adayatthebeach

Thanks sumguy, that's what I was thinking but I'm still kinda debating both sides in my head.

She is moving, but like I said her boyfriend is staying here. So she'll be back to visit a lot. When she comes back we will all most likely see her at some point specially when my boys best friend is her boy.

I know I just posted a thread the other day, but this is a topic I could really use other people's opinions on. It's kinda long and I apologize for that.

My two best friends, let's call them J and V, are dating my boyfriend's two best friends, let's call them K and A. (J and K are dating- V and A are dating.) All three of us girls are in long term relationships with our significant others.

Recently I have noticed that V has been really forward about flirting with my boyfriend... (keep in mind her boyfriend A is my boyfriends best friend... since the 2nd grade!) Her tone with him has completely shifted from friendly, to flirty. Even her body language with him is, to me, a bit out of line. Especially when she is supposed to be my friend and her boyfriend is my boys best friend. (Body language example--- laughing at a joke while touching his arm, putting her hand on his thigh... ect.) She didn't even know my boyfriend until I started dating him and now all of a sudden she invites him over to her house to hang out... just him.

This hasn't been going on very long at all and until recently I thought I was just being a silly jealous girlfriend. Then this past weekend all six of us friends went to the beach for a little weekend get-a-way. Needless to say three couples on a weekend get-a-way everyone came prepared for sex.

I had gone out with J the week before and bought new cute lingerie for my boyfriend and I. Apparently V had gone and done the say on her own. I found this out when she walked into our room with nothing but her lacy black bra and matching underware on and proceeded to try to start up a conversation with my boyfriend, completely ignoring the fact that I was in the room. Thank God my friend J came in the room and dragged her away because I stood there in total shock ready to scream. My boyfriend just looked at me with a pathetic expression that said "I'm sorry, I didn't know what to do!"

Later that day I talked to J about what had gone on, and even she said she has noticed V acting differently around my boyfriend, which kind of comfirmed to me that I wasn't just being a silly jealous girlfriend.

So here's the thing... My boyfriend is now gone on another trip with his father and won't be back for a week. I feel that since he isn't here right now, and she is away from him it might be a good time to talk to her about her actions.

But here is the other thing to throw into the mix. She is moving to a neighboring state (I live in the US) in 3 weeks. Is it worth talking to her about her actions? Or should I just suck it up and deal with her being all over my boyfriend until she moves? Her boyfriend is staying here so it's not like she is gone forever... but she won't be around very much...

Any comments?

My ex boyfriend used to approach me with things like that when we were first dating. I was uncomfortable with it and told him to stop, although he obviously didn't think I was being serious.

It got to the point where it became sexual harassment. My boyfriend had to approach my ex and talk to him about leaving me alone.

I would ask her about her actions with her guy friend. Maybe she is just uncomfortable and doesn't really know how to act about it. When my boyfriend wouldn't stop at first I would just leave stupid little comments like "oic" and "is that right?". It's not that I did it to encourage him, but I was just tired of it, and kind of gave up on getting him to stop. Maybe she is in this kind of possision?

nottogreen

Thank you so much for all your input! It is really nice to have a guy giving me all this advice. Specially since your coming from the side that my boyfriend will be on, and from a similar situation.

Also, no I have never denied this with my boyfriend. To be honest it really has never come up... if it had come up he would probably no my secret by now, I don't lie to him.

Maybe this is true melrich, but I guess I just think that I personally would feel more comfortable in this relationship if I could tell him this.

I think his excuses are pretty lame, but if you are worried about your children, maybe you could try going to counciling?

I really don't get why you are telling him. If you plan to be faithful to him whilst you are in a relationship who cares if you like other girls, blondes, tall men, amputees, overweight people or skinny people.

 

It really doesn't matter. If you feel awkward telling him or are unsure how he will respond...don't say anything.

 

Being in a relationship does not have to equate to spilling your guts.

I guess I'm worried that it will come out in ten or fifteen years from now either on accident or because he figured it out from fantasies we talk about or something. I mean, isn't telling him after a year and a half better than him finding out in ten or twenty years after we are married.

I see your long-term thinking.

 

What are his attitudes toward homosexuality?

 

How will you handle it without girls?

 

I happen to be more aroused by two women and am turned off by two men. I can talk with my gf about women - we can sit and look at girls together including live lesbian shows and openly talk about it. We also have the odd threesome - without penetration, thats only for her. Could he do that?

 

Longterm - If you are bi, you may miss it at times, it may become an issues 10 years down the road. Perhaps talking to him in a way as suggested by earlier posters may be best.

As I said one of his best friends is gay so I know that he is open about people and their sexuality. He does have threesome fantasies, but anything about me and other women will have to be worked out in time. I think I have to take this one stepping stone at a time. The first stepping stone is telling him.

Also, thank you to everyone who supported my decision and did not put it down!

I assume that you intend to be faithful to him and would not cheat with either men or women. And that you don't think that sex with him will be a problem in any way because of your bi-sexuality.

 

If all that is true, what purpose would be served by telling him or anyone else? But it could make him doubt your intention to remain faithful.

I've never cheated in a relationship and have had no problem staying faithful this far. I don't plan on changing that. I am in a steady relationship for a reason. But yes I am worried that he might think cheating could be more possible. because of this

Am I right in that your relatioships with women were relatively long ago and none after being together with your bf? If so IMHO you were merely bi-courious and today you are likely straight.

nottogreen, I will admit that I am still a bisexual. I do find women very attractive. I will openly admit that I watch pornography (my b/f knows, and doesn't mind, he watches it too... it's not a weekly or even monthly thing) when I do watch it, I am not even aroused by watching a man and a woman together and instead opt to watch two women together. I have never really doubted that I am still bi.

He is also very open about sexuality. One of his best friends from high school (they are so close that this friend will be in our wedding) is gay.

Also a couple people asked, why tell him. I know, as someone put it, it is hypothetically opening a can or worms. I just don't feel comfortable with the thought of holding this in for my whole life with this man. I am relatively young, I have a long life in front of me. He still has secrets from me after a year and a half. I'm okay with that, I know they are all on major things that have happened in his life. He'll tell me when he's ready... no matter how long into the relationship. So I have secrets too, and after a year and a half I am ready to tell this one. He's the one person on this earth whose feelings about this matter.

My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for a year and a half now. We have started talking about marriage and I know he is the one that I am going to spend my life with. There are absolutely no doubts in my mind.

The thing is, even though we have been dating for a year and a half, and I know he is the one for me, he doesn't know that I am a bisexual. To be honest, not one of my friends or family members know that I am a bisexual. I was raised in a very Catholic household and bisexuality and being gay were always things that my family made out to be horrible. My mother always told me that I would be disowned if I ever became a lesbian. So when I discovered I was attracted to not just men but women too, I thought something was wrong with me for a long time.

I had always been a little more attracted to men than women so I stuck to dating just men. I didn't want any of my gal pals being creeped out or thinking that I was attracted to them like that (since they were all straight), when I wasn't. Plus, I realized my bisexuality in junior high. Dealing with that during that vulnerable time in my life just wasn't something I was willing to do.

After I held it in for a couple years, it wasn't really a problem in my life. I didn't mind that no one knew. I was happy in all the relationships I was in while they lasted. Though, I was always to worried about my bisexuality being a reason for someone I cared about to break up with me, so I didn't tell my boyfriends either. Plus, I figured that unless the relationship got REALLY serious, there was no reason for my boyfriend to know anyway.

Now things are completely different. My relationship IS really serious. I don't want to feel like I am lying to my boyfriend anymore, especially when he is soon to be my fiance and later my husband.

I am really serious about telling him about this. I even got a new user name on this website, because I know he's looked around here before, and I don't want him to know from a post, before he hears it from me.

I just don't know how to go about telling him when I've lived with this secret for half my life. I've known my current boyfriend since highschool, we were friends... so in his mind I've been straight for my whole life. I'm worried about how he'll react since I have never had to deal with someone's reaction on this before! Please, if anyone has any advice at all about how I can approach him with this it would be REALLY appriciated!

Has anyone out there ever had this experience with a significant other?