Amorterra

I miss you so much. I wish I could write this and have you actually respond with your feelings. Do you miss me? Did you cry? Did I hurt you by cutting contact? I feel like we were so close, knew each other so well, got along like two peas in a pod. And then I said I didn't want to be friends and I cut all contact. I threw that all away. But you were wrong, too. You hurt me so bad. You responded to me like I was one of your business contacts. You led me on. You lied. You told me you were aloof. How stupid do I have to be to keep falling in love with men who don't love me back? Nobody ever will, you know. You men don't feel love. You don't feel anything. You proved that. I've lost everything I've ever wanted- every dream, every place, every person. There is only me now, nothing left. I'm trapped here inside my head. And tonight you're here with me. I know you're only here because I'm a pmsing emotional wreck. A few more days and I'll tell you to go to hell and kick you out again. This too shall pass. I wish I haunted you the same, though. If I scream loud enough in my mind, maybe you'll feel my pain, all the way accross the world in your stupid sunny country. I hope the sun there burns your heart to cinders. I hope it burns the whole place.

I am so MAD at you. You led me on and used me. You felt nothing for me. When we met everyone said you were such a nice guy, but you're not. You hurt me so bad and you don't even care. You're a coward because you gave up, and all because it was too hard for you. And you're a liar. Who are you, really? Were you the guy who fell asleep holding my hand and kissed me until my head was spinning and had such fun and laughter with me? Or were you the guy who was cool and dismissive, and never talked about his feelings? That's all I wanted, you know. I held on so long because I wanted, just this once, for someone to tell me that they loved me. Am I so unloveable? You gave me all kinds of hope and then took it all away again. My anger keeps my head up, but when it wears off, all that's left is sadness and emptiness. But what do you care? Oh I know you said you care. But I don't believe you. I wish I could reconcile the two you's that there are, but I can't. I don't know you. I wish you were that man I thought you were... but that man is a coward who gives up just because things are difficult. Me, I never give up. When life throws me a challenge, I kick it in the face. That's why I'll get over this. And you, you will be the one who loses and I am very sorry for you for that. Lastly, Merry Christmas. I miss you.