bdwiii

2 hours ago, Cherylyn said:

You can't undo the past.  From now on,  focus on being a great father.  Congratulations on the birth of your son! 

Remain peaceful with your girlfriend's mother.  Be well mannered and respectful no matter what.  You can't control other people.  However,  you can concentrate on being a great father so do that.  Be kind,  loving, very helpful and very decent.  It's all you can do. 

If your girlfriend's mother is not easy to get along with,  remain polite and calm.  You don't have to get chummy.  Be nice but don't over do it.

Keep the peace and divert your attention to your new son and the mother of your child.  Nothing else is important.  This is your new family so make the best of it. 

Thank you so much. Yours was one of the kindest and understanding of replies I’ve received. And you made some very valid points also which I couldn’t agree more with. Thanks again 

5 hours ago, TeeDee said:

That was your cue to walk around the hospital, visit the cafeteria or sit in the hall, not leave the building 

The idea that you didn't run down there immediately especially because you were hurt & that you are still on the computer responding to this thread baffles me. 

Congratulations again 

I only responded on here way after the fact, like the following morning. Why is Everyone assuming the worst and making me out to be some kind of *** here? I did my best to accommodate her mother’s feelings while maintaining constant contact with her while I was at home. Again SHE was the one who told me not to worry and to go home and shower, and SHE was the one who said to go buy him some outfits before I came back! The rest you already know 

6 hours ago, tattoobunnie said:

Why in the world didn't you just come back, and wait in the waiting room?  And yes, you are being selfish.  A baby comes out when the baby comes out.  I have had two babies, and trust me, when you are close to pushing, you aren't calling anyone on the phone.  You decided to leisurely go home and do whatever you wanted.  WOW! If my husband did that, I would have thrown all his stuff out the window when we got home.

No one is going to call you when they are pushing.  Holy cow...I am mad at you for her.

My advice. LET it GO.  And just focus on the baby, and giving mom time to recoup. 

No, it seems a lot of you are missing the facts here and in being persecuted for it which I find very unfair and mean actually. SHE was the one who sent me home to shower and change after being there by her side from the crack of dawn till around 12:30 I. The afternoon. I didn’t want to leave her period but SHE said don’t worry you’re not going to miss him being born because my nurse already told me that should be later this evening. It happened at 7:55 pm. 
 

it was HER also who asked me to go to Kohl’s and get him some outfits to wear since he didn’t have anything. I still didn’t like it because I was afraid of this happening. But she was calling me every hour or so and updating me on how dilated she was and such so I could know when to get there. Her mother was there with her at the time and I didn’t want to intrude on a mother daughter moment together either. I was trying to be respectful of her feelings as well! 
 

Then I didn’t hear from her so I called and yet again she said I can’t talk to you now my mom is here. So I was polite and gave her that time. Never once was her nurse or her mother notified to call the father of your baby if he wants to be with her for his delivery. Nothing at all until it was all over. And a lot of you people have me as some irresponsible slouch who didn’t give a *** or know any better. I am neither of these things; it’s not like I was sitting in a bar drinking either. I was waiting eagerly for the arrival of my new son. But in trying to respect her time with her mother and was forgotten and missed everything. 
 

I know some guys could give a *** about being there for that but it meant everything to me because he was MY first child ever!  So please don’t make me out to be the bad guy here when I tried desperately to be there yet minding others feelings and not cause any friction while her mother was there. 
 

Thank you

5 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

Why did you not go there yet? 

Because she asked me to give her a little bit of time before I come in since she’s in a lot of pain and wants to get some much needed rest. Is that so bad or hard to understand?  We’re fine and I will be there very soon. 
 

thanks

I want to thank you all for the kind and supportive words and advice. You are all right; w should have just got my butt in there regardless of whether mom was there or not. So yeah, it is my fault for dropping the ball on this. 
 

But what really matters is that he’s a beautiful healthy baby boy and she called me this morning and we’re fine. She was telling me how perfectly beautiful and healthy he is and that he’s getting his first bath soon and afterwards she wants me to come in to see him for the first time! I’m so happy, I’ve never felt so much love for two people in my life ever like I feel now for my girlfriend and my son.  I’m overjoyed 😊

Thank you all again. I really appreciate it 

1 minute ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

NO.

You should have not left her side. Quick shower was OK, but you should have ran back to the hospital if this moment was so important to you.

Plus, how was she supposed to let you know while she's giving birth? Her mom should have called you, but that didn't happen. 

How long have you guys been dating? 

Is there a bit of lack of knowledge from your end in that you weren't aware that she could give birth anytime earlier?

Last note: do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? I'd learn from this experience and focus on your family 🩷 It's a precious time. Congrats!

Thank you and you’re right. I just needed last night to sort through my feelings and come to the same conclusion. The only thing is I wish her mother would have called me and said get in here now. But she called me this morning and we’re fine. She was saying how perfect and beautiful he is, and I just can’t wait to see him and hold him! I’m probably going to cry ( yeah I know I’m a big softy at heart) but how can I help it. This is my first son and I’m overjoyed 

15 minutes ago, lostandhurt said:

Dude seriously?  If anyone has a right to be upset it is your gf.  You left to take a quick shower and return but went shopping and visited with your mother.  To me it looks like you are in the wrong here and have zero reason to be heartbroken.

 Let it go before she realizes you left her there in labor while you went shopping.

Be happy you have a healthy baby boy and his mother is doing fine.  Anything else is your bruised ego showing its ugly face.

Lost

No, I wasn’t visiting with my mother. You misread what I had said. I told her to enjoy the time with her mother while she was there with her. And she was the one who told me there was no hurry so I went to get him some outfits for when I went back in to be with her. 
 

But you’re right, everyone is right with their replies and I just needed the evening to sort out my feelings and come to realize that you’re all right, what’s most important now is being the best father I can be for my son and the best husband to her as well. 
 

thank you very much for your reply 

It’s been what seems like forever since I’ve been on here, but I’m back because I desperately need some advice on how to handle this situation. 
 

My girlfriend and I are having a baby. Yes, it’s supposed to be one of the most joyous occasions in one’s life which it certainly is to me, as this is my first child ever in my life. It was her third, due to a failed previous relationship. 
 

Nevertheless, I was thrilled and began what is known as male nesting; you know buying things for the baby’s arrival, such as cribs, car seats etc… I couldn’t have been happier. I was there in the hospital by her side when labor was induced and she began having contractions. I asked her if it would be okay if I went home and got a shower and changed clothes and she told me yes, go ahead that’s fine because he’s ( its a boy) isn’t coming until later in the evening. I told her no matter what to please call me when you feel it’s getting closer to that time because I wanted to be with her for the birth of our son. I couldn’t imagine missing that! 
 

she kept in touch with me regularly and would tell me not to worry so much there was time yet and she’ll let me know when to come in so I can be with her. I was so happy and excited! I went to Carter’s and bought him some of the most adorable little outfits. Onesies, socks, and hats which were so cute and I couldn’t wait to see him come into the world.

Well, it was getting closer to that time I could just feel it and I called her and she said it’s okay but my mom’s here with me right now but I’ll call you right back. Now her mother and I were never very chummy or close if you will. I don’t know why exactly because I had always been very polite and tried to let her know of my sincerity. So in any case, I told her okay enjoy your time with your mother and let me know when she leaves so I can get there in time.

Well another hour passed and nothing so I called her room and got no answer. To make a long story short, her mother monopolized the entire situation and she never called me to tell me to get in there, my son is being born! No, she just took over and she gave birth to him with her mother there, not me. All the while I’m sitting here waiting so anxiously and wanting to be with her for what undoubtedly would be the most beautiful experience of my life. And she stole that from me. 😔

Should I be feeling hurt and a little resentful about this though, do I have a right to feel this way because in all honesty that’s what I’m feeling. She ( my girlfriend) finally called me and said that she had him already and her mom was there ( of course), and she was holding him and bonding with him. I told her how I was feeling because she sensed it in my voice. She said stop being so selfish and only thinking about yourself? Really, am I not allowed to feel this way?  I feel I’ve been cheated out of one of the most beautiful experiences of my life and I’m not supposed to feel hurt? 
 

Can someone please give me some advice on this? Yes I’m going in today to see him for the first time and to be with her but I’m having a hard time shaking this feeling and I don’t it to spoil our relationship. Not now, God no, especially not now. Any words of wisdom would be appreciated 

No, that's just it, it wasn't ordered by the judge, it was ordered by her P.O. And when I became upset by it and asked why, all I got was a "because I said so" answer. I honestly believe these people (the ones that take that job) are power mongers and sadists. They're playing God and with people's lives. I could see it if I had something to do with her being where she is now, or if there was a legitimate reason for us not to communicate, but there isn't one, not one. She's been trying to call me now for two whole days and I can't answer the phone now! As if that's not bad enough, I can't even write to her as per this witch of a woman that placed this order. Maybe I could see it if she were out in society yet, but she's not even on a probationary status anymore, she's incarcerated! In two days it'll be Christmas and I can't so much as send her a card wishing her Merry Christmas and hopes for a better new year. As if I weren't hurt enough already, this sure doesn't help. The thing with taking the calls, and them being able to prove that I willingly accepted them, is that when she calls, and I answer, there is a recorded intro message that states that the call is pre-paid and from her; if I want to accept it I press 1, if I wish to reject it, I have to press 2. So that being the case, if I were to accept it and of course they monitor the calls there, I would be had. The whole thing sucks and I hate this woman for doing this.

Hey Rabican, noticed you're online and I want to run this by you and please tell me what you think. As I stated earlier, she had called me last week (Friday), and then I hadn't heard from her since until today. Now, here's something that definitely needs mentioned; her P.O. spoke to me and told me that a "no contact" order has been placed regarding she and I. why, I have no idea, but I was told that if I have any contact with her whatsoever, of any kind, I could face incarceration myself! I think that's a bit much to threaten someone with for just talking on the phone or writing letters, but nevertheless, that's what I was told. Now today, she has been calling ALL day to talk to me, but each time I see where the call is coming from in the caller ID, I wouldn't answer it. I'm talking 10 calls in all which started since 9:30 this morning. Now this could be one of two things, one, she just really wants to talk to me and is unaware of the stipulation made, OR, two, she is aware of it, and is being put up to call in order to cause problems for me, or is doing it on her own accord. I think paranoia is getting the better of me and she really is calling only to talk to me. But then why did she wait till today (Wednesday) since last Friday to call again? I don't know. I'd really like to take the call and hear what she has to say and tell her a few things myself, or even write, but I guess I can't now and I certainly don't want to wind up in there too just because of it.

Yeah, and right now, I just came home and am sitting here alone in silence. I went out for most of the day just to try and avoid this, but I can't stay out the whole night, and so, here I am again, home alone, and everything here reminds me of her and of course, now I have time to think again. Then again, talking to this other guy didn't help much either; well, it did and it didn't if that makes any sense?

I know you're right. This feeling, unfortunately is like a long lost "friend" come back for a visit sort of speak. I've been through this before with an ex of mine that I had lived with for three years and thought I was going to marry. She wound up doing the exact same thing to me. Several years had passed before I was completely over that, and it did take a very LONG time to get to feeling normal and like myself again. It's such a long road back to feeling like you did before them, and really, I don't think you EVER truly come full circle to where and who you once were before they tore a huge hunk of you out. But I did get over it, and eventually moved on only to find this one who went and did it to me all over again. So here I am, trying to put the pieces back together again, trying to swallow the fact that it was all just a lie, and I nothing more than used. It takes what seems like forever to get the images and memories out of your mind too. I can still see her in my mind's eye as clear as if it were yesterday, and all the time we spent together. Yeah I know, in time that will all fade too, but right now it's just too fresh.

Hey, hi again, and thanks for the reply. Yeah, I guess that pretty much sums it all up huh? Even though I now know the truth, all of it, it's still tearing me up inside and I can't stop thinking about her. It hurts, it hurts really bad. I just wonder when I'll be able to get past it, forget and move on with my life knowing she'll never be a part of it again. I know it's all a time thing, and that in time I will be able to do that, but for right now I feel half sick and miserable.

To both you and Rabican, you both have very valid points and after being given the time to absorb all of it, and think it over, I have to agree with you both 100%. I just talked to the one guy that she was with almost every night this past month behind my back, and I wanted to know if after she had called me and sounded so sorry, wanted to explain, and was still professing her love to me, if she had called or written to him saying the same things. Well, he told me that her mother had called him this morning and was relaying a message to him from her. She said to tell him that she has him on her visiting list, and that she hopes he'll come to see her as she wants to apologize and explain things to him. Now isn't that sweet? Right after telling me the same things! I'm not on her visiting list, and really, after all this, I don't want to be either. If he wants to go and listen to her, and maybe even believe her, well, then let him. I won't anymore. Since last Friday, when she called, I haven't heard a word from her, and doubt that I will. So basically, when she called she was probably hoping I'd be dumb enough to put money on her books etc.. and was none the wiser. Once I told her that I knew everything, I guess that did it and now she's going to see if she can keep the other guy on the string. She's really AMAZING! Thanks everyone for all your insights and words of advice; you all were more helpfull than I can say. And yes, she is evil, the more I think about it, the more I see that it's nothing more than pure unadulterated evil.

Thank You, I'm glad you understood where I', coming from when I said what I said. That's just me and how I feel, and that I cannot change and would not want to. But I do have to agree with Hope75 as well. Yes, she did this with a clear concience, and knew what she was doing. So yeah, it would be very hard to ever trust her again or believe what she's saying to me. But when she cried and told me she loved me, I wanted to believe her so much. Yes, I still love her, and I guess a part of me always will, but no, I won't just trust her right away either. Since that morning she called, I haven't heard from her. So I really don't know what to think.

Thank you so much. You're really sweet, and you've been so kind and have helped me a lot. You've made me feel better, even when I didn't think it possible. Thank You. You know, it's Christmas time, and a lot of us get lost in the commercialization of it all, and sometimes lose sight of it's true meaning. What it's supposed to represent is a miracle bestowed upon man which was done to give salvation and a new lease on life. In short, it's a time of hope, love, and warmth to be shared and given to one another. Perhaps, her being where she is now, in a perverse sort of way, is her own miracle even though she can't see it now. God only knows what may have happened to her had she not wound up there now. And possibly, you are very right, this time spent there will give her the opportunity to think things through and do some real soul searching. Hopefully she'll have a new outlook and a sincere change of heart when she comes home again. You're also right when you say that my feelings are of love and forgivness. I still love her as much as I ever did. Even though the thoughts of her with these guys tears me apart inside, I still can't stop loving her.

I agree. Well, you know what? I have to admit, that despite all of it, I still love her, and yeah, even though most that are reading this are going to say I'm a straight up FOOL for even entertaining the idea, if we could work this out and it WOULD work between us, I'd be willing to give it another chance. I've never felt this strongly about anyone in a very long time, and I'm not one who can just turn it all off like a light switch. I don't know how anyone does that. Sure, it'd be different if she were to say, "Yeah OK, you found out, and sorry, but I never did love you and I wanna be with this guy" Well then yeah, I'd be gone and never to be heard from again. But that's not what she said. I miss her so much right now. I'm sitting here alone in this empty apartment and it's dark and cold outside. The only sounds are of passing cars outside and the TV on in the other room.

She's 21. Yeah, that may have a lot to do with it, but then again no, because I've known quite a few women at that age and they DIDN'T do this kinda of stuff at all. I really believe that if you love someone, then you WON'T hurt, lie, cheat, or do anything else to them like that. You just wouldn't and couldn't simply for the fact that you DO love them that much. But when you really don't love someone, and are just playing them or using them, then yeah, I can see that kind of devious behavior taking place.

Oh yeah, I'll listen to what she has to say, if she ever says it. But really, I'm to the point that even if I never hear from her again, it won't matter anymore if that makes any sense to you? Besides, how do I know that as soon as she got off the phone with me, she wasn't calling this other dude and telling him the same things? I mean she obviously wanted him enough to do him almost every night, why stop there? Yeah, I'm just a tad bitter and pissed off at this point, sorry. You know, I loved that girl madly, and yeah, this has all torn me to pieces, and most of me says just get on with your life, move on, and forget her. You got played, and who's to say it wouldn't ever happen again? But then there's another part of me that doesn't want to give up on her and dumb as it may sound, give it one more chance... I know, I'm insane huh?

OK, maybe so, but then why, when she KNEW that I loved her, adored her, and would have and did most anything for her, would she be sleeping with these guys and BOLD FACE lying to me about it the whole time!? And more so, why even bother with telling me she loves me or even trying to justify or explain it to me? I mean I talked to the one guy for just under an hour! And he actually liked me, said we should go have a beer together sometime, but the point being, he told me that she was over there sleeping with him most every other night when she wasn't here with me. She also was telling him she loved him, wanted a future with him, the whole deal, EVERYTHING she was telling me at the same time! I swear it, I'm never going to understand the way some people's minds work.

You're right, and that's how this is going to go too. Well, she really has no choice in the matter anyway; she's going to be there now for at least 3-6 months so she's going to have nothing to do but think about things, and what she's lost.

You've hit the nail on the head there on a lot of points; yes, she had a bad childhood, and an absent father, etc.. and maybe you're right about her realizing that I was the best thing she ever had or will have, but despite all of that, am I supposed to move past all that and put my neck out again? I'd love to hear her explanations on this, maybe I will, maybe I won't, I just don't know. I wanna go along with what BigSkye is saying and just be done with it and heal, but it's SOOO hard to do when you really loved someone.

Yeah, most definitely. But this one tops the cake...today, she calls me from jail and when I told her that I knew about all these guys she was with, she just fell silent and then started cying and begged me to allow her to explain. She kept saying she loves me and that she was all messed up at the time and confused.. yeah, like I'm supposed to believe any of that now! This one just keeps on comin'! What I fail to see is the purpose or motive behind it all now? I mean she knows I now know all, and yet she keeps on telling me she loves me??? PLEASE! Can you or anyone shed a little light on the psychology behind this one? Cause I'm baffled.

No, you're right in saying it, in fact, that's what the other guy that filled me in on the details of her with him said to me too. He's going to get checked as well. I just found out why she's out there with so many other guys now and what she wanted out of me, money. She was picked up for drugs and is now in jail for at least six months. Nice huh? That's explains a hell of a lot. She was out selling her * * * for this stuff and using me for money. You know, I must be a magnet for this crap, because she is not the first and only girl that I have been with that I've found this kind of thing out about. I don't know if it's me, or if the caliber of people in general has gone to hell?

Yeah, I know you're right, it's just going to take a while till I'm able to try again and not have this still in my head. I just don't know how someone can lie so convincingly and make you believe it all. Why not just end it and go and be with whoever instead of using and deceiving someone you're really not in love with at all? I guess I'll never understand it.