Texas Consultant

You don't need an affair; you need a divorce. And probably some whisky too.

I like choosy girls, shy or not. There's something more magical about being selected, than being accepted.

2 months ago: started taking drugs because relationship wasn't right

2 weeks ago: cheated on him

Sounds like a problem is building and the symptoms are drugs and cheating, but they aren't the cause.

Tell her you'd like to see her next week, and will call on Monday to finalize.

Do not mention the words "sweaty","panting","palpitating" or "penetrating" in that sentence and you'll do fine.

I wouldn't worry about flashbacks with MDMA (Ecstasy). It's closer to speed (MDA, methamphetamine) than LSD.

I suspect the reason occasional use helps reverse Parkinson's has something to do with the regulation of serotonin. I'd be interested to see if LSD and sleep deprivation had similar effects.

My views on cannabis are that it's like any other drug, including alcohol, cigarettes, sugar and caffeine. You can probably have good experiences with it, but it can also lead to abuse and wasting of life.

However, I think all drugs should be legalized... I don't want to pay for the enforcement to try to stop people from growing plants in the ground. It's a losing proposition no matter how you cut it. Like someone said here, every person has to make some mistakes, and some are drugs, some are affairs, and some are crimes... it's find the ones you can rehabilitate and moving them on that's the tricky part.

I'm very open minded about drugs when dating, but I'm also practical. Girls on heroin, crack, crank, coke, PCP and/or constant MDMA use are by nature not ready for a relationship. Another way of looking at it is that I'm not ready for a relationship with the burden of massive drug use. Either way, in my view, some things you just don't overlook. Occasional pot, coke, alcohol, cigarettes, etc. doesn't bother me, although I'm still squeamish about coke for some reason (I've never done it myself, and have no plans to).

So he lied and won't back down over a kiss? Then he probably won't back down over anything - which doesn't work in a relationship (at least, any I've seen on Earth). Get him a RealDoll and move on!

Quoth the Raven, "Put a bullet in that two-timing dawg, yo."

I agree with Charmed. If you as a family put yourselves between your daughter and her current romance object, no matter how much she is not seeing the situation, you as a family will be rejected. It's necessary for her independence.

Consider using a listening device in his car.

Practically speaking, you may decide to marry one person but you're going to have lust or feelings, possibly, for others. The question then becomes impulse control. Do you want to be married? If so, you've probably got to give up taking a pounding from this other fellow. If you're sticking with your boyfriend because it's "the smart thing to do," ask yourself, are you shopping for tomatoes or love? If you're looking for tomatoes, you have to compare price and availability, but with love, there's more flexibility and higher cost. Best of luck.

This is where "just being friends" is useful - it gives you intimate but non-sensual time to get to know if this person is indeed, renewed and restored and ready for compatible dating.

It sounds like you want him to adapt to your "Western" ways to some degree- this never works. I'd move on unless he shows you some strong evidence he's not a playa, yo.

My advice on infidelity:

Unless the other person cares enough to humble themselves totally, admit they completely screwed up and hurt you badly and that now they realize they didn't want to do that and never want to again, they're going to do something to slip your trust again. Affairs. Addiction. Crime. It's all the same.

Don't be a doormat. Forgive if you wish, but I suggest you make the person see what they've done first. It's not much different, training dogs or men...

My advice will not be popular: tell her she's too fat.

Truth is always better than lies (not fiction).

If someone hears, "I love everything about you but the gut," it's easy to tell what to do.

If she can't deal with it, well, there's your deal-killer of a mental dysfunction.

The problem in this case is that when one is high, one doesn't often feel like going out with the kids and doing other "life" things. My advice is to let your Dad know how you feel, especially when he's high, but do it gently. Just ask if you can have your Dad back.

Great post, Becca. I think that about nails it regarding harder drugs. As to the question, "What is addiction?" I'll say this: addiction is a preference for the substance over not having the substance. This could be because one is dissatisfied with reality, or simply, that reality sucks and the drug is more fun.

Most people are underconfident. I don't blame them. In many cases, it's because they have vast deficiencies. In other cases, it's just being overwhelmed by life. What I'd do in your situation is to get contact information from all of these guys, and then date 'em, but don't let 'em taste the ...uh... canned goods. You can then negotiate for the best one at the highest degree of freedom!

She has a group of friends - interrogate them.

This guy thinks he's cheating, and whether or not it's true, will blame disconnect in the marriage. From the tone of your text you sound like a more ebullient person, so he may be unable to commit to your level of articulated emotion and thereforeeee may be seeking something with no emotional attachments.

Personally, I think the best way to deal with a cheatin' husband is to pour whisky into him until he gets maudlin... they'll usually tell, because I doubt he has no feelings for you. Like someone wiser than me said in this thread, the first thing is spending time with the person... getting them back into interacting with you as a person and not someone you have to avoid (an authority figure).

My question is... do you want the boyfriend, or do you want a relationship? I think most people end up finding someone and only after that decide they want a relationship. If that's the case here, you have to choose: "freedom" versus having this guy. Most girls it seems to me choose "freedom," but I have praise for anyone who picks love or any other high ideal over practical convenience.

The problem with choices is you to have make them.

You can't have both A and B; you can have A or B.

So pick and and be happy.