TheJerseyKid

Good point. We do need to discuss the phone issue more when I see her. I'm totally fine letting her see my phone whenever she wants. We could agree to a similar open phone policy or whatever, but I'd never look at hers. It's honestly not that big of a deal to me.

 

And in terms of the honeymoon phase or whatever, it's happening. Tons of sex, lots of mushy texts, all that good stuff. I'm just enjoying everyday and going with the flow. We see each other every weekend while we work during the week.

Typically how it goes, lol, enjoy it man. Just keep in mind even though its been 8 months, its still really easy to fall into old habbits/routines. Just try and keep this go-around as fresh and exciting as possible, and hope shes as willing as you are to keep communication as open as you'd like, and you'll be fine.

See its funny to me you let her look through her phone. That has always been a huge boundry for me. I would find it totally unacceptable to catch my SO looking through my phone. I have nothing to hide as well, but to me it just says "I don't trust you". My most recent ex and I had this mutual understanding about not touching each others phones. I never asked who texted or called, and she would usually just volunteer the information without me even asking.

Hey dude, hang in there. I know the feeling of having your heart race every time you see a blinking message indicator on your phone or feel it vibrate. I was pretty much always like this for the first 40 or so days of NC until I started dating. Oddly enough after about 2 months NC was broken, we met up, had a few drinks, ended up having sex, but also communicated this was probably the last time we are going to have sex (we wanted to leave things on a good memory) and that we had pretty much given our relationship many chances and it's just not going to work out at this current time. Since then, the weird thing is, now that NC is kind of over (but we still don't talk much, or have any real hope at getting back together) I no longer expect it to be her when the phone goes off. I'm usually hopeful that it's one of the many girls I've been gaming lately, so that has helped take my mind off things a bit. You're still in the early days, man, hang in there. I've been thinking about telling my ex that I would love to be friends with her again in the future, but we need to go back into NC and REALLY get over each other before that can happen without emotional ruin.

Just goes to show everyone, that once again, you can't "hope" or even really "try" for reconciliation all by yourself. There has to be 2 people making an effort, and for whatever reason, the other person only ever wants to make an effort when you show that you've finally given up on them... in your case, it came of the form of her finding out you now have an official GF. For your sake I hope shes not talking out of her ass just out of jealousy, though the way you have described it, I've got to say it does sound genuine. Good luck and keep us all posted obiv. and I will follow up with you in a few days.

You too? Bahahha, I got a text a cpl weeks ago. Christ man.

I got multiple texts, a phone call, and invitation to hang out, and quite honestly, I feel like shes going to do everything in her power to get me to spend the night with her. I'm just gonna be real and be flat out to you all, hell YEAH I am going to sleep over if the offer is on the table, but I am going to make her work for it a bit.

Sorry to mini-hijack your thread kid

Wow... was NOT expecting to read you post that, but congrats man I hope all works out. Interesting timing, my EX finally broke over 2 months of NC this afternoon and wants to meet up for drinks tomorrow night and was suggestive of me trying to get there earlier (presumably so we could spend more time together). I too have been dating, and while I'd be just fine with out my ex, and I am essentially "over" her, I'm just curious to see how its going to play out. I really hope in your situation that her changes are genuine, and you guys can continue working stuff out. And I totally know what you mean by either you have that physical connection or you don't, and in my experience, if its there, it's always been there from the start.

Charlie Sheen is winning.

Charlie Sheen just got dumped by Bree Olsen, one of his "goddesses"... does that still qualify as winning?

I miss your boobs. They were perfect, literally. Shallow I know, but whatever.

day 10

im getting to engrossed in this number counting, it seems silly, its making me think "well OK, exactly on day 30 i may text her" i need to stop counting the days and just get on with it. Its easier at weekends because i don't have to dwell on it, in the week im alone alot working and don't have much chance to see mates until the weekend.

the number counting i think isnt helping in that i to want her to throw me some crumbs, and it puts my mind into over drive! "10 days and no contact? is she that heartless?" thinking crap like that!

As has been said it only gets harder, well i need to stop expecting something. i am gonna try my hardest to take it day by day, but not tally that day off and keep count

If that works for you, rock on man. I may actually start doing that, because I'm having the exact thoughts you are having, and I'm in Day 33- see what I mean? Good post.

Day 30.

 

This was a lot easier when I still had hope. Now, I don't really know where to go from here. I still think about you a ton... I guess day 60 will be my next goal.

 

I honestly think just a simple text from you, even just saying "hi", would be enough for me to heal my bruised ego and get some sort of closure and move on. It just hurts to feel so forgettable, or disposable to you... as if nothing we shared even mattered. I guess I just want you to act or pretend like you care, acknowledging my existence and how much you hurt me would be enough. I just need something.

Amen Stacy. I was under the false presumption that once I got a few weeks in, it would be easier, when in fact, I'm quite certain, at the 1ish month mark, it's actually harder. It's harder for me now rather than the first week because I had a feeling she might contact me in the first few weeks... that never happened, so now its like you say, just looking for ego validation. I feel like for all I know, she's been emotionally/physically cheating for months, and moved on without saying a word. The other times we split she always tossed bread crumbs if nothing else. Even though they were confusing at times, they did seem to soothe the ego a bit.

It changes when I no longer care what she thinks. I don't "really" care what she thinks at this point, but I know if things don't go the way I want, I'll end up getting hurt. I can't reach out until I'm ready to hear "I never loved you, leave me alone i'm having sex" as a possible response. I like to prepare for the worst case scenario. By the time I get to that point, there's a good chance it wont even matter, because I could be into somebody new. In which case, I won't even reach out to her. I have the power back, when I no longer want her back. That's basically what I'm trying to say.

edit: if you don't know my story, this is the 3rd time I've been dumped by her, in 2.5 years. That's why I'm content with never saying anything to her if she never reaches out. I've already given everything I could to this girl, if its not enough, its not enough. She's probably more at fault for this break up than I am. Shes the one that failed to communicate her feelings. I just CANT break NC this time around.

Day 32: Just wanted to give some inspiration to those just looking to do 30 days and contact your ex. I'm at 32 now, and neither of us have broken NC (unannounced). I plan on going until 1 of 2 things happen 1) I become fully healed, stop counting/caring, and move on or 2) If she initiates, and at that point I can handle LC. Worst case scenario, I move on and get better. Best case I move on and get better, and we work things out. Funny thing is, im not even 100% sold that I'd want to work things out. She'd have to change a bunch of things and express to me wanting to fix the things that went wrong. If she thinks I'm the only one that had to change- she's very mistaken. I know how well I treated her, and the type of connection we had. If I stick to NC hard and never break it, she WILL reach out to me eventually, and she probably won't come right out and say she wants me back, but I know she will be interested in catching up. Just stick with it guys/gals, don't give in to the temptation, and when you've made it as far as I have, it's all the more reason to not break it. If I were to contact her tonight, she would think "Gee, I can disappear for a month, and he'll STILL be chasing me." I need to prove to her that this is not true.

Day 30... now what? 30 more...

Post this in a new topic on its own, more people need to see this.

Day 19.. i think, there abouts anyway. Starting to get over the initial hard "2-3 week" hump. Thoughts of her today at work were down to literally under 2-3, and I worked 9.5 hours! Probably because it was a very busy day and I had a lot to do, but even when I was busy recently I've still thought about her, today I can say I barely have for some reason. Feels great to be back at the gym for the first time in 7 months, its only been a week, but I'm already starting to feel and see results as my initial gains should be pretty big due to muscle memory and previous training. As far as wanting to contact her? I can honestly say I don't want to. Sure, my ego feels a little neglected, but I think every once in a while it's good to feel the "sting" or the lonely side of being single. Keeps me human, and will allow me to appreciate even more my next love.

Day 1, NCII

My record for NC is 6 days, we'll see if I break that this time.

With that attitude you are doomed for failure. I know its hard, but convince yourself you WILL break the record, and don't be satisfied there, try going for at least a month or two. Day 6 might as well be day 1, the difference in going 1 day and going 6 is really next to nothing in the grand scheme, I think you need to set a higher goal for yourself, even if you have to take it one day at a time. I'm on day 17 and honestly it barely still feels like any time at all, and as much as I want her to shoot me a text or something (even though I have no intentions on responding) I would still love the ego boost. But still, I know not anywhere near enough time has gone by. I can't honestly picture me being truly nonchalant and having a natural carefree conversation with her for a solid few months. I suspect in my situation she may try and come back some day, but I have been doormatted too many times, and I have closed this chapter for good.

Day 25 NC

I cant believe you havent tried contacting me at all since we broke up. You were madly in love with me, I dont understand what happened to you.

I hear you, Day 15 here, and there hasn't been a single peep since we broke up. Yet the night before we have our intimate time, I love you, and all is well... really makes you wonder about people. There is also a pride thing going on in my situation. We've been NC as long as 3+ weeks before in a previous break, so we'll see if she really starts to reach once we get past that threshold (knowing we can go that long, and I've caved before) but I wont be caving this time.

 

Today I had a bit of a breakthrough I think. Not contacting is getting easier, I realize I want to contact the you that wants me... not the you that doesn't want me. I have no interest in wanting somebody who was okay with letting me go. Yes, I'm having a crazy hard time getting over you and yes, I would be elated right now if I heard from you, but the fact is... I haven't heard from you so I have to assume that you don't want me. As tough as it is to swallow, I have to accept it because only then will I be able to move on.

 

This is golden!!!! About to start day 14, and just used this to help me a lot! You're right in the sense, I do want to contact her, but I don't want to contact a cold and unreceptive her, I want to contact the her that is going to ask when am I coming over next, I want to contact the her that is going to ask me to come snuggle.. not whoever the hell she is right now.

Day 20. Had an INCREDIBLY strong urge to contact her the past few hours, by far the strongest urge during this period of NC (been NC the entire 7weeks of break up, just had 2 lapses, 1 initiated by her, and 1 "send me something I left there please" text I sent 3 weeks ago). I was so close to texting her, then I got REALLY close to sending her an e-mail. Not even with anything in it, in fact, it was just an interesting article on LOST, which I know is like her favorite show of all time. But.. I let the urge pass, and I am not going to send it.

Day 14 round 2. Went to 16 days last time (10 till she reached out, 6 more till I stupidly wrote back). Going for a solid 30+ this time.

Day 29

 

Been thinking about her for the past few days because the end of the term is coming up and we'll be going to same school again in three weeks. I'm wondering what to do tomorrow, I mean, I do want to get back with her, I'm just not sure if it's a good idea to talk to her yet. She has a boyfriend now, they made it official, and they're going through the whole "Honeymoon" phase. Should I even bother? I mean the earlier I build trust with her the better, right? But everything I do to convince her that I'm better will lead me to being alone or even worse, the dreaded abyss that is the "friend zone." So confused!

My advice, fwiw, is to back off and remain NC as long as someone else is in the picture. You will most likely get friend zoned fast, and lets face it, would you want your ex talking to someone else while YOU two were dating? Let her go through the rebound phases and see where she is a few months from now. Sometimes it takes a failed relationship in between for people to see what they had. Don't interfere.

stay strong, I'm at a close point to you as well. just over 4 weeks since we last saw each other, and tomorrow will be 4 weeks since the break. Basically NC the whole time with a small text convo (5 min) originally initiated by her around day 15. I too have had some weird dreams, not about getting back together, more about being broken up, lol. I won't go into specifics but I've had more pleasant dreams in my life, I just try not too make too much of them.

About to begin Day 16, she's reached out once via text, but I did not respond. Part of me still wants to be happy and comfortable like I was, the other part (probably more than 50% ) of me is telling me to just let it go.

Day 15 starts now... ignored her 1 attempt at contact thus far...