Zack808

Wow, it's been 2 months now since the BU, 2 months of NC. I always ask myself if I did the right thing, to leave. My gut instincts tell me yes, I was right to leave because it just became to toxic for both of us. My heart is still mending and it tells me that I wish it wasn't this way. I had envisioned us of having a wonderful fulfilling life together but being with you just brought me down and feel little of myself. It hurt when you pointed out all of my flaws and magnified them x 10. A lot of things that was said really hurt and really hard to get over. I found myself getting so fed up with it that I started to do the same but that was not me, I was turning into someone that I try to avoid in life, negativity. I know you had a bad past and I hope one day you can overcome the crap that is constantly tormenting you deep inside. I pray for you. I know you don't mean most of the stuff that was said but still, it did hurt and it made me question my self, my worthiness, my character. I am sorry for hurting you too. I wasn't perfect but I did my best and gave you all my love that I could give. I do miss certain things but it just wasn't enough for me to stay in it.

Don't really have much to say about you at this point, sorry, but I'm glad my life is moving forward. I do know, however, that when I think about our past and the crap that I had to put with or get use to because that was how it was in your life was simply dumb on my part. It was such a waste of my time but I took a risk to be with you so you are not to blame. Still, it should have been over way before. Another learning experience

Went to church today. The message was to forgive others that have offended you. I was shocked because before the preaching, I prayed about forgiving you, this sermon was made for me. I forgive you for the name calling, put downs, temper tantrums, mood swings you did to me. I forgive you. I forgive myself for stooping down to that level. I didnt have to go there even if you treated me that way. I forgive you D...., I forgive you D....

Yeah so what if your a pharmacist. I took my pharmacy class exam today without your help. I didn't need you. I could have gotten 5 more points with your help if you were still in my life but those are 5 points worth giving up. I did it without you and determined to Ace this class without you. Your a pharmacist, so what, I'm free from you. Now go OD on some laxatives!!! You won't bring me down, and you won't take over my mind. You maybe taking up space in my head but I'm serving you 'VACATE THE PREMISES' real soon.

I hate it that I miss you right now. Yesterday was good, peaceful, and it seems you took over my head almost the whole day. Is it because I check on you FB to see if you are at least hurting too? And I see nothing, not even an inkling that you are hurting. I hate that I can't stop looking at your page. I stopped for a good week then I just had to check. I thought maybe if I saw with someone else, anything, would have just slapped me in the face but it seems you are living your life normally. I'm the one who left for god's sake. I wish I wasn't feeling this way. Why does it have to hurt? I left you because of the way you are, emotionally abusive. Yes, I remember all the things you said about me, to the last word. It would be nice if I just got an "I'm sorry for what I put you through" text or email. I feel if you did that then it would be easier to move on, heal. No remorse from you, after all I did for you. You just sucked the life right out of me and I let you do it. After all this, I hate the fact that the I miss you.....ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yesterday was the roughest since we BU 5 weeks ago. I was just so emotionally hurt. But today was a better day. Today was a good day to be alone. Sure you were in my head but didn't have that overwhelming feeling when I thought about you. Am I the only one that hurts or do you hurt too? Guess i'll never find that out. Have you found someone to fill up that empty void? Does he know what he is in for? If you did find someone, I doubt he knows what lies ahead hehe....I used to count the days, now I count the weeks, then months, soon no more counting. I still wish I could have the dog back though, I truly miss him. As for you, I miss the person that I fell in love with in the beginning, not the true person that you really are. I don't hate you at all. I was just mad that you could say such things and hold a grudge against my daughter like that. Yes, I had emotionally checked out before the BU, I just didn't see a future for us anymore. I know I deserve better but this time I won't look for it. Hope all is well for you.

The best day of my life is the day I never think of you ever again.

It's been a month and 3 days now since the BU. I haven't contacted you and neither are you. In a way I'm glad because it would have been confusing but at the same time melancholy because there no final goodbyes to each other. You would think we could have at least given each other that much. I thought about all the red flags and how I overlooked them. I kept asking myself all day today, "did she make me happy?" It was hard to answer, I didn't have answer. I hate waking up each morning with you on my mind. You know what keeps me moving forward, how little you thought of me, and thats just gonna make me stronger.

Today makes 1 month of NC. I left you exactly on NYE. I couldnt take the emotional abuse anymore. I didn't know who I was anymore, I did my best understanding, did my best in being patient but geez, i'm only human. I didn't just leave because of that one reason, but many other reasons that have occurred over the course of a year I was with you. I had to think of myself. I didn't see a future with you anymore, I couldn't see myself marrying you anymore. I just couldn't see myself living with you. I just couldn't take it. I tried, honestly, I tried. I know you have issues, we all do, but you just don't treat someone you like that or say horrible things about my family. I already knew you were no longer the one for me 3-4 months prior but I just had to see because I really wanted us badly. I just hoped things would change. I just hoped that you would just wake up one day and say to yourself "what the hell am I doing, I can't treat this person I love like this." It never happened. It was going downhill. The argument on NYE sparked the final moments. Breaking up via texting is crap but that is how you liked to communicate so I left it at that. I don't need closure because it comes from within. I wish you well. Hopefully you take time to figure out want went wrong in this relationship as I am doing so it doesn't happen in your next. I'm not saying you have a disorder and i'm not a psychologist/psychiatrist to diagnose you but your symptoms are very clear and real. Good luck to you and your future. Goodbye

So I'm guessing your back from the cruise that I was supposed to be on with you and your friends. I'm sure you are posting pics on your FB and telling what fun you had and i'm sure your friends know that we are no longer. Good, they need to know!!! I don't care what you post on FB because you have been blocked since we were still together. Yes, I used a different account to see what you were up to but you know what, I STOPPED THAT A WEEK AGO because there was no sense. All it did was hurt to see you statuses so why continue to hurt myself and you now what, I'm glad I did. I don't have to know about you anymore. No more looking into my past. You made this BU easy for me. Don't get me wrong, you still come to mind, but it is not as bad as a month ago. I miss our puppy though

Just wanted to give a great big HUG!!!!!! to everyone

I thought you were the "one." I thought you were it and finally, my happily ever after. I'm not sure why god put you in my life. Is it another lesson/s learned? How many lessons do I have to go through until we finally end up with the right one. It was just so hard being with you. I was happy and in love in the beginning but you are not the person I fell in love with. Was I a rebound? I've asked you that before and you claim you were ready. I already had my doubts, "red flag." I gave everything you dished out to me a chance. Everything that I had to put up with, a chance. Just couldn't do it anymore. Am I a "dumper." No, I just initiated the BU that should have occurred a while back. My life is moving forward. Accomplishing goals as I type. Yeah, I do miss certain things but not enough. All I can hear in my mind are those cruel words you have said to me the past 6 months while we were still together. It hurt when you put me down, called me names, belittle my character. That keeps me away. That keeps me from not contacting you at all. I miss the dog we saved from the shelter very much. He was like my son. I miss the walks I would take him. I'm sure he misses me. Memories suck right now. Right now though because I now it gets easier. I've been through this before with others. It does get better. In fact, when I broke up with the girl before you and found you, I posted about you. I posted how you came into my life and I thought you were the best thing ever. Now here I am because it has been a month over. Life is moving forward, it is, without you, slowly but surely. I have my days but I know what to expect and the reasons why I feel these emotions. This is easier than other BUs because ENOTALONE has taught me what to expect, why I feel these emotions, that I am not alone, and that one day I will be happy again, we will all be happy again.

Wow, it felt like you were talking about my ex. Sounds just like her. I loved her that much too but didn't deserve the treatment she dished out to me. I tried to make her see it but when she tells me that she does not know if she can change, it made me reevaluate the relationship and what kind of person I should actually be with, but I realize that, for now, i'm better off alone, dust myself off, pick myself up, and move on without looking back. Easy to say but hard to do, but nothing is impossible.

Wish I didn't have to think about you at all. I start to think of the things you would say to make me feel stupid. It was just another way of you trying to control me. I made excuses to my friends that you just had a bad past. But after reading an article which said that victims of emotional abusers will defend them by saying these words "they had a bad past" was not right. I'm sure many of us had not the best of childhoods but does that mean you treat your SO like crap. You don't deserve to be in my head, but you are. It will be a month of NC soon. I'm glad you haven't contacted me in any way. I wasn't getting what I needed from the relationship. Now that it is over, you actually gave me something I need, NC...Go figure, and thank you.

Get out my head already, i'm trying to study and you just keep creepin in. I wish I could just hug you right and hear you say that everything will be ok.......but its not that easy. it doesn't work that way, the right way. nothing ever comes easy. I wish memories were easy to put away, like placing an old blanket in box and tucking it away deep in a closet and eventually forgetting about it. Feelings and emotions suck right now!!!