You have no idea how bad I just want to tell you all of the lies you kept from me, the bull * * * * that I assumed was going on which is why I stopped buying you those cute things, especially not getting anything for our anniversary or your birthday in the last six months. I want to tell you I found out so many things and this weight that I have sucks. Everyone preaches NC to heal, but I feel like I have healed. I don't shame you for what you did, you did what was best, like I always did during our relationship. I refuse to believe complacency is bad. Why have an overhead to live up to...to expect. My life is good. I am happy. I don't need people to make me happy, but I enjoy company to socialize when it is wanted.
It sucks to think back on our relationship and think I was just paying for the dinners and movies like you were some escort who gave me sex whenever I wanted it, on my terms. Being each others distractions or emotional crutch. What is sad is I think I just got addicted to the sex, the attention, but I never really needed it. It was nice, I enjoyed and loved every minute of it. But I wonder if I loved the attention or if I loved you. Being that I met and got close with your family I feel like I loved what we shared together, it had to have been real. I am not sad it is over. I am still a little hurt from the deceit. If you were honest with me...I wouldn't have this grudge. It is sad to think of you in this light, but reflection has been demoralizing to me.