beanpot

My ex sent me a love song (Hello by Adele) Thursday. I truly wish she would stop texting me unless she actually has something meaningful to say about "us". It's a beautiful song but if she has something to say then say it already.

Block her for your own sake

Her saying she misses her best friend is her wanting her cake and wanting to eat it too. That's completely unfair to you. AVOID. AVOID. AVOID. Stay strong. Please realize how unfair that is to you and use that as strength to move on.

Exactly what I am thinking, I just don't want to come accross as bitter or angry or something like that when she is going out of her way to show compassion and caring about my grandfather, but I also don't want to feel like she is using that as a reason to talk to me and that's all. I told her we couldn't be friends, then after a long time, said we can try, and then flipped again and said that I can hide how I feel and pretend that I can be friends. I don't want to flip flop anymore, I'm sticking to my guns on this.

Stay with it We're all here to support you

Day 34 NC (so far). Most of this week has been good, was even overall happy for a couple of days. Yesterday was rough though. Possibly because I only got 4 hours of sleep. I was SO tempted to forward some things on to my ex (articles, menu for new restaurant, etc.) Thankfully, I was able to resist that temptation. Today is shaping up fine, the best part: ten+ hours of sleep!

 

Don't get me wrong, I still want to contact her, but nowhere near as badly. Wish me luck!

You're gonna do great!!! Good thing it's the weekend and you can hopefully sleep in Keep us updated!

I continue to have these moments at times and I'm nearing 60 days I think. It slowly does get better though. So don't be discouraged. You are doing great. Just by posting here is proof of that

Day 55: Continuing to do things to try and take away all reminders... I deleted all emails and google chat history. I tried to delete my texts but there were so many of them my phone kept freezing... I changed her name to Cannot Contact. I changed the name of a friend's wife (who has the same name as my ex) to Mrs. XYZ instead. Oy... I don't know if doing all this is going to even help... God I miss her so much still all the time.

Haha it's... kind of nice to have a few guys (despite it being online) to commiserate with. Good to hear about how other males are spending their time getting over a significant other.

I'm not sure whether to count this as day 29 or day 1... ex ran a half-marathon today (very proud of her btw) and some of her friends posted pictures of her on FB. I had her blocked, but because they were friends that posted I was able to see them. I felt... sad, melancholy, wistful, but in a manageable amount. I actually 'liked' the pictures and decided to unblock ex from FB. Still not friends with her there, but now I can see what she was up to with friends.

 

My therapist recommended that I take a day to just mourn the relationship so that's what I'm doing now. I'm going through all of our pictures/history and looking back at how awesome we were together. I'm sad now, but I'm supposed to be.

 

Still NC on her end, so I guess I'll keep the counter at 29 for now.

Man, spending a day to mourn is brutal. I've spent 5-10 minutes before... the length of a couple songs... to just sit on my bathroom floor and cry. I can't imagine looking through all of those pictures and history though. That'd be devastatingly brutal. Let me know though if it ultimately you found some benefit from it... I just see pain and nothing else. Hope you are doing alright!

Day 54: She is still, without fail, the first thing I think about in the mornings. I cannot go an hour without thinking about her. But it is getting better. Setting goals... setting goals has been so good. So good. Goals guy!!! Get those goals going!!!

Thanks, yes true. I agree. Pick what up?

The belongings you mentioned

I've been blocked.. so heartbroken.

Embrace it as the first step to be able to move on. I know it feels like the end of the world right now... Stay strong

Congratulations beanpot on signing up for a marathon! I got into running after splitting up with my 2nd wife, it's a great way to get the stress out and meet people!

 

I won't kid you though, the marathon will be tough! Training will be like a second job for you, and once you start your really long Saturday runs, that day will be shot. I'd recommend training with other people if you can. I've trained for (and run) three so far, the last two by myself. When I was running two to three hours by myself, I inevitably had one or two miles where ex-wife and the guy she left me for get into my thoughts, long after we had split. I called it my "two mile hate"

 

Obligatory day 27 NC, tired (still sleeping poorly 2 1/2 months post-BU) but otherwise doing well.

Thank you greatly for the words of encouragement I can only imagine that the training can and will be brutal. I've tried in the past to run a marathon too but never completed training. This time... there's that drive... the feeling that if I can complete a marathon I can move on with my life and move on from her. Hopefully this will be enough of a spark to keep the fire burning.

Haha yes... I started running again a few months to try to force out the sad feelings. For the past 3 months when I run, inevitably I think about her despite running. But my thoughts were always about how wonderful it would be when we got back together. But for the past week... when I run it's been thoughts of how wonderful it would be for my heart to stop hurting and to finally move on.

Glad you are doing well! Despite the poor sleep =/ Hopefully your nutrition is staying healthy and abundant though. Where we lack in one aspect of our lives, we can try to make it up in another.

Day 51: This forum, and specifically this thread, has been my haven. I've been feeling better. Unbelievably. I didn't think this could ever happen. I've moved on from thinking that she'll want to try again. How could she if she hates me and views me as a villain. I've found that making short and long term goals have been very helpful... Short term goals being things like planning activities to keep busy during the weekend. Long-term goals... well I am planning to run the LA marathon! This was kind of spur of the moment... I've been running for the past few months just as a way to get her out of my mind and de-stress. So, why not transition that into something more meaningful... To run a marathon would be such a great feeling... and it'll be a goal to set my sights on during these next 4 months. Today was officially the first day of running meant as training for the marathon! Went 11 kilometers, 7 miles. Chuga-chuga-chuga-chuga-choo-choo

I know what you mean by grey and rainy weather. I always find grey and rainy weather to be deeply saddening because I just feel that it is weather meant for a couple to cuddle together.

I am glad you were able to watch a movie and enjoy it though I have been doing a lot of that. I've never watched a movie before by myself in the theaters, but since this all started I've watched quite a few. It's a good way to get my mind off of things.

I'm sorry your diet has been bad. I think the first month I wasn't eating much of anything... I had no appetite. It's bad either way, eating too much or too little. Keep that in mind and try to force yourself to eat something healthy in exchange for something unhealthy once a day. It'll become habit if you keep up with it.

I think that you will eventually find a reason to let go. For me, I could not let go because I could never vilify my ex; she was the most wonderful thing. But... feeling and thinking that she hates me makes it easier to let go. Hopefully you'll find that source of strength that will allow you to move on.

I don't know if this will help, but I read it earlier today and it made me laugh quite a bit. I liked it...

/

Stay strong. Be well.

Hey Sammi. It's a tough road, but it must be traveled. Thankfully it is a well worn path with many predecessors. Reading the experiences of others can help... sometimes it is nice to commiserate. But don't get too caught up in it

No contact is good, but it is difficult if the other person tries to contact you. Ultimately it is the LACK of stimulus that is important. Despite you not contacting him, you need him to not contact you. If you don't want to tell him this directly, then block him on all sources. Otherwise... the NC road will be even more difficult to travel than it needs to be.

Best of luck to you. We'll all be here to post our own feelings and root for each other.

Day 50: Trying to embrace the pain of either a real or imaginary hatred that she has of me...

Lindorie, I wish I could say that it gets steadily easier, but it doesn't. You'll have some good days followed by some rough ones, but the general trend will be upwards. Just knowing this helps with those bad days.

 

Oh, and day 24 for me, not too bad of a day. Ex gf's son's birthday today (7). Wish I could wish him a happy birthday myself, but I'm not going there.

Those special events are always so painful. Especially toward the end of the year with holidays. Stay strong.

Thank you for your words Alldaisies. It's amazing how helpful it is just to hear someone give kind and understanding words...

The story of Sisyphus is based in Greek mythology. Saluk actually used it to describe what he was going through a couple months ago and I thought it was a brilliant comparison. It is about a guy who angered the gods and was punished to roll a boulder up a hill, only to have it roll down again every single time. He is doomed to repeat this cycle for eternity. It's kind of like all of our struggles here... we make some progress one day, but then the next day we're back where we started. A painful cycle.

I'm so sorry you are having such a bad day. It's hard enough to try and get over someone just by not contacting them, but I can't imagine how terrible it must be to suffer at their hands directly. I hope you are doing better today than you were yesterday. Tell us something that made you happy today. Anything at all. The sun being bright. The weather being warm. Eating a good meal. Anything. I've been trying to do this on a daily basis to remind me that there is good in life and happiness to be had...

Yea I tried getting over her by thinking of the bad things but that just didn't work. I couldn't think of any bad things. But man, the knowledge and thought that she doesn't care makes it painful but much easier.

I'm glad you got some extra boulder pushing power I honestly can't imagine how you can possible be sane seeing her on a weekly basis. It's hard enough for me NOT seeing my ex EVER. Props to you man.

Your story about how it started is really sweet. Does thinking about it still make your heart skip? Certainly thinking about my ex and our first date(s) makes my heart skip. Gah, spiraling into that thought process haha gotta spiral out... I absolutely understand the feeling of the absolute highest of highs and the devastatingly deep pits. I am glad you were able to come out a stronger person. I don't think I'm coming out of this experience a stronger person... I truly don't. But I am certainly a better partner, and for that I'm thankful.

Day 49: It is easier knowing that she hates me. Be still, my soul.

Day 48: Looking at her Instagram... has been a blessing and a curse. It was so incredibly painful. She posted a song by Chvrches called Leave a Trace. The lyrics are... daggers. It may have just been a song that she really liked in that moment. But over-analyzing things is what we do best as dumpees right? Assuming it is about me... has convinced me (at least at this moment) that she doesn't love me anymore, that she hates me, that she sees me as her captor, that she sees me as her manipulator... all things that the lyrics conveyed. So I embrace this... I embrace an imaginary hatred that she has of me. I have lost all hope... that which I clung to for so long. So long. And... now I can move on.

I tried thinking about the things that I dislike about her as a way to get over her... But that didn't work because everything is painted rose. I could pick nothing out. But now... it's different. Now I have convinced myself that she hates me, she wants nothing to do with me. And this... this has now allowed me to move on. I have finally moved onto the ACCEPTANCE phase of the grief. A small step, a tremendously painful step, in the right direction I suppose.

Saluk... Sisyphus had some positive gain on the boulder today. Hope you are hanging in there too.

Beanpot, I understand the feeling. I know that if I hadn't blocked my ex, I'd be sneaking peeks at what she is doing on FB. As it is, I didn't block a couple of her friends, so I kind of know when the ex is going out with her best friend. Don't know if her new bf (if that's even what he is yet) is with them, but I suspect not.

 

Day 23 for me. My goal is to make it to the end of the month and see how I'm doing then.

Thank you friend for your kind words

Day 47: Can't sleep. Looking at Instagram really took a toll. God what a terrible set back. Sisyphus was rolling that boulder up a little bit every day, and today it just came crashing back down. This is so discouraging, so depressing, so maddeningly frustrating. For the love of god please let this just go away.

Day 46: Oh god oh god oh god why. I was good about not looking at social media whatsoever for over 2 months. She is so perfectly beautiful in all of her Instagram photos. I am a fool for doing this. God why.

Day 45: I am planning a vacation for January 2016. The fact that I am planning a trip is acceptance that this, whatever this is, will last a while... Partial acceptance. Partial. Small steps. Baby steps. I want to tell my story, but ultimately I know that there'll be too many details and nuances that will be missed. She will always be the one that got away.

Thank you My birthday passed last month but I appreciate your well wishes so much. So much truly. I was hoping beyond hope that I would hear from my ex... but did not. It was crushing. Another obstacle over and done with I suppose.

I find that there are so few songs I can listen to these days without becoming emotional and thinking about my ex. But there are some... I don't know if they'll help you