i'll be 17 in about a week...ive been depressed i guess for the past 3 ish years. in and out of eating disorders. major problems with confidence and never a stable family environment. doesn't seem like it will ever get better. i wish i would stay b/c im so in love with my boyfriend of over 2 years. but at this point there is really no point to me being here. i even picked a day that i would do it, wrote letters, but yesterday was that day. the reason i didn't do it was because our community had a suicide a couple days eariler and i wanted to give people time before they dealt with another one. (itll be the 3rd this year). so yesterday i was kind of mad at myself for not going thru with it, and cut myself. (im a cutter occasionally, usually when im numb) i picked a new day. May 26, 2004. those numbers equal 17-my age. i know i sound crazy, but what's the point of being here if im always gonna be upset, and my friends are too caught up in themselves to reach out. i dont want to tell my boyfriend b/c i know id scare him. he already has too much to deal with. but im hurting, and i dont know whether or not to tell anyone. i dont know if i for sure wanna do it, but it feels like the only way. i just want out. what should i do? yes- i already see 2 therapists (one in school, one out) no i have not even hinted to my suicidal thoughts. dont want people to know so they try to stop me i guess. i dont know. help.
