Tryptophan

SCREW THIS! I HATE THIS WHOLE THING! IT'S BEEN MONTHS SINCE WE EVEN SO MUCH AS SPOKE BUT YET YOUR STILL SCREWING WITH MY LIFE! I wish I could erase you, erase everything we ever had- anything we ever were! I wish I never met you!!!

Yup. I wish I could do that with my ex too. Would be so much easier than all of this mental anguish.

so here's the thing...

in the space of a year i have lost my mum, broke up with my fiance, lost my house and my new boyfriend just broke up with me a week ago..

 

and now my best friend just told me that he can't give me any more advice and that i am all doom and gloom right now and that it is draining him having to listen to me ??????????

 

feeling like i have nowhere else to turn guys...

you know there's always someone willing to help in this forum. should start your own thread.

I know you're having a hard time forgetting me because someone told me. She brought it up so it doesn't break NC.

I don't know if it makes me smile that you can't forget me which means I'm on your mind or if I'm glad you're pain because of the pain I went through in silence.

Either way, it made me smile and I wanted to thank you for that. I hope it continues to hurt.

Guys - please just stop giving a damn about your exes.

 

They're not worth your thoughts.

I hope my heart understands that. I hope my brain does too. I want him out of my head .

This totally made me cry because damn not so long ago i was like this. Believe me you'll get through thiss.

Please never give up.

 

I won't. I just have my moments where life without him doesn't seem to make sense anymore. There's nothing to look forward to without his light shining in my day.

I want to talk to you so bad. I know I shouldn't be thinking of you - I have so many tasks to finish at work, and I haven't even done the things I was supposed to have done yesterday, or Monday. I don't get my stuff done anymore. I only think of you, and come on here to try to console myself with the fact that there are people out there who are feeling the same way. I miss you and I want you to know that but that would only hurt us both even more. I don't want to hurt you, or hurt myself anymore. I can't wait for the day when I stop wondering what you're doing, and whether you're thinking of me. I want the day to come where you I don't think of you and her. I don't even know if you like her but my jealousy tells me that you do. I know she's not your type, and that she's not the type of girl you would sleep with. At least I know she won't be laying her filthy hands on you. I still think of you as if you were mine. You're not my property, you're a person, but I can't stop thinking of how you used to make me feel yours on those nights. Those thoughts make me think of the days were I would say I was cold, and you would warm me up your way. Now, no matter how many sweaters I wear, I still feel cold inside. I wonder if you still think of me and if you cry like I do when I think of all the good times I had with you. I wonder if you think of making love to me like I think of making love to you.

I wonder if you want to call me and hear my voice. I wonder if what you're doing now. I wonder if you can concentrate at work when you're supposed to be doing your daily tasks; I know I can't. I wonder what music is playing on your radio and what songs make you think of me. It's been a while since I stopped listening to music because they all seem to be written about you. At this point, even the songs we used to talk smack about remind me of you. Remember how we would make fun of some love songs about missing people, and we never thought it would be us? Ironically, they all remind me of you. I wish I could reset my memory and let you go, even if that meant letting all the good memories go.

I don't want you in my head anymore. I don't want the traces of you in my heart because instead of filling me up, they feel like a hole in my heart now. I don't even eat anymore, I don't sleep. Nothing's changed. I wouldn't sleep and I wouldn't eat when I was with you either but that was because with you, I felt full, always felt complete. Now I just feel empty, and the only time that I eat is when people ask what is wrong with me. I don't know what to say to them, I'm afraid they'll never understand. I feel like a robot, and I have nothing to look forward to anymore. You were my life. You were the light in my day. You were the taste in my food. You were the warmth in my sun. You were the purpose of waking up every morning and try to look beautiful for you. And now, there's nothing. I look like s-h-i-t, and I know it. I'm not even interested in other guys. They're not you. I wonder if you think of other girls the same way, or are they the ones comforting you through this break-up?

I just hope you'll give it sometime before you get with somebody. It would break my heart to know that you've moved on. I don't want to be with anybody anyway so it's not like I would do the same. I want to be with you, and only you but we both know there's no hope here anymore. "It took the death of hope to let you go". My hope in this relationship died, but unfortunately, it also took the hope for everything else. I wish I would wake up tomorrow and get my hope back. Leave me with something. Don't take everything from me. The break-up was my fault so why am I begging to a non-existing person? I'm not sure, but I feel like asking a non-existing God for help. Maybe there's someone out there who will listen or maybe not but I feel like letting it out.

Your journal is so inspiring for me! I've just read through it kind of late because I'm new but it really shows all the progress that you've made in so little time. I recently had a break-up and at the moment, it feels like I'm not moving on at all but your journal has given me hope.

Right after break-ups, you feel like you're gonna die (I do at least), and you forget that you've been through this before, and you were fine after. Sometimes I just need a reminder that I am strong enough and that I WILL make it through. Our break-ups were totally different, and so were the relationships but I feel we all go through the same grieving in a way.

Anyway, what I am trying to say is thanks for sharing all your experiences with us. I'm sure I'm not the only one looking at your posts and going like "Man, I hope stuff works out for me this way too."

Best of luck!

I know what this feels like. I see pictures of him now and I try to think of him as ugly. He's not my type, it's just his personality that got to me. But then I think, he's a cheating arsehole. What personality? And I think to myself, why am I still thinking about him? How could he ever run to her? Why is he with her knowing that it made me jealous to see them just talk. I'm starting to think he just talked to her, chose her, on purpose just to make me mad, and he accomplished it. But even being mad at him, I can't get myself to forget him. I hate this. And I hate that I still check on him.

I miss you

I wonder if you're thinking of me.

I wonder if you miss me as much as I do.

I wonder if you need me as much as I do.

I wonder if you can still listen to music, like I can't because it all reminds me of you.

I wonder if you can concentrate on your work, when I can't because I am needing you.

I wonder if you think of hugging me and holding me and wanna hold me as bad as I do.

I wonder if still cry over me, like I cry over you. I like to think you do so that I can see myself holding you and wiping away your tears.

I wonder if she's there for you, and still hitting on you.

I wonder if you think about her now that I'm not around.

I wonder if you still love me, and want to write to me as much as I do.

I wonder if you miss my voice like I miss yours. Your voice just keeps coming back to me, and sometimes I wanna call just to hear it.

I wonder if you wait for my replies like I wait for yours.

I wonder if you think of us ever being together again.

And most of all, I wonder if you still see hope for us, like I do in my very tired, hopeless heart.

I wonder if you still give a damn about us.

I wonder if you think of me at night.

I wonder if you still miss me.

I wonder if we'll ever be together again.

I dreamt of you last night, and I woke up with a tear on my eye. I also keep having dreams of you making love to me, making me wet. Even with all the sadness of not being with you, I still think of you that way. I wonder if you do too.

I'm sorry for not saying I love you enough.

I'm sorry for letting you go but I needed my time.

I'm sorry that I miss you because I know we can no longer be together.

I'm sorry that I hate her because she's the one that gets to hold you when you cry.

I want to talk to you so bad.

I want to smell you, hug you, make love to you my baby.

Sometimes I wish you wouldn't talk to me because it makes me miss you, and I want to reply right away. But then I think that when I write back, the only thing I do is wait for your answer. I'm sorry for leaving you but I had no choice.

The days feel like years. They're tearing me apart. Baby, I promise you I never meant to make you cry. I wish you wouldn't tell me that you've cried too because I know who's there to hold you, and you have no idea how much it breaks my heart that it's not me.

Remember how music was my life when I was with you? Well, I cannot listen to music anymore because every song speaks of you. I keep fantasizing about making love to you again, and then the thoughts of you with her come to mind.

I wonder if you think of me when you're with her.

I wonder how long it'll take you to get over me.

I wonder if the things that make me think of you make you think of me.

I wonder if you still love me.

I wonder if you still cry when you think of me.

I know it's sick, but I'm glad you've cried because of me.

I know it's sick, but no matter how much I love you, and how much you still say you love me, I want you to feel half the pain I felt every time I got jealous of you being with her. I know all that jealousy was in my head, but part of me still feels that you could have been more understanding but it and stopped talking to her. Part of me still feels that you shouldn't have run to her right after our break up. I don't want her to be the new reason for a smile on your face. I don't want her to touch you. I don't want her near you. I wish she would just go away.