bitebenot

Gosh, hes so complicated ! Will he change on his own or because you will ask him to for you ? People sometimes do go into corrections and it last. But has you know some of them will go back to their old habits shortly after. I myself dont think he will change enough to satisfy you on a long term.

First he has to find himself because hes lost. Second, he has to earn your trust back, and that will take some time and patience. Third, you (and him) have to be capable of dismissing all the past from your mind. Thats a big order if you ask me. But the task is not impossible. Another problem will arise, you after a few more months...will you want him back even if he did correct himself ?

Your feelings for him will change again and again. For you now hes not as attractive as he use to be. You will see him as a poor litle puppy. One strong question comes to mind, do you see yourself with him for the rest of your life ? And now ,do you assume you could do better and obtain garantees and security that you are searching for with someone else ? IMHO i dont see him delivering all the goods your heart desires ! Are you also willing to try to see if it would work and come here again for a few months a year from today ?

You needed a confirmation, here it is. Think back and find your own resolution.

Reed your back posts...your answers are right there.

Your life with him wont be painless. I hope i helped you a bit.

You know its only my opinion and you're the one who knows better.

Just be wise and make the right choice using your heart and logic at the same time. In a month or two you will know better.

We broke up on Feb. 1st, so not yet two months haha. And Im not sure if she still thinks Im waiting on her anymore at this point, I mean I tried one time to get her back since we've been broken up, and since then I've been in strict NC. So thats why I think a subtle reopening of contact would be good? Since the emotions have settled and we've both moved forward from the relationship, it would be like starting over... I dont know, this whole situation sucks haha.

Well give it a shot and you will see ! Just be ready...it wont be cute !

If she feels wanted by you she wont budge. If she feels rejected she might.

Time to play poker. God luck on your decision. I read your thread,on january 10 u said she left you a month and a day before. You also said you almost got her back...sorry but im confused. How long are you willing to fight for her ?

You dont think its a little late for something like this? Like I wouldnt want to close everything off between us but wouldnt something like this validate her decision to completely move on, since she would think i've moved on? I just want to find a way to make her comfortable reaching out to me again...any thoughts on what I should do?

Hey, she knows that you are waiting for her ! Who risk nothing gets nothing ! What do you mean she might completely move on ? She did already ! Make her confortable you say ? / what ? .... the contrary maybe makes sense ! You cant afford to make her feel contented ! I stick to my opinion, you got nothing to lose. She knows you are on the back burner...how sweet it is for her. Giving your best shot is the way to go...might not work but im sure you have no other alternative. Again ,you know that not to many ex's do come back ! If she agrees at least you will finally know that its really over and you will get your life back. Dont be scared to lose her because you did. The break-up is from early december..thats over 3 months.

Which tight red shirt is better?

 

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or

 

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BTW, all this does have relevance to this thread...

 

TS

First one looks very good, its my choice.

day 3...it sucks...but i have to do it..the man is stubborn so its gonna be a while.....probably the actual 30 days or more...so, if they contact us in this time period, we cant respond at all right? What about after the 30?

You dont answer until he begs you. Ignore him until he ask for reconcialition. Make him earn it if he does. How long it will take is a good question. Maybe soon or nerver. You know him better. NC is whitout limits of time.

Alright, count me in for this one.

 

Day 1

 

I hate that he hasn't called or texted me to beg for forgiveness or tell me he changed his mind. At the same time, I realized contacting him would only be a mistake.

 

I almost looked at his facebook page, but I'm afraid of what I would see. I'm glad I didn't hit enter after I typed in the address.

 

I don't think he's coming back. No matter how much wishing and praying I do, it rests on his shoulders. I dream of being with him, of perfect contentment in his arms.

You are welcome here. You are wise..good decisions you took !

He still cares unless hes a monster. He doesnt call because its over(for now).

He might call one day,but has to do it on his own first,not you !

All the memories are still fresh for him,cant forget the one you loved so rapidly.

And for the sadness it will end when you are ready to forget him and think of yourself first.

Give yourself at least 2 months. So far so good for you. As for his bday,i had the same dilemma. To do it or not. I knew the answer months before. Her bday for me no longer exist. I even try to forget that date !

I was rejected (all of us here were) so why beat myself over her ?

I no longer care for her and nothing will change that. Scars are all i have left from her.

WhatSetsUs, i have one idea for you. Its up to you to use it or not.

She dumped you and she knows that you want reconciliation. Why not try to turn the table around ? This is what i was thinking. You have nothing to lose.

Send her an email saying this: You know that being away from you gave me enough time to reflect on our situation. I came to the conclusion that the break-up was for the best for us. I am still working on myself and i am becoming a better man; i must thank you for that. I wish i could take away all the wrong i have done but cant. Now my decision is not about reconciliation, but for a permanent closure. I sincerly hope that you will find what you are searching for and i send you all my love. What this will do is make her feel and think that shes been dumped ! She will tend to analyse this very seriously im sure. Yes its reverse psychology, but its not rude. She will no longer assume that you are waiting for her. Then you sit and wait to see how she will react. That wont change your situation since the relationship is already over and wont stop any chances of getting her back in the future. You dont answer the phone or emails unless she really wants to talk about reconciliation. I personaly suspect that it will give you the edge you need for her to regret her decision. Just take the time to consider this.

Excellent as always. I couldnt agree more. Thats the way everyone here should be and take serious time to reflect on it.

Where do you get off hi-jacking other peoples threads and telling them how they feel, should be feeling and giving them abuse, when they are at an all time low? This place is for people who are desperate, and are looking for advice, not abuse from some no-mark.

I know,the truth hurts a lot sometimes. We all know that hope can really slow the healing process (when theres none). At one point or another we have to accept our loss and move on. By the way, its not an hi-jack, its open to everyone who reads ENA, its made public ! Myself when i ask for an opinion i expect honesty with no sugar added even if its not what i wanted to hear ! How can we help a person in a all time low or desperate ? Maybe lying to you was suppose to be good ? Perhaps im a no-mark but i know how to accept a kick in the behind when needed ! I knew ahead of time that my point of view about your situation wouldnt be well received ! I took that risk because i did care for a man who is suffering deeply as i myself was ! Accept my apologies and i sincerly hope that you will come to the same conclusion shortly for your own good.

What's the point of waiting for them? In my case my ex is acting like he can come back whenever he wants and it seems like the only reason he wants to speak to me is to smooth it over with me so he feels okay with what he's done. Like you know, the ex has tried to contact me but it's about HIM talking. His message didn't say about US talking. That was the dealbreaker to me...

 

I agree, its always about them really ! The only time we should take their call its when the novelty has been dumped (if there is one) and they ask about reconciliation. Otherwise its a waste of time ! They brake our hearts and still try to use us to their own selfish needs. At least my ex aint bugging me, i must give her that much credit.

What happen to zorba i heard he is a guru at this?

Hes been away for like 2 years now. Not much more he could add to his previous posts. Are you looking for a miracle worker ? Even a guru wont bring your ex back. Dont be so desperate and work on yourself instead. If not your pain will last has long as the pink rabbit.

Today has been a real slow day. Ran errands with my dad earlier in the day and since the I've been doing just about nothing. I am struggling with whether or not I should break NC. Its constantly on my mind, I keep thinking about ways to get in touch with her. But I guess if I am thinking this much about it than its probably best that I keep going with NC.

If you do call her what would you achieve ? Even Zorba said he would wait for the ex to communicate first and i agree with him. Patience my friend patience ! Your timing could be right off and she might get upset. Do you want to go back to square one ? Dont add to your pain.

Day 3 - My ex contacted me (quick ) and we had a good little chat

 

but she still with the guy....

 

what should i do?

Well you took the call..so back to day 1

From reading your post i can tell that you have character. Your last message to him was intelligent and to the point,loud and clear. It will be hard but i know you will make it. Just hang on a bit longer and you will improve.

His loss not yours. Being angry is part of the healing process. You can still bat his family jewels if you wish to lol ! Hes still young and you're more cultivated. At equal age women mature faster than men. Did you expect growing old with him by your side ? Or having children with him ? Of course not ! So the break-up happened in the right time ! You still have your whole life ahead of you... so f.... him and move your but !

TSandullo,

You were very skillful. It seems like shes beginning to miss you. Im sure shes feeling the void that you left behind. Just make sure shes not testing the water. Its hard to tell when i dont see their emotional face. If she has desires you will see it in her eyes. Maybe at one point you should get very close to her, almost touching..first look into her eyes.. then go to her right ear and whisper gently " what do you want " ? She will take a minute or two to think because that question will surprise her. Dont expect an answer..then walk away immediately and leave her stew over your question.( the cunning new you) Women are more emotional than man, use that knowledge. It seems to me that she still have that attraction for you, its obvious. You did change in many ways. Shes not sightless. You keep pulling back on her, thats excellent ! Dont forget that red shirt lol !

Absence makes the heart grow fonder..

You can add this to " out of sight out of mind " !

Day 1

 

I'm a wreck, but she has asked for space. I'm not eating, sleeping and I can't concentrate to work either. I just want her back sooo much and hope for the love of god she ends up missing me and calls me.

Hey cheer up ! Been there and back..its a living hell alright. I lost 25 pounds in that ordeal..dont do that ! Use something easy to eat but dont bypass !

If you cant sleep ask a dr to give you sleeping pills..you could use them for a month or two,once every third days or so. You are at the right place for support. I ganrantee you that after a month you will begin to feel much better. Im actually laughing at my situation now. Dont stay alone as much as possible. Go out with friends even if you dont feel like it. Keep busy and exercise if you can..i do and it does help a lot. You will learn how to deal with the roller coster rides ahead of you. It will be tough but you can make it just like we did here. Its a great support group here and stick around when you need it. Whatever you do dont communicate with her,you know the rules and its for your own good. Now do not forget this...ITS YOU FIRST ! Let go of her for now and concentrate on you health.

thought this crap was supposed to get easier...3 weeks nc why do i feel its fresh pls? was doing really well last week

 

is this normal..does it get better week 4?

 

hope so...cos he aint worth these feelings, think thats what pisses me off

 

LORD grant me indifference PLEASE!! ffs

 

bite...howay man...giz some pearls of wisdom

 

Want me to play the violon ? lol..just a joke. Look,even for me after 5 months i still feel a pinch once in a while but i can deal with it. I can tell you for sure that i wont shed a tear anymore. My relationship lasted 5 years. I read in many threads that the healing process takes about 2 months to every year the union lasted. I know that after 1 month the roller coster ride gets easyer. After two months you regain control of your neurons and start to think clearly. What helped me the most is shifting my mind in any other ways and never take time to think of the ex. I wouldnt let myself envision her. I had no more then 3 dreams about the ex. Personally i know i will need 8 months to be free of her. But imagine for a moment how long it would take me if i was in contact with her ! When you give up on them thats when the healing begins. I keep telling myself that i dont care anymore and would never take her back,i mean it tho ! Why care for an ex who is out of love for you ? Moving on is imperative,thats what im doing and it does work !

Day 11

 

I almost failed on my NC challenge today. He was on his msn and his status said he is sick...I just wanted to know if he was ok...I dont want to seem insensitive. It s been over a week since he broke up with me and it is driving me crazy not knowing about him. But he made his choice. I need to keep on with my goal that is NC. I know that is the best for myself.

You wanted to contact him to know if he was ok ? He dumped you remember ?

Does he care how you're doing ? For dumpees no news is good news. I suggest strongly that you erase him from msn and everything else. I dont know anything about my ex for the last five months and thats fine by me.

Ah francais, la langue d'amour. peut-être je vais l'ecoutee

 

At first I couldn't even watch people kissing in movies. Made me want to cry. I watched The Ugly Truth yesterday and it made me laugh and excited to find someone else. Time, strong will and clear understanding of the situation does wonders for the soul.

 

A bientot, bite. Glad to hear you're doing better!

 

Merci beaucoup !

I am still amazed that i can listen to love songs again !

I was listening to Jean Ferrat " c est beau la vie " ! He died a couple of days ago. Listen to it...yes i know its french (like me) but try it, its awsome ! An excellent poem. Its on youtube

I know what you guys are saying... And I agree... I won't really try to be her friend or anything, but I don't want her to think I hate her... And I know it's definitely too soon for reconciliation... But, from all of the things I've read here, I seems like at some point you have to shift from complete NC to a little LC... I'm saying, I won't contact her further after emailing her, I'll go right back to NC... but if she thinks I hate her, she definitely won't be looking to get back together.

No no no ! Who cares what she thinks ! She dumped you for another man !

You're not using your brain right now because you are so desperate ! No LC...no emails...no phone...no fb or msn,yahoo. NC and thats it ! Let her miss you by becoming a ghost ! Desappear completely ! The only ones that i saw who had success applied the NC to a " T " ! Let her think that you no longer care,its the best recipe ! You wont get a second chance at it. Right now she knows she can have you back at any time,thats not good at all ! Dont answer emails or phone calls. Just listen to the messages..if its not about reconciliation and the new guy has been dumped you keep ignoring her !

But then again its your choice !

Look at the post 4799 It took him 4 months of NC before he got his ex back !

By the way Zorba cant bring her back ! No one can ! She says that her new bf is only a " distraction " ! As a man do you know what it means ? Let me tell you in case you dont...shes having great sex and will keep up for as long as she enjoys it ! Ya...attraction again ! Sorry to hurt you but thats the honest truth ! When the honeymoon is over she might come back..yes might ! So listen to LOXXT and ignore her. Dont wait for her ever. Hope can be nasty sometimes. Go out with friends and enjoy your new freedom. She gave you a ticket to ride,use it.