Wow you sound like my ex except my "controlling" behaviour is what she actually needed. I never cared about her outfits or whatever but my ex had no self discipline or control. I tried to get her to change. I tried to get her to take care of her body, work out (she's over-weight), eat sensibly, drink in moderation, not do drugs, read more, go to school, not spend money recklessly, etc. She pretended she wanted all that for herself it was a lie. I guess she too harbours resentment towards me like you harbour resentment towards your ex. Although to be fair, it seems like your ex wanted to change superficial things about you that didn't matter but the stuff I wanted her to change were actually important things.
I guess you can't get into a relationship where you expect someone to change.