matius

To answer your question, yes it is hard, and I think the reason I was able to stay so long was because

Sorry, just wondering what question you were answering.

At 20 minutes, you're saying it's hard for you?

But he is definitely selfish if he declares sex over when he's finished and doesn't want to reciprocate. And that's just asking for trouble which makes his lack of staying power a real issue when it doesn't need to be.

That's a good point too. There is that, but I suppose it depends a lot on the dynamics of the sexual relationship.

my sex sessions usually last 4-5 hours with some breaks thrown in

That's hardcore man. Must be some sore parts afterwards at that party.

All I can say is bottle that stuff man; make a fortune.

I think it has a lot to do with the attentiveness of the man. My husband is in his 40's and lasts longer than most 20 year olds...why? Because he IS INTO it and is as into pleasing me as he is himself.....

I don't think so. I don't think men like this would classify themselves as having PE, or acknowledge that they have a problem with it if this were the case. I think not being into it can mean many things, but not something that causes premature ejaculation... a condition, not an attitude.

I think that men who are more experienced are able to sustain longer as they learned tricks thru out their life........

Such as...? Not everyone is David Blaine I suppose. Lots of so called 'tricks' exist online, and they've proven worthless.

How many tricks can there be? It's been 10 years worth of a problem for me. I too can stop right before I go, but that doesn't matter when you start & stop to the point it's frustrating for both people

Just remember there are biological factors at work in a great number of individuals with this problem. It's imperative that people stop perpetuating ignorance by just assuming it's all psychological (not a stab at you JadedStar).

People with this issue will come on the boards and think their issue is all mental and will feel defeated thinking... "why doesn't thinking about baseball statistics slow me down like everyone else." Ridiculous.

ahah, why then women sometimes have orgasm, sometimes not, the women who have orgasm like men do, lol they are probably inexistent. I guess condoms are bad for pleasure. Men should practice some abstinence to increase the sexual energyl.

What are you talking about?

When PE happens is different for everyone.

For me, I can control it... but it's a lot of stop & start during sex. Not cool.

For others, it may be before their pants are unzipped...

Imagine your pet dog crapping on your penis

Cured.

breathing, visuazation, muscular control are all worth a try. Stress (all work and no play) is one sure way to get stuck in this rut. The right kind of exercise. Whole foods. Breathing exercises. "better control" of the sexual muscles have all worked for me for years. One of these days I will have to take a poll with my male clients and find out if I have helped them do the same. ( I design exercise and nutritionl programs). Once again if you go against nature you will eventually lose. If you go with it's flow and do the right things then you reap benefits. So to the ladies out there find a guy who takes better care of himself and you could be on the right track.

So joining a gym and finding a personal trainer/nutritionist would be your suggestion? Sorry man, doesn't sound grounded in my reality.

As far as I know I'm in good shape. For years I've played soccer and have been a long-distance runner. Eaten probably as well as anybody else. I know a lot of people who eat crap 24/7 and smoke but can last just fine.

Breathing, muscle control, the start/stop technique, anxiety/stress reduction are all stock answers from any one of a million websites on PE out there. They simply cannot be applied to every case of premature ejaculation.

In reading hundreds of posts, articles and other stories over the years, I've really never heard of anyone saying that "once my breathing was controlled, my PE was gone."

Same with stress, do you really believe that someone struggling with PE their entire life has been stressed out and riddled with anxiety through every sexual encounter - and also through solo-masturbation?

Perhaps there are some benefits to those things for some people, but to just throw a blanket statement out there for the ladies is a bit off-centered.

I noticed you said these things have helped you for years? Did you overcome PE, or are you saying they just helped you in general?

And for the guys who orgasm too soon - try distracting your mind.

But don't get too frustrated when this does nothing for you.

A bit dated, but the source is accurate.

link removed

It's amazing to me... website after website with so called tips for premature ejaculation (and I'm not referring to eNotAlone - er, alone). But I've never read one post anywhere saying that these solutions have solved their problems.

So I wonder, why do so many people create websites on PE of which they know nothing about. It's easy to say follow the Start & Stop technique and your problems will be solved. To me though it puts a false face on the problem and it makes the issue seem less serious than it really is.

If you do a search on Google for PE, you will find site after site of creams, pills, clever marketing adverts is the guise of real discussion about the topic... and most of all, tips for PE... start/stop, kegels, etc...

I'm just curious why all of this hardcore propaganda is made when it doesn't really work for people??? Strange days...

Id say men have a slight advantage, they are typically the approacher.

For real? I think it's all relative. Not being the proverbial ladies man, I would say it's much easier for a woman to get a date. But I can see how some dude who gets women without needing to look in their direction would say it's a guys advantage.

Just because we approach, doesn't mean anything if you ask me...

I don't know about any other guy but I've asked a lot more girls out than have gotten dates so I'm not sure what world everyone else is living in. Lots of factors at play though, maybe I'm not doing/saying the right stuff. I dunno.

My last tryst was with a man who you'd think was competing in a sexual triathalon. LOL! Not only could he endure, the damned thing wouldn't go down!

That sounds normal...llello!

To the ones mentioning SSRI's... which ones?

hi i think u r daiting the wrong guys...

try to find some new friend / friends

I agree with this comment for the original poster... who would make a very bad mate for someone with this problem. I get the sense that you probably make the guy feel smaller or less like a man then have the capacity to understand that it's a condition he probably doesn't want to have.

So, find someone who can run your marathon. Nothing wrong with that. But at the very least, if you can recognize the difficulty these 'minute-men' are facing, these are people just the same.

The problem here is entirely in your head. You are not comfortable being you, focusing on what you think you lack and what you think every woman out there wants. You have no reason to be this way and changing this is entirely within your control. You have a lot more going for you than you think I can see it very clearly and so will a woman you meet.

Could this statement be more on point? I ask you.

Right ghost69, I agree completely -- it's always easier with friends. But what if you don't have any friends or very few? And the ones you do aren't the type to act like wingmen? Are you doomed forever or should you just start making fast friends.

Ok cool, thanks for all of your responses... very helpful.

Day Walker, that is fantastic quote by Thomas Paine.

I've recently ended a relationship and I'm not looking to get back in to the dating scene right away - but had a question for when that time comes.

I live in an area where attractive girls are just everywhere you go... like any downtown area in a larger city would.

I don't mind going up and speaking to women, but one of the issues I have is that I just don't think they want to be bothered -- say when picking up dinner at the grocery store, or at the bank... plain & simple.

How do you feel about somebody coming up to you and saying hello in your normal routine? Not a pick-up line, an honest what's up I think you're attractive kind of thing... Generally, would this annoy you?

Sometimes it's easy to strike up a conversation... say you're in a line or something funny happens... but at other times there aren't really any good reasons to talk except that you want to meet - those are the times I'm talking about.

Anyway, how would you prefer to be approached? Are you completely turned off by a random approach. Hopefully this can be answered in a general way, I know everybody is different.

Thx!

I would be more inclined to try the SSRI's, switching positions, and focusing on foreplay much more than other gimmick's like thinking about something else (more likely to lose your erection) and the start/stop technique.

In fact, I would be interested if one person claimed that those techniques including (kegals) have actually worked for them. I would be quite skeptical.

Girl 2, I just went through this. My relationship was only 2.5 years but I'm sure it relates.

It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I love her and her family and a lot of people are affected. My family hurts ... everyone. It hurts.

But it will hurt more to know that you stayed in the relationship only out of pity or fear of hurting him. In fact, you actually hurt him more by being in a relationship where you feel you need to be free. You can grow resentful or bitter and take this out on him because you feel you've been cheated.

You're not a bad person. If you decide to go through with it, you just have to be completely honest and tell him what you're telling us. Go through all of the emotions and let him ask questions and vent and do whatever you need to - to help through the process.

It's sad, you're both going to hurt... but the break oddly enough should be out of love, not out of anger. Because it seems to me you will want to salvage a friendship with this person if possible.

I know it almost seems like it's too much and it's unimaginable, but you really have to decide. I've learned that this is just one of those life problems, sometimes people start to think differently, no easy answers.

I feel so weak. It's so hard. I've never been faced with a bigger problem. I have realised there is no good time to do this.

You're right. This is how I felt before the break up, and how I feel after. Only the right thoughts with time can help - take solace in the fact that you're giving yourself a chance at true happiness. You'll see a lot of other doors fly open soon enough...

Nope, it just plain sucks.

I appreciate it.

Instead of sharing a common goal, our goals and ideas on how life should be differed dramatically. I could see that in our conversation, and in immediate plans for the future.

It is likely within the year she will be moving to another state for school. It would not be possible for me to follow, nor did I want to. This really made me think about the future. She wants to eventually have kids and a family, this is something I'm not sure is in my cards. I was having trouble fully committing to the relationshiop every day knowing how I felt about the future. She deserves better.

As much as it hurts, and I am hurting...I know (and she knows) it was for the better. I think by her stating 'we are not right' is clearly proof of the validity of my actions.

That had to be one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.

Well today was the big day (broke up after 2.5 years). I had been carrying around this burden throughout the holidays and I really couldn't take it any more. It was very emotional and I've been really messed up all day.

She was hurt but agreed that long-term there would probably be trouble and that we were headed down different paths. If anything this showed me that we truly care about each other.

I wanted to know if it's possible for two people that care for each other can sort of help each other through this process. I don't think either of us believe the situation can be reversed. There is still moving all of my stuff out of the house & dealing with bills, etc.

You can't prepare yourself for how this feels.

I keep seeing her making love to the new guy and having him be the best she ever had, furthering my fear that she feels that I was such an ogre.

I bet you that this is the case in less than 5% of situations like that. It's never as glamorous as we think it is in our imaginations.

Perhaps it was a stupid mistake, but we all make stupid mistakes in relationships.

Exactly.