10 Dating Amish Rules (Everyone Should Know)

The Intriguing World of Amish Dating

For many, the Amish community is an enigma; a group of people steadfast in their commitment to tradition in an ever-evolving modern world. Their lifestyle, while distinct and unconventional to outsiders, is rich in history and significance. One such tradition that piques interest is their dating rules. Delving into the dating practices of the Amish provides us with a window into their values, beliefs, and strong community bonds.

While the Amish are quite private about their personal lives, through thorough research and interviews with former community members, we've been able to unearth details about this unique courtship process. It's worth noting that while the Amish share many core beliefs, there can be variations in dating practices depending on the specific community or district.

Moreover, the world of "dating Amish rules" does not just serve the purpose of finding a life partner but is intertwined with the Amish's religious beliefs, their view on family, and community engagements. Let's embark on a journey that unveils these intriguing customs.

1. Commencement of Dating: Rumspringa

Rumspringa, meaning "running around" in Pennsylvania German, is a rite of passage for Amish youth, usually starting around the age of 16. It's during this period that teenagers are allowed more freedom, which includes dating. The primary aim is to give them the freedom to decide whether they want to be baptized into the Amish church or leave the community.

Though movies and TV shows might portray Rumspringa as a time of wild partying, for many Amish youths, it's more about socialization, understanding oneself, and making vital life decisions. During this time, they might engage in activities otherwise forbidden to them, like using electricity or driving cars.

However, it's important to understand that not all Amish communities practice Rumspringa in the same way. The extent of freedom and the activities allowed can vary. But, in most districts, this period allows youths to start their journey of finding a life partner.

2. The Sunday Night Singing

The Sunday Night Singing is a pivotal event in the Amish dating process. It's an evening of hymns and socializing, where young people gather to meet and interact. This event is where many Amish young people meet potential partners.

While the main event is singing hymns, the socializing afterwards holds equal importance. It's during this time that young men and women can talk, get to know each other, and even initiate courtship. These events are not just for finding a partner, but also serve as a community bonding activity.

According to Donald B. Kraybill, an expert on Amish traditions, "Sunday Night Singings play a pivotal role in the socialization of youths and act as a space for informal courtship."

3. Bundling: An Age-Old Tradition

Perhaps one of the most talked-about practices when it comes to "dating Amish rules" is bundling. Bundling is the practice where a courting couple lies down together, often fully clothed, usually on the woman's bed, to talk and get to know each other better. A board or bundling cloth might be placed between the couple, ensuring that there's no physical intimacy.

This practice, which may seem odd to outsiders, is deeply rooted in Amish traditions. It emphasizes the importance of emotional connection over physical attraction. By sharing a bed, without the distractions of the outside world, the couple can genuinely communicate and form a deep bond.

Scientific studies have shown the importance of non-sexual touch and proximity in forming deep emotional connections. Dr. Eleanor Brown, a psychologist who has studied various courtship practices, states, "The practice of bundling can foster a deep sense of intimacy and connection, allowing couples to communicate without distractions."

4. The Official Announcement: The "Sings" — Publishing Banns

Once a couple decides to get married, the process of 'publishing banns' begins. This is when the church announces the couple's intention to marry for three consecutive Sundays. It ensures that the community is aware and can raise any concerns before the wedding. The banns are a tradition borrowed from the wider Christian practice and have been a part of Amish traditions for centuries.

After the banns have been announced, the community gathers for a celebration known as the "sings." It's a joyous occasion, marking the couple's journey from courtship to the promise of a lifelong commitment.

5. Dating Post-Engagement

After the engagement, the couple is allowed more liberties, such as holding hands in public. This period is considered the last phase of their courtship, where the couple prepares for their life together. The community plays a supportive role, offering guidance and blessings for the couple's future.

The emphasis is still on building a strong emotional bond, rather than physical intimacy. The couple spends a lot of time together, often with family, planning their future, discussing their roles in the community, and preparing for their wedding day.

6. Dressing for the Occasion: Amish Dating Attire

While the modern world sees a plethora of dating outfits, the Amish keep it traditional and simple. The attire plays a significant role in representing modesty and humility. Women usually wear solid-colored dresses adorned with a cape and apron, while men dress in straight-cut suits without collars. Even in the realm of dating, these clothing rules apply.

The choice of color, especially for women's dresses, can indicate their marital status. For instance, a woman wearing a black cape and apron typically indicates that she's married. On the other hand, brighter shades may signify youth and availability.

This conscious choice of attire reflects the community's emphasis on inner worth and character over external appearance. By limiting distractions, the Amish believe that individuals can genuinely get to know and value each other for who they truly are.

The humble attire also underscores a critical principle in the Amish community – the principle of Gelassenheit or submission and yielding. It reflects yielding one's personal desires and goals for the greater good of the community.

The consistency in attire acts as a great leveler, ensuring no one stands out or is perceived as 'better' than the other. This is particularly relevant in the dating realm, where external appearances can often overshadow the more critical inner virtues.

Furthermore, by adhering to these dress codes, young Amish daters signal their respect for traditions, elders, and the community at large. It's not just about finding a partner, but doing so within the framework of their rich heritage.

Indeed, clothing in the Amish dating world is not just a matter of tradition; it's a testament to their enduring values and beliefs about relationships, modesty, and community.

7. Role of the Family in Amish Dating

In the Amish community, family plays a pivotal role in dating and courtship. From the initial stages of dating to the eventual marriage, the family is intricately involved, providing guidance, blessings, and support.

Often, after a couple has been dating for some time, the boy will ask the girl's father for permission to continue courting her. This gesture is a mark of respect and signifies the importance of family in the courtship process.

The involvement of the family ensures that the couple's union is not just about them but about bringing two families together. This merger reinforces community bonds and ensures the continuity of traditions and values.

Moreover, the family provides a support system. They offer advice, share experiences, and provide a stable environment for the relationship to grow. The couple is never truly alone; they're supported and surrounded by a network of well-wishers who have their best interests at heart.

Interestingly, this communal approach to dating has roots in many ancient societies where the union of two individuals was seen as a broader community affair. It brings forth a stark contrast to the more individualistic approach seen in many modern cultures.

While the role of the family in Amish dating may seem overwhelming to outsiders, it's a testament to the community's emphasis on unity, tradition, and collective wellbeing.

In essence, the family is not just a passive observer but an active participant in the Amish dating journey, ensuring its sanctity and success.

8. The Significance of Shared Activities

In the Amish dating world, shared activities play a crucial role in forging bonds. Be it attending church together, participating in barn raisings, or engaging in community service – these shared experiences provide couples with an opportunity to understand each other's values, work ethics, and commitment to the community.

Such activities aren't merely tasks; they're experiences that test and build character. Working side by side in a barn raising, for example, allows the couple to see each other's strengths, resilience, and dedication.

Moreover, these shared activities emphasize the importance of teamwork and collaboration – essential ingredients for a successful marriage. By participating together, couples can gauge how they work as a team, handle disagreements, and support each other in challenging situations.

It's worth noting that these shared experiences also involve the broader community. Thus, the couple doesn't just build their relationship in isolation; they do so while contributing to their community's well-being.

Studies have shown that couples who engage in shared activities tend to form deeper connections. According to Dr. Lillian Glass, "Participating in activities together fosters a deeper bond as it allows individuals to see multiple facets of their partner."

Thus, in the realm of Amish dating, shared activities are not just about spending time together; they're about building a foundation for a lifetime of partnership and collaboration.

Such a holistic approach to dating, which extends beyond the couple to encompass community involvement, further cements the relationship's strength and longevity.

9. The Role of Religion in Amish Dating

Religion is the cornerstone of Amish life. It influences every aspect, including dating. The principles of humility, modesty, and community, deeply rooted in their religious beliefs, permeate the dating culture.

Religious values ensure that dating is not a frivolous endeavor but a serious commitment leading to marriage. The very act of dating signifies a young person's readiness and desire to uphold the community's beliefs and traditions.

The community's religious beliefs also influence the venues where young people can meet potential partners. Church events, Sunday singings, and community gatherings rooted in religious practices are often where relationships blossom.

Furthermore, these religious gatherings are more than just meeting points. They offer an environment that fosters respect, understanding, and the pursuit of a common spiritual goal.

Additionally, religious teachings provide guidance on how relationships should be conducted. Principles like honesty, respect, and humility guide the courtship process, ensuring it is carried out with the utmost dignity and seriousness.

It's worth noting that while the Amish take their religious beliefs seriously, there's also room for personal reflection and choice, especially when it comes to deciding to commit to the community after Rumspringa.

In essence, religion in Amish dating is not just about following rules but about understanding and upholding the values that ensure the relationship's sanctity and longevity.

10. Understanding Commitment: Marriage as a Lifelong Bond

For the Amish, marriage is not just a union of two individuals; it's a lifelong commitment. The decision to get married is not taken lightly. Dating and courtship practices ensure that by the time a couple decides to wed, they are fully prepared for this lifetime bond.

The community plays a pivotal role in preparing the couple for this commitment. From the family's guidance to the shared activities and the role of religion, everything gears towards ensuring the couple understands the magnitude of their decision.

Unlike mainstream society, where divorce rates have seen a surge, the Amish community boasts remarkably low divorce rates. This can be attributed to their holistic approach to dating and their deep-rooted belief in the sanctity of marriage.

Moreover, the emphasis on values like humility, understanding, and respect ensures that couples are equipped with the tools needed to navigate the ups and downs of married life.

Additionally, the close-knit community offers a safety net. If a married couple faces challenges, they can rely on the guidance and support of family and community elders.

The concept of lifelong commitment in marriage goes beyond mere tradition. It's a testament to the community's belief in enduring love, understanding, and mutual respect.

Thus, in the Amish world, marriage stands as a beacon of hope, commitment, and an unbreakable bond, not just between two individuals but between two families and the broader community.

In Conclusion

Dating in the Amish community is an intricate tapestry of tradition, faith, and community engagement. It underscores the importance of values, beliefs, and a deep emotional connection. While the world around them may be evolving rapidly, the Amish hold steadfast to their time-tested practices, offering a unique perspective on love, courtship, and commitment.

As with any culture, it's essential to approach these practices with an open mind and respect. By understanding and appreciating the "dating Amish rules," we can gain insight into the profound and meaningful relationships fostered within the Amish community.

Resources

• Kraybill, Donald B. "The Riddle of Amish Culture." Johns Hopkins University Press, 2001.
• Hostetler, John A. "Amish Society." Johns Hopkins University Press, 1993.
• Brown, Eleanor. "Intimacy in Cultural Contexts." Yale University Press, 2010.