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Surely, I don't want to go for the big D... but it's really wearing me out day by day and emotionally, I am like riding a roller coaster.. Initially, when I asked her whether she loves me, she refused to answer anything. But she does get worry if she can't get me over the phone for too long. Well... I guess I will press on for as long as I humanly can..

Hi there,

My wife and I were separated for 2 months odd now. It was a built-up of frustrations in her about past seem-resolved

issues and the lack of common activities. Also, she shoulders very heavy responsibility at work and she felt I wasn't

supporting her enough. Although I have my explanations but I will drop it here. I just wanna say that I love my wife

and I've always wanted her to be happy. I was surprised by the many frustrations she told me as I can't possibly read

her mind. She's a very intelligent, loving yet stubborn woman. Anyway, I've moved out for 2 months now.

Right now, I am wondering what is happening to our relationship... That's why I am writing here.

When we first separated, she did not want to reply my "hello" email/sms. In fact, she preferred me not to do so as

she did not want to think of me. Gradually, she started to call me and we chat a short while. As weeks past, we also

talked about plans for our house and insurance. After 5 weeks apart, we met for dinner, had some good chat and I kissed

her goodbye on the taxi. I've continued to send her gifts and fix up things at home when I am free. Then 2 weeks ago, I

brought her to a party and we really enjoyed that Friday evening. I send her home and we had a really passionate night.

We hugged and snuggled after the actions but when I told her that I love her she skipped her reply. Instead, she asked me

in what ways did I love her. Then 2 days later, we went swimming, caught a movie and had dinner, holdings hands together.

I felt great that week because things seemed to improve so so much!

Last week, she was very stressed at work and her response to me went downhill again. She sounded bored when I called

her and when I met her at home last Sunday, she just did her own things. She said she's tired and don't feel like talking.

Eventually, I politely left the place and gave her the peace. *I felt like an idiot there, really*

Frankly, I really feel like filing for a divorce now but deep in me, I still believe my wife is still alive in this marriage. I believe

she's just not sure about herself and she's too stressed up at work to think about these things. Being a stubborn girl, she

do not accept failure in her projects. I don't expect her to be as loving as she used to be immediately; I just want her to try

living together again and to let me share her load/stress. But she seemed to be taking her own time and left me hanging

outside in a rented place. It's very hurting and difficult for me. Worse, I have to appear positive or this marriage may go burst.

Well, that's my story... Ladies esp, should I call it quit? Is my wife still alive and able to love again? How can I make her

feel secure to come back to me? I'm celebrating her birthday dinner on Aug 16. Any tips beside flowers and cards?

Thank you all so much...

From an imperfect loving husband.

My wife is smart, feminine, adventurous yet stubborn and rebellious. I am the stable, responsible, stubborn

and less expressive type. We are very committed to each other since the beginning and got married 6 months

ago. We have personalities which are complimentatory, rather than contradicting. The last 4 years was great

despite occasional gentle fight. Since last year, she was very busy with her work and under a lot of stress. I

didn't know she needed a lot of my support like giving her more hugs and taking care of more things at home.

Meanwhile, I was upset with my own job and felt that she's losing focus for our home and marriage. I kept the

feelings to myself and made silent judgements.

3 weeks ago, her anger erupted. She cried that she has been giving so much until she's dried up. She started

comparing me with her ex-BFs, complain about what I didn't do(totally ignored what I did do). The fight ended

with me giving in instead of arguing. But, she don't call/email me anymore. Neither does she respond to mine.

She's not keen in dinner or activities of any sort with me. She either work late or join her colleagues for drinks.

Then, she suggested moving out as she felt that my presense at home is a pressure to her. Thus, when she

was on business trip, I moved out. Now she's at home but she suggested she moved out as it is not fair to me.

3 weeks has passed, she has calm down alot but she still do not want to meet me. She hardly respond to

my email/sms. We do meet over the weekend at home and went for friend's party when invited. But she do not

want me to hold her hands and kiss her except her cheek after I "pleaded" with her. We do talk but I still can

sense lack of warmth. For the last 3 weeks, I've been showering her with endless love, care and gentleness. I

did not stress her to talk about those problems but just chat with her about day to day stuff. We cooked dinner

last weekend though and things are softening slowly.

I'm very worried abou the final outcome although we've never mentioned a word about "divorce". She is just so

indifferent nowadays esp during weekdays when her work is so stressful. I sent flowers to her office yesterday

but she did not respond anything. However, when I called her up she thanked me and commented that the flowers

was beautiful. I am really lost about what's in her mind. Yet, I can't do much because we hardly meet. She said she

needed time to find herself and be happy again. Yet, I am so worried that her happiness is found in bad companies

or another man. She told me that it may takes weeks or months for her to be ready to accept me home.

I am living in anxiety everyda. I love her a lot, I still do and I didn't blame her for her actions that hurt me so much.

I know I was not as attentive or gentle as I used to be but I've always wanted to be a good husband for her. I believe

her work has also made her relationship stress too overwhelming and thus she broke down. It's half my fault and

half her work I guessed.

To all the readers, ladies esp, I need your help... How can I win her back without stressing her? What's in her

mind really? What she mean by finding herself again? What is the chance of restoring this marriage?

Any useful material or advice is appreciated!