Tanzi

well maybe you won't cross THAT bridge but there are other bridges out there....who knows......

 

maybe just maybe it's a different bridge in a different place.

Hee hee, yes I like that!

Day 54

 

I had a little relapse last night and I didn't feel 100% this morning. I am consumed by thoughts of whether or not she still thinks about me. She probably doesn't but either way I shouldn't let it bother me.

 

Ok, what do I get when I reach 60 days?!

I'm sure she will think of you. I wonder the same thing and I'm sure my ex must think of me. We haven't just disappeared out of their memories. But like you say we shouldn't let it bother us.

Sorry you're not feeling so great this morning. I was driving in my car earlier and it just hit me all of a sudden. I've mostly been OK today. Its strange how it can still knock us down at times but we are strong, we can get back up again.

hi jelly,

 

to me it's about what YOU want to do as far as contact, this is about doing things the way YOU see fit. IF there is something that can make you happier or stronger from the contact then go for it. in my case it's information, i need closure so i won't feel defeated or less than if/when that happens. i need it...

 

as to starting over at day 1 my feelings are don't worry about it, that's crossing the bridge before you get there. life is to be lived, i say if you want to do something go for it...as long as it's what YOU want to do. we will still support you regardless...

 

have a wonder filled day jb

Thankyou imjgh. I think you are right about crossing that bridge when I come to it ... in my case I don't think there is a bridge to cross so I really shouldn't be worrying about it.

Hope you have a great day. Heres to another day's NC!!

Dammit. Guess I gotta start over tomorrow since I just answered an email from her.

Oh dear!

This is the bit where I get confused as to how NC should be handled. Its not always about us not contacting them is it? We can try our damned hardest but then what can we do if they contact us? If my ex contacted me and depending on what he said I may want to contact him back. I may be doing NC but I don't want to appear rude or immature. I think part of moving on is to be able to handle the situation with maturity and not let your emotions take over.

All I'm worried about is if he contacts me and having to start from day 1 again!! (Not that I'm expecting him to contact me so I'm not entirely sure what I'm stressing about!!)

Day 21 - a 3 whole weeks

I'm feeling better by the day - I think

Ok. Day 1 and this TOTALLY sucks.

Welcome on board firefighter. You will find lots of support and much inspiration on here!!

Plus, if I didn't have ENA I would probably be cyber stalking my ex!!

jellybelly41 and cat76,

 

Thank you. You guys kick butt.. I started to feel sad again, but I came on to the eNA and I'm reminded that I am not the only one that feels this way. The support/advice/stories in these forums are amazing and so real (I thought I was the ONLY one feeling this type of pain) ....... I'm inspired everyday. Best.

Believe me you are not the only one and I agree, I have found such strength and inspiration from ENA too. I am so glad I found it and everyone on it!!

Day 15

 

It was a sad morning. I dreamed about him last night. This is the first morning I haven't cried. I just miss him terribly.

 

congrats cat76. You came out of it unscathed like I knew you would!! If you guys can do this, so can I.

You can do it, you will do it and you will come out a much better person for it. Hang on in there!!

Hi Jellybaby, I was having a bad day yesterday.

 

I've highlighted my fave bit from your post, and it makes a lot of sense to me. As long as your moving forward, no matter how slowly, it's progress and thats good. I might print it out and stick in on the wall

 

Hope your having a good day

 

 

Hi Cat, its not too bad considering ....

 

Hope you are having a better day than yesterday.

 

I love your signature, btw. Isn't that what the "weebles" used to do? "Weebles wobble but they dont fall down". Thats what we are "weebles"!!! We aint gonna fall down - not this time!!!

you take care and hang in there jelly.

Hi imjgh, thank you, I will. I know I keep saying this but the support here on ENA has been amazing and I am sure it is what is carrying me through these difficult times.

Day 20

I was sad this morning, as I am every morning. He is still constantly on my mind but the tears are drying up and as the day goes on I begin to feel better. Certain reminders of him, be it a song or my 3 year old talking about him, can still feel like a knife through my heart but I think I get over these feelings quicker. I am laughing with my children again. By the time I go to bed I am feeling positive about the future and I am sleeping well.

They may be small steps but I am nevertheless moving forward.

Ekips and imjgh:

Thank you for your words. Its amazing isn't it ... how much of our time they still monopolise. Love is so unpredictable but I dont see why it has to be? There is no logic in love and I'm finding it hard to make sense of it all. I know I will get through this tho and so will everyone one else on here. It will be touch but, hey, we have ENA - it has helped me heaps. And I really do believe that everything happens for a reason.

We just got to keep on moving forwards.

Day 19

I am feeling numb. In the first few days I had a mix of emotions that, overall, balanced my feelings out for me. But right now I do not know how I feel. I still think of him everyday. I still have a sense of loss. I still miss him. But ... the sadness? ... I can't explain it, its like I know its there but I can't feel it. I think I am beginning to hit an emotional wall where I can't feel anything and I don't think thats a good thing because I don't feel happy either. I feel emotionally weary.

I wont back down this time but this is because I am scared of what I might find out if I get in contact with him. I am sure that I would be more hurt if I did so its better for me this way. The fact of the matter is I am too scared to get in touch with him which I guess is a good thing.

i know jelly...it is painful....i experience sadness every single day, anger every single day, doubts every single day....it seems like a bad dream, i want to wake up and everything be ok....but it isn't...

But it will be.

Thank you, I know you are right. I have no doubt that I am doing the right thing and I know I will carry it through this time. It is still painful tho.

Day 17

I actually woke up and didn't feel like I have other mornings. I didn't feel great but I didn't feel as bad as others.

I am having a "cat wobble" right now tho. It just suddenly hit me that this is for real - I am never going to see him again. I am never going to hear his voice again. He is never going to be there for me with his advice and strength when I've had a hard day with the girls. He was my strength, my sanity, my rock and now he has gone. He doesn't want me and it is hurting.

She can only respect you for the time and space you are giving her. But, yes, you do deserve an answer at some point. Sometimes the not knowing is worse than the knowing. Even if the answer isn't the one you want to hear at least you have closure and can't start to heal.

As to what she will do ... I just don' know ... it doesn't sound like she really knows ... it depends on how strong a hold her family have over her or how obligated she feels towards her family.

am i her destiny though?

 

i was in a terrible marriage for so long for the kids. this woman took me to places i could only dream of, it was wonderful...but the pull of family is overwhelming.

 

funny thing, i have very little family, no brothers or sisters, parents are dead. i have 2 kids one who is angry at me over the divorce and she goes away to college this year. my son is 12--he is really the only thing i have to hold onto other than God.....

 

At first i was glad to hear of her family. i was accepted by all the kids, the parents and the sisters i met. i really felt a connection with them and would love to be a part of it....BUT that opportunity may never happen now...

I guess thats why she needs time and space - so she can think clearly.

It never ceases to amaze me how much power family hold over someone's destiny. My parent's have always been of the opinion that if I am happy, they are happy but if anything goes wrong, if I ever need them, they are there for me.

I really hope it works out for you.

yeah, i have a couple of tests coming up and i really need to study but can't seem to log off this site....i just found this 2 days ago, i'm trying to figure out if it's a good thing or bad lol....

You and me both! I am on here all the time!!

it was so damn good between us.....so very good....i still think she is my destiny....

Then maybe she is.

yeah, i know the feeling jelly...i'm on day 16 also...

 

she called the nc on me because of issues with her mom and dad being sick and needing time to think about moving back to va. i had no clue it was coming--none. thought things were great. so she wanted 30 days nc so we could "center our heads" whatever that means.

 

i'm waiting to see what her decision is then it will be my turn to decide--on what i have no clue...

 

the waiting is killing me.....this was on top of being laid off...i decided to go back to school to teach so i have that as a goal but am finding it so difficult to concentrate, has anyone else experienced this?

 

some days are better than others, today is not good...3 weeks since i last saw her and i just can't stop thinking or loving her.

I feel for you, it must be hard, just waiting to hear but not knowing what you will hear.

I am doing a home study course and I should be well into my Assignments by now but I am finding extremely hard to concentrate.

Day 16

I feel pretty much the same as yesterday - its all a bit boring really. Its like a waiting game - waiting to feel better, waiting for something exciting to happen to happen to turn my life around, waiting for him to get in touch maybe??

Day 15

I feel good, I feel down, I feel good, I feel down. I cry, I laugh, I cry, I laugh!!!

Looking forward to the day when I feel good and am laughing all day long

Well, wanttobehappy, it sounds like you are happy!

It also sounds like you have a lot to look forward and are going to be much better off without him!!

Hi Jellybaby, it's good to hear your doing ok. Onwards and upwards

 

Hi Cat

 

Thank you. Yes I'm feeling a lot better after my "wobble" on Saturday night lol ... and thank you for your support. It sure does help!!

You guys are all doing SO well!! I think its silly that I'm doing NC with a guy I've only.been in a few dates, but after these months at ENA NC seems to be the best wait to get someone back and is probably a good way for me to get this guy to really want to be with me. Does it make sense or am I too ENA-brainwashed?? I don't want to get till day 30 because that doesn't apply to my situation but I want to be NC until Friday when we'll probably hangout with mutual friends!

I guess it doesn't do any harm to be a little bit "mysterious". Much better than being too clingy, needy or predictable.

Good luck

Day 14

Well its still only 10ish so I guess I can't say much but not feeling too bad so far!! Heading into unchartered territory now. I have never gone longer than 2 weeks without contact.

Alright, Superdave, I accept your challenge, and I'm gonna take it a step further. I'm going NC with mutual friends as well, even though one mutual friend is MY BEST FRIEND. Or was, it would appear. Here I am in my 30's, had plenty of breakups, but this one sux BAD. Full NC from here on out, 30 day to infinity.

Welcome to the Challenge. Can I ask why you would want to include your best friend in that or is that too personal? I only ask because you may need your best friend at a time like this. Not that mine is anywhere in sight at the moment!!!

Day 13

Wow. What a day. I came in last night feeling really depressed. I signed onto ENA and wrote a thread venting my feelings. I woke up this morning feeling pretty low but when I signed onto ENA there were so many lovely replies to my thread that it has really lifted my spirits. I am going out for a coffee with a friend this afternoon. Got to keep occupied. I find weekends the hardest - especially when my 3 children are with their dad for the whole weekend.