Mustachio

Well I missed posting yesterday, but today is Day 23.

My life has been looking up. I still miss my ex, and still miss my relationship with her. But I am really taking large strides to move on with my life and it feels good, really good. Almost 7 weeks into the breakup and I finally feel like I am starting to get on with my life. Sad to let go, but the possibilities seem great for the future.

Well today is day 23 and the beginning of a four day weekend for me. And my weekend is pretty packed full of things, so im pretty sure I will have no trouble making it through day 24, 25 and 26, and at that point i will be well on my way to a whole month. Its actually crazy to think about.

I just wanted to add that I still think about her every day, although they are much less conscious thoughts now. More like flashes of things from our relationship that are no longer a part of my life, such as my drive down to her place... which I find odd. I am not waiting for the day that I wake up and she isnt in my thoughts at all, that will be liberating, even though I wont even realize it on that day.

Day 8

 

Lion King, you inspire me. Thanks for posting.

 

Mustachio---so glad to hear you're doing better. I'm so proud and happy for you!

 

Me: meh

 

On the positive side, I have no desire to contact him. Lion King, I did what you suggested. Started NC after making my feelings clear about reconciling and setting some boundaries. I've done all that I can. NC is making it less painful . . . memories are starting to fade. It's sad to let go, but I have to get myself back. This has gone on long enough.

Im glad to hear that you are dealing with the NC well. It is sad, and even though I think I am much better, I am still sad, exactly the way you said it, sad to let go. But the only way I was really able to start letting go was to move forward.

Day 21, three weeks, all I have to do is make it through today and I will be 3 weeks down, and I have no real desire to call her, so unless she calls me (which hopefully i wont answer) then I am at the 3 week mark.

Day 20

I feel great. I am taking control of my life, doing things I need and want to do for myself and have met someone new. I am happy. I know there will be ups and downs, but I am coming on 3 weeks with her completely out, and I have already began to shape my new life and I am liking the possibilities.

Day 7

 

I thought I was getting better but I saw a "recent event" listing when I signed in facebook and I started thinking of her. Then i started to miss her again. Should I remove her from my friends list on facebook? And what should I do with the stuff, "inanimate objects", that remind me of her.

Well removing her from your facebook page will allow you to stop pulling it up and looking at her page, etc etc, so yes, it probably would be helpful to your healing process. Take all that other stuff and either get rid of it, or put it in a box and stick it somewhere you wont be tempted to take it out and look at it.

And, day 19 here (I think). Still thinking of her, but I have done so much recently to push myself forward and push myself on with my life. It was a good ending to what was otherwise a rainy and gross weekend.

Day 18 down the drain.

Been an odd emotional rollercoaster the past 3 or 4 days. Been doing a lot for myself to move on, switched phone plans (which i waited to do because of the ex), made firm plans to move out of my parents, went on a date, and just generally been doing a lot of positive things for myself.

They all feel good, but very strange. Strange in the sense that I am moving on and it feels... well, good. But at the same time, its sad because the part of me that doesnt want to move on is going away, and sadness at what is being lost.

Not crying, not fantasising any more, just a numb sadness and disillusion.

Wow, that hit me. The numbness is good in that it hurts less, but its also sad to think we can feel that numbness when we have come from a position of such incredibly strong feelings.

I feel the same way about that post, it is hard, but just remember that its the journey thats worth it, the journey of life, the journey through the relationships, and even though it hurts, its all worth it.

Day 17

Honestly cant believe its been that long. It feels like no time at all has passed but it also feels like its been an incredibly long time.

Still having feelings along the lines of wondering how it is I am supposed to spend the rest of my life without my ex as a part of it.

Kind of sad, sad because I miss her, but sad because I am starting to move on. I want to move on, but at the same time I dont want to let her and my relationship go, even though it needs to. Its just kind of sad to see that the more I move on, the less she is going to be a part of it, and I wish it wasnt that way. I do miss her, and I do miss what we had, but I am starting to see it more as an addiction and trying to deal with it.

Life is actually good, but I cant help but thinking what could have been with her if we had worked on it (even though chances are it never would have worked and she never did anything to deserve it) but I just wish that chance would have been given to me as well as giving her the chance.

Day 10...the day I get back in the US is the 30 day mark.

Enjoy your trip! I think being away will certainly do a lot of good for you.

And hopefully if you still need, find a way to get online and check into the forums, and try not to isolate yourself over there either. Have fun!

Day 4

 

Is it just me or does the days seem longer when you go on the NC challenge.

It only seems longer because you are now consciously thinking all the time about not contacting, which in turn makes you want to contact them. Occupy yourself, the days will pass quicker, and soon you will get more used to the idea of not speaking to them or having them as a daily part of your life. It comes and goes, ups and downs, but it does get better... then it gets worse, but it does continue to get better. Just finishing day 16 of NC now, and even though I dont always feel like im making progress and getting better I guarantee if you asked the people around me they would say I am doing SO much better.

Day 16

Had a date last night, it went pretty well, but on my way home I started thinking about my ex, it was feeling that I was moving on a bit, but didnt want to and it made me sad. I cried a little.

This morning I was not in the greatest mood, but it is improving, I thought today was going to be a terrible day, but I dont think it will end up that way.

I still have thoughts of calling her, to try and be friends, but I dont think I can do it, not yet, maybe not ever. I need to set myself a goal relating to this relationship and I NEED to stick with it. But my thoughts and feelings for her are still there and they just dont want me to set a goal. I am also worried that if I set a goal as soon as I achieve it, I will rush to call her, when its probably better to leave it open and just not call.

So hard, glad today is my friday and the weekend starts tomorrow... just gotta make sure i stay busy.

I can definitely sympathize. If there's one thing my breakup taught me - it was who my true friends are. Who I could go to every time when I was upset or angry or about to do something stupid. And boy, are they few... But try and find someone like that. Someone you know you can trust and who doesn't mind listening to your pathetic and monotonous rants. It always feels better to talk about it. Chances are, they've been there too.

I have to agree and disagree slightly. I know who my true friends are, they have been there for me all along, but even the true friends, while they will listen, I know they are getting sick and tired of hearing it over and over again. They get sick and tired of it not because they arent true friends but because they have an outside perspective and to them it just seems as if you (me in my case) are stuck, and they just want you to start doing whats right for you, healing, and moving on. Now, if they just flat out refuse to listen, then thats a different story, but be prepared for some harsh truths as well even from the best of friends.

i know NC is for getting over them and healing which is what i want but i would also like to try and get some of my dignity back can going NC change the dumpers view of us??

 

i went NC for 8 days just over a week ago but as soon as he realised i wasnt contacting him he text me telling me he loved me and i stupidly gave in and replied and of course decided to ignore me after that so here i am starting day 1.

 

anyone else having a hard time with NC and who would like to talk i would like to have a NC buddy

 

I think NC can change the dumpers view, but I think doing it because of that would be missing the point of it entirely, because then it almost becomes a game, a game you are playing to get what you want (also a game you probably stand a good chance of losing) when it should just be a tool for you to use to heal and get past it. And dont worry, I think we are all having a hard time with NC because well... its hard, very very hard. If you need a NC buddy, or anyone else for that matter, Ive been on these forums every day practically for the past month or so, and talking and exchanging perspectives and ideas helps me greatly and I would love to return that favor.

 

Also, Day 15 of NC for me. I made it my two full weeks and am into week number 3, still trying to take it one day at a time, and the desire to call her has been there, not necessarily for a quick reconciliation, but the thought of reconciliation is there. Going to try and keep myself busy through the weekend and just hopefully make it through week 3, then before I know it, a month. That is if I dont give in and call before then.

Today is day 14 of NC.

I made it 2 full weeks!! Been having thoughts of calling her and redefining the relatonship. Definitely hard not to call. Although I am sad, its odd, cause I cant quite understand why, not necessarily that I miss her and our relationship, but that I just am sad from all the hurt I received

Day 13 here!

It doesnt help with the feelings, only in getting used to her not being in my life. And I dont like it.

Been thinking of calling her (although ide much rather her call me) and allowing myself to redefine our relationship to more of a friendly level. At least that way she wont be out of my life. I feel that if there is any chance to get her back (whether I should or shouldnt) staying completely away is the wrong thing to do.

But I dont know, we will see

Day 9

Officially the longest I have now pretty much ever gone without speaking to her or hearing anything from her. (obviously except for before we were together).

I didnt officially tell her not to contact me, well I did once, then I called her when she semi got in touch with me and ended up telling her if she wanted to be friends to contact me and prove it to me that she is sincere.

She is with her other guy now, and Im sure she is with him almost all the time (he moved in the day after we broke up, which I think is crazy and stupid, anyone agree?) but basically since he is always there she has no time to reflect or think. I know their honeymoon phase wont last forever and I know she will call me at some point relatively soon... of course chances are it will still just be the call to see how I was doing, bla bla bla.

I find myself almost wanting to call her since the last few times we spoke I was very emotional, and I want to talk to her for two reasons. First, just to let her know that I am done going over it, and to just be calm and cool and go from there and see if we can maybe be friends and Second because I want to tell her officially that I dont want her in my life because I cant be friends with her while she is with this other guy. I just want to show her that my emotions are no longer controlling who I am and show her that I am moving on and that I am better than she treated me and I am more confident now.

Im on day 8 right now

Made it 5 days last time, then she accepted a months old friend request on facebook and the urge to call just shot up... she is now not my friend on there and she is blocked.

Made it 8 days before that, then she called me, not a great conversation... just the "i just wanted to see how you were doing" call, of course i fought.

She will call again at some point relatively soon, not sure if im going to pick up or not. And if I do, not going to say much and definitely not going to talk about our relationship unless she brings it up

I look back and I honestly cant believe all the crap you put me through... after staying together for 5 years AFTER you cheated on me with 4 different guys, what do you do, you go and cheat again. You claimed the whole time that you were in love with me and that I was the person you wanted to marry and have children with and spend the rest of your life with.

Either you have been lying to me and yourself about that for years or you are just a terribly selfish person who only thinks in the moment and only considers her own feelings at the cost of all others.

Even after we stayed together again after the cheating, you only ended up leaving me as soon as another guy came into the picture. Why you came back again at that point, I cant imagine. I just feel like I let myself down by giving you the chance AND finally putting in some serious effort to fix the issues on my end of the relationship. And then a month later you met another guy, and ended up leaving me for him... AFTER you cheated on me AND lied to me about the reasons for breaking up with me.

I see you are moving on, and it really bothers me that you are able to so easily move on while I am stuck wondering how this could have happened again and wondering what if anything you ever told me was the truth and wondering still what hurtful things you never told me.

I find myself desperately wanting to call you and reconcile and make things the way we both at one point really truly wanted things to be between us, but I find myself at a point right now where I am wondering if I can ever forgive, and wondering if I would ever be able to trust you again. You have no idea what its like to wonder if you can ever forgive and wonder if you will ever be able to trust the one person you love more than anything in this world.

Thanks for hurting me. I know I am a better person than you are because while you were always concerned for yourself in the moment, I still hope that you will be happy one day, whether it is with me or not.

Goodbye