xthe core enemyx

I think your poem is very good. it's really ful of emotion

I guess alot of you have read the thing my sister wrote titled This is only The beginning... And i guess I'm ready to tell people my story as well. My sister left out somethings in her side of the story... but she wasn't there. Only I was....

For the First 10 years of our lives, Our father wasn't there, not even there to see us be born. My mother told me and my sister that dad did care he was just scared. When my mom found out she was pregnant with us, my Dad left my mom, 8 years old sister and 12 year old brother. The first day i ever saw him was a week after my mom died. For 3 years we endured All the hate that was stored up inside our father. we started drinking and staying out until 1 am only to go home to more yells and screams. I started hearing voices that told me i was worthless. from time to time i still hear those voices. I went to an institute until they said i was stable enough to go home, and i still have to take meds.

On August 20, 2003, 2:00A.M. Blaire (My sister) was away to our brother Brian's staying the week. I would have gone but I didn't really get along with Brian at the time. The house was empty and silent. I looked out side to see my fathers truck was here. but oddly He wasn't. I was creeping around the house, just in case he was hiding ready to pounce or hit my over the head with somthing

But i found nothing. I walked into my room. I turned on my light, and above our bed, was my dad... he was hanging, and i read his suicide letter and all it read was IT'S YOUR FAULT... so i dialed 911 and they kept trying to comfort me. i called blaire up the next day to tell her. the next few days went by really slow. it was a slow motion until his funeral. and blaire read a poem that shocked every one but me.

Torn

You told me that you hated me

You made me sink

You tore me to pieces and broke my heart

From all the pain and the hate you placed upon me

I have grown to be a stronger person

You told my sister and me that we were nothing

Ripped out our hearts and threw them away

You were never there for the first 9 years of my life

Then mother died and you suddenly appeared

To kill me slowly with every tear I shed

You pushed me to my breaking point

Now I'm just a broken doll

Shattered

And you can't fix me

Look at me, please tell me what you see

Just a rag doll you can throw around

All my limbs in different places

I can't get out of this place

I'm suffocating

Now I'm stronger and you're dead

You can't hear the voice inside my head that pushes me to live

I thank you for hurting me and making me see

My life was almost perfect

Then it all came crashing down

I may be happier now

But my heart contains scars that will never heal

And will forever more be

Torn

I'm not sure any of you have read that so i just put it....

Then not long after that i wrote my own.

'To Pieces'

Catch my tears

As they fall

I can hear your screams

From down the hall

I sit in the corner

I have been crying all day

We can feel each other's

Emotional pain

She hates her self

And I hate me too

As we endure

This pain from you

But now you're gone

And all the hate I felt for you

Has been lifted

And I feel pure and new

Dear Daddy,

I hope you burn in hell

I want you to know that I will love you

And here at home things are well

I wish I could have said

'Daddy before you leave us,

I want you to know

You broke us To Pieces'

And i guess that is all i have to say, and now you know my side since i shared it with you. And im glad i did.[/b]

It's was very good, in my eyes. it had emotion and is very deep. Keep up the good writing... just don't consider suicide as an answer to your problems, there are other ways.

I have been cutting myself ever since my mother died. that was four years ago. I have been seeing a therapist with my twin and even taking anti depressants. I can't seem to stop. I have tried so much. And now im not sure if i want to. i mean it's not like it's any worse that tattoos. it's like body decorations. I use to do it on just my wrists but now i have too many scars on my legs wrists, fore arms and stomach to count. it got worse when i moved in with my dad, he would yell at me and my twin and tell us that our mom's death was our fault, and that we should have never been born. he left my mom when she was pregnant with us. Then i began banging my head on the walls and books. I still do it. some times i bite myself until i bleed.

I use to do it because i didn't want to live any more, but then i attemted suicide by overdose and i relized it wasnt the way to go. now i do it because i want to and i NEED to. It's like smoking. it's addicting. If it is so bad then the smokers should got to a psychiatrist. IT'S A PROBLEM TOO!

I never have gotten why it's such a big deal. So tell me some one. why is it so bad?

I wish i had enough courage to tell people out story, Blaire. I love you sis and i never want you to change. You are so brave and have helped me cope with it all. I want to repay you back some way some how. So if you need to talk im always here

forever your sister-

Krissy

This actualy isn't a poem i wrote. my sister did.

'Torn'

You told me that you hated me

You made me sink

You tore me to pieces and broke my heart

From all the pain and the hate you placed upon me

I have grown to be a stronger person

You told my sister and me that we were nothing

Ripped out our hearts and threw them away

You were never there for the first 9 years of my life

Then mother died and you suddenly appeared

To kill me slowly with every tear I shed

You pushed me to my breaking point

Now I'm just a broken doll

Shattered

And you can't fix me

Look at me, please tell me what you see

Just a rag doll you can throw around

All my limbs in different places

I can't get out of this place

I'm suffocating

Now I'm stronger and you're dead

You can't hear the voice inside my head that pushes me to live

I thank you for hurting me and making me see

My life was almost perfect

Then it all came crashing down

I may be happier now

But my heart contains scars that will never heal

And will forever more be

Torn

'Dedicated to my so called 'father' that ripped me apart and made me hate myself. without him i wouldn't be as strong as I am today.'

It may not be the best i have written but please tell me, i need more peoples opinions other then me own. it would be greatly appreciated.

"Six Feet"

I have die again

bury me deep

so they can steal my soul

bury me deep

to where I will rot

under six feet of dirt

Beneath my secrets and lies

Until I wake

and find it was a dream

so i can cry myself back to sleep

and die once again

Death is a gift and also a curse, as is life

I will travel to the pits of hell

and never see the light of day

my only light will be the fire

that burns me away

So I can cry myself back to sleep

and die...

Once again

awww, don't worry about it, my boyfriend is 16 right now and will be 17 and a sophmor next year and i just turned 14 and i will be a freshman next year. we have been going out for 4 months. and people tell me that i look like i am 16. dont worry, if he really loves you (im sure he does) then age doesn't really matter to him.

I think it was VERY wise of you not to follow your fathers foot steps. I too know what it is like to grow up having a 'father' that has messed up in so many ways I can never forgive him. After my mom died I converted to goth, and my dad constantly reminded me that I was a mistake, a screw up, and should have never been born. And made me come to believe that my mothers death was my fault. Luckly the only kind of abuse i endured was verbal. and about a Year ago he killed him self. I just got out of a hospital (or Psyciatric ward) for attempting suicide myself, and am curently living with my older brother. I have learned there are better ways out of my problems, although not so easy, but way better then taking my own life. and i hope that you help your brother with his problems. My brother also has a past with drugs and it took some time but he has been clean for 8 months.

I sort of know what you are going through. My parents didn't divorce though, my mom died of cancer and about a year ago my dad killed him self, after becoming addicted to anti-depressants. I just got out of the Hospital for attempting suicide, and am curently living with my brother.

Enough of my problems, I also recomend seeing a Psychiatrist, or seeking counseling at your Highschool. It may seem weird telling a stranger about your problems and life, but you can't imagine how much they help. and as sutton has mentioned try making new friends, the ones that moved would at least write to you, and it's good to keep in touch with your best friends, but making new friends will help even more, you can talk to them when it seems that the counseling isn't helping, and if they were really true friends they would comfort you. As for your dad, you can aid each other in your time of need. Thing can and WILL get better. Hang in there. If you ever need to talk i am here.