Aleina2011

So it seems that dating other men eventually does the trick, I no longer pine over you, my heart no longer aches because of you. I don't seem to have much luck though, I don't seem to have grown a thick skin after the BU. I am back on here and this time it's not because of you. He is not an ex, he was never a bf...still, I had hopes and expectations, and it hurts all the same, a mini BU, but it hurts, it stings...anyway, at least this must mean that I am over you.

Yep still here

Oh well not thinking about you that often anymore. Hope this NC never ends. But each disappointment brings me down and makes me want to go back to us. Must keep fighting on.

Yeeees 6 months on and I still find myself crying on my way home...how cool is that? On days like this....

Oh well it was my bday yesterday and for the first time in my life I spent it alone. No big deal. Part of the growing up process I guess. If anything this year had thought me to accept life as a grown up, which it also means that sometimes - most of the time - life can be lonely, tough, unfair, but I must keep going and not dwell in self pity. But also that we receive what we give, that we shape our own future with our decisions and actions, and that it's hard to break from our past habits. 5 1/2 months and am still confused, emotions up and down, not sure what future am shaping for myself right now. Most of the time I feel I have no future, like my time is up, I had my shot...and I just wish you were still here, it would all be much more simple...

Was this a sign and what does it mean? I got me thinking about you though. After all is said and that, I still very much prefer you were still in my life. I still have to find "better" and even the relationship with myself would be better. Now I am just really scared of being with people, prefer to be by myself. I am not desperate but I do wish I could change this, I do sigh and think: "if only". I still find myself talking to you and my thought goes to you when I see something that we could have done together. It's not like I am a psycho! It's just longing, little pangs tat come and go and. Just have to accept that this s my life from now on. I know you don't feel the same, yo told me that this time for you it was much easier, you told me you were relieved at not feeling unhappy anymore. And I know that your silence means you don't wan to give me "false hope". I just hope one day I will be able to say that it was all worth it. I don't want to "settle" but I am scared. They say when yo are going through hell kee going, and I am scared of stopping for fear of asking the question: where am I going? Just wanted to say this. Better say it here than to you.

Still in my thoughts...especially in the morning on my way to work and when I come home in the evening...

You are just unbelievable. I wish I no longer cared. Why do I still miss you....why do I still expect something to happen....when I think about all that I went through for you and how you have just disappeared...it just makes me so angry...but I am proud of myself, I have proved I can stand on my two feet. Yes I did plead on and off for a month...you can't understand, you are a cold heartless little creature...

Exactly 4 months ago you "abandoned" me. I wonder...I think....I feel....it still hurts...but it's more melancholic than anything...but I still wish I could turn back time. You are still the "familiar" one. The hand I want to hold. The chest I want to lie on. A pity or a lucky escape? Will I ever find out? As much as it pisses me off, I still love you.

north I am so happy for you. It's good to hear you are feeling better. Just take it slow and enjoy every moment, put yourself first, always! Good luck! x

Dear ex Happy birthday. I hope you choke on the wine tonight!

Great words, thank you. I needed to hear this today

Why are you on my mind very day lately? Just give me some rest. Gosh It still hurts - a lot

I hate you

This is the only place I allow myself to think and talk about you. You are out there, I knw nothing about you and I hope it will stay this way for at least 3 years. Hopefully more. Not sure I want to know about your getting married etc...no I don't! And yet, deep down I know I am sad. This is ridiculous. It feels unnatural. Although now it feels like ages when in fact is only been 3 months. Yes we were not the perfect match but who is? Yes things weren't right. But you were my home. Ok, I know, it takes two to tango and now I know how it feels when you don't want to be with someone and they chase and chase...just makes you run even faster. So, happy birthday to you. Oh, and That refund cheque we got and I posted to your home address...I had no doubt I wouldn't even get a lousy thank you. You still fear it could give me 'false hope' .... I hope you get food poisoning on your birthday!