mfan

Annoying default bookmark names. I visit a site called, say, lamps.com, I decide to save it as a bookmark, and the name of the bookmark comes up "Get the Best Deals On Lamps | All Kinds Of Lamps | Win A Free Lamp | Lamps.Com | Your Outlet For Lamps | Lamps And More!!!" I'm constantly editing these stupid things down to just the name of the website. And editing them is annoying on a cell phone, btw.

Seeing a word misspelled so many times that when someone spells it correctly, it looks wrong to me

Front-loaded sandwiches. You know, it looks overstuffed and delicious, but after you buy it you realize all the meat is in the center and the whole back of the sandwich is empty.

People who think they're superior because they use NetFlix or other streaming video service instead of cable TV. Fundamentally, you're still sitting around watching something. So I don't happen to like miniseries and movies; I like history documentaries, science documentaries, informational shows about my city and cultural events, baseball, Bill Maher, and sitcom reruns. It's not like you're being productive while I'm being lazy. You're just as lazy as me, but with a different medium. Stop bragging.

Price tags on gifts that don't peel off smoothly

In 33 years does he get any dates at all?

No. He has bad teeth.

Just got this idea for a fiction book. It would be nothing but a list of all the opening messages that the main character, a man, has sent to different women over a 33-year period on a (fictitious) online dating site. No responses are printed (after all; there are never any; this is online dating The main character has, in fact, begun to use these messages as a sort of anonymous journal with very short entries. But each one is addressed to someone's username and makes references to something in her profile (thereby providing some humorous references to the kinds of things people on online dating sites tend to write in their profiles), and ends with a "confident" ending like "Write me back! Look forward to hearing from you."

As the book progresses, the guy goes through different "phases" as to the kinds of messages he writes. Sometimes he goes through negative phases and writes insulting messages to people over a period of several weeks. Sometimes he flips the other way and tries to "win them over with kindness". He's always sort of trying to elicit a response, but at the same time knows it will never come and lets loose with the occasional deep personal tidbit.

As he tries to be "spontaneous" in his messages, he will naturally mention various things presently going on in his life. The reader can learn about his backstory, interests, family events, triumphs and tragedies; etc.

You will see him go through personal phases, life phases and changes of interests. For example, at one point you will realize that he has caught a serious disease, because he starts to include a sentence in all his messages like "In the spirit of honesty, I should inform you that I have cancer, but my doctor believes there is a likely chance that I can beat this. Here's hoping".

In future messages you will find out the progression and end result of his struggle against the disease.

Of course, over a 33-year period, there will be many changes to the dating website itself: new features, new search mechanisms, some of which he likes and some which he doesn't. You'll find out about them by reading his messages (e.g. "Please respond via email; I have an older computer which does not work with this site's brainwave thing - and I don't think that's real communication anyway.") - or something more realistic.

What do you think?

Um... I'd replace "CASE AVAILABLE" with "CASE ELSE" and an inline comment saying this should never happen

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~ online dating algorithm ~

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10 write to girl

20 wait for reply

30 goto 20

40 get married

(to the tune of "The Rose") - by mfan 10/8/2012

Some say love, it is a website, that costs 5 bucks a week,

Some say love, it is a profile, written completely in text-speak

It's the guy who really likes you, who turns out to be a freak

It's the girl who loves her family, who thinks that she's unique

It's the photo in the mirror, taken with a cheap cell phone,

And the girl who hardly knows you, who asks you for a loan

It's the guy afraid to meet you, though you've been emailing for ten years;

And the girl that you can't look at until you've had ten beers

When the site has been too lonely, and the profiles have been too long

And you think that winks are only for the lucky and the strong

Just remember, in your sent mail, there is text you can reuse

for the next girl you send a message to, when your account renews.

I am going to eat a chicken leg.

And then I am going to eat another one.

And then I am going to eat another one.

And then I am going to eat another one.

And then I am going to eat another one.

This message was on the blackboard in a classroom at Marymount College in Tarrytown, NY during the summer of 1989. That whole summer it was never erased, and every time I was in that room I would see it and read it. Despite the writer's lack of English language proficiency, it has a certain pleadingness and romantic beauty, and I wrote it down and I still have it on paper.

YOU ONLY ARE THE

SECRET OF THE LIFE

WHY DON'T YOU ARE ME? (fill me)

I'd like to feel you

in the nature [breathe]

in the eyes of others

and especially to look

everything by your eyes

I love you (so much)

with every

part of me -

I need you.

Three o'clock

Time for Jenny to come out

And prettily get her coffee

I pray to my pink paxil jar

Pretty pills please help me

Talk to her

Re-Reading Emma - Jane Austen

Sorry, my brain has encountered a problem and needs to close. To report this error to Microsoft, click here.

... seriously, RE-reading Emma???? I'm amazed anyone would want to read that the first time, it was the only boring book I read during my education, plus we had this horrible "Norton Critical Edition" which was printed in 6-point font with 300 words per line so it was hard to even read it. I'm not taking any chances with Jane Austen again, even though I've heard her other books are more interesting. Wow! Kudos to you for being able to do this!

If you don't give it a title, then the title is missing. (Get it? The title is "Missing").. Kind of subtle.