cdalton17

Well I have seen you yesterday and you looked great. It was nice to chat with your sister and Dad, I love them both. I just miss being apart of your family and with you. I had a great time with taking our two dogs to the park as well, I hope your cat is getting along good with all of your dads cat. I liked the two texts you sent me after I left. Life is ironic. I am just very sorry for all what we have been through. I do not want to reconzile with you anymore. You need to live life with out me, I have caused to much pain. As hard this is to type, it needs to be done. maybe, just maybe we can start something anew when you heal and I get better with my problems. I am over 2 months now in recovery and doing very well with it all. I am proud of what I am doing, And I know you are proud of me as well. I wish you all the best and we probably wont talk after yesterday for a while, Please just keep me in your memeries in a good way as I will do the same. I love you "F", and always will the rest of my life. You were "the one" and I screwed it up and will live with this regret the rest of my life. Have a good life....

Dont even feel like contacting you.. I write drafts of email and just save them without ever sending them, i go back and re-read them And say to myself, thank God I never sent them. you are not worth anymore of my love or time. You left me, Now I am leaving you. We had 8 nice years and have no regrets of giving it a try with us. But it did not work out and time for me now. Have a happy and healthy life and I will prayer that you have this... Good luck...

8 weeks today since you left me in a cowardly way, You are really not the person I thought I knew. I am starting to be glad you have left me, Or shall I say, I am God came in my life and had yu leave me to save me from the person you actually are. You were right about how we wouldve been in a couple of years, My life wouldve been horrible with you and you sleeping around. So GLAD you are gone.. Good luck in your troubles, You will not have me to blame them on anymore you low life...

I am truly missing you right now, i miss everything about you, again i do not know how to ever say sorry for taking your love that you had for me and abused it. I really wish i knew better at the time, because I really do love you and never wanted anything like this to happen to "US". I just never thought this would happen, I am sorry for it all and wish I would've changed my behavior for you, not for me. But this is not the case. I didn't do this and need to live with this guilt and sorrow the rest of my life. I do not think I can ever Love someone like I loved you emotionally. I truly did love you, I know I did not show it, I had issues, I hide them with my drinking that I thought at the time was normal. I know you knew better, I tried the best with us as I knew how at the time. I know better now, I am working on my issues and changing everyday, I feel a new me coming out from the inside. I just feel so ashamed that you will never see this, but you always knew it was there. You really did try with us, and I hope you do not beat yourself up to much of any kind of failure. No one failed here, we just did our best with the tools that we had, Now that we have better tools in our hands, we will do better. I just feel so sad that we cant do the building of life together with the new tools we have. I am getting myself back everyday that goes by, I think clearer than I ever did, I am healing from this break-up, I am learning how to give and not take. I Hope you are working on yourself and seeking out some kind of higher power from all of this to get your life back the way you thought it would be. Again F, I am truly sorry, now that I realize all what was wrong. I still and always will prayer for you and your family. God bless

I do not know if we will ever talk again, I feel betrayed by your love. You do not know what love is. You said you did, But You do not. You showed your true colors on Saturday whan you got thr rest of your things, No hug goodbye, the things you said, and ignored my kids, when you say how much you love them. They are inoccent kids and you ignored them. That is what hurts me the most. I was just blinded by my life style to not ever see who you really are. You showed who you really are over this break-up. I would never treat any one like you treated me and my kids post BU. That is the difference between me and you, I have love in my heart, yet in peices still, but I have it and will always have it. I hope the things you are doing really makes you happy, but what you are doing with your life now would never make me happy nor would I ever want the kind of person you are in my life again. so God bless you and I say prayers for you everyday because everyone needs them. Have a nice life "beau" and I will always love you, but I gotta go and take care of me now... Goodbye...

Had a dream about you last night. I really do miss you, I miss talking with you, I miss hugging you, I miss you.. Staurday was our last contact with each other when you came here with your family and got all your things. I wanted a hug good bye. You sayed NO. That hurt a lot. the last Hug from you ever. There is no reason to talk with you any more, No reason to see you any more. That is it, after 8 years.. I know I did wrong with us in the past. I am changing doing all the right things in the last 2 months. I realize it is too late. But I will continue to be a better person, for myself and for any future realtionship I will have. I am taking our relationship not as a failure, even if it was. I have no regrets of ever beeing with you for 8 years. I was able to love, even if you say it was the wrong kind of love. I always thought love was love. I am learning a lot about self love first and wanting to be with someone, not needing to be, also not being controlling to one another. I will continue to develop into the man I always was inside and that you have seen in me. This si why you stayed with me for 8 years, always seeing this but never changing. I realize it is too late. you can not doit again. It hurts and is sad that we will not be old together sitting on the porch sipping coffee. But those are future plans that has dissolved once when you have left, i accept all of this. I am just glad I have known you in my life. You have taught me a life lesson of bettering myself and the way I was, was not the right way to be. So thank you. I pray for you to heal properly and to find serenity in your life. God bless you.. I love you with all I had to give at the time, and I love you now with all I have....

cant you see or feel how much pain I am in. I know all about me right? But is it? You are the one who left me. left everthing, You left so fast you only took one bag of clothes, everthing is still here.. I am all alone here with all of yours and our things, the house you picked out for us to buy together. Why? why couldnt you just say , heh we need to go and get help otherwise I am leaving.. You didnt even tell me in person, You left a 3 sentence note after 8 years and tried to cut off all contact from one another. Really and I am the bad one? You have your family, you have your 'special clients' what the heck. dont you even feel anything? You got mad at me on sunday from those nasty textes I sent ya Saturday, and yelled at me on Sunday, then Yelled at me on Sunday because I was hesitent on coming up with your tires for your car that you got a flat in. I came up there, I had my boys, Had to drop them off. Then came up 2 hour drive to fix your flat tire, Then gave you my car to use to fix your car, On top of all of that I gave you 1k cash for you to survive and hopefully go get therapy, I could use the money, i have to move from this house in like 2 weeks, I am buying another house. need to rent a place for a month or so. Do you care? dosent seem like it. you dont even car about your cat that is still here or all of your personal belongings, You want me to put them in storage for you. I am just really hurting and Love you so much, Please come back home...

I feel Really bad today, I just dont know what it is about you that has my power. I love you so. I wanted to talk to you so bad, Its been almost 6 weeks now since you left, I know we speak more than we should, I just miss you being here. us eating together, talking together, planning things together, We talked on Sunday when I came up and fixed your car. That made me happy, Even though you were stand offish, You almost kissed me in the car good bye when I asked for one last hug. Why do you push yourself away from us so hard? You know I am trying to fix me, I am trying to do the right thing, I would love for you to be by my side for this, And I would love to be by your side as you get better as well. Why all of this nonsense? This is us we are talking about. Are we not worth it anymore? Has there been so much pain that you cant feel and give the love anymore? Please help me understand....

Well, Its been 30 hours since I texted ya good morning, I know we will have to talk eventually, We have to much un finished business still. But why do we? What is actually going on? I am torn.. I want to reconcile, But I do not want to beg you for anything anymore, I am finished with begging you to talk to me. I will not do that no more. I will get my strenght back with this that I gave away to you. Slowly everday I will. I will be strong again, I will come out a winner on this. I will make it with out you. Dont know how yet. But I will. One day at a time. if that dont work. One hour at a time. so go and be gone with what you want out of life, With out me. We obviously never was meant to be I guess, I thought you said we were lobsters and mated for life. Was that another lie? You lied to us more than I ever did, Yes I was wrong in things I have done to you, I am accepted this break up, I am seeking help and changing my ways, You are not. Yes I am at the bottom right now, But not for long, Slowoly I will get my strenght back, And when i do, I hope you start to feel the emptiness and pain that I felt. Go Be gone. BYE....

i am hurting you said to call u after 9 pm tonight it is now 10 20 pm.. * * * ....

I miss you so much, I cant stand it..after 6 years you just left without notice and only a 3 line letter, I tryed 100 times contacting you today. I am nowstill at 3 am.awanted to call you. I can not believe the hurt I feel. But as of today I will be doing a no contact with you, good luck I hope you find what you were looking for..