Matter2134

21 hours ago, catfeeder said:

This is the most classic telltale sign of a manipulator casting himself as The Expert with secret vision into your future along with the self-entitlement to inflict such negativity upon you.

Along the same groan-inspiring motive is the assertion is that nobody else in the world could possibly love you, except for him, even while he owns the perfect right to withdraw that love unless and until you are willing to accept the roles he's cast for both of you.

Kinda makes you want to puke, doesn't it?

Very much so. 

4 hours ago, treasure_island said:

yes, it's like gaslighting and he's a full blown narcissist. they blame everything on you. You're insecure, or this or that, that's why the relationship isn't working. So it's all your fault. If only you weren't so insecure, then you deserve his love....

it's all bull***. Run as fast as you can.

Besides, I never liked when people call their partners insecure. He probably made you feel insecure, doesn't mean you are insecure. The most confident people can feel insecure b/c they are dating a narcissist. Narcissists do that. They lower your self esteem, degrade you, then call you insecure and leave you. Then they return to see if you have worked on your ''insecurities"'. 

Classic.

Thank you this is what I felt as well. He did things to be shady and lied. His whole family unit is a mess but I’m the one with problems. lol. My family is solid and we are not drama 

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this is happening. It sounds like you dodged a bullet. Has he always been this verbally and emotionally abusive?

You need to delete and block him and ALL his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

Ask your friends and family to assist you in getting rid of him by asking them to cease communication with him.

That is al in place friends and family have ceased communication with him and his family. So last night I’m in my car in the parking lot at my apartment and he pulls up and wants me to call his daughter because she is in a crisis. I politely said no and he anger got upset and said his daughter is mad at me now also because my family blocked her as well in Facebook. Im starting to think the whole family is all drama. Im not sure what more I can do besides blocking h I’m from all avenues and now he shows up to ask for my help lol. 

1 hour ago, Kwothe28 said:

Yes. between his ex wife and him, you dodged a huge bullet there. Just block him and his kids and friends and dont think about it.

Totally agree. I have tried to get him to see the issues but finally cut all ties with his family and friends but now he is angry 

So the same man who walked out on me that and ended things is now trying to talk time. He emailed a letter saying that if I would fix my insecurities this would all be okay. He said I’m the root cause of all this and he even has the nerve to say I should get fixed as I will never be in a relationship if I’m like this. He takes no blame only that he had to leave because of my insecurities   He also stated there wa red flags he ignored from the beginning and that he should have left then. *** I haven’t said one word to him in a week or not and woll

not respond to him. He said I adore you love you and I could be with you if you fix yourself.  This man has sent me pics of him and his ex and a friend sitting around a fire when I first met him and thought that was acceptable. He said he doesn’t love him a ex and I will see in years to come that he will never get back with her. Then asked me to go to counselling with me. Lol. I am starting to believe he is insane   He even called my cousin who he is friends with and said I’m insecure and that although he loves me he can’t be with me. He was upset also I deleted his kids and friends of Facebook. 

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Let this man go. He sits around with his thumb up his rear while he enjoys his flying monkeys doing the dirty work of making you feel horrible.

He is the culprit, not his ex-wife or kids. When you accept the horribleness of who he really is, you'll be able let go and move forward in peace.

Agreed. He seems nice some days and then gets angry others. Crazy 

Just now, Matter2134 said:

Oh his kids are okay well his boy of 18 called me horrible names but that’s what he heard from the mother 

They all said I caused all the drama since I came In the picture. It’s probably because the father never had anyone is his life for 8 years 

11 hours ago, spinstermanquee said:

uh-huh.  agreed... he doesn't care because as long as there is someone to receive his D it doesn't matter which person receives it.  he will just tell the one at the current address that they are the one he loves.  easy peasey!  omg i hope his kids are okay

Oh his kids are okay well his boy of 18 called me horrible names but that’s what he heard from the mother 

On 11/26/2022 at 8:36 AM, spinstermanquee said:

Matter, sorry to hear you're still struggling with this man and his ex wife for - more than a year?  When he moved out in January he exhibited the same behavior - no boundaries with ex, didn't respect you, refused to meet your needs.  He doesn't sound like much of a prize.  Why are you hanging on to someone who has been so consistently crappy to you for so long?  What exactly are you getting out of this "relationship" besides drama and poor treatment?

 At this point I do t know anymore and the last time he left I let him go. Then he hounded me with calls texts etc. guess he knew I was not taking him back. I won’t let him move in with me again he has moved back to his house. It’s all drama with the whole family and has been from day 1. I’m almost ready to say that’s it as my life is good with out all of this.  I know I need to make a decision and he says I need to stop this immediately questioning about her motives as he doesn’t care 

On 11/21/2022 at 2:52 AM, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this is happening. How long have you been together? Do you live together? 

How old is he? How old are his children? 

How long have they been divorced? Perhaps you're seeing why he's divorced. He doesn't seem to have much respect for you or the relationship. His ex-wife isn't the problem.

Don't bother with her social media. Perhaps she wants the same name as her kids or it's a dig to her fiance.

It sounds like they deserve each other. Don't get in the crossfire of their ridiculousness.

Step back and reflect if you want to be treated like this. 

Hi kids are 18 and 23. They have been divorced 11 years   He keeps saying they don’t talk anymore but I know that’s a lie because I have seen his messages to her and it’s still laughing about how she went to a restaurant and how they went when the kids were small. It bothers me and he says I need to let it go. He promised it would stop so I’m trusting his words but I don’t trust her as I know she will try something else  

Just now, Seraphim said:

The issue is HIM, not her. He won’t put her in her place. He isn’t ready for marriage .

1 minute ago, Cherylyn said:

Your fiance will always have his ex-wife in his life especially because of their children.  She will not go away.  He will not confront his ex-wife because she will use the children against him.  She will continue to interfere with your and your fiance's life forever.  Should you complain,  he'll break the engagement.  Either accept your fiance, his ex-wife and their children and being your fiance's lowest priority or break off the engagement.  You will never be happily married to him.  Date and marry a man without baggage because it will be easier and smoother. 

Agree on somethings but to say she needs to be in his life all the time because of two adult children is crazy. I’m sorry you feel that way but I have many friends that have husbands with ex wives and they are not in daily contact about how they are feeling etc or interfering with the new wife 

So I have a fiancé and we are trying to move forward and plan a life together. Only huge problem has been his ex wife. She has done numerous things to upset me and he refuses to deal with her as he said she will round his adult kids against him. She has shown up at a few dinners uninvited while we are with his kids and talked only to him and about how they did things together. She is constantly texting or calling about nothing just to chat about her vacation. She is also engaged but since the very beginning she has basically told me they are best friends.  Problem I have is she has now changed her name back to her married name on Facebook. I feel this is very manipulative but my fiancé says it’s no big deal   Fiancé has never spoken up and I have been told that I’m causing drama. Not much more I can take and as soon as I try and address an issue he breaks the engagement need advice 

14 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

This is called gaslighting. It's a form of abuse/manipulation to confuse you and make you think it's all in your head. Stop talking to him, and be done with this madness. 

Agreed and he moved all his clothes there is a few things here he needs to get I guess he didn’t have time last night  I haven’t heard from him yet today but I’ll pack it up and drop of off 

Yes moved out 

14 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

It's not about fault -from what you wrote I'm not sure what you evaluated to make that choice.

Only going on what he said. He said I’m to blame for destroying us. But then said he needs to see if he is making a rash decision   Didn’t want me to pack up the rest of his things  said let’s talk tomorrow 

25 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Is this the same guy from a few months ago? I'm sorry you're in a bad situation.

Guess it’s my own fault. Should have stayed away from him  

So last night he moved out of my plac  he said he couldn’t do it anymore and blames me for everything  background in this is he has an ex wife who he won’t set boundaries with. His phone is his obsession and the past few days it’s hiding it from me no taking it to bed etc. I saw a text from a coworker and looks like he is chatting with her. He said I accuse him often which is not true. He just jumped up last night after I asked him to please put his phone away and he said he is leaving and can’t take this anymore. I called a few times to say tell me the truth because I don’t believe this was random it was planned. He says it wasn’t  one day saying he loves me next minute walking out. He said last night after he left that he is angry he loves me but for me to leave him alone. Then he says he can’t lose me  so confusing. So today he wants to talk. *** 

Well tonight was the last conversation with him. He told me in the past 2018 he slept with married women in his town. I asked if he knew thenuabands and he said yes. I said you have no morals and the he got upset because I was digging into his past. I asked how could you do such a thing and he said I was single and they came onto me. Plus I can keep a secret. Well he then said you can leave it you want. So I left 

Okay so same guy but now seems to keep taking about me leaving him or breaking up. Driving me crazy and I told him so. Then he says I love you  so this morning he sends this Have a good day at work, and stay out of trouble! It took me 10 years to find you…..don’t want to have a long term relationship (but I would with you if needed 😘) with you while you are on a rig 😂😂.   What the hell is going on with this guy.  Is he giving me hints on wanting to leave as I have repeatedly told

him I’m not going anywhere.  Then he will say he is not leaving me he wants to marry me.  What do you guys think

4 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

It does, if he wants you to stick around until he's had his fill of you. 

7 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

Insecurities? He is insecure about himself so he seeks validation

Same guy with shady trip and saying how he would marry you and then saying how he would not? Lots of red flags there

He just texts  I am so in love with you dawn   I’m keeping my guard up this time   

11 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I think he wants out unfortunately and is trying to make it "it's not you it's me" kind of thing so you get tired of it and bow out.  I would avoid "reassuring" him or overthinking/questioning him -simply maintain your dignity and tell him that you see he is uncomfortable and keeping his distance and you think it's better if you both find someone you feel at home with.

Maybe who knows.  Saying he in in love with me doesn’t make sense if he wants out  

Thanks for the advice makes me feel better.  But also thinking he wants out and can’t tell Me