theanongirl89

Hey, It's been more than 5 months of NC at all. I don't stalk your social media anymore. Like... 3 months. It's hard. Being with you for sooooooo long and now being total strangers... It's shocking. You wanted me to get over you in three weeks (after FIVE years of being together). I know you don't even remember me. But almost nine months after the break up, I still dream and think about you. Almost everynight there is this constant dream that you find me and I run from you. You start chasing me and I keep running away from you. But last night I dreamt you asked me to start all over again. To forgive you. Damn. I think I won't ever get over you. I wish, but I can't. I truly loved you. I still do, I guess. I guess I won't stop loving you, and I know it doesn't stop hurting. I just learnt to live with this pain, everyday. And I do fine. But sometimes, when the memory of you pushes me too far, I give in into our memories and I start getting anxiety again. Not as bad as before, but still. The anxiety is there. It is clear you truly moved on and you're happy. I wish I could do the same.

Well I am actually having a setback. Since my birthday, I think. It hurts right now, but I know it will pass too. I feel awful right now. I haven't even looked at their social media (I promise! I don't do it anymore). It just hit me like a rock that day: he didn't even remember my birthday. I just feel like I won't have connection with someone again. I am truly afraid he was the love of my life, my first and my last. How do I stop thinking that way? I'm still so naive... I turned 25 on 9th august, and he was my first kiss and blablabla. I feel like everyone is already in love and I'm alone in a big scary world where I can't trust people. A huge part of me tells me I won't love again. I miss him these days. My best friend moved to his neighborhood and it's the worst. She's my BEST FRIEND since I was 15, I can't stop visiting her. Yesterday was her birthday and I went to her house for the first time. Her house is located SO CLOSE to his house... I was on the subway, and when it arrived to my station (his station, I used to go there SO many times... I mean, it's where he lives), I just couldn't function. I couldn't move or get up from the seat, so I just didn't get off on at the stop... I was paralized. So I had to go back and get on the subway again and this time I could get off the station. I called my friend and she picked me up, I was having a huge anxiety attack. But she calmed me (not only she's my best friend, she is a psychologist, and she calmed me very quickly. But his house it's like... VERY close to her house. I am SO afraid someday I will meet him... He will think that I'm spying on him or something. The fact is that I completely refuse to hang with my best friend in the whole world, just for him. I think all this is making me feel worse. Since I was near (so so so close) to his house... It's just terrible. In fact, outside the station is where he ditched me like garbage, screamed at me and told me that I should commit suicide if that's what I wanted. I feel like his old self would punch this new person right in the gut. I'm not in square one, though, I still haven't cried so that's good.

Having a minor setback, I think. First holidays in six years without you. My birthday just passed and I felt so alone... Like never before. I pretended I was ok. In fact, I'm pretty good at pretending I'm over you. But you didn't even get in touch. Hell, probably you didn't even remember it was my birthday. I wish I could be like you: get into another relationship like the previous one didn't even exist.

I'm so sorry! But you haven't been broken up for a long time, actually it's just 25 days. It's normal you feel like you can't do anything. Expect the next months to be like that, but don't even think that it's not normal, feeling like you're not moving on. You are, but you don't realize it yet. They pretend like everything's fine and then, bam! They're gone. Don't force yourself to feel OK. It's okay not to be okay. You can cry, and you can scream and you can be in your bed crying until sleep. You will see that, eventually, you get tired of feeling like that... And then it gets better. Don't bottle up your feelings. FEEL. When you see her, ignore her. I know I'm asking for too much right now... But ignore her as much as you can. A calm sea never turn a pirate into an expert sailor!

Polaris, are you NC? I don't know why people can di that. Pretend everything's perfect the day before dumping you. How long it's been since your BU?

It's so so weird. I don't know if he was pretending for five years or he's pretending now. He was humble and kind, now he's changed a lot. He's a total stranger. He does things he never did, he has a lot of money but he never bragged about it. Now he does. All the time with his new gf. It's so so so weird. We used to watch movies while eating pop corn all alone, in our "nest" (we piled a lot of pillows and blankets and we called it our "nest"), and listen to music on our room. We were happy just like that. Now he buys expensive sh*t he doesn't need, and brags a lot about everything. I don't really know how a person can change so much in six months. It's ridiculous. He's so shallow. It really brings me down, that the person I met is not in this Earth anymore...

Oh god. You went to the graduation of your master's degree with her... But you refused to go to our college graduation two years ago. Now you wear expensive clothes, listen to dubstep (omfg you used to listen to punk rock and indie... happened), go to parties, and say words like "so cool" (in English, when we speak in Spanish...). You don't speak English. All the English you know you learnt it from me. You're pretending to be someone you are not. What's wrong with you. I actually feel like I don't know you at all. I miss the old you, the new you sucks.

I hate that I still love you. Not in love anymore, I just miss us. But I don't miss the monster that lives inside of you.

I almost called you yesterday. I was drunk, but my friends grabbed my phone and I couldn't. I can't thank them enough for that. It would have destroyed all the progress I made... Two whole months of NC. But I miss you, and I realized that even after 6 months, I'm not over it. I'm still thinking about you, and you probably don't even remember me.

Terrible night. I dreamt about you and her together, you were dumping me all over again. Today it hurts. I had to listen to your voice telling me how much she means to you, how I meant nothing to you...

F*ck YOU! .

Wait and see, the lack of respect for people and the guilt do horrible things to your physical appearance.

I just saw two pictures of you. What happened? You were so handsome, so fit. You getting a lot fatter made me feel a lot better. Thanks, douche.

you ing !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I miss you, idiot. Even if you left me heartbroken, even if it's unhealthy to miss you! I do really miss you. I wish you would come back.

I miss you. I wish you would come back.