How Can I Overcome My Possessive Behavior?

Dear eNotAlone: I feel like I'm too possessive. It's been eating away at me for a while and I have no idea how to handle it. I don't want to be controlling, but I feel like I can't help it. My family and friends have noticed that I get jealous or territorial when it comes to certain people or situations. I'm just so worried that I'm going to hurt one of my relationships if I can't find a way to control my possessiveness. Is there any way that I can work on this before it gets out of hand? I just want to make sure that I keep these valuable relationships in my life for a long time. What can I do to make sure I don't let my possessiveness take over?

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The first step in overcoming possessiveness is to recognize when you're feeling it. Are you quick to become angry or frustrated when someone you care about talks to someone else or starts a new activity or job? These feelings are normal, but it's also important to acknowledge when they are beginning to cause problems.

Once you have identified your possessive behavior, you will need to practice self-control strategies. Start by monitoring your thoughts and reactions. Instead of automatically assuming the worst - such as the other person is trying to take something away from you - try to think objectively about the situation. Remind yourself that nothing is necessarily wrong and that some possessive behavior is normal.

It's also helpful to set boundaries and respect those of other people. Each individual has the right to their own desires, needs, and goals. Instead of trying to control how and where your loved one spends their time, show them that you trust by giving them space to make decisions without you hovering.

To build upon this healthy sense of trust, try expressing your thoughts and feelings openly. This can help provide clarity between you and your loved one. Knowing they understand your position and feelings can help you to feel more secure in the relationship and reduce the need to be possessive.

Remember that you have control over your own life. Adjusting the lens to focus on what you have can be beneficial. Don't give up on yourself or your relationships just because you have difficulty regulating possessive behavior. With patience, understanding and determination, it is possible to overcome possessiveness and benefit from close and meaningful relationships.