.  You won’t find answers on the Internet.  You won’t get them in a book or not even from a friend…you will get them from yourself.  Until you understand that you deserve better….until you understand that you do not need them to complete you to be happy….until you realize that your life does not stop just because someone stopped love you..until you realize that you are a treasure and not a basket case…until you realize that you are YOU and NO ONE not even someone that once loved you can EVER take that away from you.  Stand up and be heard…you are down but not out.  You are not a quitter.  You are someone who needs to convince your own heart that you deserve happiness.  All it takes it time, positive reinforcement and a lot of effort on your part. 

 

If I can do it…I know you can.  How do I know these things…because even as a complete stranger..no matter where you are….I believe in you.

 

Your Friend,

 

SuperDave71

Thank you Batya33.  Your story is just another example of how it DOES work if you can maintain and learn from possible mistakes BEFORE they start to add up.

 

I wish you all the best.

 

Your Friend,

SuperDave71

Thank you so much Jakuas.  I really appreciate it.

Your Friend,

-SuperDave71

What if the roles were reversed?  Considering you stated that it was not the first time...would you take your wife back if she did this to you? Twice or more only to tell you that she was lonely?

 

Once is a mistake (not a good one but a mistake)

Twice is a decision since you did not learn from the first one

 

Think about it.

 

-SuperDave71

*Disclaimer:  I am not a therapist or a relationship counselor.  My advice is based on a “take it or leave it” context and I make no claims that following my words will give you the results you desire.  Please use your best judgement and commonsense with all your decision making.  I wish you well in all you do*

 

-Let’s get started

 

It’s been some time since I have written a post here at ENA.  I have poured over several and re-read so many that inspired me to create threads starting back in 2004.  Time flies but within that time comes knowledge.  You begin to learn what works and what doesn’t work when it comes to human relationships.  What I mean is, break-ups happen every day.  The breakup is no different from any other break BUT… the rub is WHY the breakup happened. 

 

If you lied, cheated, neglected or did anything other thing to someone else that hurt them intentionally, then please stop reading because no matter what you try to do at this point will not work.  Even if it DID work, it will not work long.  That is a 100% promise.  I see it like this, would you want to get back together with someone that PURPOSELY hurt you?  In the beginning, maybe so because your self-worth just got kicked in the teeth.  Love does NOT equal lied, cheated, neglected, etc. etc.  I wanted to go ahead and get this out of the way as not to waste time with those that know what happened.  If you or your ex were involved in malicious things towards one another (no matter how long you were together) ask yourself how this “How was that loving?”

 

One of the most asked questions in this forum is “Does getting back together happen?”  My very short answer is yes, it does BUT only the answer is short.  The process in POSSIBLY getting back together is a long one.  If you believe that if you do something sweet or buy someone something….or take them out for a date or lose weight and start going to the gym…whatever you do…if you don’t do these things for the RIGHT reason… its on you. 

 

Let me explain...

 

If you were in a relationship with someone and you cheated (or they did) for an example… no matter what you do, even if you get them back… you will always have that idea in your head that they might, will or could do it again (eventually).  Words are just words.  If words have no consistent loving action…then they are just words.  Have you ever heard of something called “buyer’s remorse”?  What this is is when you go out and make a quick decision on something you THOUGHT you wanted badly enough that the cost didn’t matter.   I want you to re-read that last part.  (the cost did not matter) and you end up regretting the very thing you wanted so badly in the first place.

The cost in this example is you.  Your peace of mind, your self-worth…the key is YOU.  It belongs to you.  When you get someone back (if you are able) if the things that made the relationship doomed in the first place are not fixe per se, then the relationship with be shorted lived.  Think of it this way, If you had a flat tire and you walked away from it without fixing it for 6 months, then you returned to the car…would the tire be fixed?  Absolutely not.

 

One of the BIGGEST components of getting back together is TIME.  I have said it over and over.  It is NOT easy to wait.  Who wants to wait around for someone else to make up THEIR mind.  You cannot, speak, feel or act (actions) for anyone else on this planet BUT YOU CAN INFLUENCE.  If you call, plead, beg, threaten, text 1000 times, you are ONLY LETTING THEM KNOW that they made a wise decision.  This is how THEY SEE YOU.  With desperation, we do desperate things.  I have done it. I have been there and done that and your guarantee is that it NEVER WORKS.  The more you make promises AFTER a breakup, the more they will see you a pitiful.  You may get a response, maybe even one that seems sweet but those responses are USUALLY from those that genuinely do not want to hurt you BUT ARE OVER YOU…at least for the time being.

 

Getting back together does happen but the advice given is NOT a game.  You are dealing with people feelings, hopes, dreams, futures…  Tread wisely because ALL my advice is based ONLY ON LOVE and being loving.

 

Getting back together happens when TWO loving people leave on good terms.  I know what your about to ask.  What the heck is good terms?  Good terms is when a breakup occurs and BOTH parties do their best to RESPECT the others decision.  The foolishness and mistakes start to happen soon after a breakup since the emotions involved are VERY raw.  Your heart hurts.  Your mind is preoccupied with thoughts about the relationship.  You pour over memories of the good times and some are confused on what just happened since they did not see the breakup coming.  No matter what happened, as long as you do what you can (no matter what) you cannot contact the other person.  I have made this mistake years ago and I want to pass this on to you.  You will regret it.  Why?  Being broken up with hurts enough and I mean it really hurts.  The last thing you want to do is come off desperate. You do not want to constantly beg and plead.  You are only setting yourself up for failure.  If you want someone back you have to let them miss you in a POSITIVE WAY. 

 

If I do nothing, how on earth are they going to miss me?  I will let you in on a secret… you already know the secret by the way its ACCEPTING it that I the hardest part.  By doing nothing, you cannot start creating a negative thought or thoughts in your ex’s head (or heart).  THIS IS VERY, VERY difficult to do.  Your brain will TRY and convince you that you need to act.  THIS IS WRONG.  You start to panic.  Your heart starts beating faster because if you do nothing someone else will take them away.  I know what that is like.  My heart was shattered so many years ago that I can STILL REMEMBER how it felt.  I give my advice based on experience like so many others here at ENA.  Desperation of ANY KIND is seen as negative.

 

Desperation = Negative result

 

Let me provide an example or two.. These are from my past.

 

1.)    I would call and try to talk to my ex.  I thought “we can talk this through.  We were together (fill in the blank) and we loved one another.  I know I can convince her.  (Epic fail)

-Result:  I came of as needy, desperate and weak.  NO ONE wants to come off that way.  EVER.

 

The first time you met your ex, I mean the VERY first time. Were they weak or needy?  What drew you to them in the first place?  I bet it was confidence, they way they looked and they way there was chemistry between two people. (At least on the first experience of meeting them). The feelings and reactions between you two made your mind, body and soul WANT MORE from the other person.  Does that make sense?  There was NOT a desperate, weak and needy feeling when you first met so why CREATE ONE on PURPOSE to ruin ALL the GOOD memories of you that they STILL carry in their heart about YOU?  Re-read that last line until it makes sense.

 

2.)    My ex called me one day at work a few weeks after our breakup.  She was in the tub (she told me that for whatever reason. I am merely telling the story for what it was).  I was delighted to hear from her.  We had a brief but light conversation.  (I was in the moment…heart beating faster, a shimmer of hope was gleaning someone in the darkness) until she hit me with it…  She proceeded to tell me that she slept with the “new guy”.  You heard it here folks, she called me to tell me because she felt it was only right for me to know that since she knew I wanted her back.

This is what happened to me.  I could go on but I wanted to provide you some examples of what NOT to do.  NO ONE wants to hear how great the replacement person is… the GOOD NEWS is that when something is new.  Well, plain and simple… its new.  They have not been given the time or opportunity to be their real self.  I refer to it as pulling off the mask.  We all act a certain way when we meet someone we like.  We all want to put on our best and do even things we would NEVER do in order to impress someone.  I have been there and done that myself so I am no exception.

 

What the above examples are showing (from my past) are just things that made me look weak or needy.  They also hurt me to the core. This is when I came to this forum.  I began looking over posts hoping there was some magical solution to make them love me again.  What I did NOT understand was how the heart and brain change functions after a breakup.  You start thinking with your heart and feeling with your brain.  You start making desperate decisions to call or bring flowers, write poetry, go to the gym to look better etc. etc. You try to convince yourself that if I do “this”….they will react “this way”.   WRONG!  You have NO IDEA how someone else will react to something.  Get the scenarios out of your head in order to make a fantasy that you thought of FAIL and have you look horrifically sad and needy.  “If I can only talk to him or her I can make them listen…”  Nope.  Try again.

 

If they broke up with you, they severed not only the relationship, but they also severed the exclusive access to you.   Now, the reality is also REVERSED.  You also lost the exclusive access to them. THERE is the rub.  THAT was one of the most difficult things to understand.  Its like trying to convince me that no matter how long you were together (we were together 8 years).  When someone throws in the towel, those years count for time together but it does NOT count on what their latest decision is (to break up with you). Here is the GOOD news about long term relationships.  They had the opportunity to create more POSITIVE memories over time than a NEW relationship with someone else.  Let’s say they have already started seeing someone.  Yes, it hurts like hell but you have no control over that the same they cannot control what you do and who you see.  It works both ways.  The advantage you have is simple. The more you do NOT make mistakes by calling, texting, stalking; whatever the case, the more POSITIVE things they are left with when they think of you.  Ok ok… I know what you’re thinking.  How do I know they will think of me?  Get that nonsense out of your head.  They ALWAYS will think of you.  NO matter what your brain and heart tell you…. They will.  How?  When the new person doesn’t do what you did and your ex DID enjoy whatever it was you did…. It will trigger a positive thought.  DO NOT get the wrong idea.  I am merely using this as a singular example of how someone COULD think of you. 

 

People can shop at the grocery and see something on the shelf that reminds them of you. I know it sounds silly, but its true. Think of it like this… how many things in your current situation are reminding you of your ex? And why?  Are they good thoughts or bad thoughts?  And again Why?

 

My advice should NEVER be used and a “If I do this…. They will do this” kind of situation.  Reconciliation takes time.  You have to find YOU again and stop thinking you are involved with your ex in any way.  This is the toughest part.  You want more than anything to see, hold and love your ex.  I know.. I have been there.  The nights are the worst.  Your mind starts to wander.  You start playing scenes in your head that are not there.  The anxiety builds and builds until….

 

You make a mistake.  You call.  You text over and over… and there is no response.

 

What happens when you make a mistake?  You have to reset all the time you did not communicate with your ex.  Does it mean anything?  Yes and no.  Yes, you made a mistake.  Once you do not get the reaction you wanted it hurts MORE.  This is typically followed with constantly beating yourself up even more.  You will sink even further since you will be trying to convince yourself that they no longer love or want to see you ever again. (Not true if you remain calm).

No, because if you learn from the FIRST MISTAKE you are not DOOMED to make them again.  You will have to do whatever you can in order to NOT make the same mistake you made.  The more mistakes you make, the more you are replacing the positive memories in their minds and heart.  You MUST let the dust settle.  After a breakup, you must do what you can to become selfish. (I know that sounds funny).  What I mean is you cannot let thoughts of your ex CONSUME you.  You have to make decisions for you and YOU Only. This is why it sounds funny because after loving someone, no matter what the length of time is, you don’t want to be or FEEL alone.  EVER.  Your mind will constantly be challenged.  You will have those thoughts of holding the one you love and doing all the wonderful things you did together.  The tears will come.  Let it out.  Write posts here (I did … over and over) I got all the raw emotions out.  It hurts.  I am not here to convince you that it doesn’t but your feelings are like a cloudy day. The darkness is only SHADOWING what is behind it which is you.  You were you BEFORE the relationship and you are still there.  The clouds will pass.  Turn the focus on yourself.  With all things, the small changes you make for you will become a habit.  Good habits of going out with friends, or family and doing what you can to get YOU back. 

 

The rub is once you get you back and you reflect on the past relationship, you can re-evaluate   what you did while in the relationship.  What I mean is, were you a good person with a big heart?  Did you take advantage?  Were you loving consistently and were you love back consistently?  Past relationships are like a rear-view mirror; you look back only when needed.  You don’t drive a car by looking at the rear-view mirror.  Its purpose is to look at what is BEHIND YOU.  If you focus on the past, you cannot EVER move forward.   You can only change things about you.  Your behavior, your appearance, the way you think or act towards others.  It takes time to grow.  You have to STAY in the present in order to grow.  The more you positively grow, the more you are able to focus on the future. 

 

Ok ok … I know what you are probably thinking… but what about my ex?  What about them?

 

I was getting to that.  By NOT creating negative memories after a breakup ( the mistakes we mentioned above) the more our ex’s will think of us in a positive light.  They memories of us will be GOOD ones filled with GOOD memories, loving memories.  The will possibly grow as well. They could possibly grow in a different direct (maybe just like you).  The key is when you grow individually and life somehow puts you back in the same situation (maybe seeing one another out months after a break) positive memories will come back.  The look of confidence from you and your nonchalant, casual smile and “good to see you” comments could be met with future correspondence. The more you focus on you and the more you give them EXACTLY what they asked for (space and time) the more it will be seen as a hidden gift of love.  To give someone exactly what they wanted shows LOVE.  Positive memories and not being desperate and demeaning or needy is the key to LOVING someone back.  It is NOT an direct act but a magical thing. 

 

Real Love NEVER dies.  To give someone love from afar is STILL LOVE.  To show them that you love YOURSELF to walk away and give them what the wanted… could be the very thing that could light that spark that we call “Hope

 

“Faith, Hope and Love…but the greatest of these is Love.”

1^st Corinthians 13 verse 13

 

I wish you all the hope and love.

 

Thank you for taking the time,

 

Your Friend,

 

SuperDave71

 

 

 

 

Thank you all. I hope everyone is doing well.  I appreciate your kind words.  I check in from time to time to see how things are going.

Wishing you all the best in the new year...

 

Your Friend,

SuperDave71

Thank you all -SuprDave71

I am sorry Jasmin1989. I wish I had the time to answer individual PM's and posts but I would be simply overwhelmed. Please do not take this personally. The reason I create a thread is to do what I can to help everyone. I hope you find the advice you are looking for. I am no expert and this site is FILLED with wonderful people willing to help you and listen.

 

Take care,

 

 

SuperDave71

and she'll have to live with the fact that she missed out

 

You are saying this out of you being hurt, not out of love my friend. You have no control over how she feels...be careful with statements like this. She may miss out in the long run but understand this is merely a generality in hopes of her wanting you back.

 

 

Take care,

 

 

SuperDave71

Let him have his things as soon as you are available.

 

 

It's called closure. The last thing you want to do it talk about the relationship with him as he walks out the door.

 

 

Be strong. You can do this.

 

 

 

 

-SuperDave71

Delicious,

 

What did you hope to gain with such drastic action? Revenge?

 

 

 

-SuperDave71

We do this because we assume THEY were the one's that made us genuinely happy. This is not the case. It's how we felt when we were with them that made us happy. What the difference? YOU are the one in charge of your own happiness, NOT your ex.

 

 

They were only a part of what was already you.

 

 

 

 

-Think about it

 

 

 

-SuperDave71

Don't worry about what other may be thinking. YOU are the one that matters. You make the decisions in your life NOT your ex. Take the focus off your ex and on to you.

 

 

-SuperDave71

If you have already made mistakes, the best thing to do is disappear. (Leave your ex alone) Emotions were probably so high that you reacted without thinking first. Let the air settle. Realize that you have NO CONTROL over your ex and you cannot influence their behavior especially with begging and pleading. Confidence is key here. Though your heart may be breaking, it's best to do what you can NOT to evoke sympathy from your ex.

 

 

The way I see it... If you act crazy, they will assume you are.

 

 

 

You have been warned.

 

 

 

 

-SuperDave71

Thank you. I am surely no poet but I appreciate the kind words.

 

 

-SuperDave71

No one ever said anything about using No contact being used as a game to get your ex back.

 

The bottom line is simple: If you were a idiot while IN the relationship and you try to use No Contact to get them back, yet you have solved nor learned anything while apart, what do you hope to gain?

 

 

What you will end up with is the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.....better known as the clinical definition of insanity.

 

 

 

-SuperDave71

If I should fall, you won’t be here to pick me up

For you left and took my heart

If I have to crawl, I will find you and take back what I gave you

For you don’t deserve such a gift

 

 

If I should fall, I will be alright

Though my chest is heavy, my self-worth carries me far

If only for a moment I hang my head

It’s merely to say a pray for you since I can’t hold you

 

 

If I should fall, you won’t see me cry

For I am a man, though weakened by my open wound

The tears that fall are in your honor

And I hope you know that I won’t stay down very long

 

 

If I should fall, the love I have for you will be my shield

Though you can’t see it, it is there and I thank God for the time we did share

If you were to ever look back, I won’t be there

When I was down, love carried me far away

 

 

 

If I should fall, I will face my fears and stand

I must find the courage to take back my love and give it to those that deserve it and choose to stay

For underneath this broken man lies a lion

I will rise above this and I look forward to the day that loves finds me again

 

 

 

If I should fall, don’t cry for me

You threw me away and walked silently out of my life

Like the memories of our love, they will fade

Just as I did from your heart

 

 

If I should fall, you won’t know it

The tracks in the sand may be long

Because I crawled to protect what was left of me

 

 

 

-SuperDave71

You are most welcome Imissher.

 

 

I am glad everything worked out for the best.

 

 

 

Take care,

 

 

SuperDave71

Wolf22,

 

 

the best thing you can do at this point is exactly what you said. Give her all the time she needs. Though this is difficult, remember if you do nothing, you can do nothing wrong.

 

 

 

Take care,

 

 

SuperDave71

How can you hold onto something that doesn't hold onto you? You are trying to convince yourself thru her actions that she wants you because toying with you is SOMETHING and by NOT being toyed with means she DOESN'T right?

 

This is deperate thinking and your lack of confidence is obvious. Take a look at all the games she has played and realize that you are not a toy. You are a man that deserves someone to love you and care about you and leave games to Parker Brothers.

 

Think about it...

 

 

 

-SuperDave71

but I guess I am not ready to heal

 

 

So you are willing to accept the fact you are a needy. desperate, loving person that deserves to be treated like a piece of trash? Regardless of what I may read from your thread, what you are doing is trying to convince the majority here that an orange is really an apple. This is NEVER the case.

 

 

Despite the way you see things, you STILL have on the rose colored glasses. You see things the way you want to see them rather than what they are. If you choose to hang on with everything you have, expect to be dragged behind until you are so hurt that you have to let go out of mere exhaustion and frustration.

 

 

Quit trying to tell us that it's complicated when you are making something so OBVIOUS that you want to make it out as he is confused. My dear, you are the one who is confused and need to realize I am telling you this because I care and NOT because I don't. My advice may be brutal sometimes but I choose that those that care about to to be 100% honest with me rather than lie to save my feelings.

 

I care about you and want you to realize that out of your desperation for a hug or whatever it is you want....he can't give it to you. A hug yes, the love behind the hug....NO.

 

 

Think about it....

 

 

 

 

-SuperDave71